Is there a dead end to crossdressing?

[adrienner99]

Do you sometimes feel that crossdressing has a dead end? You've spent hundreds, probably low thousands buying women's clothes over the years. You've gone out in public, at times felt comfortable, but you know you don't pass. You've explored where you are on the CD spectrum and found it a hard thing to pinpoint. You yearn to be feminine but are sure, at least pretty sure you are not TS. You take photos of yourself dressed up; if you're very lucky you find a GG or other CD to be good friends....is that it? Is that as far as most of us will take this obsession?

I am thinking it is kind of like being a serious runner. You've achieved your personal best time at some distance. You aren't going to surpass it. But you still love to run.....and I still love to dress. Maybe that is enough...

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

Right now, I don't think it's ever about the "destination", but about the journey. Once upon a time, I used to love to run. I ran for the sheer sake of running. Not to outpace anyone, not to beat some "personal best", but because the feel of feet against pavement and wind in face felt like... Felt like flying, I guess... I didn't like to compete with others, the measuring sticks were all wrong. I ran because running was good.
Does (or can) crossdressing do that for you?

Just to clarify, I am not trying to equate "running" and "crossdressing". It was intended as an example of something I used to do simply for the sake of itself. I didn't run to go anywhere, I ran because the sheer act itself was pleasurable.

If I were going to make analogies, I'd go with Katie's... It is art. Creative and delightful. It is a symphony in form and fashion, every movement part of a dance which creates the music to which it moves... It is the pleasure of being both wired and peaceful, excited yet perfectly still... It is delight of self, and self awareness. Abstract AND concrete...

Dichotomous to say the least.

[justmetoo]

No dead end for me, because I'm not going somewhere with this. I'm just being me. For me it's not a destination or journey so much as it's self-expression. If that makes sense.

[AKKaren]

:battingeyelashes:Sigh....This is about how I feel too. You reach a point in your life where you just strike a balance and be at peace with your life.

[Andrea Renea]

I don't see an end. Soon to be 58 years old. More comfortable in my life than ever.

Maybe when I get too old remember I'm a crossdresser.

[lostinmyworldcd]

As shallow as I may sound ..... I think there might be a dead end for some of us .....

I envy you girls that can easily pull off passing as female .....

I don't think I will ever be able to ..... sigh

If I had been born with more girly features ......

I probably would have crossed over ...... long ago

[cheryl reeves]

to me its about the journey and exploring,not the end game,for the only end to this is either transition or death

[Rachael Leigh]

Great question and for me when it's to this point where it's made a mess of a relationship its like what now? I've made the mess so do I just accept the mess or stop dressing and move on with life

[kimdl93]

For me, no. The end has never been to pass nor to complete a CD bucket list. The end is in being myself, feeling I synch inside and out.

[Pat]

You've gone out in public, at times felt comfortable, but you know you don't pass.

Maybe the issue is trying to pass. You're not a woman, you know you're not a woman -- why are you trying make people think you're a woman? If you accept that you're a man, then accept that you're a crossdressed man and a lot of tension rolls off. Interact with people as a crossdressed man who is in control of his life and is happy with it -- most people have never seen such a creature and there's a chance they'll be delighted to know you exist. And maybe you'll be delighted to know you exist as well. ;)


I am thinking it is kind of like being a serious runner. You've achieved your personal best time at some distance. You aren't going to surpass it. But you still love to run.....and I still love to dress. Maybe that is enough...

So there you've answered your own question, right? It's not a dead end. You still love it.

[Katey888]

It is a thoughtful question... :)

I don't think it's like running - to me it's more like a combination of listening to music and a creative art... I like to listen to all types of music, some I come back to again and again, and I'll often discover new stuff that I like... but it has no end objective and I will still keep doing it until I drop dead or go deaf! <Pardon?>

The creative part is more about discovering other outlets and ways of doing something - I could spend a long time messing with makeup and different wigs, and have done... I have spent a long time doing this solo, and then I went out... maybe I'll spend some more time solo and then go out a bit more, try something different... I like the idea that this is about self-expression - for me it is definitely about 'self' and trying to find that indefinable other part that makes my being whole and harmonious...

I sometimes get the feeling that the forum can instill a kind of accepted flowchart for us: find the forum - take pictures - practice some more - bin the mini-skirts - get blendable - get out! - do clubs - do shopping - do hormones... :eek: OK - maybe not so far... ;) It's easy to be sucked into wanting to emulate the 'successes' we hear about but then we've lost sight of what is right for us as individuals... It's that self-acceptance, self-fulfilment and self-actualisation that's important for me... that we're all doing what we feel is right and balanced and not just 'keeping up with the Janes's', pardon the pun, and with due deference to any Janes.. :)

Don't take this wrong, but it helps to step back from this forum on a regular basis and get some individual grounding... :thinking:

Katey x

[carhill2mn]

I don't see an "end". For me it is continuing to enjoy as much of my life en femme as I can.

[Sandie70]

As Cheryl said in the thread: it's about the journey. And as far as wanting to pass? Maybe I never will, but the fun of it all for me is to get as close to that as I can - and to relish all that happens as I work to do this. Inch by inch I work toward that goal.

And I think having a goal is very important... even if it's one that may seem to be impossible. You latch on to your goal and then enjoy the trip. And frankly, I don't see how I will ever run out of things to discover about crossdressing, or myself. Like an onion, I strip away some revelation or discovery only to find more waiting for me.

No, I don't think the journey will ever end... at least until I stop breathing.

[Dana44]

I dont think there is one for me. I have many things on the bucket list to go and accomplish.

[Adriana Moretti]

there was a time i feLT I hit a dead end with crossdressing. There is only so many times you can dress up in your closet and prance around the mirror before you turn into a hermit. I got lonely, and bored with that and felt it was time to get OUT of the closet , and socialize and meet others like myself in person. At times...even THAT has had its fill lately...there is only so many times you can go to the SAME places & see the same faces , so I try to get out further, and meet as many new people, and go to as many new places as I can....I just keep saying " Ok...whats next? Looks like next weekend will be Philly....I have not been there yet.....Detroit in July.....and hopefully Fire Island for the 4th of July too.....keep it interesting

[ShayLeigh Dominique]

Scotti,

If you look, you will find that there are GGs out there who look far worse in a dress than you do... The art of femininity (and it is an art) is to accentuate the positive and deemphasize the negative. Supermodels (VS Angels in particular) don't look very impressive without makeup... If you can find the right clothes to flatter your figure and the right makeup style to emphasize the good and deemphasize the bad you will look and feel a whole lot better about yourself and your presentation.

Just remember, no matter whether you believe you "can" or "can't" you are always right...

[pamela7]

bin the mini-skirts

Sacrilege, Katey!!! While I might not wear them to go to the shops, at home they're lush!

As to the OP, is this a dead-end (and an acceptance of enjoying what is)? I never knew the direction when it began, there are no roads here, yes I've settled into an accomodation and life now has to go on.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

the idea that there is a progression is wrong..i

maybe people find out more and more who they are but you are who you are the whole time...

how can finding that out for yourself be a dead end?? as a ts person finding out and living as myself was a holy grail.



i

[Kandi Robbins]

Well put and certainly something I've thought about.

I don't think I am anything more than a crossdresser as I do not wish to dress more frequently than I do. I have begun to structure my life to allow for a weekly or bi-weekly opportunity to get dressed and put myself in comfortable positions. It's not different than my everyday life. If I felt like stopping somewhere to grab a beer and watch a game, there are certain places I would not go and others where I would feel quite comfortable. Same here. Now if I were or become something more than a crossdresser, than it could be considered a dead end into something else. Transitioning or depression or something else. Not sure, but I don't think I'm headed that way. Despite the fact that I have been out in public only a few months, this has been a lifelong struggle and I think I have finally wrestled it into a situation that best suits me.

To use your analogy about running (which I also do), as I age, I'll make changes, adapt, lose interest, ramp up, who knows? All I know is that right now, I have never been happier with ME and my life in general and admitting who I am has been the catalyst. That and a loving and accepting wife and the two greatest children I could ever have hopes and prayed for. Life is good right now, and this type of introspection is helpful.

[CynthiaD]

In the beginning, you learn a lot of new things, and have a lot of new experiences. But eventually this will come to an end. This doesn't mean you've come to a dead end. It means you've "graduated" from the learning phase to the "living your life" phase. So, go out and start living!

[justmetoo]

I guess for some of us crossdressing is a sport and for others of us it's an art. :) (just being lighthearted here; I don't mean to imply those are the only options)
I'm in the artist camp, but strictly amateur. :D

[larry]

I agree--When I am dead I will stop..

[Robin777]

I don't see an end. Soon to be 58 years old. More comfortable in my life than ever.

Maybe when I get too old remember I'm a crossdresser.

I'm with Andrea. I am also soon turning 58 this year. I enjoy it too much to stop. If I get so old and I can't remember anymore what I am doing,then I will probably stop.

[Mink]

I agree--When I am dead I will stop..

not even death will stop me!

[TrishaLake]

Personally, I never tried to pass, I think I look good. I love the way it feels especially in the bedroom. I am satisfied of how this has turned out and happier now then ever. The more my wife accepts it the better I feel. It took a long time to get here.

[S. Lisa Smith]

I'm having fun. I'm happy where I am. It may be I'm enjoying the journey, or it may be I'm at a successful conclusion. For me I can get by without thinking about it so much. I hope you find your happy and peaceful place!!

[Jenniferpl]

No end in sight for me. My vision is not finite. More like the curvature of the earth. The more I travel along the journey, the more I experience. Always something new to experience. As with any journey you can either adapt and evolve or shrink and wilt. I have chosen and learned to live with a strong feminine side and I believe am a better person for it.

[Brandy Mathews]

I have to agree with you completely, that is so true.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[docrobbysherry]

Here's the answer. But, I can't take credit for it: "Life's a beech and then u die". :sad:

If THAT doesn't give u prospective? How about this one? Also, not mine: "In a 100 years, all new people". None of which will know r care anything about the clothes u wore!:heehee:

[SharonDenise]

I feel that I'm slowly evolving. Until my wife passed last year, I only shared my secret and practice with her at home. I had only experimented a little bit with make-up. Now, I'm a member of this forum and a member of a cross dresser support group. I go to their meetings and activities dressed en femme. I have had several professional make-overs and some make-up lessons. Thanks to this forum, and my mentor, I've become more relaxed and open with my cross dressing. Both daughters now know as do several other people. I recently bought my first outfit at a store dressed as a male but told the S.A. that the outfit was for me and that I wanted to try it on. I feel that I have evolved but will continue to evolve further. I'm enjoying the experience.

[Sallee]

I Guess the simple answer for me is YES it is a dead end but aren't a ;ot of things. LIke you said running certainly running is fun for some and competition for others But still fun certainly no monetary gain in fact it cost a lot but it is still fun. Although sometimes more fun than other times. And that is what I don't understand
Just enjoy and if it isn't fun don't do it. Easier said than done

[Phoebe Reece]

When it stops being fun, I'll quit doing it.

[Jenniferathome]

I do think it is dead ended. But at the end for a cross dresser, is comfort. I don't pass. I am not TS. And I am now comfortable when out and dressed. By the way, I ride a bike quite a bit. Every ride is an opportunity for a new PR. One should never give up trying.

[Kate Simmons]

I think that for some if us it is enough Hon. ;):)

[CherylFlint]

I have to say, we each need a little help in “passing”.
I’m lucky: my wife chooses what looks good on me and checks my makeup.
We go to the mall and out to eat, where she does the ordering.
We visit safe places and never had a problem, but we pay attention to our surroundings.
And going out or just dressing for an evening at home, it’s still just as relaxing as it was 20 years ago.

[jaimesilvertv]

Very thoughtful discussion, and well said Jennifer. Always an opp for a new PR (fellow cyclist), and lots of them do make you feel good. Getting better at anything is gratifying, and an admirable endeavor. Being good at CDing can be an end, but i think it gets hard, like in running or cycling when you hit limiters...and there are markers in cding to advance (increased femimization)...so stopping short of that when you are on a roll, can certainly feel like an end...

[flatlander_48]

a:

If you think about the End Game too much, it can take the shine off of Playing The Game...

DeeAnn

[Beverley Sims]

I turned right, and up the "No Through Road" a long time ago and I am still driving forward, so, who knows? :)

[Alice Torn]

Doc.s post hit a nerve. I used to be a gravedigger, in a very old cemetery, where some old uncharted native Americans were also buried. A few times, when digging new graves, we hit skulls and bones of uncharted buried folks. We reburied them under the new grave. One little item , i found, and it said, "our little darling" on it. These experiences, plus reading the writings on very old grave stones, made me do a lot of meditating. Doc, the saying is true, in 100 yrs, all new people, and none who remember anything of us. We become "unknowns". Sobering. Better enjoy the short time we have, because death will stop every one's crossdressing, or drab dressing.

[sometimes_miss]

As shallow as I may sound ..... I think there might be a dead end for some of us .....

I envy you girls that can easily pull off passing as female .....

I don't think I will ever be able to ..... sigh

If I had been born with more girly features ......

I probably would have crossed over ...... long ago

^this. I often wonder how many of us simply don't want to make our lives so much more of a hassle when there's really no up side to it. And it wouldn't have taken much. Looking through my high school yearbook, there really were only a few girls who were physically a turn off; average girls were attractive, perhaps not quite as 'hot' as the top 10%, but sexy none the less. I would have been perfectly happy to have been an 'average' girl. But that was never going to happen, certainly not back then. Caitlyn Jenner's proven what can be accomplished with enough time, work and money (money being a very big + in this case).

[daviolin]

Its just about how you feel with what you wear. I don't give it much thought anymore. I get up in the morning and put on what I will feel comfortable in at the moment. I dress 100% feminine now. I use a lot of unsex clothing. My wife is totally on board with me. That's what makes it complete comfort. Sometimes I don't bother with certain items of clothing, so I don't wear that today. Maybe tomorrow will be different, and I will dress to the nines. To me clothes is something to cover your body and keep you warm. But sometimes I like to take it to the limit. Daviolin

[BillieAnneJean]

What to do as we age? Not getting by just by youthful looks like the young women? Consider developing some new avenues. I ain't much but I decided to take what I had and work with it.

I started a social group. We take gals OUT enfemme for their first time(s) in a protective "crowd". Then I started a mini convention where we take gals OUT enfemme on the town. We have had bachelorette parties. Gone bar hopping in ball gowns. Shopped enfemme. Gone for a ride in a sports car with the top down, skirts a flailing in the breeze, one hand to hold the hem, one to steer, and one to shift the six speed tranny (pun intended). A new kind of multitasking. With color coordinated scarves to hold our hair out of our faces. Halloween is a great time. I hope to be a bridesmaid some day.

A person who has the wisdom that only comes to someone who has done a dangerous unforgiving job once told me that I am like a charter fishing boat captain. I enjoy orchestrating other people's fun. She hit it RIGHT ON the nail! Or in her case rivet. So if it seems like you have lost the luster, like an old bicycle racer, teach a new kid how to ride a bike.

And I am OLDer than dirt. My face sags, bags, and wrinkles. I look in the mirror and see OLD. I learned how to do a temporary facelift. It looks good from ten feet away. If I don't use deodorant maybe that is as close as they will get. If they approach I can always fart.

I have an old car that is 57 years old. I appreciate it for it's simplicity. It's lack of unnecessary embellishments. It's lack of fad. It has a start button from when the start button was the only way to get the job done. The heater was an OPTION. No radio. You don't need one, the mechanical cacophony is it's own music. No A/C. Live with the temperatures mother nature provides. No windows. No push button top. You have to ASSEMBLE the top. No ABS, no power brakes, a lot of fade and not the stereo kind either. We have 45 years of history together. It is magnificent in it's heritage but probably a way the British got even for the revolution. You had better know how to drive it and you had better know how to maintain it and you had better know how to start it or the results aren't pretty. We in the western cultures appreciate old planes, boats, cars, and motorcycles. And STUFF.

So why doesn't the western culture appreciate the person's history and age like the eastern cultures do?

Older women are beautiful. I am always amazed at how beautiful my wife is and she is almost as old as I am. She is absolutely positively incredibly gorgeous. Some times I just get lost looking at her. An external radiance with an internal source.

Old women are gorgeous too. I always thought that Jessica Tandy was beautiful. Same with many I see. In guy mode, when I see one out and dolled up, I approach and say "I hope you don't mind but I just have to tell you, you are absolutely beautiful today!" But to do it and not seem like a letch, I can only do it for women older than I am. Soon I will have to go to nursing homes to find anyone older than me.

I don't give a rip what people think. I am going to be dead before most of them. So I am going to have fun and help anyone who joins me have fun.

I got a nice email from the manager of a BIG local night club that they know us, like us, and are a lot of fun when we come to their straight establishment. That we are welcome any time.

So what to do? Just enjoy life. I may look like an old woman but I am an old DIVA woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to continue to have:
SUCH FUN!

[Renee Elise]

I would never think of it as a "dead end..."

After many years of angst and confusion, finding a happy balance between the masculine and feminine (which have been LOOOONG neglected / suppressed) elements of me has been huge!

We're all different and at various stages of understanding this and have different needs. There is certainly not a one size fits all end game and all of the possible experimentation with makeup, outfits and places to go out experiencing things from the femme side really has limitless possibilities ;).

[Sarah-RT]

Adrienne that sounds spot on for me, it kind of feels like where do you go when you reach a certain point.

[Jaymees22]

Wow, I think you have described where I'm at perfectly. Right now I'm very happy where I'm at, so I'll keep on dressing until I can't. Hugs Jaymee

[Alice Torn]

last night, walking into the lbrary in a small town, an older, well dressed lady hit the sidewalk the same time i did, and we shared a little small talk. I complimented on how nice she looked. I said i was single, and she said she was widowed. While in the library, i wrote down my name and phone number, and a little, and that i was looking for friendship. As she was leaving, i gave it to her, tried to give my email adrress, but she does not do computers. I kind of doubt she will call me, as what woman would want to through her number out at a stranger? If I see her again there, i may ask if we could meet at the local cafe. She said she was 74, but she is quite well dressed in a dress suit, and attractive. Old does not mean ugly, at all!

[Byron]

I've experienced burn out in the past, but if there is an end to it, I haven't found it yet.

Even during periods of burn out, I know its only temporary. Removing it from my life completely would be like removing an arm, its too much a part of me.

[OCCarly]

Cross dressing is an art, like painting. Our bodies are our canvases. If the canvas gets a little rough, then just lay the paint on a little thicker...

[Michelle789]

This isn't a competition. This isn't a race to see how far you can go. It is part of who you are. It will never go away. Your desire to CD will continue to grow and persist for the rest of your life. Thankfully, most of you won't ever need to transition. But your desire is to express a feminine part of yourself. You are probably male identified, but have a feminine aspect to yourself. Or maybe your identity is somewhere on the spectrum. Maybe 80% male, 20% female. Either way, there's a need to express the feminine side of yourself that will always be there. Desire for expression will always be there. It's just a part of who you are. Accept it. Embrace it. It's a beautiful thing.

[justmetoo]

I agree with Renee (post#43) and with Michelle (post#49). No dead ends. I'm on my expressway! I have found a good balance, and enjoy my life. :)

[Karen RHT]

I don't foresee me reaching a dead end. There will always be obstacles to overcome, but overcoming them is part of the enjoyment. Think I'll just continue to move forward and enjoy.


Karen

[Suzie Petersen]

There was for me!

It was not compatible with the rest of my life and I had to make a choice.

- Suzie

[RachelB.]

Take a long look at a tombstone sometime. it shows the day you were born and the day you die. In between there is only a dash. Enjoy the dash because it may not last that long. If you chose to get all dressed up to watch reruns of Pawn Stars, more power to you!! Live so when you look back on your life you have no regrets.