The Forum made me do it?

[Donnagirl]

Hi all,

This may link into several previous and current threads, however it is a question I have asked several people so far and there are some interesting similarities in the answers.

I have watched members 'mature' over the time I have been on this site, buying their first accoutrements, making their first forays into the ‘outside’ world, shopping, clubbing, travelling, coming out to friends, family and colleagues, even making life changing decisions visiting psychiatrists and doctors, starting HRT, transitioning… And yes I fit into many, most, all of these?

So the question, hypothetical as it is, really poses itself, how far would I have progressed if not for the forum. Would I still be hiding from the world, my wife, myself, safely ensconced behind the bedroom door had I not signed up? Not that I’m saying that that act of joining up, lurking, posting, whatever was the catalyst, it more how the experiences and stories of others influenced my ‘progression’. A glimpse into what other have achieved whets the appetite for similar.

Now I am very much a highly competitive adrenalin junkie and risk taker who hates to think that there’s something I’m missing out on due to fear alone. The ‘if others can do it, so can I’ mentality is strong with me, enough to make me ponder not so much the extent of ground I’ve covered but the timeframe in which I got to this point: would I be here if I hadn’t located this (or similar) forum?

Now, I’m not saying that I’ve been influenced into being something I’m not, I’m not copying others, trying to ‘out cross dress’ others or treating this whole thing as a race, but…. The psychiatrist I saw is quite renowned for ‘erring on the side of caution’ and there are many negative reviews from patients claiming he miss diagnosed their GD or failed to see they were TG or TS. I know I’ve leaped of the edge and, while I’m enjoying the freefall, I want validation. I didn’t (I don’t) want the ripcord pulled just yet, but should I really be ‘here’ so soon…

[kimdl93]

Of course, we are influenced by what we read or see here. I suppose the impact can be quite significant for those of us who have known we were 'different' in this respect, but having difficulty allowing ourselves to follow that deep seated desire. As I've said many times, this site didn't make me transgendered, but the examples provided by others helps me realize the possibilities.

[Jenny Elwood]

Kim wasn't it you who called it: Forum Induced Courage?

[mykell]

hi donna,
iv watched you grow here since you joined, you have always been a firecracker personality wise, fun, full of life, explosive....at the same time ive seen some who for whatever reason give in to FIG (forum induced guilt) and jump the gun on coming out to family, friends or the wife.... lots of info here to prepare for those life changing topics....did the forum make you do it.....doubt it very much, help you, guide you, let you....yes im sure it did, but like a hypnotist i dont believe the forum can make you do anything you really didnt want too.....

"here" too soon, enjoy the freefall, only you will know where "here" is or when to pull the cord....

[kimdl93]

Kim wasn't it you who called it: Forum Induced Courage?

Jenny, I wish I could take credit for that concept, but I cant recall. :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna,

While I believe the forum has helped me in various ways such as presentation tips (make-up, clothing choice) and as a sounding board, I don't believe it has pushed me further down the road than I would have travelled on my own. It has helped me to understand, questions and seek answers which may have sped up my journey, but it was always a journey I was destined to go on.

I too have jumped and am enjoying the free fall . . . however, I still have my drogue chute to keep me balanced in flight :).

Hugs

Isha

[Amy Lynn3]

I echo what Isha said. I have learned many things from this forum, that helped in many ways, however, I feel I am right where I would have been without the forum.

I think the greatest thing I have placed the most value on, from this forum is the many friends I have met. Some are far away, but many are near me and we meet in person. It is great to associate with like minded people.

[Katey888]

Forum Induced Courage?

I think it was Kristyn (HellOnHeels) who came up with that one - and a good one it was too... :D

I suppose one has to accept that this is a support rather than aversion, forum, so the likely pattern for those who remain will be a 'positive' progression of some sort. Like everyone else, this place didn't make me feel the way I feel, but the examples and information I've found here have helped me do some things I wanted to try - I probably would have done them anyway, but doing so safely and comfortably is paramount to my mind. I think I've reached a comfort level now with what I do and what I want to do, what does niggle me a little are those who push subtly as if there are bragging rights at progressing in some way - the caveat must always be that we make decisions for ourselves and by ourselves and this is only an amateur advisory board... I think if anyone is pushing their personal envelope for competitive or other reasons then they have a bigger problem than just GD or GID - and I don't believe that's the case with you, Donna. :)

There are a big silent majority here (or not-really-here) who tip up for a few months, get very excited by the possibilities and then just vanish. I expect many of them have found a balance or just fallen into a hiatus, which does happen for some of us, or have actually found some aspects of the forum to provide aversion... controversial, perhaps, but I can understand that...

The important thing is that there is good experiential info available here - one just has to have a degree of self-discipline about how you use it and a healthy dose of cynicism about the veracity of some of the statements, but we do help folk that really need support of a sort that isn't available elsewhere.

You would have got where you're going Donna, but it may have taken longer and you might have gone through a lot more stud wall remodelling without the support you found here... :hugs:

Katey x

[LucyNewport]

If it was not the forum than surely it would be something else? Meeting people with similar interests, and as Isha said – seeing the possibilities, can give people a little nudge. As with most things, it is the self-discovery and acceptance that allow us to "progress". No internet forum will make you into something you are not already. We all come here as we are.

[Rhonda Jean]

I've been on the forum for nine years. I've done nothing (from a cding standpoint) since joining that I hadn't been doing for decades before. The girls here have helped me navigate some difficult stuff, but I was way off into this stuff long before the internet. At this point in my life the "fem-ness" of my daily look is decidedly less fem.

[Adriana Moretti]

I think this forum does give gals some courage, or at least the confidence to know they too can do it. It's kinda like a first step to the outside world....you see the pictures, and here the stories....the forum for me was a great place to meet people when I first got back from my purge..i learned about events here, through the forum, or by word of mouth from some members....what I find funny is how popular the picture gallery is...when you step out that closet a bit more and make a girl facebook account if looking and comparing yourselves to other gals is your thing...thats the place to do it. Crossdressers love mirrors, and pictures......LOL xoxo

[pamela7]

Hi Donna,
Communication and contact with like minds will speed up the experience, like joining a motorcycle club increases the dive into that life area. There are the nutter-racers who will egg you onto some more "hairy" experiences, there are group expectations on dress codes and outings. That's all part of the projective field of that group and so of course we're further down our paths, probably mostly happier for it.

In terms of this particular forum, I did not feel pushed or pulled into doing more, although i did feel compelled to get a wig to attend a CD/TG group - that's part of the "dress code" that shows we're part of the club, bit like the silly ties of certain london establishments.

I did feel the emotional group pull though, I did start thinking far far further than I'd have considered on my own, and had to rebalance back to my own comfort zone. I know now I'm not trying to pretend or present as a woman, I'm very happy as "man-in-dress", and I'm so "not" into tucking. I think this puts me in the 1% of our 1% CD world. Did the forum get me here? No. Did it help? Yes. It is one of the most useful places I've found in my life? Yes.

Thank you each and every member and moderator

[Zylia]

I consider this a real possibility in many cases. The things we experience and read about lead to new insights and outlooks. You are not the same person you were one year ago, let alone ten. Your brain doesn't come preloaded with a fully formed identity, it is (re)shaped throughout your life, arguably within certain personal parameters. Your current identity is as real for you as it was ten years ago, the question is if you're making a decision that may come to regret ten years from now.

[grace7777]

Now before joining the forum I had been going out dressed en femme, and had been gradually increasing the amount of time I was out dressed. The forum did help me on how to handle specific situations that may arise when out dressed.

Flying pretty is something that I did due to being on the forum. It was great to read the responses on this topic. Also, I received encouragement from 2 members to take this step. I took the step and have now done it multiple times.

Transitioning is something that I am now considering due to being on the forum. It has been great to hear about people's experiences in this area.

Most importantly this forum has helped me to gain a better understanding of myself.

[ClosetED]

I see it as the Forum changing the slope of progression, up to the point you can tolerate personally. The small tips and support let you progress faster than on your own, and with that greater confidence, you would be ready for the next small step of progression you were always willing to take when you were ready. The Forum induced courage is another way to describe the personal confidence that what you are about to do has been done by others with no siginificant repercussions, or at least assess the risk.

For me, I initially only took pics wthout my face, until I progressed in makeup and wigs and, by comparing to what others were posting, felt confident that I could put up pictures of all of me. While I get compliments and suggestions that I could pass in public, it has not made me willing to do that. As long as I get the compliments here, that is enough for me.
Hugs, Ellen

[Kristy 56]

I definitely received " forum induced courage" ,particularly with going out shopping. I don't regret any of it at all. :)

[Dianne S]

I don't think the forum made me do anything I wouldn't have done anyway, but I do think it sped things up a bit.

[Rachael Leigh]

I know for certain that this site has helped me become more comfortable with this part of myself. Is it the one thing that convinced me to go out into the real world as Leigh?
Maybe but there is a part of me that thinks I would have eventually anyway, I think being a part of you lovely people just accelerated a little.
Leigh

[Tracii G]

I think this forum helped me come to an understanding about myself and others like me.
It may have nudged me a little but I would have ended up where I am anyway I'm sure.
I have learned so much from all the members and I am grateful for that.

[Jaymees22]

I don't think the forum made me do anything I wouldn't have done anyway, but I do think it sped things up a bit. My thoughts exactly, may be a little too speedy a few times!! Hugs Jaymee

[ErikaS]

I for one really enjoy this forum. I have been struggling with who I am for 10 years I joined not to show me who I am but to show me I'm not alone I am more confident in myself it is only a small bit but it has helped me you all are helping me. It's a long journey and I know to take it at my pace not just jump . Not yet at least. I know I need better makeup skills and others but you are a support resource. Thank you all.

Erika

[AllieSF]

Once I started crossdressing from zero back in 2007, I knew that I wanted to go out into the real world to experience things dressed as a woman that I took for granted and never thought about when dressed as a male. I also knew that I wasn't going to fly solo any time soon, so I needed some human support from a like minded person or persons. This site was somehow recommended to me and I joined on the first visit with the express intention of finding one or more local ladies who would not mind inviting me to join them when out. That goal was accomplished very early on and helped me blossom as Allie and a very happy camper. I have learned a lot since joining here over 8 years ago and learned it a lot quicker than if I never found this site. I have leaned techniques to improve my presentation, and have also learned what many go through to just be themselves. This has helped me develop and express my view and position regarding human rights, specifically for us TG's (all of us under that controversial umbrella), for us CD's and our TS sisters and brothers. That to me is the most important benefit for me in joining this site. That made it all very worth while and I would not trade it for anything.

[Suzanne F]

I found this site after coming out to my wife. If nothing else it showed me what was possible. I saw how others had so much courage and that in turn influenced me. I was one of those who gradually let go and finally confronted that I am a woman and began transitioning. Well, it wasnt really that gradual!! Meeting Allie and Rachael was key to developing the confidence that I could function in the world as a woman. So in many ways I owe my current happiness to this site!
Suzanne

[CynthiaD]

The forum makes it real.

When you're isolated, you tend to think of crossdressing as "one of those things." One of those little peculiarities that are probably best ignored. But when you read about others' experiences, you come to the realization that "this is a real thing." It's something you need to think about carefully, and something you need to explore thoroughly to determine where you are and who you are.

[Dana44]

Donna, the forum does help. When I first came out to my SO. I found this site and it was a great help for both of us. The site also shows all of the possibilities and experience that many of the girls here show.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Donna,
As you mentioned, this is not a race.
But seeing what others have done ahead of you
it's easy to say "I want that", and the process of getting
the point that we are comfortable enough to "do that" is often
times sped up.
Reguardless, you are here, you are participating, and your doing
what seems right to you, for you.

And Katey, it wasn't me that coined the term "FIC" (forum induced courage"
I first saw that used in a reply to a post about being comfortable. That reply
came from Wildaboutheels. I'm not sure if Wild came up with it, or if had been used before.
My thread was adapted from that, and was about "FIG" forum induced guilt.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jorja]

Yes, it is all this forum's fault. I was such a level headed responsible person before the forum. Now I wake up with boobies, a vagina, and get to dress 24/7 as a woman. I got those ideas from the forum. Oh wait, this forum wasn't around in 1980. Damn, now I got to find something else to blame it on. I know, maybe it was the fruit at breakfast time!

[Barbara Jo]

This forum is sort of a confirmation of the validity of your CDing so, of course it has to have some influence at some level.

In this respect it is no different than the audio forum which specializes in turntables and vinyl records that I frequent......which is a passion of mine. :)

iI's just human nature to seek acceptance for the things we do and forums, no matter what the topic, give us that acceptance .

[SandraB]

I think the forum has made a huge difference for me. First and foremost, I felt normal. Beyond that it has and continues to help me reflect, stimulate ideas and provides varied perspecitves to consider. Without the fourm, I'd have no external stimulation.

[alwayshave]

Donna, Of course the forum made me do it. I came to this forum to find other like minded individuals and share my experiences and learn from theirs. Their experiences gave me courage because if they could do it so could I.

[Eryn]

Oh yes, the forum is totally responsible for everything i did!

Well, let me qualify that. The forum provided me with information and contacts. It introduced me to ideas and people that I otherwise wouldn't have encountered or would have encountered at a later time.

Now, what I did with that information is completely my own responsibility. I was free to do with it what I wanted.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o again Donna,
I've thought about this thread a lot today, and the way most members
had responded to it.
It's like your in a strange house. You wake in the middle of the night, and find that you have to pee!
The power is out, and everything is dark so you cautiously find your way to the bathroom. So now your in the bathroom, everything is still dark, but you know your gonna do what you came there to do.
Now you need to find that toilet. Feeling your way through the bathroom. you finally locate that thrown.
You take a feel, just to make sure that seat is down, you turn, and ever so cautiously take a seat.
You finish the task, what a sense of relief, but you still need to find the toilet paper roll, and then locate that tightly wrapped end of the roll.
Eventuly your done, and just as cautiously as you made your way there, you head back to your bed.
Imagine how much easier this all would have been if the lights were on!
That's exactly what this forum does, it shines a little light on those tasks we want to do, and makes it so much easier than finding our own way.
Then again it just might be the fruit!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Jenny Elwood]

Finding your way to the toilet in the dark is a daily occurrence in my country. They even coined a name for it: Load Shedding!

And Jorja, you are a (real(ly funny)) fruitcake in and of yourself, you don't need any external inspiration! :)

[Hell on Heels]

Jenny, have you considered sleeping with a flashlight readily available?
And setting aside a few neatly folded stacks of toilet paper may help too!
But as with everything... familiarity, and confidence will always get the job done!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Donnagirl]

Thanks everyone, there does seem to be a general consensus, some unique variables but many threads of commonality.
I think Kirstyn has really hit the nail on the head though. The forum lights the way, stops us stumbling in the dark, saves us from metaphoric scraped shins along our journey but also can leave us grasping for something soft and absorbent.....

[Raychel]

The forum made me do it all. :doh:

Before the forum I was complete hidden from the world. Just sneaking around.
The forum has given me the courage to come out to y wife and kids,
It has moved me from filling bras with whatever padding I could find.
to taking the step for breast forms.

Taken to the step of buying the pretty dresses I like.

It has also given me some great life long friends.
Non of which I would trade for the world.

[Sarah-RT]

I'd agree that the forum can cause two emotions, for me personally anyway, courage, with regard to "if they can do it, so can I" it's good to know that we are not alone, that there are accepting people in the world and that the bedroom/closet does not have to be our only refuge. Many of the things I have done such as bought a wig and forms I probably wouldn't have thought about unless I stumbled upon it online, I used to just throw on any old thing and that filled my desires but the forum has helped me grow physically into a better version but also mentally in the sense of not thinking badly about myself or reducing that level at least.

I also experience shame or guilt after reading some threads however, whether they be someone's bad experience etc and the purge alarm starts flashing.

I think that the idea of doing something you feel is right because you are influenced from here can be a concern, as a crossdresser I obviously want to emulate women as best as possible, I get disappointed because my physical shape does not support clothing correctly and when I'm fully dressed I have such a comfortable vibe. I was confused for some time about whether I was just a CD or if I would become a TS, influenced slightly from here for various reasons but ultimately no one can deter or persuade a different identity in you, it's really something you have to figure out for yourself.
Through several experiences recently I now know I am simply a CD and I enjoy being male even if the pink fog or other events make me feel different at the time.

[Teresa]

Donna,
It's an interesting question !
It's makes me think back before joining, my dressing and makeup was going OK mainly because I could take and print my own photos , I had been out for drives and an evening walk but not taken up shaving body parts . I had shopped for underwear, clothes and shoes and visited some very iffy shops !
The forum has awakened the fact that CDing is for life , I've grown to accept myself far more, much of the shame and guilt has gone.
If anything the forum members have emphasised the implications of not being careful when coming out and going out in society ! One aspect that I never imagined before joining was showing pictures of myself, whether it made me do it or not is questionable but I'm glad I have . It's helped with my own acceptance and given a clear message to others of the depth of my CDing .
The forum has helped find myself , it's the acceptance of others that's the hard part !