One personal thing that really troubles me at times.

[Alice Torn]

I won't beat around the bush here. i will be fairly short. i am single for life, , now live in a small town are where almost all are marrieds. I do notice a well dressed, in shape woman when one is around, single or married, but, i always ask if someone is married or single, before ever asking one to be friends. That is another issue, but what really has been bothering me over the years of my dressing up, is, that i find the artistic creation in the mirror, FAR, FAR, MORE attractive, than ANY GG.s in my area. Not even close! I see quite a few GGs that are a bit attractive, but most, I simply do not find attractive much at all. This really bugs me at times, that i prefer myself dolled up, any day! I know we live in a time, when most everyone dresses down, male and female. I also see the natural attraction between male and females vanishing, in western society to a great deal. Just venting here, that it really bothers me sometimes, that i find the lady in my mirror far more outwardly beautiful, that almost all ggs ithat i see. i realize INNER BEAUTY IS MORE IMPORTANT, THOUGH.

[AngelaYVR]

If we're being blunt: beggars can't be choosers.

[Roberta Young]

Hi Alice, Mirrors do not lie. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So Your likeness is beautiful. Hugs Roberta

[Suzie Petersen]

Roberta: Mirrors do not lie.

I disagree Roberta! I am pretty certain the quality of mirrors have gone down hill dramatically the last several years! The image quality is nothing like it was 25 years ago! ;)

Alice: ..... maybe it is time to move somewhere else! ;)

- Suzie

[Teresa]

Alice ,
I had similar thoughts recently when I went to a retirement party, I posted a thread along those lines but had it taken out by the mods , an the grounds of critical judgement on others ! This thread may go the same way, but before it does I will say I agree with your thinking on many of the outfits worn today.

[hope springs]

Perhaps it's just where you live. My largish city is literally brimming with attractive women. Most are dressed down but if you go out on the town at night there are plenty dressed up. Maybe visit a larger city and have a few cocktails at night.

[Sara Jessica]

I think you are focused on what floats your boat and projecting this on the women you encounter. Regardless, whether dressed down or up, women are looking as beautiful these days as ever. Maybe that has to do with where I live.

[kimdl93]

Well, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder. I'm in such a different place that it's difficult for me to comprehend. I have pretty much the opposite reaction to my own reflection. Though from a rural community, there were always lots of pretty girls around, and as a transplant to urban Texas, the supply certainly hasn't diminished. And I have been married most of my adult life to two women that I found, and still find, utterly beautiful. (Not at the same time!).

I hope, however,math at you are happy with your life as it is.

[Tonya Rose]

Hey Gurl , I know exactly where you are coming from here!!!! The lil town I now live in has little or no GG`s that dress like women and it sickens me to see this....the only sexy woman i get to see is the one in the mirror as well I aint sayin they aint out there they just ain`t in my town either....If I see a woman in town wearing heels and a shirt I have to check her license plate to see where she came from!! LOL! cause it aint local... LOL! Keep your head up GF cause there are a few out there ... Very few ... but a few!!! LOL!!!GG`s just dont get it!!!!!!! the same way we do !!!! LOL!!!!!!Hens the reason we do what we do!!! LOL! Huge hugs sister!

[Pat]

I don't share your issue, but are you the sort who would be happy to know that there's a term for what you describe --i,e, you are not alone? The term is Analloerotic. (I know what it looks like, but it's pronounced ANN-alo-erotic. I means... well here's a description (and honest, I'm not trying to resurrect the autogynephilic discussion.):


Analloerotic gender dysphorics represent those cases in which the autogynephilic disorder nullified or over-shadows any eortic attraction to women; those cases, in Hirschfeld's metaphor, in which "the women within" completely supplants her fleshy rivals. Some analloerotics are most aroused by tangible symbols of their femininity, for example, chanfing into women's attire or putting on make-up. Others are most aroused by transsexual ideas, such as the thought of having women's breasts or a vagina. The feature common to all members of this group is their erotic self-sufficiency.

The whole article can be found here: http://www.genderpsychology.org/autogynephilia/male_gender_dysphoria/blanchard_typology.html

[Melissa Rose]

For sure, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It also seems the OP is projecting their clothing preferences and desires onto others and failing to see beyond this myopic view. What is so troubling about the way others dress and whether they meet your personal standards of beauty? Judging whether someone is visually beautiful based on a self-defined and out of step standard is a bit shallow IMHO.

There is a difference between sloppy and causal. Sloppy can be unattractive, but being dressed casually does not stop a woman (or a man) from being beautiful. There is no shortage of beautiful women where I live. Some are nicely dressed and others are dressed very casually. Today a woman came by my workplace and she was nicely dressed in a skirt, sweater and heels. She was very pretty, but it had little to do with how she was dressed. She could have worn nice jeans, a t-shirt and flats and still be as pretty.

I work in an office environment and we dress comfortably with slacks, blouses/sweaters and flats being the typical attire. Dresses, skirts and heels are often too uncomfortable or not practical. Myself and one of my co-workers will wear a dress or a skirt on occasion, but it is on days when we have to meet with someone important or will be working at our desks all day and we felt like dressing up. Do I feel less "beautiful" on the days I am not in a dress or heels? No. Would I rather be comfortable and judged by my abilities and not my clothing? Yes.

[Kate Simmons]

The way I see it is how I look is an outer reflection of what I feel inside plus it's part art form. If I look halfway decent, it's good enough for me. I look at others (both men and women) for who they are as people and not so much for what they look like. That's just me though. Other folks have different perceptions.:battingeyelashes::)

[CynthiaD]

It probably has something to do with where you live. The mid west is kinda boring, so all the good looking chicks must have moved somewhere else. (They didn't come here.) :)

[cheryl reeves]

all the good looking chicks moved to texas

[Alice Torn]

Cynthia, it is not just me, who says such things in my area, near Rockford Illinois. I heard it from prople who were from here, when i lived around Seattle. One talk show host even brought it up! I cannot afford to move anywhere else. But, other guys, and even some women have told me how drab people dress, and how awfully out of shape most people here are. One poster is right, about how many attractive ladies, leave this area, and go to the big cities, or far off to college. There seems to be far more men here, than ggs. Once every few weeks, i will see a few bright and shining Ggs in the area. But, the Rockford Illinois area , has long had a bad reputation about a number of things. i heard it when i was in Seattle, even. That said, i am not the best i can be, either, and cannot condemn any human being. Just giving opinion honestly.

[Alice Torn]

Like i said,inmy OP, it troubles me some,that i am more attracted to my artistic creation in my mirrors, tham myattraction to most GGs. However, there are very rare GGs. thati am more attracted to, than Alice! One of my beefs is not against the GGs. but. against the clothing manufacturing industry, over the past 40 years, and that can be said for male clothing, too. i just am a clothing, and musical bigot, in that i think both have declined.

[sometimes_miss]

I know we live in a time, when most everyone dresses down, male and female.
It started somewhere back in the 70's when men stopped routinely wearing dress slacks and a jacket, and women stopped trying to be physically attractive. By the mid to late eighties, urban attire had been adopted and most men became slobs, wearing oversized t shirts as normal outerwear, and pants hanging off their hips showing their underwear/butt crack, and not bothering to tie the laces on their sneakers (by which point dress shoes were all but forgotten). Women in their ever increasing quest to escape from being dependent on men for income, gradually became more and more like men because they believed that it would gain them parity in income and status, so they often want to avoid being seen as sexual in any way, and so their attire became looser and their haircuts became shorter and shorter, all in the effort to make their lives simpler. Which worked, because now they don't have to deal with men being attracted to them at all, so they can solely focus on those careers. We now have a huge percentage of the population who are 'career women', who can often easily be mistaken for men unless you're paying attention.

[Sara Jessica]

You have to be kidding, right?

Just because women may not meet your idealized version of attractiveness doesn't give you the right to paint the picture you just laid down. I mean....really???

[lexivanderpump]

You must live in the Midwest!


(and you thought the poster was blunt)

[docrobbysherry]

I think Jennie's reference may be applicable to to u, Alice. In any case, it definitely applies in my case!

But, I have age issues. Sherry appears to be 30 years younger than the age of the women I date. No matter how she or they r dressed!

I don't exactly relate to what you're saying about pretty women, tho. If a woman is neat and has a fem figure? I can find her attractive if she's wearing a smock or overalls. I just won't copy her looks. :heehee:

Unless your taking a swipe at how huge people r becoming, Alice? It's NOT just women, of course. I don't find obesity attractive in the least.:straightface:

But, I just came back from Vegas where I saw countless pretty and trim women of all ages. And, they weren't all show girls!:daydreaming:

[ReineD]

Like i said,inmy OP, it troubles me some,that i am more attracted to my artistic creation in my mirrors, tham myattraction to most GGs.

Alice, it's OK.

You and I are part of the same generation and when we were growing up, there was only one type of sexual attraction that was OK: hetero, of the traditional vanilla variety. Every sexual behavior that fell outside hetero-normativity was considered deviant ... until Alfred Kinsey (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1447862/) came along. It took decades before Kinsey's ideas caught on and sex researchers could begin to see there are indeed many healthy types of alternate sexual preferences, and they should not be lumped in with the paraphilias that involve non-consenting individuals (i.e. pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, and frotteurism).

Society is slow to change. There are still people who are socialized to believe that any sexual preference that is outside of an attraction to the opposite sex is wrong. But, increasingly there are sex therapists who help their clients who are not attracted to the opposite sex, to accept themselves. Although being homosexual has lost its taboo in many pockets of our society, there are people who are attracted to objects, or to the self, or to unconventional situations (consenting BDSM, adult-babies, etc) and all of it is OK unless it harms someone else. The only downside to not sourcing a sexual attraction from another person though, is that it is difficult to find partners who share your sexual preference and so it can be a lonely life, but you are not in any way outside the breadth of acceptable human sexuality.

Try to not beat yourself up over this, just accept who you are.

To those of you who blame the way that other people dress for some CDers who are attracted to their own mirror-images (Sometimesmiss in particular), you need to stop doing this. You're assuming that modern men and women's style of dress is unattractive to everyone, and this is why some CDers are attracted to their mirror-images. You need to follow your own thoughts through a little further and realize that "unattractively" dressed people are finding each other and managing to have successful relationships. So if 95% of society doesn't object to modern clothing styles, then there is no issue with the way they dress.

[PaulaQ]

I don't share your issue, but are you the sort who would be happy to know that there's a term for what you describe --i,e, you are not alone? The term is Analloerotic.

Those ideas are simply wrong. That isn't what is going on at all. Watching cis-people speculate on trans-people's experiences is just pathetic and sad. They really don't have a friggin' clue much of the time. Some of the so-called experts are actually the worst.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Beggars really can't be choosers. I am not judging you for finding the kind of women you like attractive, you can't help being attracted to what you find attractive (we don't get to choose that), but I do think you need to be far more pragmatic about it. Believe me, this is not coming from a "normal, "healthy" cis person, I know exactly what it is to be rejected time and time again. I know what it is to be lonely and unwanted.

Women who are young, in "shape" and dress as nicely as you want can command a great deal in a man (and usually do), and want far more than you, I, or many men can give them. Factor in the fact you dress and you are asking even more. Dressing isn't something a woman like that has to tolerate in a man, and probably won't. A woman who is not exactly the average person's ideal of beauty is far more likely to tolerate all your shortcomings, and your dressing. If you accept a woman for whatever her issues are (fat, poor, older, physical disfigurement, disability, etc.), and she more likely to accept your issues. You should never lower your standards as to get involved with someone who will hurt you or exploit you, but on the other hand, If you stick to your more superficial standards, you may be waiting for the rest of your life for a relationship. Been there, done that. If you want a relationship, you will have to be more open minded, just the way life works.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Alice,

Wow ! I haven't started reading all the replies just yet. So I didn't want anyone to change my thoughts. I fish. I enjoy fishing. My dad told me and showed me how just about everything in life can relate to fishing. So let's say you're fishing in a pond. You're not catching any fish or the fish you're catching are not to your liking. Either find a river or a different pond. However if you keep judging every fish you catch... You'll keep tossing them back, and never be happy with what you have. Not sure if you're understanding me so let me shed some light...

I have been around this small planet three times. Once on a five hundered dollar bet. There are women out there for everyone. Many and I do mean many and more would do anything just to have a partner to spend the rest of their life with so they wouldn't be alone. If you say that you will always be alone and never get married because YOU have put such high standards on what YOU will settle on. Then YES you will be alone the rest of your life never finding that ONE person that will make your standards. Though think about it for a second... Do YOU meet their standards?

A few things that will make you successful... If you're not catching fish but can see the fish change the bait. If you catch one fish and don't like it release it and you may catch another if not move down river a piece. Sooner or later you'll catch a fish that not only wants to be caught but you'll be happy with as well. As long as you're honest, communicate, and treat him or her with respect she will always be there for you. Lie to him or her, keep things to yourself, take her for granted and disrespect him or her. And soon you will be back out fishing again.

Good luck Alice.

[Pat]

Those ideas are simply wrong. That isn't what is going on at all.

For what it's worth I agree with you.

Again, I wasn't trying to get the autogynephilia discussion going again, I was just mentioning that there is a vocabulary to discuss the OP's issue. Having words like that has two important values: it makes it possible to discuss succinctly topics that otherwise require a lot of explanation, and it lets us know that others have encountered and thought about this same issue. That can be comforting. You don't have to agree with anyone's conclusions to accept the vocabulary used to discuss it. ;)

[Alice Torn]

At 61, and on disability, and my history is attracting the lowest common denominator in women, and men! I am content with being alone. Just would like to date once in a blue moon, but if it does not happen, , well, it has not happened for my sister and brothers, either, and other singles i know. Being six foot six, has not helped me either, as i would like a tall woman. However, being poor, and nothing to offer, but friendship, does not help. There are extremely few tall single women around 60. And, i do agree with a lot of what Sometimes miss said. I see so many older divorced women, who want no part of dating men again. They have "been there, done that." NO MORE! Many are sick of men, period! And yes, some do dress, to purposely repel men! I have had senior lady friends, but strictly friends only. I am leaarning to like living with just cats. I would have a dog, if i had my own place, But, I find it fun, yet frustrating, and very self centered, that i dress up as the very tall lady of my fantasy, or to resemble ladies i once had hoped to make it with. I feel selfish, and so narcissistic. I cannot dress more than once a week, or i get totally into my shell. And I am saddened that most women will not wear dresses, skirts, hose and heels anymore. So, i do it, instead! I have to state my reality here. I am sure it is not everyones reality, as each person has a different set of life circumstances.

[Beverley Sims]

Alice,
No one wants to listen to others troubles, they have many of their own to deal with.

That being said, you are aware of your own situation and should work on a solution.

Yes, find a group to attend meetings for whatever reason, networking and talking to others is always a good start.

Do not let yourself get depressed and putting yourself down, just because you think you are a bigger ogre and occupy more airspace than others, you should remember there are others that think they are winning that race.

I agree we see ourselves as more beautious than others, I applaud you for posting your pictures and telling us about yourself but tell us some more of the brighter things that happen with you. Yes, get out and meet and talk with others, not necessarily instigating the conversation but letting someone in by them saying hello. :)