i got soo terrified

[danielle.cd]

ok so last year, one of my friends from work started to hang out with my family outside of work . my wife and his girlfriend started to walk everyday as to loose some weight and such ect... so i got to know my coworkers girlfriend pretty well and found that were are pretty much the same type of people. liking the same songs , tuff but emotional people . so we became friends, i let her in on my secret so that she didnt happen to see any pics on my computer by mistake while she was borrowing it. that for me was so hard to do cause i didnt want my coworker to find out .

well almost a year later and a dress up session with her around so she could see me in person , her and my wife would call me princess jokingly and i would play too but not when my coworker was around. then thye started to say that when he was around and i would just play along or act like i was ignoring them . when at a bonfire they started laughing and joking about it when he asked what they were laughing at they told him he wouldnt understand , he says oh and goes on about his buisness . the next day we go to there house and they start saying something from the boxtrolls about madam fufu. he just says u shouldnt have done it man . and im like what did she say to him . almost freaked out . but kept my cool . later i asked what she said . well he didnt just go on about his buisness the other night , i gues it almost caused a big fight so she told him that one year i dressed up as a women for holloween , i was like oooookkkkkay now what. all the other coworkers are gona find out and ill be outed and made fun uf . but his only coments were that i shoulda dressed up like a ninja. i dont evern say anything when hes said that i just laugh so hope fully it dont go anyfarther

[justmetoo]

OK, easier said than done, but I think the best way to handle such situations is to own it, learn to accept yourself and be confident when anyone questions what you do or who you are. Like I said, easier said than done. I have a ways to go myself in that regard.

[Sara Jessica]

Ditto, easier said than done but your best course of action is to own it. You may find that the world will utterly fail to explode.

[lingerieLiz]

I'm not sure I would own it. I would drop it and let it go. If he brings it up point out that a lot of guys have done it, so what. Ask why it bothers him. Some guys are just afraid they might catch it, what ever it is. You don't have anything to apologize for. If he continues he has problems. If he brings it up at work say sure I did it for halloween but didn't win any prizes.

[justmetoo]

What I mean by "own it" is to accept yourself, and not make excuses or apologies or try to downplay it. Don't act like it's shameful or something to be afraid of. For me, it's something I enjoy and it doesn't hurt anyone. It's part of who I am. That's what I mean by owning it. It doesn't mean you have to bring it up yourself, just that there's no need to back down if someone else brings it up. If they have a problem with it that's their problem, not mine.

[Victoria Demeanor]

I don't know, I kind of see this as a little problem. I understand why you told his girlfriend, but her and your wife kid around with you and it's nice that you have a little girl time with them. She is though in an intimate relationship with your coworker and little secretes are hard to keep from a loved one, they do tend to slip out.
My thought is, if this friendship is long lasting, you may want to prepare yourself. how do you think he would handle it?

[Jean 103]

I wouldn’t worry about it. I have been caught by people I know and nothing came of it. Now that I’m coming out it’s seems to be the same, not a big deal. I do live in CA but times have changed, the world is a different place. Yes I have been told that people laugh at me behind my back, now this is different as these people have seen me out dressed. After spending more time around them and talking to them I have gained their respect. I don’t do anything special I just talk and behave as I normally do.

[Teresa]

Danielle,
Once you've told someone outside the family they won't see the same implications and damage it might cause, I'm afraid you'll have to decide whether you're going along with it if more is said or try and totally deny it all !
Long term now you have the chance coming out is the easier long term option, you'll be able to live with it better than keeping it all canned up !

[sometimes_miss]

Ditto, easier said than done but your best course of action is to own it. You may find that the world will utterly fail to explode.

Or your world WILL explode. One incidence isn't definitive of being a crossdresser. If that's all he knows about, remember plenty of entertainers have done the drag thing over the years. And one masquerade doesn't brand you. You might get kidded about it but as long as that's all he knows you should be o.k..

OTOH, consider the worst things that could happen if you out yourself. If you're perfectly OK with all the things that can go wrong, then go ahead and come out. But it can be drastically life changing. It can cost you your job and even future jobs, your family, your friends. There's a huge NIMBY problem that we face; lots are fine with it until it hits a little too close to home. Even wives that are originally tolerant can be swayed when all of a sudden everyone knows that their man is a sissy.

Good luck.

[Vickie_CDTV]

One reason I advice people, if you are not going to transition at work, keep the dressing (and anything else the vanilla world might not understand) out of the workplace. Including telling coworkers, because you never know whether or not they will tell others.

[kimdl93]

Relax. It'll be ok. Really, just relax and let things play themselves out. Dressing on Halloween may be a big deal to some of us, but it really is just a costume for 90%.

[danielle.cd]

I choose to keep it minimal with letting friends know the whole deal ,one of the main resons i said anything to her was so my wife could talk with someone about me dressing and so she didnt see the pictures on my computer , im sure my coworker seen other guys on holloween dressed as women and has thought it wasnt a big deal , his comment about shoulda dressed as somethin else was cause they pick on me about dressing , and even if i were to own it so to say, it would be with people who know all about me, not half of the truth, and if word got out to my family that i dress in a regular basis it would destroy me right now, and im not putting my kids in that situation ,

[LeslieSD]

Everyone's situation is different. But a few things are common: crossdressing, just like sexuality, is not likely to change.

It is a simple and obvious statement. But it really took me a long time (decades) to really realize it (maybe still not fully yet). If that is not going to change and it is part of who I am, why should I be ashamed of it (again, easy said than done). Then what is so terrible of people knowing it. In fact, now I almost prefer that people do know it and accept it (and most who does does).

There are a lot of people of inspiration here, for example Isha who is coming out at work (in military none the less). That is the "owning it" that justmetoo mentioned. Enjoy it. Life is fun and that's why we are doing it.

[Beverley Sims]

Things like this make you aware tat you should be cautious all the time.

Often your past does come back to bite you.

[Stephanie47]

Secrets are best kept by one person. This is an illustration of outing oneself when not absolutely necessary. If one is comfortable letting everyone know, then don't hide it. If you feel there may be adverse consequences at the job, the church, the neighbors, etc, then one has to be selective concerning disclosures. There is a world of difference between letting a wife know a "secret," and everyone else. Generally, even a supportive wife is going to want selectivity in who gets to know about her husband's cross dressing.

I'd say just let it drop. What's going to happen is going to happen. However, I'd tell my wife to cool it with the jokes and innuendos. Tell her your concerns. I'd bet my last dollar your friend has already told her husband.

[BillieAnneJean]

The best way WOULD HAVE BEEN to keep what you want secret as a secret.

But maybe you really didn't want it to be a secret.

Now you will have to live with whatever happens.

I find it is better to think first. Consider all of the possible outcomes. Not do anything that may cause problems later.

The optimistic hoped for outcome is not guaranteed but might just be the outcome only with luck.