Why do people instantly think...

[susancheerleader]

Why do people instantly think crossdressers are gay? I am not gay. But I overheard a neighbor who apparently saw me dressed, talking to his son saying "maybe he is gay?"
When I thought no one was home, I was outside dressed. Only to find out his son was home to see me.

This neighbor isn't one I would want to talk to. He is an ass and I don't like him anyways.

[flatlander_48]

Until told differently, people don't know enough to come to any other conclusion, regardless of how erroneous that conclusion is...

DeeAnn

[Amy Lynn3]

Susan, your neighbor thinks like about 99 % of the population and they do not want to bother themselves to find out the truth. It is a shame really, but I have no solution, as how to educate the masses, concerning TG issues. Most people will remain under a rock most of their lives.

[Steph_CD_62]

Unfortunately when MOST of society think of crossdressers their first image is a flamboyant drag queen. I wish it wasn't that way too, but I am unsure how to change a whole society way of thinking.

It is unfair that women get to wear men's clothing and nothing is ever thought twice about it, but when a man crossdresses he is considered weird, abnormal and gay.

[JessicaJHall]

I don't like him either...
The thing is, like every other group of people on the planet that might have one thing in common, we have many, many other things not in common. So it's like saying all presbyterians like jelly doughnuts.

[Jorja]

For thousands of years it has been thought that our kind (transgender) must be perverts of some type. Among those perversions is being gay. I mean, what else could cause a perfectly normal guy to dress in women's clothing? Don't believe me? Type the word Crossdresser or transsexual into your browser and see what comes up. Page after page of trans porn and a couple of sites actually trying to explain our situation.

Now I wonder why it is automatically assumed we are gay?

[Jenniferathome]

Is it really an unreasonable assumption? Why would a man dress as a woman but to attract men? The irony is that most gay men want men, not a man dressed as a woman. Given how little the average person knows about cross dressing, I think that supposition is natural.

[JessicaMann]

I can't speak for anyone else, but when Jessica takes control, I am attracted to men!!! but when, she loosens her hold on my psyche, the thought of being with another man repulses me?!?!?!! am I gay? Bisexual? Two beings sharing a body?? Bipolar?? or Just Nuts????

[Jorja]

I vote for Just Nuts, Jessica! :)

[susancheerleader]

I've never been been attracted to males. While dressed or otherwise.
However, in my fantasies. While dressed I always perceive myself as female. Probably makes no sense at all...

[Nadya]

Lots of ignorant people out there. I think part of problem is that most people don't know anyone that does that and is open to talk about it.

[Rachelakld]

Most people hate things happening without a "reason", as they need to make sense of their world.

I don't think it's ignorance, just not yet learned, same way as 45% of Americans think the world is less than 10,000 years old, because 4 billion years doesn't work on their mind set.

[justmetoo]

I disagree, Jennifer. I don't think it's a reasonable assumption. But maybe I'm weird. :P

It does seem to be a common assumption. Then again, widespread assumptions aren't always reasonable.

I like to think one way to "fight" such assumptions is to enlighten people.

[blackcat01]

I have worked with people with disabilities since 1989, and there were a lot with profound disabilities. I have done direct care, managing of services, case work, group home work, etc. I have friends that are transgender. Now I'm comming to grips with my own CD and finding it is perfectly normal. IF I have learned anything that we are all everyone else. That means there is no Normal. There is just us.

Life would be pretty boring if we were all the same.

Eating the same, watching the same thing, wearing the same clothes, driving the same car, etc.

Life is good and every day is a blessing.

[Alex!]

It's a combination of intellectual laziness, rigid social norms about what constitutes virile behavior, and the classic non-sequitur that all gay men are drag queens/all crossdressers are gay.

[Badtranny]

well, if you were wearing a cycling jersey and bike shorts do you think people might assume you're a cyclist?

The fact is, most women are attracted to men. If you are making an effort to appear to be a woman, it is certainly possible that you are attracted to men as well. It may be true that the majority of cross dressers are straight men, but you have to admit that there are not very many of you out in the open. The only guys that seem to be comfortable with it are in fact gay.

Be the change you wish to see.

[heatherdress]

I do not think it is a reasonable assumption or a natural supposition. It is remark which demonstrates ignorance and probable prejudice, towards both.

[Sophie Hogletta]

When I am Sophie I am attracted to men, but I don't think that makes me gay. That doesn't really make sense, as I would like to be Sophie all the time, but there you go.

We all know this is a peculiar situation. :battingeyelashes:

[franlee]

I have listen to this same sort of derogatory blanket statements so many times in my career it is beyond belief. I have come to realize that many time it is simply to cast a negative light on the practice and in cases such as a older man or father to a son or youth they want to influence it sticks without having to explain. The other cause is they want to seem above ever doing such, on the same level as homophobia. And a lot have done so so the guilt drives them to cover their own participation.

[Jenniferathome]

I disagree, Jennifer. I don't think it's a reasonable assumption. But maybe I'm weird. :P

It does seem to be a common assumption. Then again, widespread assumptions aren't always reasonable.

I like to think one way to "fight" such assumptions is to enlighten people.

indeed, the assumption is wrong AND enlightenment would solve this issue but... you don't see a lot of enlightening going on, do you?

I guess I would have to ask, why should a normal think we are straight? Why would that be reasonable?


I do not think it is a reasonable assumption or a natural supposition. It is remark which demonstrates ignorance and probable prejudice, towards both.

Well, ignorance is lack of knowledge. But how is one to get that knowledge? Do the normals have an obligation to seek information on all lifestyles? I think not. What the average person knows about cross dressing is drag queens. Drag queens are nearly universally gay. It's pretty easy math.

[Sara Jessica]

But I overheard a neighbor who apparently saw me dressed, talking to his son saying "maybe he is gay?"

So what if he said this?

As ignorant as this assumption might be (debatable ignorance if one were to poll these pages), who cares? Does his inference matter in your world? Only if you let it matter and that is giving him control over you, even if only to make you feel uncomfortable in your own skin. Clearly you shouldn't be because you are sporting the female presentation while being outside your home but still, you brought it up.

For what it's worth, I think the assumption is quite reasonable. There aren't a lot of us out in the real world changing such perceptions.

[Rhian]

Why are you considered if your neighbours think that you are gay? It makes very little difference to your life.

[Nadine Spirit]

I have heard the theory before that we dress to attract men.

But then why, when I pierced my ear 30 years ago, did people in HS ask if I was gay? What because one piercing is comparable to fully dressing as a woman? No, it was just something different than what is typical of most guys. I've personally begun to think of it as the guy code. Any violation outside of the guy code signifies that you are different. And the general publics only common knowledge about men who violate the code are homosexual men. Thus if you are willing to violate the man code in any way then you must be gay.

Btw, have you noticed what shorts the man code allows you to wear? Khaki cargo shorts! Oh and camo cargo shorts. Possibly one or two other colors, but they MUST be cargo shorts! :) Can you tell I hate cargo shorts. Well technically they aren't really even shirts. They are more like shants! (Half pants!) Okay I am SO off topic!

[NicoleScott]

Perhaps T's association with LGB has something to do with it.

[LeslieSD]

Putting trans-gendered people into gay category is a normal generalization. It is part of the LGBT society anyway. I would not call the people who did it that way as ignorant.

Take ourselves for example, if I saw two lesbian girls, I just know that they are lesbian. Indeed, I believe there are so many sub-divisions of the lesbian spectrum that I don't know of. And I may not have the time (or the necessity) to figure out the fine distinctions or labels. Same thing for people who put crossdressers under the general LGBT category.

Forgive me for being straight forward, for those of us who objects to being labeled as gay (or being seen as related to gay), there maybe some homophobia that is lurking deep in your subconscious.

[ReineD]

A few decades ago the only men dressed as women that were in the news were Drag Queens at gay pride parades. So people made the association. Also, what Badtranny said.

AND ... we don't currently have a "would you date a man thread", but when we did, more than half of the people said yes. Whether some of those were fantasy or not doesn't matter. When people see images of CDers, they are usually associated with the gay crowd, or in T-girl porn while having sex with men. And then there are all the suggestive poses that CDers love to take in their pics, the type of poses that would not attract a GG.

[Badtranny]

Oh RD, you're such a troublemaker. :-)

Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay. Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?

[Sandie70]

Actually, I wouldn't care if people thought I was gay when I'm dressed. I probably have more gay friends than straight and I would take being mistaken as gay as a point of pride. Although, in all honesty, I am bi... so I guess I have the best of both worlds anyway (Victor, Victoria in real life - except I can't sing like Julie Andrews). But my real goal is to go out dressed and pass enough to really screw with people's minds. Is she or isn't she? Keep em confused if you can (lol).

Oh, and as to why people think what they think... blame it on Hollywood.

[becky77]

Oh RD, you're such a troublemaker. :-)

Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay. Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?

That did make me laugh.

The neighbour thinks your gay and you get all worked up at his ignorance. So I assume you went over and enlightened him??

People instantly think you're gay, because people like you don't do anything stop it.
You could correct him and maybe he will carry a new message, or you could keep hiding and let him tell people about the gay tranny next door.

Is it always up to someone else to fight for your Trans rights, while you remain all cosy in the closet?
Problem is those who stand up are usually gay, there is hardly anyone standing up for straight CDers. Until that changes what do you expect?

[Marcelle]

Hi Susan,

Plain and simple . . . an inability to differentiate between gender identity and sexual orientation. Indeed it is the second order question I get asked: (1) So are you going to get an operation? (or words to the effect); (2) Are you gay?. Perhaps it is ignorance (and yes some people can be just plain rude about it) but in most cases I don't find malice in the questions. People just don't know. Let's face it, there are not a lot of TG primers our there for the Vanilla World to read so many will just default to common stereotypes and supposition. For me, I respond to the question and educate at the same time . . . No, I am not gay this is about who I am as a person not my sexual proclivities :).

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Susan,
The whole idea is understandable but so unfair, not only to us but more importantly to the gay community, making comments like that as if being gay was still a crime, no matter where you find love and comfort, why don't people put their brain in gear before opening their mouths ?

I'm not gay, my dressing is still sexual but wish to share it with women, which has happened in the past before I married !

[donnalee]

Well, if it walks like a duck and....
I learned long ago that people's mistaken assumptions were their problem, not mine and I was not required to educate them; however with the caveat that a polite question deserved a polite answer.
On the other hand, if I was somehow put in physical danger, I had sufficient means at my disposal to deal with that as well.
As I have never really fit in anywhere, it doesn't bother me that I am myself, nor does it bother me if others may have a problem with my presence; again, it's their problem, not mine.

[kimdl93]

It's a long standing, spurious association, leading to an extreme overgeneralization.

[xoMindyxo]

Most of the replies on here are pretty much hitting the nail on the head.

Uninformed folks try to associate crossdressing with being gay because they think you are betraying your manhood by doing so. I won't deny that there are gay/bisexual men who crossdress, I do believe the majority are straight.

Iggy Pop said it best. "I'm not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don't feel it's shameful to be a woman." :)

[chris63]

I thought I had to be gay at first because I dint have a paradigm for what I was feeling. I wasn't attracted to men but I wasn't very masculine.

Dressing just makes me feel "normal". It has only made me love my wife more and be more at peace with myself and others. I feel a soul connection with her when I'm in girl mode. Being a girl has made me a better guy. Go figure.

[Marcelle]

. . . Is it always up to someone else to fight for your Trans rights, while you remain all cosy in the closet?
Problem is those who stand up are usually gay, there is hardly anyone standing up for straight CDers. Until that changes what do you expect?

Becky,

I understand your sentiment but it is not really fair to admonish the OP for not becoming one of the trans "shock troops". While some people make the decision to come out to the world irrespective of where they fall on the TG spectrum others for reasons we cannot fathom choose not to. Also I am not sure what you mean by those who stand up are usually gay? Are you talking about gay cross dressers or the LGBT community writ large. While there certainly plenty of gay CDers out there telling the world about being TG, I am also quite certain, if this site is any indication, there are plenty of straight CDers out there who educate the Vanilla World as well.

Isha

[Tina955]

Like Reine mentioned decades ago the only men you would see dressed as women were drag queens in gay pride parades. As has been said many times, most gay men don't want a man dressed as a woman. Whether true or not, I have read that the reason gay drag queens dress up so over the top flamboyantly is to actually mock women.

Tina

[MissTee]

A year or so ago I sat on the peripheral of discussion by a group of GG's. They were chatting about a guy who used to come to work, " . . . looking all effeminate and sometimes in girl clothes." It wasn't a bashing type of conversation, and it was interesting listening to them try to wrap their heads around a logical explanation for something so out of the ordinary. They discussed him being gay or not, that it did not really matter because he was so sweet, and so on.

I do see that most people will try to make sense of things that are out of the ordinary. Heck, we're as weird as flying saucers in some circles and that phenomenon is still hotly debated. Add to that that many of us can't even understand what drives us to dress. I guess we'll have to adapt to certain common speculations, then, until someone finally unravels the fabulous mystery that is us.

[Krisi]

If you walk around outside your house, you will out yourself. Sooner or later, someone will see you. You found this out but I'm posting it as a warning to others who might decide to prance around the yard dressed.

[LucyNewport]

I'm gonna have to agree with Becky in this. If we want the world at large to get the fine points of cross dressing it is really on us to do the work. Some of us are out and share ourselves with friends and family etc, but most of us are not. If we act like this thing is shameful than how can we expect some random stranger to think differently?

Also, what is so bad about being gay? Some of the smartest, coolest, most creative and all around awesomest people I know are gay. I've been assumed to be gay from time to time. It's no big deal.

[Barbara Black]

Well, at least he said that you 'might' be gay? and he's 'an ass' anyway. But as I often forget also, 'there is nothing wrong with it' (Seinfeld), if you are, so why are we always fighting so adamantly when confronted with that possibility? Perhaps because that is the standard question by nearly everyone when first outed, especially by wives? What I really don't understand is the animosity that gays are said to have towards us crossdressers (gay light?). We just need to be out more, whether read as gay, odd, or as crossdressers. Oh well, life goes on, in one fashion or another.

[reb.femme]

Social conditioning says, "If you wear a skirt, you obviously like men". That's my take on it anyway!

Rebecca

[becky77]

I'm gonna have to agree with Becky in this. If we want the world at large to get the fine points of cross dressing it is really on us to do the work. Some of us are out and share ourselves with friends and family etc, but most of us are not. If we act like this thing is shameful than how can we expect some random stranger to think differently?

Also, what is so bad about being gay? Some of the smartest, coolest, most creative and all around awesomest people I know are gay. I've been assumed to be gay from time to time. It's no big deal.
It's an irony that someone who is ok with dressing like a woman, would be so pent up about being considered gay. Why does it matter?




Becky,

I understand your sentiment but it is not really fair to admonish the OP for not becoming one of the trans
I don't expect the OP to go out and tell the world, but you could correct your neighbour that already knows.
The cat is out of the bag on this occasion (what do you expect going out in the garden with neighbours around, Is there a want to be discovered?), as Lucy said if you treat it as shameful that's how others will perceive it too and the myth is perpetuated.

[Isabella Ross]

Why do we get so hung up on this? I for one look forward to the day that every human being can just accept that there is no such thing as gay or straight; that we're all somewhere on a sliding scale of sexuality (and another for gender); and that it's such a non-issue that we really can't be bothered to dwell on a person's sexuality at all. That day is not coming soon, however. So in the interim, I offer what I've offered before when these discussions come up: some musings from Dr. Alice (Richard) Novak, transgendered psychiatrist and author of Alice in Genderland.

Today’s first question is Am I gay? The short answer is No, you're not, but you’re not exactly straight either.

To me and to most gay men, being gay describes a specific thing. It ‘s more like saying “He’s Mexican,” rather than “He’s definitely not from around here.” As a crossdresser, you’re clearly not gay in the sense of wanting to be a man sexually with a man and all the stuff that so often comes with it, like a head-spinning appreciation for the male form, an Oscar-Wilde-like wit, and a passion for fashion and celebrities. Oh, sure you may be loving all the little nuances of ladies’ clothing, but that’s not the same thing. Just the simple fact you call yourself a crossdresser means that you’re not gay, for most people (and specifically me in part 1 of this series) define crossdresser as a primarily straight man who is profoundly satisfied to imagine himself as a woman. So, you’re fundamentally heterosexual on some level or sorely misusing the term crossdresser.

But, are you completely straight? Well, hey, to answer that question I first owe you a definition of the term straight. Completely straight, or completely heterosexual describes a man who is only interested in sex as a man with a woman. You, my dear reader, may—despite your crossdressing consider yourself such a man, only for that to change—if you’re lucky—as opportunities present themselves. What if you had the chance to make like lipstick lesbians with your wife, another beautiful woman, a breathtaking transsexual, or another nice-looking crossdresser? Or what about my favorite: getting to be a sweet, slender girl in the arms of some giant of a man?

I imagine a lot of hands going up out there—and a few liars. Or, I should more compassionately say, people trying not to think too much. After all, there are enough pills to swallow in everyday life, without having to take on the hypothetical ones. Nonetheless, people, we all know that any number of these scenarios sound pretty sizzling and they may not be man-on-man gay but certainly ain’t straight either, in the sense that non-TG men take no interest in these things. Believe me I know; I work with plenty.

The truth is that, if you’re a crossdresser or even a transsexual reading this article, you may not be gay but you’re not a wholly straight arrow either. Or look at it this way: You may not be chocolate, but you’re not pure vanilla either. You’re strawberry. You are, no doubt, a love-to-be-femme (started-out-straight, secondary, autogynophilic if you must) MTF transperson. Yes, that describes the (in my view) intersex condition we share, but it also seems to shape our sexuality, sexuality in the sense of the things that turn us on.

I admit that that’s an inconvenient truth and different from what you might hear from most folks in our community. But I’m a psychiatrist, after all, not a propagandist, no matter how righteous our cause may be. I’m who you go to when the comforting illusions have fallen flat. I am strawberry, and I’m okay with it and hope the same for you, if you suspect that deep down you’re a little fruity too.

[Jenniferathome]

Isabella, the irony of this statement by Richard Novak is that is is a projection of his own situation on others to help justify himself. The irony is that he is a psychologist and should be able to be objective. Certainly from respondents on this forum, some of what he wrote is true, but for many, such as myself, it is not. Straight is straight. My cross dressing has no relationship to my sexuality. It's weird that I cross dress, but it stops there.

[xoMindyxo]

I agree with Jennifer here. I respect the author's profession, but he doesn't speak for me. I'm not attracted to men in any way nor does male genitalia do anything for me sexually. I know my life, my story, my struggles that led up to the day I accepted this life. He doesn't. Articles like this can further confuse those who are in the process of figuring this all out and can damage someone further. This is who we are, not some act. Just because I doll myself up, doesn't mean I now have to be attracted to men and put on some false act. It's not. Mandy is just a name I put to this face because my male name doesn't fit the image. It's my expression, my world, and Richard Novak doesn't speak for me.

[ErikaS]

Isabella, I read your post and just started to cry I don't understand im just trying to get a grip on whats going on in me. as i try to understand lately i cry more. Thank you.

Erika

[CarlaWestin]

So it's like saying all presbyterians like jelly doughnuts.

Ahhhh..!!..??

You know, occasionally I slip a gear and all I can think of is _________________ .
So, therefore, I most certainly must be _____________ !

[Tracii G]

Pretty sure most of my neighbors know I CD because I don't hide it.
I wave and say hi in girl mode or guy mode and that is just being a friendly neighbor.
So what if your neighbor thinks you are gay? There are worse things in the world.
If he thinks you are maybe he will leave you alone about the crossdressing and not be upset when he sees you in girl mode.

[docrobbysherry]

Why wouldn't they? What other reason so easily explains men dressing up to look like women?

I started CDing out of the blue at age 50+and began having fantasies of being the woman with a man. Not knowing any better, I assumed I'd turned gay! :eek:

[Sammy777]

Just because a dude says he's attracted to dudes doesn't mean he's gay.
Sheesh, can't a man just make sweet love to another man without people thinking he's gay?

Dude! That was awesome, you totally rocked my world, can we cuddle? Oh and uh, "No Homo" :lol2:

Sorry, couldn't resist. :D

Seriously thought, sure its a misconception and yes many people may have the wrong picture about "All CD'ers must be Gay".
But let's get real here for a second, being thought of or seen as Gay/Homosexual is not an exclusive problem of CD'ers.

I know I've told this story on here before, but here goes again.
[This took place many years ago before being out (TS) even to myself, and still thought/considered myself a "Straight - Guy"]
I had a best friend "Bob". Real short version: My whole family loved him and considered him "one of the family".

So, one day I'm with my Aunt and her B/F "John" (Was also "one of the family", someone I'd known pretty much my whole life.)
At this point in time I, my family and "John" had known my friend "Bob" for about 10+ years now.

(its been a long time, so a bit of paraphrasing going on here)
So me and "John" are talking and he asks me where "Bob" is? Home.
So how are things going with you and "Bob" Fine...? Why you ask?
Just expected to see him here, you two have known each other for how long now? IDk 10yrs?

That's a long time to be with someone. HUH?? What do you mean?
Well you two are together right? I mean he's your B/F right?

****Shocked pause**** You mean "Bob"? Uh no, he's just my friend.
(I wasn't mad or upset or pissed. It was just something I wasn't expecting to hear.)

Well he's always around, I just thought you two were a couple. Uh nope. LOL.

So you really thought we were a couple? :) Yes.
So this whole time ... You thought I was Gay? :lol2: Yes I did. That's funny!
** Conversation continues normally **

So, My reaction to finding this out? Had a good laugh about it with "John" and was not the least bit offended by it.
This person I grew up around (thought of as family) had thought for at least the last 10+ years that I was legitimately Gay.

In closing, Regular folk get mistaken for "Gay" all the time too for a lot of different reasons.
So, Don't get your panties all up in a bunch because someone (you don't even like) thinks you're "probably" Gay for CD'ing.

[LilSissyStevie]

I don't know. Maybe it's all those threads that have hundreds of posts and thousands of views where CDs fantasize about getting getting their knee pads on or being bent over the couch by a big manly stud "when dressed."

[sometimes_miss]

a warning to others who might decide to prance around the yard dressed.
It's weird that I keep reading that word, along with 'parading' when it comes to guys who are crossdressed. I can't imagine anyone prancing or parading around alone by themselves. How does anyone get this into their mind?

And to answer the OP: Most womens clothing is designed to show off the female figure. And most of the time, crossdressers will do what they can to make themselves appear female as well, you'll see plenty of threads here about breast forms, shaving legs, make up, hair and wig styles, etc.. So it's a pretty good example of men trying their best to look like women. Now why would anyone want to do that? Well, why do women try to show that they look different from males? To enhance mating. What is does that include? Sex with men. So it's a natural progression to see why the general population will conclude that if you're dressing up as a woman, trying your best to look like one, then you are trying to attract men. Which of course implies that you are gay. We can argue all day long about this. But the end result will be the same. Because we are brought up to believe certain basic things, and one of those things is that there are two sexes, and that there are very definite, set in stone differences that define us. That will gradually change, but right now, thats the way it is. Feel free to argue. But it's not going to change the world's current state of predisposition towards believing that we are doing this because we have homosexual feelings, whether outwardly or that we are in denial of some sort. Educating the rest of the population is going to take time. A lot of time.

[DeeDeeB]

What I want to know is since I'm fond of women (been married to one for 30 years), am I a lesbian? And is she? I know several couples who wonder the same thing so any help here would be appreciated.

And who are these "normal" people being spoken of? Are they the homophobes and/or transphobes? Are they "normal"? Certainly not in the world I live in.

Dee :fairy1:

[flatlander_48]

What I want to know is since I'm fond of women (been married to one for 30 years), am I a lesbian? And is she? I know several couples who wonder the same thing so any help here would be appreciated.

And if you did know the answer to that, what would it change? Would you quit dressing? Would you transition?

Personally, I think the answer would be nothing. Nothing would change. Further, it makes about as much sense as a dog chasing his tail.

DeeAnn

[Rachelakld]

I think Jenifer got it right.
My area - last news broadcast (we still have TV) Cross dressing prostitutes hanging out by school at night.
Ads on TV / radio, dinner & drag show only $39.99 etc
Talk about internet and information, but what does Heather or many older folk know about "chondrules", yes the info is on the internet, but not everyone knows about them.
Heather probably chatted to someone with a logo on his t-shirt yesterday, so what was his t-shirt about Heather, I'm sure the info was on the front?

What "normals" know about crossdressers, is the stereotype that has been in their face for the last 20 years, and until we put up a different story, and in their faces like the gays did, well we are stuck with that image.

[pamela7]

One misconception here is that the person "thought" at all, rather than verbalising the social field's view on the matter.
Another misconception "we" share is our perspective on our sexuality. Even if we are "straight as straight as straight can be", we probably just have a deeply suppressed homo-erotic aspect of our selves, rather like late-developing CD'ers (like myself) had suppressed their female side. Until one is in the situation, one simply does not know. As a teen I had a male relationship in parallel with girlfriends (we both considered ourselves straight though). I never felt attracted to males, but who knows if i just don't meet the male I would be attracted to?!
There's nothing wrong with any of "it", is there? We're part of LGBT in order to give greater power to our minority aspect of society, but the mainstream is far less straight than one might think!

xxx Pamela

[Candy Cox]

Let's see: small minds, stereo-types, fear, any number of control issues may be the predominate reasons.

Actually, I am amazed at how fast the culture IS changing. Many schools have to deal with trans children right now- which bathroom to use, can the mtf boy use the girls room, etc. It took decades to get the gay agenda mainstream, but now the other (semi-related) issues are flowing right out.

For instance: I went shopping the other day semi-dressed. Had no time to do full make-up, no wig, (I don't think I can pass totally right now anyway). So I wore a blouse and necklace, lipstick, eye brow liner, bracelet, jeans. Everyone knew I was a guy wearing girls clothes at the outdoor mall. So No one stared, that I saw. Maybe some snickers? The sales girls were SO very helpful: I tried on a bunch of dresses at several stores. At the shoe rack in the back of one store: I am trying on some KILLER spike heels, high end Vince C, and a lady talks to me about how great the shoes are. SHE DOES NOT EVER CARE IF A GUY IS TRYING ON SPIKE HEELS, never phased her!

progress and changes are made all the time
Hugs,
Candy

[Eryn]

Most people don't give it much thought and once confronted with the problem take the simplest solution, which is to lump all gender and sexual non-conformity into one group.

In some ways they are correct. As a male I am a married straight guy. As Eryn, I still love Mimi an I'm not interested in guys so I am gay. Luckily, she is not bothered by that so we remain happy.

[CONSUELO]

Your neighbour is either ignorant or a bigot or perhaps just an ignorant bigot. That his son would stay home to catch a glimpse of you dressed is a little creepy. When someone does that it makes you wonder what motivated their curiosity. Maybe he is repressing something; like wanting to cross dress.

Not much you can do about your neighbour except ignore him and his son.

I just read through the other posts on this thread. Whoa, some strange opinions here mixed in with the common sense. For example if walking around your backyard while dressed can be described as "PRANCING", what do you call walking around in a pair of shorts or even your bathing suit?
Does dressing in female clothing cause us to "PRANCE"?

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

Isabella, the irony of this statement by Richard Novak is that is is a projection of his own situation on others to help justify himself. The irony is that he is a psychologist and should be able to be objective. Certainly from respondents on this forum, some of what he wrote is true, but for many, such as myself, it is not. Straight is straight. My cross dressing has no relationship to my sexuality. It's weird that I cross dress, but it stops there.

And you know, as I am sure you do, that's OK.

Though I must say that, for some of us, Dr. Novak's words hit a very sensitive place in our core.


I can't speak for anyone else, but when Jessica takes control, I am attracted to men!!! but when, she loosens her hold on my psyche, the thought of being with another man repulses me?!?!?!! am I gay? Bisexual? Two beings sharing a body?? Bipolar?? or Just Nuts????

Can't it be "D. All of the above"?
I'm trying to learn to accept me for me (as soon as I figure out who that is). I'm confident right now my answer to your question(s) is most certainly "D."


Social conditioning says, "If you wear a skirt, you obviously like men". That's my take on it anyway!

Rebecca

The Lesbian population would tend to disprove this... So it makes less sense that "Man in Dress = Man attracted to Man".


Isabella, I read your post and just started to cry I don't understand im just trying to get a grip on whats going on in me. as i try to understand lately i cry more. Thank you.

Erika

ErikaS, I'm in your boat. Not so much on the crying, I think my crier is burnt out or clogged. (Gods forbid the latter, watch out for the flood when it comes unclogged!)

[calliekat]

Wow. Interesting perspective on this. I kind of understand what the op might be saying. If you are not gay, sometimes it feels insulting if someone says or thinks you are.
From what I have read and heard, a majority of cd'ers are NOT GAY. So again it is very presumptuous for someone to assume you are. Yes, it's not withing "normal" perspective. I am not one to judge or spread "bigotry." I do what I do and enjoy it. It doesn't effect anyone and people need to learn to STFU.

[Pat]

I originally passed this topic by because I can't think why any normal person wouldn't think a crossdresser is attracted to men... now I'm going to stick my oar in.

Until the general population is educated on the topic, it's a perfectly reasonable assumption to make. Just like it's perfectly reasonable for wives to ask their crossdressing husbands if they (the husbands) want to become a woman. These are perfectly reasonable, sadly uneducated responses and getting our collective knickers in a twist over it is rather silly. The answer is to educate the general public. Conversations are starting to open up -- lunchtime chatter about Bruce Jenner is happening. Go out and do some educating. If you don't want to put yourself on the line use the classic "I've read that the majority of crossdressers are heterosexual males who have no interest in getting a sex change." (Yeah, I know, "sex change" is a naughty phrase here, but it's the one muggles understand.)

Someone posted a line something like "Be the change you want to see happen." This is a perfect example.

[Alice Torn]

It is simply a matter of lack of education , and understanding. I used to think if someone is brown skinned and speaking Spanish, they are Mexican. Not necessarily true. Many nationalities speak Spanish. Or , i heard people speaking German, that means they are G ermans. Not always so! They could be Swiss, or Austrian. The problem with most humans, is a lack of understanding.

[Badtranny]

bottom line.

Sack up and own who you are or let other people define you. Your desire to stay hidden intersects with people's ignorance. It is that simple.

[PaulaQ]

It's very simple.

Straight, cisgender people understand only two things - penises, and vaginas. In their world, a very simplistic mental model holds up:
If you have a penis:
a) you are a boy
b) you like girls

If you have a vagina:
a) you are a girl
b) you like boys

They've started to get their minds around the binary of straight / gay. So the amended rules look like this:

If you have a penis:
a) you are a boy
b) you like girls, unless you are gay

If you have a vagina:
a) you are a girl
b) you like boys, unless you are a lesbian

There is simply no other possibilities in most of their mental models. So what that means is:
- if you aren't like everyone else somehow, you must be gay or lesbian.

It doesn't help that their models for "gay" equals "effeminate male" and "lesbian" equals "butch female."

[Sandie70]

I've weighed in earlier in this thread, but as I've been reading the newest comments, I realized something. First, again, I don't care if someone thinks I'm gay or not. If someone thinks either... then he or she is half right - I'm bi. Big deal.

But, as I read, I see where we all have a stake in how people view us - mainly because it ultimately effects how we're treated in public. Gays were universally reviled some time back - and now we are seeing acceptance of Gay marriage. Heck, Ireland, a big time Catholic country now has legalized Gay marriage. The fear and revulsion that many people felt toward Gays has changed as they are educated.

So, when I think of going out dressed, the issue of whether I'm Gay or not is minor to me. No, the issue for me is a picture stuck in my mind of the serial killer in "Silence of the lambs" tucking his penis and prancing around as a woman. This is an image that I greatly fear the bigoted, uneducated among the general public might conjure up about crossdressers. And it is frightening to think that when someone glances at me, they might have that awful image in their mind.

So, I guess I'm saying... the bigger picture is not that someone might picture you as Gay or Lesbian or Bi-sexual - if I understand anything from the comments in this thread, it's that we all have a thousand different ideas of our own sexuality, and there's nothing wrong with any of it. If you think crossdressing is uncovering some hidden sexual attraction for a gender you had no interest in before... big deal. Ultimately, nothing you might do is harmful (except to a standing relationship, and that is more about fidelity and honesty - not your sexual thoughts). When I realized I was Bi, it didn't change anything else about my life - it only added another, fuller dimension to my existence.

No, if we have anything to worry about, it's being thought of as something like that horrible scene in "Lambs" - and only educating the public and standing up for ourselves will change public perception (something that is happening if I correctly read the comments you all have made).

[Rachelakld]

Firstly I must apologise to Heather.
I took a comment of hers, that because transgender was on the internet, that everyone should know about us, and I over reacted, thinking it a silly assumption and didn't explain myself fully.

I remember how the gays got themselves accepted by "normals" in such a way that "normals" understand gay (well, most anyway and we got lumped in to their camp as the vocal trans were gay). Gay was not out in public before then, but still existed in the shadows

If "normals" think we are gay, do we want to change their view of us? and if so how? or should we just accept this concept and go about our business?

[PaulaQ]

If "normals" think we are gay, do we want to change their view of us? and if so how? or should we just accept this concept and go about our business?

Yes, we want to change their view, but not for the traditional reasons CDs have wanted to assert their straightness. (i.e. homophobia.)

The reason trans people need to change this view is because conflating gender identity / expression with sexual orientation is seriously counterproductive when dealing with the very real issues of either gender identity or gender expression.

[Tina_gm]

It may be true that the majority of cross dressers are straight men, but you have to admit that there are not very many of you out in the open. The only guys that seem to be comfortable with it are in fact gay.

This is likely the best reason right here. What has been shown through the media, and those who have known CDers because of their openness about it usually are gay. Female impersonators a.k.a. drag queens are overwhelmingly gay. While there are examples of TS women who have never had any attraction to men, not even after a full transition and have gone on to marry or stay married to a woman, I am going to put it out there that there are a higher number of those who CD who are at least bi-curious. It may still fall well under half of "just CDers" but still higher than the amount of gay or bi-sexual non CDers. Enough proof is had on here, the cleanest of sites when it comes to transgender when the subject of attraction to men comes up. It always or almost always gets some of the largest number of responses.

I am also going to say let's get real here. Gay men are typically more feminine than straight men. Not that there aren't plenty of examples of the opposite, but just in general there are more that are on the feminine side. People putting all of what they have seen together, are going to make this assumption.