I lost my friend

[Crissy Kay]

I just found out that my long time cd friend,"Brenda", passed away back in march. She was a closet dresser like me. I do not believe any of her family knew about it, as she had told me that his wife did not approve of it. I only learned of it a few days ago by his facebook page. He had called me at the start of march, saying he was taking a break from cding. So , as I did not hear from him, I did not know anything was wrong. He passed later in march. I still have some of his clothes here. I will keep a couple things in her memory, and maybe donate the remaining items. I am not sure what to say if any of his family contact me. I would be happy to have any advice from anyone. I am feeling rather depressed at her passing, and not knowing about it either until now.

[Lori Kurtz]

So sorry for your loss. It's made extra-sad because of the secret nature of her relationship to you. I'm not sure why any of the family would contact you, but I don't think you need to worry about it. You were a friend. That's all you need to say. They'll appreciate your sympathy.

[Stephanie47]

I would just offer that your friend was a nice person. Offer condolences. I would only respond to direct questions and not offer any unsolicited comments concerning her cross dressing. If she took a break from cross dressing, she may have had a disease and was trying to expunge cross dressing from his life when he passed. I would think he would have tried to shield his wife from finding his feminine garments and accessories.

Sorry you lost a friend.

[Katey888]

Sorry to hear that Crissy... :hugs:

I think there's good advice here already - a confidence of trust that someone has placed in you should be kept that way. If the family doesn't know because that was the way Brenda wanted it then I think you should respect that. In the event that someone suggests or implies something (as we do know that sometimes people suspect things about us...) my advice would be to simply deny any knowledge and not to reinforce any suspicions, because you never know folks' real motivations for asking questions like that...

Katey x

[cdterri]

so sorry for your loss, as we age it happens more and more often. just cherish the time spent together

[Dana44]

Crissy, Sorry for your loss. You got a good messages from others. I would keep his secret and close to your heart. I know it is hard to lose friends like that.

[Crissy Kay]

Thanks so much, all of you. I will take your advice, and not say anything. I did post to his FB in male mode, as I do have an account there, and I was on his page, as a guy friend.

[cheryl reeves]

sorry for you loss,i know personally how much this hurts,i lost my best friend last yr.and it hurt real bad...

[CynthiaD]

I'm sorry for your loss Crissy.

The most valuable thing we have in life is the people around us. And when we lose one, the loss is tragic and irreplaceable.

[Alice Torn]

As a fellow single person, I know the pain, of losing friends recently to suicide, and disease. It is sad, but something better is ahead, for all. This world is a veil of tears.

[Byron]

Oh no, so sorry to hear that Crissy. :(

[Kristy 56]

Chrissy I'm deeply sorry for your loss. The grieving is never an easy process ,and you have my thoughts and prayers with this.

[flatlander_48]

C:

Sorry that things have worked out this way. It seems without closure, but that's how it happens sometimes. Hang onto the good memories.

DeeAnn

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry to hear you lost your friend. In the unlikely event that you are contacted by his family, just state that you'd become friends and leave are sorry for their loss. I wouldn't share any more unless they are more specific.

[Crissy Kay]

Thank you all for your very kind comments. I will respect his privacy, if they contact me.

[Nicole Erin]

Unless they were people you had regular contact with for reasons other than Brenda, you probably won;t hear from them. If you were going to, it would have happened by now. It has been at least two months and no word, right?

Further, if they do contact, it is not going to be to gossip about Brenda. Once people pass on, they are usually exempt from gossip. Even famous people get a free pass at that point.
I mean once someone is gone, they are gone. Loved ones remember only the fond things and enemies pretty much forget the person ever existed.

In other words, you will not be getting calls or messages asking if Brenda was CD.
Brenda's family loved him/her but everyone has moved on. Not saying that in a bad way but that is how it is when someone passes. People remember, grieve, say their final piece, and that is it. No one brings up silly gossip two months after the fact.