I just can't seem to sleep.

[AllisonCS1]

I've been on the road for roughly 3 weeks now and for the past two sleep has just been hard to come by.

Concentration is spotty, and I can't even seem to bring myself to do even a minute work out regimen. Physical pain levels on my shoulders (chronic for 20 yrs now) are the highest they have ever been.

And all through this the only things that are running through my mind are frustration over the inability to be Allison and the sheer confusion I feel due to feeling so much better about myself when I was her... despite the fact that 3.5 days was the longest I ever stayed as her. But my last time home I actually was out and about.

It felt good... and I just really miss it...

Some of this I might have stated in a different post but I just really need to vent. I have five more days until I can see... be. .. present. .. As her..

[Ellie52]

Alison
Try Soduko - it really helps me. Or watch an epispde of the Kardahians, guaranteed to help you sleep.
Try being Alison dressed as a year2K girl. i.e leggins, boys T shirt, flat shoes, short hair. in other words gender neutral. If you dont like it the boredom of the clothes may help you sleep.....

Ellie

[Bobbi46]

my wife left me 2 years ago now having said that a small whisky and dry ginger at bedtime works wonders I now sleep 8 hours no probs or better still a small brandy/cognac.

[Teresa]

Allison,
My sleep pattern is driving me mad at the moment so I can understand how you feel !
If I'm not thinking about dressing I'll be thinking about shopping, I just quietly slip out of bed and spend half an hour on the forum !
At the moment I'm getting one decent night's sleep every week, it really is getting to me !

[Jorja]

Welcome to my world! I usually only get 1 maybe 3 hours of sleep at night and that is after doing or not doing all the things to prepare for sleep. It has been like this for the past 40 years. You should get used to it after a while. I get my best work done in the middle of the night. That includes exercise!

[sometimes_miss]

Alison
Try Soduko - it really helps me. Or watch an epispde of the Kardahians, guaranteed to help you sleep.
C-Span always works for me. They have four channels so you can be bored to tears on multiple screens now. Just think; a wide screen with somewhat still (only the lips move) pictures of politicians talking to themselves. yawn, I'm falling asleep already.

[AllisonCS1]

I'm a trucker so drinking at night isn't feasable as I put my cdl into jeopardy.

I stream alot of shows and YouTube but have a 40 gig data limit so I don't want to waste it on the kardashians.

And I'm not sure if dressing gender neutral will help. Part of the problem is that I had a taste of actually feeling real for once and all I can think about is how much I miss it.

I'm probably going to attempt to get allison 24/7/365 sometime in the near future 6 months or so. But I'm still trying to figure out what I need to do to prep as I go days without showering if I'm running between ohio and Pennsylvania on the turnpike and without the ability to shower or even hot water to shave, things will be difficult at best.

And it's not so much thinking about shopping and makeup that's keeping me up. And there are times where I feel so down that the motivation to even charge my laptop escapes me and I just lay in the bunk staring upwards while chainsmoking.

[Dana44]

Allison, if you are in your berth. How long is your stay on that? When I ran the 48 states there was always, Well once a week for sure that you could shower in a truck stop somewhere. Some times every three days if you felt a bit grungy. Come to think of it, I felt pretty normal out there and was never bored. I can understand that pain on your shoulders. Sleep was easy as tiredness overtook you from running all day. One time my sciatic nerve went and I had to find something to fix it. There is a yoga position that stretch's the sciatic. Did that for three days and the pain went away. For shoulders there is something that you could do like relieve stress on them by standing putting to hands on a surface like the side of the truck and slight push up on it while placing the hands in various places. This stretches your muscles and relieves stress.
And finally why not run out there as Allison. Dress a bit gender neutral or girly jeans and good girly boots. They make some really nice ones.

[Jazzy Jaz]

Melatonin, at the grocery store, usually helps me sleep!

[AllisonCS1]

I'm about to start driving again, but figured I'd reply quickly.

I stay out 3.5 weeks in the birth for 11 hours usually. And showering depends, I'm a company driver and only fuel at certain locations and as of late I've been getting run ragged with long load times and tight delivery windows. As you know buying showers gets pricy if you don't have shower credits and I've been being forced to shut down where no showers are available. It goes in cycles though first week out I showered everyday.

I really don't want to get used to feeling like this. Cause it kinda sucks....

And the issue with my shoulders are loose tendons, torn muscles and damaged ligaments with damage to the rotator cuff and bursitis as of my last mri. But surgically I'm being given 60 percent odds of minor recovery.

Also sleep aids are against company policy. So are helpful pain meds. I'm stuck using dicloflenac and lidocaine cream

[Pumped]

I find just an aspirin or two helps me sleep, surely and aspirin is not against company policy!

I tried melatonin and it does work, but you need to take it an hour or two before you plan on going to sleep. Some times on the road I have no clue when I will get to bed! If I take it to late in the evening I was a wreck the next day.

[AllisonCS1]

Aspirins are fine, just nothing that causes drowsiness is allowed in the truck. Not even day quill according to Complaince or whomever the third party that decides what I can take.

Heck there was a med I was prescribed that seemed to make the pain manageable and wasn't making me drowsy and wasn't even a narcotic and they made me stop taking it because a possible side effect was blurred vision an issue I didn't have with the med.

Personally though I never had much luck with meds. Naproxen was all I used to take for my shoulders but it's never been effective. I've taken as per in before but I don't remember it doing much for anything.

But I'm pretty sure that right now frustration and confusion are the guilty sleep robbing culprits and unfortunately it's going to be awhile before they get cleared up enough for my mind not to dwell on them.

[RADER]

Allison:
I use to drive over the road some time ago. and when away, I found if I stayed
away from coffee and pop with caffeine after lunch, I would sleep better.
I would also wear my baby doll nightie in the truck at night with the curtain
drawn tight. No one could see me, and it helped me fall asleep faster.
I know that no sleep at night makes you sleepy during the day; and that could be a bad thing.
Rader

[AllisonCS1]

Well, I sleep in a variety of different outfits depending on the weather, tonight in the rack I have flease pajama pants that I got from jcp online and a old cami that was left behind by a ex. it's a bit chilly tonight. I even keep some clothes like jeans and yoga pants and will drive in them if I got a long drive. but it's not as helpful as what it used to be to quell the beast.

with each step I go towards Allison I need more... As the other me, the drab one, I feel fake... and honestly that fakeness has always bugged me but I was able to mask it by having a crappy life. Now that i turned my life aroiund, i can't mask just how bad feeling fake all the time bothers me. it's like a flipped confused pinoccio i suppose.

My mind is racing with ways to get a jump up on things but nothing like self medicating because that's just dangerous and well not very bright...

At times i wear a corset but i get frustrated and will stop wearing it...

i considered herbal breast growth pills but that's a bad idea as i do care about my liver... despite a binge drinking problem i once had. plus lie anything herbal they probably don't work.

I am torn about getting collagen injections...

I'm most likely going to get the face lazered Thursday after i get home.

i think about how nice it would be to get some fat transfers to my hips and butt and perhaps to my chest... because the more and more i think about things the more i want to transition but i also know that i have to temper my desires and go about things with the therapist first.

but things are just so frustrating because i can't get in to see her but once a month and at this rate it will be years... And while i'm patient, i'm also so weary from feeling fake all of the time that i want it to desperately come to a end.

after my last talk with my therapist she suggested the laser for the face and it has been something I've been putting off just because of how much money building up a wardrobe and other things had cost me this year... plus i maintain a fasionable male wardrobe for first dates... i might be a shopaholic.

Now the reason the therapist suggested the laser was because of my desire to stay being Allison but the lack of showers and the sheer amount of time it takes to get her ready is something that i just don't have the time for on most days. So any step i can cut out to make it that much easier would be bennifitial in helping me bring myself out on a more frequent to permanent basis. I have 7 relatives that don't know about my desire to be Allison at the moment and i sort of don't want to tell them until i'm closer to transitioning, so that does mean living a dual life but even just a little genuine time alone as myself helps a lot but then afterwards it turns into angst as i feel withdrawel pangs.

i guess i'm sort of being choked out by the dreaded pink fog...

Also i only drink water, or if i'm feeling friskey, i'll add a flavor packet.

[donnalee]

I am a night-owl and frequent insomniac. One thing that has been very helpful is a yoga breathing technique i learned years ago and would be worth a try. The idea is to concentrate on breathing properly.
First, there are 3 body zones to concentrate on; the diaphragm, the chest and the shoulders in that order. Expel all the air through nose and mouth slowly in reverse order. Breathe in slowly through the nose only in order; fill the diaphragm first, the the chest, and finally, lift the shoulders to fill the top of the lungs, It is important to take a full breath, and to expel it thoroughly also. Repeat. Try to concentrate on breathing to the exclusion of all else. Find somewhere with as little distraction as possible; use ear plugs if you must, but arrange things so you can only concentrate on breathing. Initially it may be difficult, but as you continue it will get easier. It not only works as a sleep aid, but is also quite useful to relieve stress and anxiety as well.