Something Caitlyn Jenner said

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I read some preview quotes from the upcoming article..

one was

Jenner tells Bissinger the thought has since passed and not come back: “If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself,’ and I don’t want that to happen.”

This is literally exactly the same thought i had.....i remember it so well because it was the single most important thought i ever had that led to my transition..

i could not bear the idea of feeling i wasted my life and i KNEW that i would feel that at my death.. that really hammered it home

[Janice Ashton]

I agree with you Kaitlyn,

Caitlyn's words resonate deeply with me also, not to go to the grave without letting the real me see the light of day;

I am sure there many who have had this thought?

[Kimberly Long]

I remember the day I came out about 15 years ago. All my life I had to hide it because I was a very public figure, and it was impossible. I am now 75 and long retired. My life has been wonderful 24/7. No I do not look like Caitlyn Jenner but I an happy with my self. I wish all you the best,
Live Kimberky

[Megan G]

I read that and seen people post the same thing here, (I think you did once?) it's very thought provoking and true.

I think what you wrote in the cd section the other day describes it best how your cup of life was not full and no matter how much you tried To fill it up, it just leaked out.

That's exactly how I felt and what ultimately pushed me over the edge to moving forward with transition. All my life, no matter how successful I was at something it never gave me that feeling of contentment or happiness. I could never fill that damn cup up!! Even partially...

I could not bear the thought of living another 40 years with that "empty" feeling because I know at the end I would most likely be asking myself why I did not deal with it earlier when I could of and not wasted my life...

Megan

[Anne2345]

Yep. Exactly. The thought of existing in this planet as an old man looking back on my life was almost enough to make me physically ill and vomit all over the place during the peak of my GD. Seeing old men out and about in the wild is common and ordinary enough, but imagining myself in their shoes as I saw them could practically stop me in my tracks and bring me to my knees sobbing uncontrollably. The mere thought was anathema to my existence, and had tragedy written all over it.

[Persephone]

246275

Welcome, Caitlyn!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Frances]

Yup, most of the Jenner's discourse is dead on most of the time. The only thing that bothers me is the third person talk. My therapists would never let that go by. She looks great.

[Badtranny]

Agreed the 3rd person references are creepy as hell, but I think she's just influenced by so many years in the spotlight. If my every utterance was subject to going viral, I have no idea how I would react. Prolly wouldn't say much. ;-)

Anyhoo, yes much of what she has said rings very authentic. I think that reluctance to waste what's left of your life must be universal with us late transitioners.

The most visceral feeling for me was being sick of the lies. No matter how closeted you are, there comes a time when you just want to be allowed to feel things openly.

[kimdl93]

The same thoughts...in first person...continue to challenge (as in frighten) me.

What I can't imagine is having to face this in such a public manner. I vaguely recall Christine Jorgenson, was much more aware of Rene Richards. But compared to Caitlyn, they were comparatively young and largely anonymous when they transitioned. Doing so after 40 years in the public eye, that is ground breaking.

[Rogina B]

The same thoughts...in first person...continue to challenge (as in frighten) me.

What I can't imagine is having to face this in such a public manner.

But there is no downside for Caitlyn ! Not the same for most all others..Money,celebrity treatment,plenty of opportunities[financial],etc...She won't suffer and can't lose! She isn't struggling to exist as a human....

[kimdl93]

True, such celebrity has benefits most of us will never know. She could quite literally afford the risks. At the same time, I see some value in a more, (ahem) mature person transitioning in such a public way.

[Rogina B]

Kaitlyn Jenner will never have to do a job for 70 percent of a man's wage for the same work....

[Rianna Humble]

Whilst some people may have enough money to be comfortable, there is no such thing as a risk free transition. In fact, in my experience celebrity (even of a more minor kind) can have its own disadvantages

[Rogina B]

Where,or what do you see as her risk? It just isn't the same as others transitioning in place..in a traditionally non accepting place...Like some friends that are firefighters,police officers,etc..The media makes money with Kaitlyn Jenner..

[Kaitlyn Michele]

pls leave the vapid jealousy politics out of it
you have no idea what its like to be in that position.
rogina you are the champion of missing the point

Who cares what her circumstance is or was..she won the F'ing olympics as a man and is now doing more for transsexuals than anybody in history..
she was a hero of the generation....there is absolutely nothing to compare to this...maybe mike tyson will transition next..

her fame is hard won and deserved. she EARNED her current lot in life...she used her blessings and gifts to win adulation, medals and fame but it gave her no peace..

she is beautiful, goofy and human and warm and open just like the woman i want to be...

this thread is about how being an unhappy ts person impacted me at the deepest level and how this whole story is connecting with me more as i read about her...stay on topic...blather your blather somewhere else

__________

Melissa i felt the same thing about the lies too...holding it all in was one big 24/7 constant lie..
it was so cathartic to tell people...

i haven't told one lie since...ok, maybe that was a lie..

[SuzanneS]

It has definitely got to be hard to transition publicly, just imagine the spotlight that is on her. She's very brave, and I think she's beautiful, and has done an excellent job.

Suzanne

[Barbara Black]

I think it bears repeating: ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself,’ and I don’t want that to happen.” I've thought about like this and still do whenever I fight the urge to dress the way I want to , and it forces me to resist hiding it from anyone. It's not so much to stop from being a chicken, but to stop myself from regretting it for the rest of my life.

[Starling]

I'm pretty sure that thought is what links all born-too-soons. It certainly haunts me, as I thrash around inside my head trying to work out how to manage transition without dying in the process. My first step toward an honest life was getting gender counseling and going on HRT, then telling--and showing--a few people who I really was; and although it's not enough, it lifted a bit of the burden of secrecy.

As far as differing life circumstances are concerned, of course, it's always nice to have lotsa bucks, no matter who or what you are. But we all know that money alone can't cure GD, and Caitlyn Jenner will experience more than her share of pain and sadness. All you have to do is read some of the comments attending the NY Times series "Transgender Today," in order to be reminded anew of the breadth and depth of transphobia at large, even among people who truly should know better. And some of it is downright insane.

In her transition Jenner may in some ways benefit from her fame and fortune, but she also has made herself a magnet for crazies. I wish her luck.

:) Lallie

[Rogina B]

pls leave the vapid jealousy politics out of it
you have no idea what its like to be in that position.
rogina you are the champion of missing the point

she is beautiful, goofy and human and warm and open just like the woman i want to be...

this thread is about how being an unhappy ts person impacted me at the deepest level and how this whole story is connecting with me more as i read about her...stay on topic...blather your blather somewhere else

.

So sorry Kaitlyn ! The thread got turned to a discussion of being in the spotlight. Many girls in transition are in the snakepit of unaccepting surroundings which makes them desperate. Bruce Jenner was a great athlete for sure but many of today's people only think of him as one of the Kardashian clan sharing their spotlight. Now things have changed.

[CarlaWestin]

‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself’

Over and over, I heard this in my head. And that is why I took that painful leap of faith and disclosed my TG to my wife. It certainly hasn't been a bed of roses but, it's been an honest existence. Three or so years later and with Caitlyn's announcement, wife is still just a closed minded transphobic hater. And, I certainly ran into a lot of those yesterday. All pointing to their cellphones exclaiming their self righteous disapproval. I was just so tempted to look someone dead in the eyes and say, "You never know who might just be transgender, do 'ya?" But I just fluffed it off with, "Yeah, the homophobes are probably hoarding more guns and gold for armageddon."

And then I just didn't sleep well last night. I'm so happy for Ms. Jenner. But, yesterday was just a bombardment of negative narrow mindedness that just kinda' deflated the feeling that someday we might just have simple acceptance.

[Brooke Smith]

OMG! Call me Brooke! I watched the news last night with my wife,the elephant in the room was palpable. So much of what she said rang so true. I've been tearing up with such emotion I could be sick. Most days I get by so well,but not a day goes by that it's not on my mind.I really still feel paralyzed to do anything outwardly that would drastically change my life but I know I have to be true to myself or regret it for the rest of my life.

Thank you Caitlyn Jenner and Kaitlyn Michele and thanks for listening

[rachael.davis]

last winter I managed the best timed skid and spin in my car, and didn't get T Boned by some mutton head who hadn't cleared the side windows of their car, and didn't think the stop sign at a T intersection applied to them.
I managed to get off the road, sat in my car and cried for a few moments and thought this isn't fair, I almost got killed, and I've never been alive.
I was scheduled to see my GI therapist later that morning. Hello transition.

And hopefully Caitlin can show that pack of publicity addicts how to act and dress like a lady

[CostaRicaRachel]

I read this also, and, surprisingly, I had this exact epiphany about 1 1/2 years ago. I decided I had to make some changes
to begin living life as myself. I don't know how far it will take me but I'm on my way to somewhere. I guess that is all that
matters.

[Felicia Dee]

“If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself,’ and I don’t want that to happen.” This hit home for me, too. I need to be real. I need to be authentic. I cannot live out my life in this limbo anymore. It's a freeing revelation, but also quite terrifying in practicum.

[Laura912]

For the skilled songwriters, you have the beginning lyrics straight from Caitlyn's mouth.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

pretty amazing how many of us had this thought..

to me at the point of transition i felt it was a battle for my survival...that's how deep it went..and those words just sit in my mind..

when i give speeches and talks to the colleges and churches i've visited, i use the same words...
i wish i could thank her for saying them out loud to the entire world

our haters don't care about this but that's going to become their problem more and more

[GabbiSophia]

I say those words a lot now a days. Though to be honest i hate how she has done it because it sets the bar so high. Lol i realize the pun there. When you see who she was to who she is now it is a great change. I wonder how this would have gone if she wasn't so good looking. She is doing tons for the ts community but it makes me feel over shadowed because I can't rank on her level.

[becky77]

She has had quite the impact even here.

I had this image of me decades on living the same lie. The fear of that future regret really drove me to transition.
Those of us that have been there, get it.

[JayeLefaye]

...

our haters don't care about this but that's going to become their problem more and more

I LOVE that line Kaitlyn! Thanks for the reminder that there are "me" problems, and "you" problems, and I'm working really hard at simply focusing on my "me" problems.

No "Man in the grey-flannel suit" for Caitlyn! What a relief that must finally be.

Jaye

[Cindi Johnson]

Thank you Caitlyn! (and Kaitlyn Michelle!) Now if more of us will just go out and be ourselves, maybe the next generation will have it better. Enough of this "What will he-she-it think of me" nonsense . Enough phony religiosity (you name it: Christian, Morman, Islam, etc.). It's time we all be as brave as Caitlyn.

[Starling]

...celebrity (even of a more minor kind) can have its own disadvantages

Amen, Rianna. You've chronicled the way the press treated you, as you transitioned in place without benefit of an entourage. There's really no place to hide, especially if your profession takes you out into the world.

:) Lallie

[Jorja]

Thank you Caitlyn! (and Kaitlyn Michelle!) Now if more of us will just go out and be ourselves, maybe the next generation will have it better. Enough of this "What will he-she-it think of me" nonsense . Enough phony religiosity (you name it: Christian, Morman, Islam, etc.). It's time we all be as brave as Caitlyn.

Well it is about time! I have been waiting for you all for the last 35 years.;)