Wife spills her guts out

[Maria 60]

What a female weekend I had out of the blue, couldn't plan a weekend like this if I tried. On Saturday my wife suggested since I had a stressful week at work why not get dolled up and go for a Saturday morning drive, i think she just wanted me out of her hair while she cleaned the house,I agreed instantly and had a few amazing hours to myself and stayed with make up and underdressed the rest of the day while I did yard work. Sunday morning my wife got a text telling her that her mothers gift wasn't going to arrive on time for her birthday, but she could pick it up at a store that was about an hour and a half away. She didn't want to ask me knowing I was looking forward to a relaxing day, instead she thought she could brib me with, if I take her I could fully dress for the ride, I was going to take her anyway but since she made the offer, why not. I got dolled up again and it was a beautiful sunny day the feeling of the sun on the pantyhose was amazing, when we arrived my wife told me that she wasn't going to be long and I could wait in the car, but when we got there it looked like a nice place and I wanted to walk around, I parked and started undressing and out of nowhere my wife tells me she's sorry, I asked her what she was sorry about, she told me that she knew how much I would have loved to walk out that door and walk around dressed, but it's not that easy, and that she wanted to be totally honest with me that I have a mans body, no wig or all the amount of make-up will change that, and it's not a second look everyone will know I'm a male instantly. She went on telling me if I want to take that step we should prepare our selfs and maybe tell the kids and closer family, because it's a small world and me walking out that door now there's a good chance we could see someone we know and even though I drove there dressed, with the tinted windows on the car the risk was low but there is always a risk. I stopped her and asked her where this was coming from and to take back her apology because I should be the one apologizing, she just drove to a mall with her husband dressed like a women, and that I couldn't have ever came this far without her and just what I did in those two days was more then I could have ever have imagined in my life time and I apologized to her for putting her threw all of this. She then told me she never admitted it because she fears how far I will take it and feels she has to control it a little, but she does enjoy this side of me, it's our bond and its our secret and loves shopping with me and buying things for me almost like living with a husband a girlfriend and feels we have much more in common because of the dressing and wouldn't want me any other way, but she believes she is holding me back that maybe I would join a support group or I would take more chances. I told her I chose the closet and that's where I want to be, in the closet and with her. I thanked her for everything and I wasn't going to redress for the ride home but she insisted I take advantage of it. I now sit here and wondering if I should write this post because my main thought is, am I selfish, and do I really know what iam putting her threw. Even though she says she's ok with it, and seemed sincere while she was spilling her guts out, I really feel bad for putting her threw this. Anyone feel the same?

[Eryn]

Of course I feel bad that I put my wife through the trials and tribulations of being married to a TG person. She didn't sign up for this.

OTOH, she could also be married to suppressed TG who is depressed, on Zoloft, and isn't likely to survive many more years. We've talked this over and she'd rather have the more livable TG person.

Life is full of compromises. You want to go out, she wants to keep it far from home. If you agree on a No-Fly Zone around your house and let Maria free outside of that radius you may find the freedom you need and the security she needs. You may also find that you are a lot less obviously male than she thinks!

[ReineD]

... but she does enjoy this side of me, it's our bond and its our secret and loves shopping with me and buying things for me almost like living with a husband a girlfriend and feels we have much more in common because of the dressing and wouldn't want me any other way,



I told her I chose the closet and that's where I want to be, in the closet and with her. I thanked her for everything and I wasn't going to redress for the ride home but she insisted I take advantage of it.

You guys are doing everything right! You both are being considerate of the other while being thankful that you have each other. I cannot imagine a better outcome. :)



I now sit here and wondering if I should write this post because my main thought is, am I selfish, and do I really know what iam putting her threw. Even though she says she's ok with it, and seemed sincere while she was spilling her guts out, I really feel bad for putting her threw this. Anyone feel the same?

No, you're not selfish. And your wife is not complaining, so just enjoy!

[ColleenCD]

Hi Maria,

I don't read selfishness, I read you were enjoying your day within the agreed boundaries and she felt you might be looking over the fence, She felt compelled to tell you the truth to protect you. You're blessed to have a wonderful wife who not only indulges your needs but finds a way to enjoy it with you. She probably takes great comfort in seeing you happy. Just make sure she could write about how wonderful you care for her. Thanks for the great post.

Colleen

[kimdl93]

Ever read OHenry's short classic "Gift of the Magi". Synopsis...guy sells watch to buy wife combs for her long hair. Wife sells hair to by gold chain for guys watch. Both wanted to give to the other. You add to the complexity by assuming that each other are in some way being selfish or holding one another back.

Don't do that.

Instead revel in the shared knowledge that you're on the same page...and seemingly don't know it.

[Alice K]

She then told me she never admitted it because she fears how far I will take it and feels she has to control it a little, but she does enjoy this side of me, it's our bond and its our secret and loves shopping with me and buying things for me almost like living with a husband a girlfriend and feels we have much more in common because of the dressing and wouldn't want me any other way,

What a wonderful statement of love. It must make you feel both warm and accepted.

And the other comment about your appearance is her helpful honesty born out of love.

You are lucky indeed.

Alice

[STACY B]

She is just being honest an does not want you to get Hurt. Wifes are natural protectors it's in there D.N.A so just listen to her an try and do what she says,Trust this when I tell you if she felt Bad or didn't like it in one way or the other you would be dressing up in your garage or attick whenever there wasn't ANYONE HOME!

Pink Fog is a dangerous thing maybe read my other post on this subject of CDing and just take her advice and try and enjoy yourself on your little adventures.
There is a fine line between dressing and DRESSING out in the REAL WORLD. If you don't want to eat what your doing at anytime or any place dial it down it takes a Man lots of practice to emulate a Woman even in the Dark. 2 Seconds is all it takes to Gender a person from 100 yards away. She is a good wife an you two can have Lots of FUN for a long time just take her advice she is not trying to hurt you or bashing you more like protection or damage control.

Just imaging you at a family function or Mans weekend outing or just at a party out in public during you so called Normal life and someone says out loud (How come your not dressed like a woman)You were the other day when I saw you at Target,Walmart or where ever. Just think of how you would feel? The way you would feel is a typical Cross dresser emotion and a normal one. So treat it like Halloween, lol She lets you get your fun without having to OWN IT all the time. Most chix here would KILL for that just once in a while.

[Jaylyn]

My wife and I have some very similar talks about things that are close to this. I just took it that we expressed our love to each out her in a deeper way than we ever had before. Maybe I read it all wrong but I think she is telling you that she wants you happy and she is protecting you and her also. If she will let you dress and enjoy your side then you should be accepting that you have a great wife and make sure you are the man she married also. There is a way to be both but at times it is a very fine line we walk. I have to take my dressing time but I try and share it with her at the same time. She helps me find clothes but I won't embarrass her by going out dressed. That's one thing she and I agreed on. I reassured her I was still the guy she married but that I am just a Crossdresser that enjoys the feel of women's attire. I reassured her also that this is as far as it goes just between us. She had problems about me joining this site at first but after she saw what it is about she has no fears of it. I'll admit sometimes it's hard to be the man and wanting to dress. I know that sometimes it's hard for her to be a mom, when she would prefer to go to a movie or shopping. It's all a game of putting every thing in the right order and still abiding by the marriage vows.

[bridget thronton]

Thanks for sharing this - you two are great together I think

[Tina_gm]

KimD did a great job explaining the relationship you have with your wife with the quote she put on here. Your wife is spilling her guts so to speak because being with or being TG is just a very difficult and complex life to have. The thoughts your wife has seem to be quite typical. All I would read into it is that she is reacting in much the same way most wives who do what they can to make us happy, and accept this to the fullest of their capability. Easy it is anything but. She is giving it a true 100% by the sounds of things. Her honesty about her issues with the control and what you may or may wish to do are also quite normal. I would go on as you have been. I think her talk was ultimately a plea for the status quo of your CDing and of how you two are handling it.

[Beverley Sims]

It has not happened to me as I have a different relationship.

I would show your wife every consideration at all times.

Just proceed on her suggestion.

[Stephanie47]

My wife did not sign up for a life with a cross dresser, even though I'm an at home cross dresser. I do not dress in front of her. I keep my wardrobe out of sight, out of mind. I respect her desire to have no part in it. I wish my wife were like your wife. I would thank her for any assessment of how I looked, if her desire was to protect me and her from society's negative views. Yes, I'm sure her life would be less complicated if you were not a cross dresser. How about married to a drunk? Or drug abuser? Cherish her. And, tell her if she thinks you are going too far without thinking about the consequences of your actions. Heck, if she enjoys that side of you, then she is entitled to give you advice. Wouldn't a wife give a husband input on other aspects of their marriage.

[Teresa]

Maria,
I sense that your wife is having some conflicting thoughts, she appears to want to support you and says she's OK with it but a little voice is telling her this isn't right . She may carry the doubts of how far you would go if there were no restraints, I know you've reassured her but a CDer is by nature not totally predictable. I don't know if she ever thrown the comment at you about not being a lesbian which is what some wives feel ! I replied that neither am I but that statement may prove to be partially untrue !

I feel in a more comfortable situation and so does my wife now my family know, it's taken some of her fears away, they're not going to turn their backs on me and isolate us, in fact there's a closer feeling within the family.

[Dana44]

Maria, I thought you handled that well. I'm sure she is okay with it. Sit down and talk to her. If she will let you way out of your local zone. Then do what she says is okay around the house. I'm sure she is stressed over the fact that people that know you might see. Perhaps you can relieve her of that stress. Plan trips to the lake or something you two can go out. Or to a movie in another town somewhere.

[MissTee]

Sounds like a story similar to mine. Wife loves shopping with me and the fem side I have - - as long as I keep it under a cloak. That means away from the kids, the public, etc. I'm OK with that, too.

Thing is, she occasionally has these near outing experiences she encourages. Yesterday I took her for a bra fitting in an private, upscale bra boutique. She came out several times to share with me her fittings and the selections. On the last one, and in front of the SA, she abruptly says, "Why don't you get fitted, too?" The SA and I laughed it off, with the SA joking she had fitted a husband or two in her tenure. Sometime I'm really not sure what to think of her acceptance level, but I'll appreciate the good parts of support as I get them.

[sometimes_miss]

I felt guilty about it until my wife filed for divorce, and used my crossdressing to blackmail me. No more guilt towards felons.