I Really Nedd Help With This

[Sakura_Wulfette]

(I'm not even sure if I'm posting this in the right place, but I need guidance)

So let me get down to business. The one person I thought would support me through any decision, because she has in every other decision, isn't supportive in my decision to cross dress. The reason she gives is that she just doesn't understand it. She wants me to explain why I enjoy it, but I just can't describe it (when I wish I could). I've tried "I feel more comfortable", "I feel more confident", etc. She still doesn't get it.
I just can't describe my feelings for it, it makes me feel more complete? I don't know.

So the reason I'm posting this is: Can anyone help me DESCRIBE why -I- enjoy it with how -they- enjoy it/describe it?
I just want her to understand so I can be myself with her support.

(Final note: For anyone who may think it's an S/O, it isn't)

[sometimes_miss]

Well, do you know why you crossdress? Because if you don't, you're not going to be able to come up with a good explanation for her. I could explain a lot of theory to you, but you don't have messaging turned on here. So basically, do you do it for sexual thrills, are you transsexual, what? Because the old 'the materials in womens clothing feel so much better' explanation simply won't likely pass the sniff test.

[adrienner99]

The one woman I ever told asked me the same thing. I said it gave me peace. She never understood it, nor do I. But it's true. This is one of the reasons we have to be careful who we tell....those who care about us will make some genuine effort to understand something even we don't really understand.

[hope springs]

Why does she need to understand? Isn't part of being a friend/relative/SO being supportive even if you don't understand? I'd question wanting their support if that was the only thing holding them back.
Tell them you fall somewhere other than dead center of the gender continuum. You sometimes feel more feminine and have a genuine desire to express that femme side. Sometimes that expression means dressing in woman's clothing. The visual image of seeing yourself dressed brings what's in your heart and mind in line with what you see on your body. Its a mild form of gender dyphoria, where what we think and what we see don't align. Societal norms have dictated men and women should dress a certain way. If you feel more female than male sometimes, it shouldn't be a shock you'd want to dress accordingly

[sami1952]

The few people I have told about my cross dressing has been very supportive with me. My wife, my younger sister and my youngest daughter ask me that very same guestion and the only thing I could think at the time was that I had always felt that I was meant to be a woman and dressing in women's clothes always made me feel like a woman. They support me and tell me if that's how I felt then I should be that woman. I know not everyone can not be supportive , I just happen to have people that understand. Don't give up hope.

[sabrinaedwards]

I have posted this many times, "how can we explain our desire with others when we do not understand why ourselves." I have read that it is not important as to why, but I disagree. We cannot provide an answer to someone who is trying to understand this need. Plus there is such a negative response for a male to present as female. I love being a girl, yet I know that this carries such a negative response from the general population.
Love, Sabrina

[Barbara Black]

Quite simply, and probably simplistically, ask her how she feels when she goes to the effort and bother of dressing up herself, or wearing the favorite blouse, dress, or panties for that matter. Not counting for trying to impress someone else, just her own feelings when she enjoys wearing something. Sure there is some sexual pleasure in dressing in women's clothing as well, but isn't there also when you put something on that you enjoy wearing, or know you look particularly good in it? I'm sure this could be extrapolated to things other than dressing, but it all comes down to enjoyment, yielding comfort, ease, and other attributes to crossdressing.

[Katey888]

Sakura, I think you've already described why you enjoy it quite succinctly (comfort - confidence - completion) - I'm not convinced you might be slightly misleading your non-SO if you use what others tell you here is their perspective as we all seem to be subtly (and sometimes radically) different...

I might try to give a different perspective on this: why not ask her to think about and try to explain what she feels when she listens to a piece of music that brings her joy, or a work of art that takes ones breath away, or sees a landscape that is so beautiful you could just sit and soak it up all day... All of those things can be so different for individuals, and so subjective they are very hard to describe why we feel the way we do about them. This is the same for me - I can't describe why, but I know that this is something I need to do; something I need to express and exhibit in a similar way to an artist, that without it a part of me would be stifled and imprisoned. It is a very deep and inexplicable need for me, but I am no closer to a reason than anyone else here seems to be...

I have to say that I don't believe this is something that can be reasoned with anyone who doesn't experience it - they either get it and accept it or they don't... so good luck anyway! :D

Katey x

[Sakura_Wulfette]

Thank you all for the responses I'll keep trying
The reason this person affects me most is because she makes it seems like such a horrible thing
And sometimes_miss it isn't for the thrill honestly, it's exactly for the reason I mentioned

But I suppose not everyone will accept it so I'll keep looking forward even if it means I need to look passed this person

[nvlady]

This always makes me think of the AA Serenity Prayer which starts out "God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change".
We have to learn to accept ourselves, and we hope others can learn to accept us as we are.

[CynthiaD]

Some things just can't be put into words. When I get all dolled up and look in the mirror, I know exactly why I crossdress. I am absolutely certain that this is the right thing to do. Can I put that knowledge and that certainty into words? No. There is something deeper at work here than mere words. But just because you can't put something into words doesn't mean it isn't valid. The certainty I feel when I look in the mirror is all the validity I need.

[heatherdress]

It is difficult to understand why you crossdress. It is very difficult to describe to someone else why you crossdress. It may be even more difficult for someone else to understand why you crossdress, even if you think you understand and even if you accurately explain why you crossdress. And it is almost impossible to make someone else support your crossdressing if they do not approve of it.

Accept that she does not approve and might never understand. And be yourself, with or without her support. You must be. If you need support, find it elsewhere.

[marshalynn]

Why do you breath, it is some thing you just naturally do with out thinking, I have always felt and wanted to be a girl since I was about five years old. earliest, I can remember, wore my mother's high heels and went on from there, to clothes and make up at twelve, then to my own thinks as I got older. I will be 72 years old in one month, live fem 24/7, 99% of the time now. Why did I live this way, My brain told me, it was the natural way for me to live, I did not have to tell my self to cross dress, I just dressed how a girl would dress and I loved it. I think our brains are programed before we are born to be female, how much it is programed differs with each of us. Why do we want to cross dress or live as a woman, because our brains tell us to, just like breathing, you have no control over it, it is something you just naturally do without thinking. Marshalynn

[Jackie7]

For me, the only short answer is, I like to crossdress, I don't know why. It's a mystery, it's the way I am.

Might as well ask why one is heterosexual or homosexual or bi or pan or whatever, we just don't know. It's the same order of mystery.

The longer answer is, if you really want to spend the weekend on the topic, come on over and bring a box of wine, we can approach it from every different angle and discuss it in its fullness, with research on line and in my ancient print library to support the various lines of inquiry.

And most probably we will end up where we began, we like it, we don't know why.

[baldy1]

As somebody on here said, "wearing a bra is like getting a hug" superb comment and so apt

Julie

[ReineD]

I'm a GG in love with my SO who CDs. I'm fully supportive, we go out together dressed all the time, he's very difficult to shop for as a guy and so I have gotten him feminine stuff for every Christmas and birthday present since we met.

I support it, but I still don't fully get it and I don't think I ever will. My SO does not identify as a woman, he is not TS.

This is what I do know: it's an urge unlike any other. It can supplant all else sometimes, and it did (or it seemed to) for some years when my SO started to come out of the closet. It started when he was a child. It abated when he was in college (no privacy) and throughout the 10-15 years or so when his priority was to finish his grad degree and establish himself in his career. But he really took off with it when he had more time and more money to finally explore it in his 40s, and when society changed sufficiently with the help of the internet to have him no longer believe he would be lynched (figuratively speaking) if she went out dressed and presenting as a woman.

Why? My SO can't tell me why, just like I cannot tell my SO why I really like some things. The best explanation I have is that it makes him feel good, so his brain shoots off reward chemicals when she dresses, just like it does with all of us who do things we really like. My SO loves the idea of being an attractive woman, loves beautiful women clothes, jewelry and shoes, even though he identifies as gender-fluid sometimes and as male at other times.

[chinabrown]

I would suggest you look up a few youtube videos on the subject and also search the support goups like TRIESS and urnotalone...... and much much more .

if you do a google search you can read the articles and you might find some of the reason are why you indulge in crossdressing .

[Marcelle]

Hi Sakura,

Not everyone is going to understand or accept it and that goes for people who are close. I assume this individual is a close personal friend and she has reached a divide she is not willing to cross. I had a similar issue with a male friend who was as close to me as brother. He could not just get past the "dressing like a woman". We fell out for some time but eventually he did wander back into my life. We agreed to meet for coffee one day during which he simply asked me . . . "Help me understand why you need to do this" I have to admit I was a bit thrown by the question as I had run multiple scenarios over in my mind on what to say to a whole host of questions but having someone ask me to make him understand when I have a hard time doing so was daunting. I tried all the standard academic approaches and nothing resonated then I hit on an analogy I had used once in response to another post. So I told him:

Consider your core identity (what makes you who you are) as a music hall. The orchestra is compose of all the various identities you take on in your life "husband", "father", "brother", "sporty guy", "military guy" etc. etc. (they are all different for each of us). Now in a perfect world those identities would work together in sync to weave a tapestry of music and sound that would resonate harmoniously. They do this because nothing is missing. In my case while my identities all tried to work together, you might say the string section was missing and the only music they could play was chaotic, loud and out of sync. Along came this part of my identity, the lone "girl string section" and her simple and melodious sound slowly brought order to chaos and the tapestry of music returned to harmonious balance.

I qualified this analogy with stating that while I spent 32 years suppressing this part of me, my life slowly disintegrated. It did not happen over night but took time as I was able to keep things together by throwing myself into my work. However over time my private life and eventually my work life suffered and then it imploded . . . a symphony of chaos with no harmony (like an orchestra warming up) loud pointless noise running in all directions. At that point my emotional control ceased to exist and I entered a very dark place. Out of that darkness came a lone simple sound . . . the one piece of my identity I had refused access to the world. I held on to that sound, embraced it and integrated it into my core identity and then one day chaos ceased and harmony reigned. I was truly happy, my life was good, my relationship with my wife was stronger than ever. I had reached a place of coexistence and I could never go back to the dark chaos of before or I would truly cease to exist.

While this was particular to me, it may provide some insight on how to explain to your friend in way she might understand.

Hugs

Isha

[Sonya]

I think it might help to make people we tell understand that we don’t really choose to be like this, I mean why would any one of us want to complicate our lives in this way!. I think most of us at some stage wanted to stop cross dressing for good and just wished that it went away, I personally purged more than few times hoping that I can STOP and can just be a cis male. Somehow, at some stage we must have been programmed with these urges or desires and we simply cannot replace it with anything else.

[kimdl93]

I can't speak for your friend, but comfort and confidence are not intrinsic attributes of women's clothing. Maybe the reason she isn't buying that answer is because it Avoids the underlying motivation....the desire/need to express femininity. It seems that this is indeed hard wired into us...and to varying degrees our brains may have some female attributes. Perhaps that answer is closer to a truth that she can accept.