What does being TG mean to you?

[CarlaWestin]

I'm using the term transgender as a broad spectrum to pick up all of us that venture out of our narrowly defined initial biological gender label determination. So, what does your proclivity mean to you? For me it's everything going on in the life where I'm not crossdressed is just a fairly boring holding pattern while I wait for the opportunity to get back to my comfort zone. Right now I'm in my natural state but, wife just announced that she was awake and for me to get dressed. I'm already dressed. Bra, forms, wig, earrings, tight t-shirt, jean skirt, barefoot, lipstick, clean shaven (no panties! shhhh! don't tell) But, I know what she means. The holding pattern until tomorrow morning.

So, is it like that for you? And, y'all that are lucky enough to be able to dress as you please 24/7, does that become a holding pattern till you can present as the original label again?

[Jean 103]

I’m not sure, I’ve been having too much fun to slow down and think about it. It has and is becoming a larger part of my life and I have decided to come out before friends and people I work with find it out from someone else. At work I’m a guy, some of what I do is go out in the field and work with the guys. This like the project we are working on now is sometimes dangerous. You need to trust and rely on each other. It’s not all fun but it’s not boring. Currently I go out once or twice during the week at night and weekends. This is about all I can handle for now as Jean is high maintenance. That’s just part of being a girl.
Love Jean

[kimdl93]

My life has been improved in many respects by gaining an understanding and even embracing myself as transgendered. All those years of uncertainty and self doubt took a toll on my sense of self worth and adversely impacted upon my relationships with others. It's as though a burden has been lifted.

[Pat]

What does being TG mean to me? It's the answer to a question I had about myself for a long time. It doesn't really change my behavior but it changes my perception of myself and my comfort with my behavior. That and it means I'm one of the cool kids... ;)

[Heidi Stevens]

I am one of those who came to the TG revelation later in life. A couple of years ago I realized I was more than just a cross dresser, there was something more going on. I started doing my home work and finally decided to be myself. I told my wife and worked that hurdle out, got into therapy and began to resolve my feelings.
So now I'm on HRT trying to get my apparent female self in line with my body. The therapy and HRT has me feeling better than I've been in decades. Contrary to a lot of folks on the site, I am not pursuing life as a woman full time. I love my wife and want to please her as much as as can. To do this, I have to present as a male, and right now that's ok with me. I'm happy, my mind is at peace, my life partner is with me and she give me time to express my femininity with out destroying our relationship. So you could say that being TG can be more than just a cross dresser or a transwoman. There's a lot room in the middle.

[Rachelakld]

While on "holding pattern" I need distractions, yesterday was clear coat paint my car and feed branches in to the shredder. This "holding pattern" is good for work and house hold maintenance, so it has invaluable uses, but tension levels are to high to maintain a health body.
My relaxed (de-stressing) state is way more fun

[CynthiaD]

Being TG means I'm one of the lucky ones. I love being TG, and wouldn't change for the world.

But I'm not sure that's really what you were asking. I think you meant something more like "How does being TG affect the pattern of your life?" And my answer to that is "not much." I can dress whenever I want, and do so at virtually every opportunity. The time that I spend in drab is stressful, because I'm wearing the wrong clothes, but these times are relatively short and I'm usually too busy to fret about it.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I consider myself TG. I am not a transsexual which is either a farther point on the spectrum or something else again. I don't know and really don't care. I love being Lisa, yet I give her up for the warmer months. I am not unhappy in my body and actually wouldn't do anything major to change it (except lose weight!!). I guess I may be dual natured, but again, I don't know.

[Angie G]

The only time I'm in drab is outside the house "Work shopping famil things. At home with just wife here it Angie from just a skirt to full out dressed.Even in bed sleeping.:hugs:
Angie

[MonicaMarie]

It means being a human being who is in touch with one's place on the gender spectrum and that is comfortable exploring it, regardless of how in opposition it is to the narrowly-defined societal norm.

[candykowal]

Hi Carla! ...she is a soul sister if ya don't know.
Well, hmmmm....I am kind of like you Carla, in that "holding pattern" seems to be a little busier than in past years.
The joy of dressing and going out with like minded friends is all I plan for, dream of, and try to do, as much as possible.....
...without letting the genie out of the bottle.
Being girly is my comfort zone and it's has been the one constant throughout my life, since I was a pre-teen!
Dressing is a big part of being comfortable with myself.
Being contoured and shaped in lingerie, feeling silky and smooth, and looking and feeling pretty sure can be relaxing!:daydreaming:
Going out with friends and being seen in public while doing all the things girls take for granted is so fun!
The whole package is a BIG piece of heaven for me!:battingeyelashes:
...love you sister! BTW,Carla has the nicest collection of girly things anyone could ask for!

[njcddresser]

What a great thought provoking question! For me it is continuing to embrace and accept that this is who I am. Be happy with the person that I am. Continue to grow and enjoy this special part of me and to live and love every minute of my life.

I continue to push the envelope to now include panties full time. Eye brows shaped very feminine and now wear perfume every day. Who know what tomorrow may bring but I'm ready for it

[Dana44]

Wow, what TG means to me. It is a broad spectrum. Yet I would say I'm a transvestite(Crossdresser). But if TG fits above that. then that's what it would be for me.

[donnalee]

To me, it means a unification of many parts of myself that seemed to be at cross-purposes most of my life, whether it fits in someone else's categories or not; it's taken me a very long time to arrive at this point and I glory in it; sort of like a personal field unification theory/realization

[sometimes_miss]

What it means to me, is that though I'm a guy, when I feel crossdressesed is when I'm in men's clothing. Dressed as a girl I don't really feel, well, anything. So there is that 'should be this, but isn't' thing going on. It helps me get by, by remembering my ex, who hated wearing bras, and loved the cooler season so she could go braless under her sweatshirts. So when I have to go out, I just consider it doing the very same thing.

[ErikaS]

What is TG well to me as I have become and embraced what and who I may be as a TG person. I have made the choice to wear all women clothes every day i dont wear forms but what i do wear is all women. I have begun to see a therapist after 10 long years of not understanding . Me. I know that i just may be a CD but with Therapy and support people my understanding of What being TG is to me.

Erika

[Stephanie47]

I do not like the term "transgender." The word does not have a clear distinct definition. That leads to confusion. If someone was to ask me where I fit into the spectrum, I'd say "I like to wear women's clothing on occasion." "I don't know why I do this," which is what I tell my wife. "Why?" is totally different than "How I feel when I do it." Yes, because it brings me a feeling of peace and tranquility, and, an escape from whatever is bothering me I do this.

If you ask the average person on the street to define "transgender," I think the majority of people would say the term describes a "transsexual," a person "trapped in the wrong body."

If you ask the average person on the street to define a "cross dresser," I think the majority of people would say the term defines a "man who wears women's clothing."

I really do not like terms that are too general and encompass too many variables. Just spit it out and say what you are.

[DMichele]

I accept that transgender is an umbrella-like term used to describe a host of gender related 'thingies'. Personally I relate to being ambigender. By my estimate ~65% feminine and 35% masculine. Although I do not wear women's clothing 24/7, I do underdress 24/7 M-F, and dress age-appropriately on weekends.

I have come to terms and accept my gender identity. As others have expressed it removed a burden that I waded through for 5+ decades. Through patience and perseverance I have become me, and today the world is more colorful versus the shades of gray of the past. It's been a liberating experience (and I thank the ladies here) coming to terms with my GID. The result is I am happy and more sure of myself and my future.

The revelation and acceptance has smitten me with the desire to strive to be more feminine - mostly in subtle ways. But I have a mental list of enhancements and wants from laser removal of facial hair, pierced ears, to just about the hole-nine yards (but the CFO - i.e. masculine side, controls the spending). Also, my health has benefitted from all this as I take better care of my body, watch what I eat and drink, exercise regularly, and get annual check ups, et al.

I believe it is matter of time before I share with my children that I am transgendered; and I believe they will be open to the news.

I just realized that I needed to reflect on this topic - thanks for raising it.

[Kate Simmons]

To myself it means taking the liberty to do things that are "normally" associated with being the opposite physical sex.:battingeyelashes::)

[AnnieMac]

It means never having to say you're sorry.

[CarlaWestin]

Thank you all for your insightful answers. It's reassuring that others have the same feelings as I do.

And Candy dear, you're just an angel.

[Karen RHT]

I'm using the term transgender as a broad spectrum to pick up all of us that venture out of our narrowly defined initial biological gender label determination. So, what does your proclivity mean to you?

My proclivity to cross dress confirms I still have a sense of adventure. That I'm still willing to explore and overcome challenges, and seek new experiences. My proclivity helps keep me young, vibrant, and involved.


Karen

[flatlander_48]

Realizing that I am a transgender person has allowed me to be pretty comfortable with myself when I present as female. Every now and then the notion comes up that I'm doing something weird, but that seems to be happening less frequently. That said, I have nothing against my male self. I think that giving freedom to my female size has actually helped my male side understand a bit better how the world actually works as a function of gender. That would have to be a positive...

DeeAnn

[PaulaQ]

It's meant terrible fear for most of my life up until the last two years. It's meant that I felt like a prisoner for most of my life. It's meant that most of my life is simply this meaningless thing that happened to me, that I pretended to be something that I just wasn't. It's meant I never asked for a thing I wanted. I didn't dare. It meant I lived my life for others - never for myself. I had no real idea who I was as a person. I didn't want to know. In the end, it meant that I prayed for death.

Now, I simply live my life. I'm happy. I don't feel afraid. I know myself now - at least far better than I ever did before. Knowing that being transgender is real, that I'm not some kind of a horrible deviant, but just a rather unusual type of woman, has meant I could live my life for real now. I transitioned. I became who I was always supposed to be.

[Michelle789]

Very well said Paula!!! We have many layers in our lives, and we peel each layer away to find out what is preventing us from living life to the fullest. For me there are at least four major layers.

1. My father
2. Alcohol
3. Gender
4. My fear of what others think

Let's address each of these issues.

1. My father was certainly a part of repressing my ability to be my authentic self. I dare not ever talk about gender issues in front of my father. In fact, as much as my mom is WAY more open-minded, as a kid and teenager, I was afraid to even talk to her about my gender issues.

I feared that my father would just tear me down in every way imaginable, to possibly disowning me - something that I could not afford as a kid. He also drummed into my head to "be good" so doing something like exploring my gender identity, which goes against my father's and society's wishes, was just not in the cards.

I was afraid that my mom would be very worried about me, and that there is something wrong with me. Not to mention that I was afraid my mom would ask me why I would want to give up privileges of being a male.

Sometimes it's hard to express exactly what I was feeling as a kid or teenager, and maybe I just instinctively knew that telling my parents how I felt was just going to create unnecessary trouble. And trouble was something my father forbid. He wanted us to appear to be the "perfect family" and anything that rocked that "perfect family" image would be disastrous.

To make matters worse, my family wasn't religious. In fact, my father hated religion. Yet a part of me always wanted to go to church and find a path to God. For some strange reason, my parents, in spite of being non-religious (my father being a complete atheist) sent me to a Christian school for high school. My dad told me during my first month of school that "you're there for an education, not to learn Christianity." Did he really think that I could go to that school, every day, for four years of my life, and not be influenced by them? Wow, I am so amazed by how stupid and illogical my father, who is an engineer, can actually be. For someone so smart, he can be really, really dumb sometimes.

Naturally, I was very influenced by the Christian message, and even started believing in what they told me. I participated in weekly chapels in the school, although there was no way for me to possibly attend church outside of schools. After I graduated, I was able to leave it behind, but I was still forever touched by my experience at that school.

My family also opposed alcohol - they never even served wine at holiday gatherings. They downright opposed alcohol. My father was also very anti-social, and my brother was becoming anti-social too. My mom suffered through a lot of failed friendships due to the negative influence of my father.

My father and brother also spend an enormous amount of time and energy talking about everything that is wrong with the world. Oh, and my mom and dad fight all the time. All of my family problems just became worse as I got older.

I was also quite social in high school, especially with a few girls. Sadly, they turned into bullies and became very mean to me. I became friends with another group of both boys and girls during my last year. I ended up losing contact with everyone from my high school after I graduated.

So I finally broke away from my family for the first time when I went to college. However, something was still missing. Even when I got a job and became financially independent of my family, something was still missing.

2. In college, I started drinking. I thought that by drinking, that I could fit into college, by doing what everyone else was doing. That by drinking, it would be easier to socialize and make friends. I became too cynical about religion to attempt to go down a Christian path in college (even though I had the opportunity to do so). Eventually, what started out as social drinking, and just an attempt to fit in, quickly turned into a way to numb out all my problems.

I was more social in college and grad school. I still had lots of rocky friendships during my drinking years.

When I turned 22, I moved to California to go to grad school, got my own apartment, with no roommates. I also got my very own stash of women's clothes. I spent a lot of my free time CDing and drinking. I would often drink while dressed, in my own apartment, and not go out anywhere. I first took on the name Michelle when I was 22 (even though I was completely closeted, no one knew about this).

Publicly, I was living as a man. I would sometimes still drink with friends, but I found my friendships crumbling. I found that I faced a lot of difficulty with my drinking friends. They were very mean to me, and went beyond just teasing me about being gay or a girl. They would often take advantage of me, make lots of jokes (beyond gay/girl jokes) about me, and even sometimes try to fight me physically. I wasn't good at physical fighting - in fact I saw no point to it. It just isn't in my nature to fight back physically nor verbally.

3. I hit a rock bottom with drinking 8 years ago and was forced to stop drinking. I started going to AA meetings and began to find my path to God. I still felt something was missing though. My gender issues really started coming to the forefront. I continued to CD privately. Publicly I tried to be the man that society told me that I am supposed to be.

Part of me still wanted to find a Christian message, but I didn't want to go to church dressed as man, nor did I want to go to any church that preached hate or intolerance towards transgender people. I was so torn on the inside.

I started seeing a psychic to help me with my problems. She clearly saw the girl in me, although her approach was to try to make a man out of me. She didn't want me to lose those feminine qualities I had in me, but thought that I needed to learn how to be a man, and to start dating women, as a man. I clearly resisted all her attempts. I made excuses to not date. I signed up for an online dating service. I really made a profile. I hardly ever went on there.

I did one thing successfully though, for the first time in my life I was being socially successful. For the first time, my friendships were stable. I made friends with a mix of men and women, both from work and from AA. I found that I prefer the company of women, though, even though I had some good quality male friendships too.

By 2011, the psychic was relentlessly pushing me towards dating. I knew this would be disasterous. I had no desire whatsoever by this point to date women as a man. In fact, I wasn't sure if I liked men or women. But I knew one thing for sure, that I was not going to be the man in the relationship. I was not going to try to act like a man that I am not. I was not giving up CDing either.

And on top of that, I never related to the CDers saying that they're men, and will never transition. I felt like I really was a woman, and that I might transition some day.

I finally spoke with the psychic about my gender issues two years ago, and she gave me a 30 minute rant on how being a woman sucks, and how I am unappreciative of my male privilege, and how gender confusion comes from the devil. I should have told her so do psychic abilities. Actually, I don't believe that psychic abilities are from the devil, but a lot of people out there believe that. I do believe that most psychics are con artists and frauds. I fired the psychic on August 11, 2013, after seeing her for over 5 years.

So I had several layers preventing me from being my true self. Gender dysphoria. My father. Alcohol. Society. Caring way too much what others think of me. Religious struggle -which is a complex issues in itself. A family who hates religion. Going to a Christian school. Desire to find God. Wanting to go to a church that will accept me as I am, but not sure if one even existed. All of these things are intertwined and work together creating a complex system of things all working against me.

So when I started living my life publicly as a woman, I finally found freedom. I finally wanted to start living life. I have become WAY more social since transitioning. I have a boyfriend, whom we've been together for almost a year. I started going to church. I found a church that is accepting of transgender people and where I can go as a woman - MCC. Cody goes there too with me every Sunday - well he goes if he doesn't have to work.

4. Perhaps gender dysphoria combined with a tyrant of a father made it difficult for me to ever stand up to him, so breaking away from him was the only way to gain freedom. I still struggle emotionally with my father though, and I still carry on his programming in my head. Something I need to work on.

So while my family did play a huge role in preventing me from being my authentic self, I realized that gender dysphoria was the most underlying component. Certainly, living with my family as a kid made it nearly impossible to deal with GD. The only outlet I had was occasionally sneaking my mom's clothes when no one was home, and I did everything I could to prevent being caught. Btw, Caitlyn Jenner did the same thing too.

Moving 3000 miles away from my family was necessary to truly be able to explore my gender identity. But ultimately I needed to come out of the closet, to transition, to live life. And taking hormones helped a lot too. Going on HRT made me feel more relaxed, appear more relaxed to everyone else. HRT is not only feminizing my face and my body, but allows me to be in touch with my feelings more, and I consequently cry way more. And I love it. I am so grateful I get to cry, and to feel, and to live, and to breathe.

For me, this was a complex web of interconnected problems that were related, yet unrelated at the same time. Terrible fear of what everyone else would think. Especially my father, who is the biggest opponent of my transition.

I am grateful to be a part of an AA group that accepts me as I am. I am grateful to be part of a church that accepts me as I am. I am grateful to have a boyfriend that accepts me as I am. I am grateful to be able to live my life to the fullest since I have transitioned. Ultimately, I needed to live my life as a woman to be able to actually live, and to be able to explore anything else in life.

So everyone, this is what being transgender means to me.

[flatlander_48]

Wow, I am so amazed by how stupid and illogical my father, who is an engineer, can actually be.

We compartmentalize very well...

DeeAnn

[Marie-Claude, France]

For me, it is not a symbol, being TG is just an attribute of my personality.
Not being a symbol, this implies that there is no meaning associated...

[Jennifer0874]

For me it means there is some duality to who I am. There was a time I was a very good athlete and was probably seen as very masculine. I was also hiding a secret that there was a very feminine side to me.

As I've gotten older I've maintained that masculinity while not being afraid to express my feminity to others. I would say that I now have more traditionally feminine interests that I pursue.

[pamela7]

Do I feel TG? Does being CD make me TG? Does feeling urges along transitioning lines make me TG?
I don't know. Being TG to me would be saying "I'm female in a male body." I'm not at that place. To me I'm a man who loves pink and dresses.
Being part of a community that embraces who/how I am has great tribal meaning to me; I feel a homeliness among diversity. If our label is TG then cool.