more than me!

[cdsara]

After a lengthy discussion the other night my so wanted to know more and wanted to know what kinds of clothes I have and how many. After I described them she said you have more than me! How do you hide that much? ( my wife hates to shop for clothes for herself and I have to push her!) I never buy new stuff she said yet you can buy what ever you want! So I am still not sure what to do with that statement!.

[reb.femme]

My wife said last week that I've got more clothes than she has. Not sure what that last statement from your SO means either, but it could signal the old wallet opening up for a gift for the other half, me thinks? My wife is a reluctant shopper for clothes too, but she has a keen eye for a bargain.

Rebecca

[franlee]

I don't have more dresses and skirts than my wife but I wear them more often than she wears hers. The shame is I encourage her to wear them but she would rather not, just that simple. She knows messing them up is not an excuse because I will replace them with out question as long as she will dress in them. And she never wear them out, she has all kids of beautiful professional apparel that has been worn once or twice and even a few that was tried on at the time of purchase and never again. There is one big thing about her though, she has no problem with me wearing them if they fit, which right now is not an option.

[Suzie Petersen]

Hi Sara,

You know your wife best and can judge the tone of her voice and all the other little signs she sends out ... or at least I hope for your sake that you can!! ;)

Just reading that statement on its lonesome .. I would say it is a pretty clear "unhappy" message!

Everything depends on Why she doesn't buy new stuff!
If it is because she feel bad about spending money on clothes, then she could rightfully feel it is unreasonable that you buy things. She probably do not feel your purchases are needed and especially not if she is trying to save money.
If it on the other hand is because she just isnt all that interested in clothes, as it sounds like from what you said, then it is a different matter. Then she might be upset/unhappy at her self because she feel that she should be more interested, but just isn't.

Nomatter what, there is something she is not happy about in there somewhere. You should ask her what she meant!! Maybe she'll tell you!

Just dont expect the reason to be rational! At one point, my wife was unhappy about me having heels that were higher than hers. So I suggested she/we shopped for some high heels for her and she replied "But I dont like wearing heels that high!" :)
Sometimes you just cant win.

- Suzie

[brynnewilliams]

My wife has said the same to me. Ive noticed its reassuring when my wife jokes about it. Like how I can walk in 4" heels better than her! She doesn't ever wear heels over 2 1/2", and when she does ill say "You call those heels?" lol. We always poke fun of each other.

[~Joanne~]

Sounds like you need to take her shopping stat. I never understood the whole "me, me, me" thing that CD's have where they can spent whatever on themselves but nothing on their SO's. All that can come from that mentality is hate and resentment. I think some of us need to be smarter than that.

[Teresa]

My wife doesn't know what clothes I have and doesn't appear to want to know , I don't have as many as her especially dresses but she also hates shopping for new stuff . I don't think it's anything to do with my CDing she just can't be bothered to unless she's not happy with her figure, to me she looks fine and I tell her so but now she doesn't trust my motive as she thinks I'm looking for myself . ( Which is true !)

Your wife's comment can be taken two ways either she's OK with your CDing and you can buy what you want or you can buy what you want as long as she doesn't know and blow the bank !

[kimdl93]

Well, you can buy whatever you want. Just get something for her while you're at it.

[gailbridges]

If I were a GG wife, and my husband had more clothes, and femmier clothes (yes. Femmier. If it's not a word, I just made it up. 2015®GailBridges), I would feel rather crappy about my position as a woman.

Your wife suddenly (or NOT so suddenly) has competition. Not competing for male attention so much, but who is femmier® than thou.
I'm certain we have all experienced that alpha girl (gg or tg) who is the queen bee and makes all the other girls feel like shit because they can't be as perfect as she. It's so very "high school", and she's already been through HS. But WE are typically still going through our own version of coming out in a HS way. Her: Been there, done that.... yet now she's feeling comparison. Maybe judgement. It might be all strictly internal, but she still feels it. GG's seem to be chock-full of those feelings things.
And with that comparison likely comes a feeling of being less that a full woman. She might try and be cool, making a quip about you having more clothes. But have you ever really known a woman to stop at one quip?
She's got way more to say to you.
Suzie Peterson is right, It's time to start smoothing feathers over, and NOW.
Capisce?

[justmetoo]

I suspect Gail has hit the nail on the head. (but I'm not married and have little experience with relationships in general)

[cheryl reeves]

when i buy for myself,i spend the same amount on my wife. this makes for a peaceful existance,besides its hard for me to spend money on clothes,i have clothes that are 15 yrs old and still wearable.

[Marcelle]

Hi Sara,

I believe Suzie hit the nail on the head and it will be relative to your wife's frame of thought at the time. The only way to truly determine what she meant is to ask her. Yes, you could go out an buy her a new outfit or offer to let her go on a shopping spree, but if that was not the intent of her comment, it could come off as a hollow gesture or even worse a statement that you think she is not dressing feminine enough . . . again it will depend on her frame of mind. Communication is our one true compass as we navigate this thing once our SOs know . . . never put that compass away. Yes, the conversations can get awkward at times but a few moments of awkwardness is far better than miscommunicating and creating more havoc.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

I think implicit in her statement is that she's the girl, and you aren't, so she should have more clothes than you do. Also some women will sacrifice buying things for themselves so that their families can have more. She may resent that you don't do the same.

[Jenniferathome]

Sara, it's a crack in the dyke that she is talking about this with you. It's a huge POSITIVE sign. Keep talking about it.

You do not have more things than her, that would be impossible to hide but you may let her know the difficulty in buying on line. Likely much of what you have doesn't fit right. You can add that shopping has acted like a substitute for dressing. She'll understand that implication.

Whatever the reason, something in her has thawed. Keep talking.

[Nadine Spirit]

I never buy new stuff she said yet you can buy what ever you want!

My wife has resisted shopping and at times has been resentful of the shopping that I do. Similar in tone to what your wife is saying about being able to buy whatever we want to buy. After lengthy discussions between she and I we have come to a good conclusion. It is not that I can buy whatever I want and she can't, it is that I like to shop and she does not. Why? This may be tough for some to hear, but I work hard to maintain my weight, and she has not. Which has kind of meant that I enjoy shopping, as I enjoy my shape. She has decided to not maintain her weight and thus has been quite resentful of her body and how clothes fit on her. She is constantly telling me that she does not like the size she is, but does not really do much to fit into a size she likes. Thus she does not really like to shop as she does not like the numbers on the tags.

The point being, she confused her own issues with shopping with my enjoyment of shopping. Easy mistake to make, but the wrong place to point her resentment.

[Stephanie47]

I think there needs to be some further discussion concerning your wardrobe, and, hence her wardrobe too. There is a total difference in the need or motivation in buying clothing. Your wife is probably thinking of the necessity to buy clothing, the functionality. How many ensembles does a woman need to wear for work? For play? For leisure? My wife has very few dresses. She is a jeans/pants/tops girl for work and informal functions. For formal functions she pulls out one of her dresses. If she has more than a dozen dresses, I'd be surprised. Underneath? I bet she has less than six full and half slips. My wife really cringes about buying a new dress at full price. She is really good at finding discounted attire. I will agree with her. I find all my dresses on eBay.

If your wife hates to shop for clothes then it's on her. Encourage her to buy something new that she likes for an occasion. Tell her how attractive she is wearing a dress. Take her out on a dinner and movie date. Tell her to buy some sexy (not ****ty) bra and panty sets.

Also, tell her your desire to wear women's clothing makes you feel better.

How do you hide it all? I don't know how much clothing you have, but, tell her you rather hang and store it in a closet rather than a suitcase, a duffel bag or the trunk of your car. My wife and I are in a DADT marriage. She has not said a word about my cross dressing. I do not tell her of my buying habits or the extent of my wardrobe. We are financially well off, so dabbling in our different hobbies does not break the budget, if we had one. If I pass away tomorrow, she'll find my wardrobe of 118 dresses, over 400 slips (collection), panties, heels, hosiery, bras, etc in sixteen Xerox boxes and then some.

Beware of the next hurdle. My wife accused me decades ago of buying her lingerie with the thought of how "I" would look in it. Although, we had gone for many years lingerie shopping for her before the "reveal" with lots of fun afterwards, she felt for a long time I had an alternative motive in buying her attractive or sexy clothing.

[Pat]

My personal observation is that whenever a wife compares herself unfavorably to her husband's cross-dresser personality the fuse has been lit and the bomb is going to go off. Whether it's "you look prettier than me" or "your clothes are better than mine" or whatever -- you have to get in and reassure her that she's wonderful or she's going to take it as implicit agreement that she is in some way lesser than your other self and badness will come of it. Just sayin'...

[cdsara]

She doesn't like shopping because of her figure and has a hard time finding stuff she likes that's not really expensive. I have never once said she shouldn't buy stuff because of the cost. I even buy her gift cards to her favorite stores to try and get her to shop.I figured she won't waste them if there already paid for.

[Suzie Petersen]

Sara: I have never once said she shouldn't buy stuff because of the cost. I even buy her gift cards to her favorite stores to try and get her to shop.I figured she won't waste them if there already paid for.

Ahhh .. see there is your problem! You are trying to apply logic to this!!! Nope! Wont work. Big trap for new players!! :)


Sara: She doesn't like shopping because of her figure and has a hard time finding stuff she likes that's not really expensive.

I think this is the key. Several others have mentioned this exact thing as the possible root too. She would probably like to shop for herself, if she knew she would like what she saw in the mirror.
This is unfortunately a super sensitive topic for many and hard to deal with. The solution of course is to get her to a point where she is happy with her figure, but damn you if you suggest that to her!
Healthy diet, strict limit on the wine consumption and an exercise program. But again, you probably won't survive the suggestion!
Maybe find her a good looking personal trainer!

- Suzie

[justmetoo]

Suzie's idea of a personal trainer made me wonder, what if you set up things with your wife to have a personal shopper help her? (just a thought, for what it's worth. 2 cents? a penny?)