Police, Small Town & Dressed...

[flatlander_48]

This past Saturday night, I attended the GNO up in Rochester, NY. From my home (~15 miles west of the stated Elmira) it is a 100 mile drive. To me it is an interesting group in terms of the people and sufficiently far from my home and co-workers.

I was about half of the way back on the return trip when I decided to stop for a coffee. There's a McDonald's just off the expressway in a small town called Dansville. Unfortunately by the time I made my decision, I missed the exit. As it was dark (~1:30am) I didn't want to risk it as the elevation drops pretty quickly and it's unlit. In daylight, no problem, but I didn't want to take the chance of running over something. So, I got off at the next exit which is at the southern edge of town. How hard could it be to find my way back? But, although I have stopped at that McDonald's many times in almost 23 years, I realized that I had never been actually IN the town of Dansville.

So, I wandered around a bit at the prescribed speed and eventually found the main street of the town. However, after 2 intersections with blinking yellow signals, I went through a 3rd intersection with a blinking red light light and didn't stop. I was looking for signs related to where I wanted to go and just missed it. About a block past the intersection I saw red, white and blue flashing lights in the mirror.

I was fully dressed: black knee length skater skirt, black and white print blouse, black tank, fushia footless tights, black clogs and silver bracelet below the neck and wig, full makeup and medium size dangly earrings above. All totalled to my way of thinking, fun but not over the top and definitely not provocative.

In the mirror I could see the top of the car door open. An unexpected sense of calmness came over me as I thought: be straightforward, don't volunteer, be consistent, don't challenge and never let them see you sweat.

The conversation:
Officer: Do you know why I stopped you?
DeeAnn: No, I don't.

O: You missed the blinking red light. you didn't stop.
D: Oh.

O: Are you going to Rochester? (I was pointed roughly north at the time)
D: No, I'm going to Corning.

O: Oh, you came from Rochester?
D: Yes.

O: What were you doing in Rochester?
D: I attended a social gathering.

O: Let me see your license.

Fumbled around in my purse for a bit until I remembered that I put my license, credit cards, etc. in one of the pockets. I gave the license to the officer and he went back to his car and got in. In a few minutes he came back.

O: You the owner of this car.
D: Yes.

O: Why did you go to Rochester?
D: I went to a social gathering.

He went back to his car, stayed a few minutes and returned.

O: Well Don (my real name), it's like this. I don't care if you crossdress or whatever. That's your own business. I'm not going to write you up for anything.

He gave me my license back.

O: Well, I don't know how you happened to land in Dansville. Shoot, nobody WANTS to come here.
D: I was going to go to the McDonald's and missed the exit. How do I get back to the expressway?

O: I don't care. Do a U-turn right here, go down 2 blocks and make a right.
D: OK, thank you.

I was a little skeptical about being told to make an illegal turn as I had no witnesses that he actually said that. On the other hand, I didn't know what other way to go and I felt it was in my best interest to leave as quickly as possible. It was also a bit troubling to me that while this interaction took place, a 2nd patrol car pulled up behind the officer's car and an unmarked car pulled up beside him. That struck me as odd unless the town is just SO Dull that I was providing their whole entertainment for the weekend. Curious.

As I drove away, I thought about what had just happened. I was still very calm and it almost felt like I could pass a polygraph. I think what was behind all this was a sense of resignation. Whatever was going to happen, was going to happen. It was doubtful that I could make the situation better, but I certainly could make it worse very easily.

I'm reminded of this quote by Rachel Maddow:
"The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you've just told them"

Our LGBT employee affinity group has an event every Fall and I'm on the planning committee with 3 others. In the past week I've told 2 of the members that I would like to volunteer to be the MC for event, but that I identify as transgender and want to do it as DeeAnn. The 4th member was not able to make the meeting, but I have a lunch scheduled with him in a couple of days. So far the reaction has been very positive and that it would be very appropriate as our entertainer for the evening will be Ian Harvie, a transgender comedian. So, perhaps my degree of calmness had to do with the process of coming out. This is the second time for this kind of thing as I came out to our full group as bisexual 5 or 6 years ago. Maybe that's the thing about coming out: you're never really done with the process.

DeeAnn

[cheryl reeves]

this reminded me of a event me and my wife had 13 yrs ago,we were on our way home from a meeting in dallas and took a short cut we take all the time,well this night we seen a county deputy going toward the interstate,my wife said something about him told her he had no reason to pull us over,at that time he did a u turn and kicked the lights on. here i was fully dressed on a back country rd. when he came up to the car he seen two women,he asked for my license,i asked why he pulled us over,he claimed i bright lighted him,told him i didnt,well he looked at my license and seen a male and flashed the light at me and seen female,he then asked my wife for her license,we sat there 30 mins smoking cigerettes talking about what the deputy was saying to the home office,about you won't believe this i pulled a car over with two females and one had a mans license,after 30 mins he came back handed us our license and told us we were free to go...i have no qualms driving enfemme,even drove 18 wheeler dressed once,my wife asked me if i ever wanted to i said sure,we had fun with that,we passed this trucker twice,once with me driving,then with my wife driving,the third time we passed him we really confused him for now there was a man and woman in the truck instead of two women,we had a good laugh over that one....

[Erica Marie]

Its amazing how accepting people can be. It was very professional how he handled the situation. And dont be alarmed that there was a second squad that showed up, knowing a bit about law enforcement I promise it was not for their entertainment. In almost every late night traffic situation they will have back up because you never know what situation you will be in, especially in the dark.

[kimdl93]

Driving late at night is the one reservation about traveling significant distances to attend events. Not just the prospect of being stopped, but a concern about being on the road with one too many under my belt and even more so, encountering other drivers in worse condition.

[Bria]

Well Dee Ann, you dodged that bullet! The officer decided that he didn't want to do all of the report writing that he would have to do if he wrote a ticket, besides that he wanted to get you out his town. On the bright side, you educated him in some small sense, he probably had never seen a crossdresser before, but at least had read about or been trained to know that there was such a thing out there!!

I'm happy that the situation ended well for you, that you lived through it and can dress again!

Hugs, Bria

[I Am Paula]

I only got pulled over once before I got my new ID. The officer gave me a very long look, decided I wasn't a criminal, told me how to get back on the hiway, and said 'Good evening ma'am'. I was a bit nervous, but he was just politely doing his job.

[Erika Lyne]

I've never been pulled over dressed but I have had a few close calls dressed, mostly on the highways. I used work on Long Island and live in New England, goes with my territory--crazy...I know. I would drive back and forth for the weekends. There are three times that could have gone a whole lot worse. Once, in CT on the off ramp from 95 to 84 in a wind storm at about 70 MPH I drove over a metal light pole that had fallen across the road on the tightest point of the ramp. I just didn't see it at 3:30AM. Thankfully, I kept control and there was no damage. The second was crossing the Throgs Neck, I had changed a flat in Islip but silly me didn't check the lugs well enough after letting the car off the jack. Half way up the incline of the bridge the car started to shake but with nowhere to stop, I had to continue. I pulled off to the right after the toll and only had 2 of 5 lug nuts left and they were only on by a couple of threads. I hiked out the jack, jacked up my skirt and the car, tightened the lugs down tight, stole 2 lugs from the other wheels to make it as safe as I could and continued on my way. The third, on the interchange from 290 to 90 in MA on a cold rainy night, I slid on ice for about 100'. Staring at the Jersey Barrier I though I was going to hit it hard. Then the wheels caught and a hard right turn ensued. I was in the loose material on the shoulder, missing the wall by inches. All of the salt must have collected on that shoulder and kept the rain from freezing. *whew* THAT was close.

Anyway, like KimDL said, driving late at night gives me reservations too. I'm not as nervous about the police as I am about getting in an accident and then other trouble ensuing from those who come or worse, getting hurt. I still do take a drive dressed every now and then but I rarely take driving road trips any more.

DeeAnn, it is great to hear that another police encounter didn't turn into a police run-in.

Thanks for sharing,

-E

[Pat]

In a small town it's not unusual to have multiple cars show up just to back each other up. The unmarked car was probably a supervisor. I live in a town of 9,000 people and see that kind of response all the time -- unlike cities, they have the time and resources to cover each other and take advantage of that.

I read an interesting book a while ago that suggested that the fears most people feel are based on the thought "I can't handle this." E.g. fear of people discovering we crossdress is grounded in the fear we can't handle the results of the discovery. So, yeah, the coming out process probably helped you. You already knew you can handle any fallout, at worst it would be inconvenient.

[SheriM]

I was on the interstate recently when a patrol car pulled up beside me. I had seen him in the median but since I was not speeding, I didn't really pay too much attention. In a flash, he pulled up beside me for what seemed like a long time and then backed off and picked up the car behind us. Yes, I was dressed with wig on. This also happened to me once before a couple years ago. I doubt that they can tell that I am a CD just by passing them at 70 mph but it has not happened to me when not dressed. Anybody else?

[Jorja]

The cop was just checking out the cute chick in the car not speeding, Sheri ;). Take it for what it is worth. If they are not pulling you over and placing on the handcuffs..... it's all good.

[Kate Simmons]

This is one reason I try to keep fresh donuts in my car when I go out en femme.:heehee::)

[flatlander_48]

Oh, Bad Kate, Very Bad!?!?!?!?

[MelanieAnne]

In any small town after dark, there is almost certainly a cop sitting in the dark watching the traffic light, if they have one. In the area where I live, they scrutinize every passing car for a reason to stop it, and sometimes they just make up something like "you were weaving". Or "we are looking for a vehicle like yours". They call it fishing. They are obsessed with their computer checks. The theory is that the more LEIN checks you run, the closer you are to an arrest. I know because my ex wife was a LEIN [Law Enforcement Information Network] operator for the state police.

[flatlander_48]

MA:

Interesting bit of information about the Network. I hadn't heard of that. The theory sounds very similar to what I used to tell the kids when I coached soccer for 8-10 year olds: "The more you keep the ball in their half of the field, the better your chances are of scoring.".

SSDD...


In a small town it's not unusual to have multiple cars show up just to back each other up. The unmarked car was probably a supervisor. I live in a town of 9,000 people and see that kind of response all the time -- unlike cities, they have the time and resources to cover each other and take advantage of that.

Yes, that was my guess also. I was being a bit facetious when I said "entertainment" as no one else got out of their car other than the officer who talked to me.


I read an interesting book a while ago that suggested that the fears most people feel are based on the thought "I can't handle this." E.g. fear of people discovering we crossdress is grounded in the fear we can't handle the results of the discovery. So, yeah, the coming out process probably helped you. You already knew you can handle any fallout, at worst it would be inconvenient.

Said another way, I'm investing much less energy these days in keeping the Force Field intact. In part, I think it is a byproduct of the aging process.

DeeAnn

[RobynT]

A very positive encounter and some interesting comments. While in all professions, there are those who do it right and that few that do not. Cops need a reason to stop you. The bad brake light, the tag light out, or the failure to maintain lane since you may be more concerned at the cop car in your mirror than the road ahead. Unless I'm mistaken, clothing type is not illegal. Be polite, be honest, if they write the ticket, fight it in court if its wrong. I wont be pushed back to the past, I choose to go out as I want. Not drinking, no drugs, be who you are.... you'd be surprised... just my opinion

[Jaylyn]

Most cops late at night have lots of time on their hands especially the late shift. You can bet if you are speeding by just a minimum amount they will pull you over. Anything that looks suspicious or just out of ordinary will get you pulled over. I can honestly say this as I was in law enforcement for two and half years of my life. Paid my way thru college after losing my football scholarship by working as an officer. Taking classes in the day time, I always had the late shift and know about trying to stay awake between adrennaline times when exciting things that almost never happen in small towns, pulled over anything out of ordinary just to stay awake.

[Pat]

That's funny. One of my treasured memories is from when I was 16 (late 1960's) and was out at 3 AM on my motorcycle. A cop pulled me over and I figured I was about to get hassled by The Man. It turned out all he wanted to do was chat. We talked about bikes, about local events and so on. We were by the side of the road for about 45 minutes. Then he wished me a good night and drove on. It made cops seem very human to me.

[Lori Kurtz]

There is a possibility that nobody has suggested yet. It's not likely, I admit, but it's still possible, and could have been a factor in the officer's decision not to give you a ticket. You didn't see his underwear, did you? So you don't know that they weren't a cute little pair of panties.

[flatlander_48]

Funny, but no, I didn't see his. And he certainly didn't see mine!

I've thought about it and my best guess is that he may have figured that a ticket would place me in a strange place very late at night. I always wear my wedding ring, as I can't take it off (it's actually from my 1st marriage). Perhaps he thought that he was doing me a favor, seeing that I was dressed and all and might have to explain to my wife. In reality, my wife knows I dress and has been out with me dressed.

One thing that was also strange: he never asked me for my insurance card. Over the years when I have been stopped for a traffic violation, officers have almost always asked for the card.

And for the record, I didn't have any alcohol. The drive is too far and I'm taking arthritis medication that should not be combined with alcohol. Usually I have 1 non-alcohol beer and that's it.

DeeAnn

[cheryl reeves]

in texas they no longer ask you for the card,for your insurance comes up when they call your plate in..now the registration is going to be tied to your sticker..along time ago i was pulled over and was asked for insurance,drivers license,and grn card,asked why do i need a immagration card,he looked at me kinda funny. i told him the rules of immagration is they have to send me to where i was born,told him i had no family in memphis,he turned red and let me go.

[flatlander_48]

Interesting. I didn't know that.

In a similar vein, a while back, there were still a few states that didn't have reciprocity. However, I'm pretty sure that all of them do now. Computerization is a wonderful thing (sort of...).

DeeAnn

[docrobbysherry]

U handled the situation incredibly well, DeeAnn. I doubt I could have done as well.

However, there's no way I'd have made an illegal U turn in front of him. A split U is legal nearly everywhere and I think I would have done that.

[DorothyElizabeth]

in texas they no longer ask you for the card,for your insurance comes up when they call your plate in...

Maryland law still requires them to ask for it, but the past few times I have had encounters, they did not. No matter I keep my registration and insurance cards folded together in the same pocket of my wallet as the driver's license. So when I pull out the registration, I get the insurance card, too.

I haven't been pulled over while "dressed" in several years - the last time was in 2006, for a tail light out, and I was on my way to play Cabaret, so used that as an excuse for my presentation. Good thing, too, because I was dressed as an "over the top" drag queen. He could have easily assumed I was a "working girl". It was a state trooper, but he warned me that if the Howard County Police pulled me over, they might not be so wiling to let me go.

[Dana44]

DeeAnn, you did well on that. One time my wife and I was coming home late in Houston. I was in a suit on a business function. I was sitting at a light and a drunk hit me like no braking and at about 50 mph. Blasted us right through the intersection. I got out and go back to see if he was okay. He was slumped over the wheel. He looked at me and said, did I hit you? Well yes you did. He pulled out and headed down the road. A HPD officer came up behind me and asked what happened. I told him, he said be right back. Get your car up on that parking lot. I did that and about ten minutes later he came back with that guy in his car. He took the report and that guy paid directly for the repair. He was pretty wealthy. The Officer did not give him a DWI ticket. Just a strange event, I thought.

[donnalee]

About 2 months ago, I was already stopped (and taking a much needed nap) when a State Trooper (in Oregon) tapped on my window. He had received reports that I was weaving (true, hence the nap); I was suffering from terminal exhaustion from taking on too much without taking into account that the last time I had done a road trip this long was over 30 years before and my capabilities had changed, not for the better. I was dressed and made-up, had a 24 hr. stubble. and was more than a bit the worse for wear.
The trooper was polite and just wanted to make sure I was safe to drive; I also knew that he was checking if I had been drinking, as I would do had our positions had been reversed. Satisfied, he left. I was very impressed with the business-like manner in which he did his job. Police training has improved remarkably in the last few years, at least on the Left Coast. I've had 2 further contacts with local police, both which have been impressive; not the case in prior years.
Things are looking up.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Interestingly, I used to live in Corning, and I made that exact same trip enfemme to Rochester (except it was a group in Rochester called the "CD Network", I don't think they exist anymore.) On the way back at 2am, I hit a deer about 20 miles from home, right after where 390 merges into 17/81. Thank goodness it was just a dent in the car and I could keep driving, I was afraid I wouldn't make it and I was dressed en femme and would have to deal the cops and a tow truck and whatnot dressed up.

[Claire Cook]

Hi Dee Ann,

Thanks for sharing this! You showed a wonderful amount of cool under what could have been a trying situation. Yes, I think we never stop learning from our CD experiences. I know I kinda feel like a teenage girl who is slowly learning what women do in that world outside....

I've had similar experiences with officers and yes, they have been courteous and professional.

[flatlander_48]

V_:

I'm sitting in my kitchen right now, up by Carder School, if you remember where that is. Yes, I think that group has disbanded. I haven't seen that name in print. The group that I've been hanging out with is the Rochester Grrlz. Up in Geneva is an umbrella organization called the Trans* Coalition. The sub-group is called Lords and Ladies of the Lakes. The Rochester group is about 1/3 folks who are somewhere along the transitioning path. The Geneva group seems to be the flip-side of that. Different purposes, also. The Rochester group is more of a social group. The Geneva group is set up more like a support group.

CC:

Yes, plus our learning has a fairly compressed time-line. While women have many years and sometimes decades to learn and figure this stuff out, our learning curve is pretty steep.

DeeAnn

[Vickie_CDTV]

Shame the CD Net group in Rochester folded, I suspected that would happen. I went there for, gosh, over a decade. I have been meaning to get to the Geneva group for many months, it is a fair distance and weather has been keeping me away. Some of the girls in the Geneva group know me (as Vickie the hair zapper), sadly I doubt anyone in Rochester knows me anymore.

[Stephanie47]

If the police officer told you to make a U-turn, they you were following his legal instructions. No issue. Small town cops are usually fairly laid back. Dansville has less than 5,000 people. Sometimes running a red light or the equivalent (blinking red light) is a major event. I've roamed around upstate New York. The town I use to frequent had a population of less than 3,000, one blinking light and one road through it. Once my wife and I got off an intercity bus, asked a police officer for directions to the taxi stand. He told us, if we waited until he was done directing traffic, he would give us a ride to my grandparents' home three miles away. We did not look like criminals with evil intent. It was just the way it is in some sleepy towns. He gave us a ride to the front door and wished us a nice visit. The local weekly newspaper reported all serious crimes. It was the stuff Jay Leno use to read on his show......traffic citation for running a stop sign, lost dog, etc. If you drove drunk and was cited, well, it was almost front page news.

[flatlander_48]

If you do decide to make a visit to Geneva, let me know. Perhaps we can meet up. Are you still on their mailing list? I believe Amy Hickey chairs the Trans* Coalition, but I haven't met her yet. Sharon, AKA Shari (and offhand I can't remember her last name) convenes the Lords and Ladies group.

There's a few in Rochester who have told me that they used to come out, then stopped for several years and have returned. Some of those folks could be from the time when you met with the other group. One thing is certain; life situations are always changing. People come and go as needed.

DeeAnn

[Jennifer in CO]

Got stopped once, as the Officer gave me back my license (just a warning) she said I should pull my ponytail around front in the pic next time I get a new license!

[Genny B]

I grew up in that area before 390 when 36 was the road of choice. Use to drive around Genesseo dressed up. Never had a problem. Mr. Morris was another happening area. But I never met another Cd. Probably because this was before the internet...

Genny B

[susancheerleader]

I'm on probation for something stupid I did. So I am subject to random visits from my probation officer.
Once he came and I had a lot of my womens clothes scattered all over the place. (I was sorting them out to get rid of stuff I don't like or use.) Any way. He came and saw it all but said nothing while he was at my house. However, a couple days later I had to go do a check in at his office. He brought up the clothes and asked what it was. I told him the truth. I like to crossdress. He asked why? I told him because it's comfortable and it relaxes me. He only said "well I won't make you stop of take the hat away from you. Everyone relaxes differently." And added that if he shows up and I am dressed. To answer the door promptly and don't go rushing to change. He said he doesn't care and has seen it all.

[flatlander_48]

I grew up in that area before 390 when 36 was the road of choice.

That was before my time as I moved here in '92. However, Rt. 17 was still 2 lane over towards the western end back then and we didn't have the bypass here in town.


Use to drive around Genesseo dressed up. Never had a problem. Mr. Morris was another happening area. But I never met another Cd. Probably because this was before the internet...

Genny B

Before the internet? I think in Dog Years, that's like an eon...

DeeAnn

[Vickie_CDTV]

DeeAnn, I am on their list. I hope to make the Geneva group next month, though I may go drab if it is really hot by then.

I remember going to the Rochester and Buffalo groups all the time when I was in college. Really cut my teeth going out and such dressed back then. In many ways, I was more adventurous about going out and driving around dressed back then. Of course, back then, gas was cheap (an all time record low factoring in inflation), and I had plenty of free time to do it. I still occasionally pop in the Buffalo group if I am up there for my own electrolysis work.

[jjjjohanne]

So, Flatlander_48, do you consider your experience a good one or a bad one? Do you feel mistreated? To me, it sounds like they treated you with a good deal of respect. He could have called you 'Miss' or something and not mentioned the crossdressing, I suppose.

[flatlander_48]

No, I would think this event was about as benign as you can get. Officers are programmed to respond to aggression. If there isn't any, the chances are much better that things will stay in a much more low key state. I certainly wasn't going to give him an excuse to do something silly. To law enforcement officers, I think we automatically raise a bit of suspicion when we appear dressed. Externally, we are disguising our gender. It begs the question "What else is not quite right?".

Anyway, I recounted the story mostly for the purposes of putting up another data point. In similar situations, others have just gone into hyperdrive in terms of their reaction. The thing is, as I said, when you're stopped usually you can't make things better but you can easily make them a whole lot worse...

DeeAnn

[Jean 103]

I believe coming out makes a difference. It has for me. As I have told my boss I no longer care who knows. I was recently pulled over for a taillight out while dressed the officer was polite, professional and best of all he didn’t give me a ticket. It would have just been a fix it ticket, still it is a hassle/ waste of time to get it signed off. Attitude goes a long way no matter what situation you are facing.

[Beverley Sims]

It always seems safer living in a small town, sometimes too safe, as you have experienced. :)