not the plain vanilla cross dresser I thought I was

[MsVal]

At my therapist's recommendation, I bought and read an autobiography titled "She's Not There" by Jennifer Finney Boyd. ($10.67 from Amazon Kindle)

In it I read many of my own experiences, thoughts, and feelings. The book was a source of much introspection and the catalyst for several serious, tearful talks with my dear wife.

The conversations covered the past and current state of affairs, and where my marriage and myself appear to be heading. These talks were not easy, but necessary. The book and the talks provided a lot of material for today's therapy session.

It appears that I am not the plain vanilla cross dresser I thought I was. I'm beginning to contemplate and prepare for the next station of my journey, starting with asking my therapist what her qualifications are for seeing me though transition.

That was a very scary thing to ask. It took a long while to get the words out.

Best wishes
MsVal

[steftoday]

Best of luck. Some of the references my therapist game me to read were really, really insightful.

[Alex!]

Very interesting. Best wishes on the road that lays ahead!

[Teresa]

Val,
I'm still waiting for my next round of therapy and I'm prepared to hear the same assessment ! You've discovered something deeper driving your CDing and the feelings that go with it, I can understand how scary it feels. Your wife has been accepting over your CDing , now she has to come to terms with another chapter, I hope she's still able to give the same support.
If I do hear the same news I don't think I'll be jumping on the Bruce Jenner bandwagon, I just don't have the same support and I certainly won't be making any money from it !
When we get into our sixties how much do we alter our lifestyle to accommodate what we've known was inside all along ? Like you I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it !

[kimdl93]

I hope you'll remember that the therapist doesn't set a course for you, but rather should be helping you make and clarify your own assessment.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I read the book. but it is (almost) all about Jennifer, and not very much about her wife.

But, they are still married and in love years post transition.

[flatlander_48]

V:

When all is said and done, the only thing that we can be is Ourselves. Anything less is being someone else.

Time is much too short to be living somebody elses life...

(from I Ain't Movin' by Des'Ree Weeks & Jimmy Haynes)

DeeAnn

[Julie Denier]

All the best for your journey ahead ;)

[KimBarely]

Check out Head Over Heels and Alice in Gengerland. I liked them way more than She's Not There. Personal preference.

[Marcelle]

Hi Val,

I am glad to read you are taking time to discover yourself and are doing so with the help of a therapist. If this is truly the next step you need to take, you will know it deep in your core and it will make sense even if it goes with some pain (i.e., your relationship with your wife). However, I agree with Kim, remember your therapist is there to advise and listen and help you navigate the course you set. Good luck in your next step of this journey.

Hugs

Isha

[PaulaQ]

MsVal, I congratulate you on your willingness to confront your gender head-on. Look, I can't tell you "oh hell yeah, you should definitely transition, this is a walk in the park!" Because I have no idea whether it's right for you are not, and it's not an easy thing to do. But I can tell you that doing as you are doing, and facing these issues with rigorous honesty may very well save your life. It did for me. Hopefully you never face such dire straits, but being honest with yourself will serve you well.

The only other suggestion I have for you is that seek out the local trans community. There are a number of trans people in Michigan. Nobody should go through transition in isolation, and you'll need to talk to someone who "gets it", if you go that route and transition. Of course if you decide at some point, "this isn't for me", that's OK too.

If I can be of any assistance to you, please PM me and I'll give you my personal contact information.

Oh, one other thing. I'd caution you against making too many forward looking promises to your wife. The best thing you can do is tell her "when I know something pretty sure myself, you'll be the first to know just as soon as I know it," and then consistently follow through on that. It can be hard to know what you'll ultimately do. Also, I know that while the statistics for marriages surviving a transition are pretty grim, some do survive it. I certainly hope yours is one of those.

[Ivy]

Good luck MSVal. We must first be who and what we are. As it would be all of us have been confused, lost and seeking understanding at one time or another. I congratulate you on being yourself.

[Katey888]

Why am I a little surprised, but not shocked when I read this... :thinking: and I mean that in the nicest, possible way... :bighug:

All I can do is to wish you luck as I'm pretty certain that you, of anyone, will give this process both the deepest thought and the most sensitive consideration of what it will mean to you and your family.

Take care, MsVal, you may be yet another individual that proves how implausible the old "what's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual..." joke is... (she said, laden with irony... :lol:)

Like others here, I do believe that the concept of 'transition' takes many different forms for many different people - and I'm sure you'll find yours... :D

Katey x

[Dianne S]

Good luck, MsVal.

Please note that "She's Not There" describes just about the best-case scenario for someone who transitions.

If you really have to do it, you will, and you'll know it.

[mykell]

hi MsVal,
i hope the many hard truths that lay in your path will ultimately make you stronger, however far down the path you choose to go....go with all your heart, the small stuff will be figured out as you go, i wish you and your family well.....

[MsVal]

Thank you all for your good wishes. I'm pretty wobbly right now and greatly appreciate the kind words, both here and in PMs.

Some may remember back to when I joined this forum. I was a mess. I was scared by what was happening in my head, and afraid of what the future may bring. My first therapist said in my first appointment that I would likely transition and she would be glad to write the recommendation. That drove me right into deeper despair. I found another therapist that didn't think that was the case and have been with her since then. In spite of my several attempts to get her to forecast the future, she has kept the conversation and advice focused on the 'now'. She must be anticipating where I will be next, as she is always prepared for whatever I need. She's my life line.

I realize that the book documents only one very successful transition, and that from a single point of view. It is not likely to resemble my case, but it did serve to shake a lot of questions and thoughts out of the dusty corners of my mind.

My dear wife of nearly 30 years is sincerely wants to become comfortable having a transgender husband. She is restarting therapy with a well qualified therapist in the same practice as my therapist. We've been through MANY difficult times individually and collectively. This is not a walk in the park, but it's nothing we cannot handle.

I have been hoping to learn that this TG stuff is all the product of an over active imagination. I am sorely disappointed to say that does not seem to be the case. Inasmuch as it appears to be my permanent circumstance, I will make the best of it, lemons-to-lemonade style. "Ferndale Pride" this Saturday, and Samantha Rogers' "Detroit TG Invasion Mk III" a month from now.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Bria]

Best of luck in the coming months, I'll remember you in my prayers.

Hugs, Bria

[Kristy 56]

Best wishes for smooth sailing ahead. You seem to know what you want. :)

[Kandi Robbins]

Congrats Val for finding comfort (or at least beginning to) in the path you are headed down.

From our brief encounter, one thing was clear to me, you are a good and valuable human being and you deserve to be happy.