My wonderful DADT Wife

[Married CD]

I was very close to writing my first post asking for your experiences in progressing from DADT to acceptance. Instead I read a number of past posts on the subject.

Last week I was away on a business trip and had the opportunity to take a lot of my under dressings with me. Upon my return I "hid" them in our walk in closet as normal awaiting an appropriate time to launder them. Without my knowledge, my most feminine spaghetti strap nightgown had fallen out and between some luggage. My wife happened upon it when getting the luggage for a trip she was going on. This was the first time she had seen this piece. The nightgown was left in plain sight upon my next time in the closet, and when I put it away it was obvious my storage place, which had much more underdressings than ever before, was different. I knew my wife had seen this and had inspected my hiding place.

The next day I broached the subject, which is always awkward for me, but very liberating at the same time. We discussed my obsession openly. Her main fear is that I may transition like Bruce Jenner. I told her I am filled with self doubts due to this a-typical behaviour, but that I loved her and do not foresee that occurring for me. I used the term underdressing for the first time, having heard the term here. She said this was okay with her as long as it did not progress and she doesn't see it, which she has said many times before.

Later that evening we shared a wonderful intimate evening, en homme as usual, but it was wonderful, especially on the heels of the revelation earlier in the day.

Sorry for the long post, but this was a very good day.

[Jenniferathome]

Indeed. A good day. Well done. Keep talking.

[vanessalaw]

Well done hon!
Especially for being comfortable in your ambiguity, and willing to pause in the space of not knowing your future. I know it would be easier to offer assurances about your future path to her, but take it slow dear, and discover yourself along with her.

*hugs*

[AletaHawk]

Her main fear is that I may transition like Bruce Jenner. I told her I am filled with self doubts due to this a-typical behaviour, but that I loved her and do not foresee that occurring for me.

I foresee this being a trend for a lot of us girls in the coming months...

Outside of that, congrats! Hopefully this is another step towards larger acceptance for you and increased communication! I'm genuinely jealous :)

[Married CD]

Thank you. I wish the same response for you if and when.

[Sallee]

There is nothing wrong with a DADT wife. Mine is one, Early in our relationship she was very open and we went out together and had fun. She researched it and remained relatively open while I worked at keeping my dressing under control which I feel is very important in any relationship. This arrangement lasted for awhile, almost 20yrs and then, and I don't what triggered she said she just couldn't handled it and didn't want see. Intellectually it ws fine but when emotions got involved not so much, which I understand, Do you want your wife looking like a man. I then said it becomes "Don't Ask Don't Tell" which it has remained and which for the most part, is fine. I know she knows when I get out (not often enough) and actually has commented on it occasionally. For me it worked fine and aids for me in keeping it under control. Of course she has to do her part by not snooping. Good Luck. Remember CDing is just part of you

[ChristinaK]

Sounds like things went very well considering. She probably appreciates the fact that you at least try to minimize her exposure.

[Marcelle]

Hi there . . . what a great moment and great wife. Thanks for sharing.

Hugs

Isha

[NancyJ]

What a wonderful story. I am also in a DADT relationship. Our talks about "it" have been infrequent and often difficultwith me tearful and her angry and/or emotionally shut down. Most recently I asked her to watch the Jenner interview with me and I stopped the replay a couple times to point out when what was said was like or unlike me. Afterwards I asked her if she had any questions or comments. She said 'no' and it hasn't come up since. I would very much like to talk about it--she seems to want to pretend "it" isn't a part of me. So, I hope this leads to a new level of acceptance (maybe tolerance is a better word) for you, and that the 'she' I you does not hurt your marriage. Best, Nancy

[kimdl93]

I'm glad you were able to talk about your dressing and that, at least to this extent, you no longer are hiding.

[mykell]

congrats on the talk, may seem insignificant to some but while in a DADT it was huge for me each time i initiated any reference about the subject, just finished a thread about my first time out, made sure she was OK before i went, my wife would not entertain the thought of watching Bruce Jenner for a second, probably watched a rerun of something that night....hope you have more special days.....

[Erika Lyne]

While I'm out and in a relatively accepted relationship with my wife, this is a wonderful story. It is as if she saw the underthings and night gown and didn't jump to the typical conclusions of you having an affair. By flolding the night gown and leaving it for you, to me, it seems like she is telling you she loves you even if there is something she cannot participate emotionally in.

I just hope that your needs and her limits stay compatible. One part of me that I NEEDED was to be able to underdress full time. I do this, even in bed and my wife says she is ok with it now but it took a bit of time for her to be comfortable with it. I'll go 100% en homme for her on occasion and she knows that I do this for her. Otherwise, she has limits to her ability to accept me presenting as the person I feel. IE: I'm not allowed to hug or kiss her when dressed. This is better than many but still it can be an incompatible limit.

Hugs,
-E

[Isabella Ross]

Big step forward...very happy for you. And sounds like you are well on your way to finding the balance.

[carhill2mn]

This not a "long post" but it may be an important one to many in that it gives a good example of how to interact with your wife.

[JamieG]

It sounds like both of you handled the situation very well. Congratulations! Assuming you are in a true DADT situation, you may want to apologize for accidentally leaving the nightgown out. You don't want her to think that you were trying to put it in her face. On the other hand, if you got the sense that she was fine with the situation, you may ask if she would have a problem with you just letting your femme clothes hang in the back of your side of the closet. Of course, you should also make it clear that you never plan to be caught dressed, and that you will only present to her en femme if/when you mutually agree.

[Married CD]

Assuming you are in a true DADT situation, you may want to apologize for accidentally leaving the nightgown out. I did Jamie, but thanks for the suggestion.

I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with hanging my items in the closet if anyone other than myself would see them. That is my problem I guess, just not comfortable being that open about it. This may be due to how we manage this, so it could change in time. I'm okay with the level of acceptance i have at this point and do not want to push the boundaries too much too fast.

Thanks again.

[Married CD]

What a wonderful story. I am also in a DADT relationship. Our talks about "it" have been infrequent and often difficultwith me tearful and her angry and/or emotionally shut down. Most recently I asked her to watch the Jenner interview with me and I stopped the replay a couple times to point out when what was said was like or unlike me. Afterwards I asked her if she had any questions or comments. She said 'no' and it hasn't come up since. I would very much like to talk about it--she seems to want to pretend "it" isn't a part of me. So, I hope this leads to a new level of acceptance (maybe tolerance is a better word) for you, and that the 'she' I you does not hurt your marriage. Best, Nancy

Nancy,
That was a good idea watching the Jenner video as a means to initiate conversation. I'm sorry for you it did not pay immediate dividends,but I do hope she reflects on it and it helps in your future conversations. Keep talking.