Please Knock, My Door is Open.

[Janice Ashton]

On Wednesday this week (05/27/15) I 'Came Out' to my work colleagues after notifying my senior bosses over the last previous two weeks that I am on a Transgender Journey and have been under the NHS since July 2012.

The initial reaction from my work colleagues to my news has been very positive and supportive, not knowing what is being said when I am not around the office may well be another story.

I have placed a notice on my office door asking employees (We have 8,000 on site) if they have any questions or concerns to please knock my door and ask me rather than listen to gossip!!
I will now be very interested to see who does come to see me or what will be the general reaction of staff over the next few weeks? As I work in a military environment this will be a particularly interesting time? So I now believe I am finally moving forward after much soul searching to make this declaration as for me this is the final step of coming out as all my friends (no family as such) all know about me.

Having read many posts on here of other people who have undergone this ordeal I now appreciate how they all felt?
Interesting Times Ahead!!!

[Jorja]

Congratulations Louise, you are headed for some interesting times ahead for sure. Not everyone will be on board with your decision. Do not let that get you down. Continue to do your best on the job and become the best person you can be. That is what will win over the majority of your colleagues. Answer the questions as they come but do not focus on your unique situation.

[Amanda M]

I can only wish and hope that it all goes well. Love Gloucestershire by the way. Used to live just south of Brizzle.

As I understand it, so long is you are not in a job where your coming out could not be seen as threat to national security (I'm thinking GCHQ here) you should be fine.

However Big Hug, and best wishes.

[Janice Ashton]

Thank you Jorja and Amanda for your kind words and wishes

[Leah Lynn]

Congratulations Louise. May it be smooth sailing here on out.

Hugs,

Leah

[Karolyn]

Congratulations!!

I have done a similar announcement 2 months ago, in a building of 500 people, and even if I asked people to come to see me if they have questions, or email, and even if I asked in person a bunch of people to come to me if they hear bad rumors, I haven't had a single person come by. Despite that, everything goes very well so far. So, if nobody comes to you, do not jump to conclusions. Consider it more like a compliment: people see you as "normal", nothing to see, and life continues. That is what you want in a sense.

[Nigella]

I transitioned "in job" as it were. The Company and I agreed that the best way to "advise" others of my impending transition was to do it in writing to each and every staff member.

Sandra and I signed the letter, because she worked at the same place, and stated quite clearly that we were open to questions and would rather they get their facts from the horses mouth. I got a few asking questions, but the majority accepted it. Almost 2 years on from SRS, I get some questions still, however, the surprising thing I have found out is, a number of colleagues have since told me how they have "researched" transexualism and some have even watched videos of SRS procedures.

You may be a 5 minute sensation, but as you go through your transition, you will become part of everyday life, as Karolyn has said, if no one speaks to you about your transition, don't worry about it, just be ready.

[Janice Ashton]

Leah, Karolyn and Nigella,

Thank you for you kind comments and sharing experiences it all helps and I appreciate this;

[Rachel Smith]

That was such a weight off my shoulders. I am happy for you and hope it lessens your load as it did mine.

[Dianne S]

Congratulations! That must be a huge weight off your shoulders.

I doubt many people will come by to ask questions. Most won't be that interested and those that are will feel awkward about knowing how to ask. In my experience, only very few people other than close friends and family are curious enough to actually ask questions and confident enough to do it without feeling intrusive or awkward.

[PretzelGirl]

I will echo Dianne. I as so prepared to answer questions and even stated it in each "coming out" talk. It ended up being extremely few and it actually threw me off because I expected so much more. So be ready for anything and don't read into the results. It just is......

[Janice Ashton]

Rachel, Dianne and Sue,

You go before me so know what to expect? All valuable advice as I face the early days of the news spreading at work;

Many thanks

[Dianne S]

Hi, Louise,

I'm not sure my experience will be all that helpful to you because I am in the relatively unusual situation of owning my own small business. So when I came out to my employees, I had no concerns about HR having problems with it. The power balance was in my favour so it went very smoothly.

Most of my employees have had no problems accepting me. One of them did; we were supposed to have a videoconference with a customer and he claimed last-minute that the camera on his laptop was broken and we could only do audio. I didn't challenge him in front of the customer, but afterwards I made it very clear that I am who I am, I'm not ashamed of it, and only I have the right to decide if I want to be seen by a customer. He apologized and said he meant no harm, but felt the customer was just been curious and that he was trying to protect me. I think he was telling the truth, but I told him I don't need that sort of protection.

I also came out to all our customers since many of them deal with me for technical support. Out of more than 1,000 customers, I received about 25 responses, every single one of them positive, as well as one response from someone who said she was also trans (but closeted) and was very happy that I'd come out. I do expect that some of our customers will have negative attitudes, but they're business people so if they have something nasty to say, they just won't say anything because there's no point.

[Janice Ashton]

Thank you Dianne,

The point of being the person you are and not needing others to make decisions for you irrespective!! is a very valid point. I am who I am is sound, strong advice and not being frightened of being the real you. Every piece of advice I have received from the people on this site is valuable and much appreciated

Thanks

[PretzelGirl]

What I was getting at is that you won't always have questions. I was really prepared to be the grand educator and ended up dealing with my own struggle that I wasn't getting questions. I actually asked a couple of confidants why no one was asking a thing. They said that they like me, accept me, and respect me; so they accepted it for what is was and had nothing to ask. The end point is don't be taken aback if no one says a thing. Sometimes it just works and there we are braced for the impact that never comes.

[Barbara Black]

What a good idea to encourage them to talk to you rather than listen to gossip. Congratulations and lots of happy times ahead!!

[Karen62]

Louise, good for you! I have had the "big reveal" to almost everyone I can think of in my personal life (only one volunteer group Board of Directors to go and that's it, and that'll be next weekend) -- all except at work, where I remain stealth. I have already come out to the Director of HR, the Benefits team, and the LGBT support group leadership (who are working with me to get the company to change it stance on so far choosing NOT to provide trans healthcare benefits), but not yet to my direct team and daily colleagues. That day is coming, though, so I am biding my time. I am just not ready to go full time yet (the wretched old-guy-in-a-dress paranoia), but HRT is doing it's work, albeit slowly, and I am still settling in to this life after decades of denial and repression. I figure sometime between this fall and next spring I will follow in your shoes. Thanks for being an inspiration.

Karen

[Janice Ashton]

Thanks Sue,

Funny you should mention no one saying a thing, most have been positive and wish me well with offers of support, one person has asked to be enlightened more?Claiming to be 'Old School' and not understanding my position but left the office more enlightened and happier, and one who has said they don't want any change just for me to carry on being the manager I am? Which in affect is quite nice but not practical for me. There are five women in the department I manage all of which have been very positive and supportive the remaining (men) appear as you say quiet with no questions yet say they are supportive

Thank you Barbara for the nice comments:

Karen,

I, like you, have faced the years and years of wanting to 'Come Out' but held back all the time and the Old Man in a Dress (born too soon) syndrome has applied, whereas, today I look on with envy (I know I shouldn't) at the opportunities the younger Transgender people have today.
Yet I can still realise the fear of what coming out in the 60's 70's before and beyond would have done to people like us. So this is why I hold in such 'Great Esteem' those who did follow their dream in those years and were exceptionally brave to face the world as they did. I have nothing but the greatest respect and admiration for the way they have paved the way for so many today. So to you good luck when you finally take the plunge!!

[Angela Campbell]

I also asked everyone to talk to me if there were any questions. No one did. It was just business as usual.