What were your fears about joining the forum ?

[Teresa]

I often see other members say they lurked for a long time, so what were your fears about joining or contributing on the forum ?
When I look back I felt that other members would think I was a fraud, many of the threads suggested very confident CDers totally out enjoying shopping and nights out. I also remember being very hesitant about hitting the join button and accepting a name, not only to me but to thousands of other people !
I think the true value of the forum hit me when I was writing my intro, I had no intentions of being so explicit but it all just kept flowing out, so many years of total isolation and desperation I remember tears rolling down my cheeks by the time I'd finished !
When I read the replies I knew I need have no fears, I'd come to the right place with the help on offer ! The bonus is far from being a fraud some of my experiences have given me an insight to help others, no we're not professional counsellors but many of us have lived a lifetime with CDing so there is some value in what we have to say .

The other question some ask is has the forum made you any worse ? I personally think it's made me stronger, facing up to it and realising it's something you can do nothing about, perhaps being born like it makes you totally accept it . The shame and guilt finally leaves you and you can honestly say this is me, I have a need to CD I don't mean any harm, please accept it as part of my identity .

[I Am Paula]

I think some novice CDers feel they have to set boundereys, and joining a forum is progressing their hobby.

[Launa]

I had no fears about joining I looked at the site and after 20 mins I started signing up. Its all been a good road from then on nothing has really made me any worse for it. I started from the closet and now I'm out and about at public events every 2 weeks or so and that's thanks to a lot of folks on this site giving me advice on how to do it. Its still not enough though!

Maybe the only fear I had is the CD police showing up at my door and charging me.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I was on another forum that closed overnight and went looking for other avenues. I found this sight and joined immediately. I couldn't wait to get the necessary posts to open up all the avenues the site has to offer! Now I'm shooting for 1000 posts!

I agree with Paula's comment that some of the "new" cross-dressers may feel that this is expanding the boundaries they've set for what ever reason. Also, this may be the first time they've ever mentioned their cross-dressing to another person. Even though there is Anonymity in doing this it is still a leap for faith.

Yes, it is possible to be intimidated by the sight of some of the more out and open members flying pretty to far away destinations and enjoying life as the gender of their choice. For somebody who is still struggling with these issues and has some ill fitting clothes from Good Will or castoffs it can raise the fears of rejection in their own minds.

Lastly, some of the members on this form can be "Extremely" cutting in their remarks about the simplest comment or question. At times it seems as if there is some checklist or test that has to be passed to be considered "worthy" to comment. If so, I haven't seen it and never want to. I'm old and crusty enough not to care. For a newby this can be all it takes to keep them silent.

Just my 2 cents worth.:2c:

[reb.femme]

I read a couple of times and then joined, as I can best remember anyway. I think my only reservation was that I could be recognised by someone I knew, but these days I practically hope that I am. This site has definitely helped me develop from newbie to experienced CDer and wishing that I could practice my craft on a more regular basis :daydreaming:.

That said, here I am on the settee, fully dressed with make-up, with my wife sat opposite, replying to a forum post. Which reminds me, I need to put the kettle on and re-apply my lipstick, which is all over a glass right now :).

Rebecca

[Amanda M]

I don't think I had any fears. As for being recognized by someone I know my only answer would be "What were you doing on a CD site anyway?"

[JennykBailey]

I waited a while to get a gauge of how this community works. Some forums can be a bit clique, and unwelcoming. I'm please to say this one isn't like that at all as far as I have experienced. I think the idea of insisting on making a few contributions to the forum before you are considered a member is a good one, if a little frustrating. I prefer forums to chat, as you can be more considered in your responses, and can take time to process other peoples posts. This site is very well supported, and there are lots of interesting, and informative threads to read, and contribute to.

[Bobbi46]

I had absolutely no fear in joining I felt that it was the right thing to do to be able to express my thoughts in an unencumbered way but also being a newbie I soon realised that here there was a wealth of information out there to help me on my way.

[Adriana Moretti]

I had no fear joining here at all....its just a forum,and you can fly under the radar...but I can see why people would be hesitant....its more about accepting the fact yourself that you ARE a crossdresser, rather than joing a simple forum...maybe joining is one small step towards acceptance for some. Self Acceptance goes a long way. xoxo

[ErikaS]

I was looking for a site where I can help me understand and affirm I am not alone I now know there is a big world and we are making it a better world. I wish to answer some questions but most i now understand who I am and with this site and you wonderful girls it will all be better. Not hiding in the closet is making it better.

Erika

[Stephanie47]

I had no fear of joining. I did "lurk" to see what the forum was all about. I do like the fact this forum is self policing. One of the things I do not like about the comments made on general news sites is the totally inane and stupid comments made on anything and everything. Here, it seems everyone is a cross dresser, or, even if there is a researcher pretending to be one at least it is done with decorum and class. Originally I did have some apprehension about posting too many tidbits here and there so a person could identify me.

Is there a site that has had a bigger impact on me as a cross dresser? Yes. It is eBay. Without eBay I'd probably be the equivalent of naked. Between this site and eBay, I've really been able to express myself in all aspects of cross dressing.

[Tracii G]

I didn't have a fear of joining once I figured it was not one of those porn-ish cd sites.
Posting a pic was a bit nerve wracking at first.
This site has really helped me and I thank everyone here.

[Natalie cupcake]

I think for me joining made me a stronger person as well. It has made me more confident in who I am. Coming to this site and meeting other girls talking to them doesn't make me feel alone in the world. Knowing there are other who are like me and want to talk, listen, and help each other be the best we can be makes me feel so happy to be here. I never had any fear of joining the site. I joined and never looked back.

[sometimes_miss]

My only fear was, that this forum is public. If anyone wants to come here and read, they can. So if I made enough references to who I am or what I do, that I would be outed. So far, so good. Nobody coming a knocking on my door asking if I misplaced my panties.

[Michelle 78]

My main fear of joining was been recognized as it is a public forum, but if this forum wasn't public I'd have never have joined as I couldn't have lurked for a while and checked it out!! As Tracii said this site is just about the only one that is not a porn site as everywhere else seems to be, if that was the case I wouldn't be here at all. I think this site is awesome as we are all in the same boat and help each other along, joining here was scary at first but I soon found out that we are all here to help each other and share our experiences. Thanks everybody here on cd.com

[Sarah-RT]

I joined when I was a teen looking for advice on presenting better but I disappeared and didnt come back for a long time.
I only a few months ago added my first profile picture and my big big big fear was someone would see me, Ive now gotten to the place where if someone asked I would tell them, within reason of who the person was.
I have only the forum to thank for getting me to how I am now, and my fantastic friends and family that will help give me experiences to share for other members not as open as they would like, but hope to be

Sarah x

[flatlander_48]

It didn't bother me at all to join. I think I may have lurked for all of a day and that was it. I think my only concern was being able to admit how things sat for me and explaining what I thought and felt. The relative security didn't bother me. In fact I have the same username on all the forums that I frequent; the vast majority of which predate my involvement here by many years and cover LGBT issues, motorsports and cycling.

I believe that it is important for us to share our respective journeys. This is very definitely the Road Less Taken and because it is what it is, we probably keep much to ourselves. But, because we come from many places around the globe, whether we started early or late, whether we only dress at home occasionally or are post-op transsexuals, we all have things to share about our transformation as people and the concept of gender. It gives me great pleasure to be among those who are doing what they can to move forward in spite of the reality before them. While I think the word "inspirational" is often inappropriate, I would say that a number of things I've read here remind me of how human we are and how strong the desire to be ourselves can be. It is a good lesson for us all...

DeeAnn

[CynthiaD]

I had no fears whatsoever in joining. The minute I started reading I thought "Wow! Here's a bunch of people who 'get it!' " I couldn't wait to get approved so I could start posting.

[Kandi Robbins]

I had no fear of joining the forum, I had the fear of accepting who I am. Since I spent years denying that I am a CD, joining never crossed my mind. Once I accepted myself and told my wife, I created Kandi and signed right up! That was the best CD thing I ever did.

[Kate Simmons]

I didn't have any. I joined about five minutes after I learned about it.:)

[kimdl93]

If I had any concern, it was that somehow I might not fit in. It didn't take long to realize that this is a diverse. Group.

[pamela7]

i had no fears about joining as such but like most people I chose anonymity and created a new email account in order to reduce the likelihood of exposure by other people i'd prefer to not know.

[Yoshisaur]

One of my primary fears when joining the forum was that I would get found out by someone I know, but after I while I sort of realized that if someone found me on hear would probably share the same interest as me and it wouldn't be that bad. I think it was also a really scary thing when I made my intro because it was the first time I shared this secret with anyone. After reading the replies though it made me feel a lot better about it and I slowly became more comfortable with sharing things on here.

[Beverley Sims]

Just like going out of the house for the first time.
You have to overcome that fear of exposure.
I have improved other skills since being here.

[Marcelle]

Hi Teresa,

When I hit the "join" button, I really did not have any fears because I was at point where I was so freaked out by my self discovery that I was looking for answers (this is pre-therapy). However once I got settled, my biggest fear was that someone would recognize me and confront me at work. Then I realized that if they did the conversation might go something like this:

Person at work: Hey dude, I saw a post on a CD website and given the discussion, I am sure it is you.

Me: Hmm, you don't say. What were you doing on a CD website?

Person at work: Ummmm . . . Hah, just kidding . . . want to go get a coffee and talk about football, trucks or anything manly. :)

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

1. Being outed.
2. Needing to transition.

Then I attempted suicide, and stopped feeling fear at all.

[JeanetteX]

My main two worries were being recognised by what I told about myself on a public forum like this, the other to chat about CDing in a language other than my native one. My English is good enough to tell simple things, but expressing my true deep emotions in another language is pretty hard. In the end decided to join anyway as this is such a beautiful and serious forum, whereas all the forums in my country are just porn and gay orientated.

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

...Then I attempted suicide, and stopped feeling fear at all.


...When I hit the "join" button, I really did not have any fears because I was at point where I was so freaked out by my self discovery that I was looking for answers (this is pre-therapy). However once I got settled...

Fear may be in my vocabulary, but embarrassment is not... I am on a bullet train to gods know where since I acknowledged I may finally want an answer to the question "Am I Trans_(fill in the blank)". I am not "out" out, but I had no problem going to the drug store today (for the first time) to bolster the makeup kit I received 10 days ago for my Birthday. If the young SA "read" or "clocked" me, she was kind and polite enough not to react, freak, or comment (at least not while I was still there).

I joined because I figured "Hey, these people are diverse and open minded and accepting, maybe I can get some info here to help me figure out my Identity (Self/Gender/What-have-you)." Any actual fear I have is along the lines of Isha's... That I might be thought disingenuous, insincere, dishonest, or a "bad actor" (and I think the last is the worst sin of all; if you're gonna lie, then at least bloody well do it with style!) Right now I'm not sure if I'm lying about being a boy, or lying about wanting to be a girl, or some other third option I'm currently unaware of. Not knowing what is "true" or "real" prompts near daily contemplation of ending it all. I'm in therapy, I'm on antidepressants, but I have absolutely no fear of being separated from U.S. Active Duty Military service for my choices PROVIDED I resolve my Identity (self/gender/what-have-you) issues before I am asked not to stay. I need me more than I need them...

Bumping into the "prove yourself" limitations has generated all new fears though... access removal! I really should have "lurked" far more than I did prior to joining. I may not have much RLE, but I am on one helluva ride, and if nothing else I can serve as a bad example. I just hope I get to share most of it with the wonderful folks here as well as the "lurkers in the deep".

[Jaymees22]

I really didn't hesitate joining, it was a relief to find so many supportive individuals and hope that I can contribute in some small way. Hugs Jaymee

[gailbridges]

I think my fear was that it would be less personal than a chat room is. And less immediate.
So far, I'm finding that reading the posts here are a good deal more in-depth, and thoughtful and thought-provoking than a chat room.
As for 'less personal', I suppose that has more to do with how much time I spend here and who and how I get to know people.

I do believe chat rooms have their place. But perhaps I'm growing beyond a certain superficiality that chatrooms provide.

The forum approach IS less immediate. Still true.

[Athena_]

Theresa,

I did lurk for about a year. I was afraid (irrationally) to be outed. I would say the main reason for this fear was that I felt strange sharing in a public forum, something that is so private for me. I also think that my personal experiences are fairly typical and I don't think that I can add much value over other, more comfortable cross dressers. It does feel good to know that I am not alone. I have read some really great advice on our site. I am thankful for this site and to all who share.

[Melissa18]

This is a thought provoking question , that has taken me a couple of days to work out my answer.
I feel my biggest fear about joining the the forum, was, I would have to finally admit to myself that I was a cross dresser.
And I didn't feel I was ready, until the day I pressed the submit button.
I'm glad I did take that plunge and did join because I have meet some wonderful people here who have helped me understand myself a whole lot better,
Thank you ladies

[Melissa73]

well, back in 2005 when i joined.... i lurked many months before joining. I think i as afraid of joining as it was on the "NEt" and ot understanding... but thought it was public and people might find out about me. Since joining though, ive come to realize....... private it really is, and if someone catches u on a crossdressing site, then u ask, why were they on it in the first place

[Robin777]

I am like Adelaide, I had to finally admit to myself that I am a crossdresser.I was in denial for years. I had gotten on this forum at times and perused the forums that a non-member is allowed into. I would read the threads. I was afraid to admit to myself that I have a female side. Then one day I started questioning myself why I do this and I started looking for answers. That brought me here.

[Zoe B]

This may sound odd but my two main fears were talking about myself and getting answers to all my questions.

I had stopped worrying about being outed and my wife is very supportive.

[Lacy PJs]

Probably my biggest fears were that, first, I'd be found out. In a conservative area of the country where I live and in a smaller community, that would not be looked upon favorably.

Second, I was concerned about becoming "one of them!" I realize that everyone is in a different stage of crossdressing from the guy who wears panties from time to time all of the way up to those who have transitioned. Somehow, by joining, I was concerned that I was admitting that was in my future.

Finally, There was the concern that I wouldn't fit in because I didn't want to go public. Would I be seen as a fake or not really belonging.

None of those things have materialized... :)

Lacy PJs

[Sarah Doepner]

I had been on a couple of other sites that just didn't seem to be very active or meeting my needs, so jumping over here took no effort. My only fear was that someone in my family would get on the family computer and be able to follow the computer bread crumbs and end up on this site. That never happened. I'm more concerned about bleed-over between my Sarah Facebook account and my Dave account, but I think I've managed to create proper distance and walls between them. There have been several others who posted that if someone from their work or social life mentioned seeing them on this site, they would have had to work to get here and should be accepting.

[Leah R.]

I think some novice CDers feel they have to set boundereys, and joining a forum is progressing their hobby.

This! I was in denial about it...

[Julie1123]

As for being recognized by someone I know my only answer would be "What were you doing on a CD site anyway?"

I'm also in the camp of was nervous about being outed but this thought helped me get over the fear. Every now and then I still have to remind myself of it.

[lostinmyworldcd]

My fear is that I will begin to get more comfortable about crossdressing ........ I know some of you will scoff at that reason ....... I don't see it as a hobby ...... I think somewhere in the back of my mind , I would like to live as a woman ...... I love the clothes , etc ......

Maybe I'm a woman inside in some ways .......

Joining this forum has been somewhat enlightening ...... I guess I must be finally ready to talk about it ...... WITH STRANGERS ..... lol