Kicking the habit

[Keyplayer74]

Hello everyone. I suspect this post won't be popular, but I wanted to drop a note here and encourage anyone wanting to stop crossdressing (I realize it's not a popular option!) that it is possible. I am a closeted dresser who was very active buying clothes and dressing behind my wife's back frequently back from about 2005-2008. Somewhere around 2008 I decided enough was enough and after a couple of purges I had not purchased any more fem items and am very happy living my life putting my dressing desires away. I have 2 very young kids, and decided to put it away mostly for them and my wife. I felt personally it was the less complicated option. I know many of you will disagree and that's your opinion. But to some who may read this looking for any encouragement - it IS possible to stop (although a struggle sometimes) and you CAN do it if you want to.

Good luck everyone!

[Cheryl T]

Yet you still visit a site dedicated to CD's ... just to tell us that ??
Seems you haven't completely given up...

[LilSissyStevie]

Yeah, they're going to try to tear you down but I say via con dios, may the force be with you, keep on truckin' and all that.

[PaulaQ]

I went more than 14 years without doing anything. Look at me now - I'm a woman.

Good luck, Keyplayer74. You are not the first person to try this. Odds are, you'll fail like everyone else here has.

I hope you make it. As best any of us can tell, you are stuck with this.

I'm really sorry. :(

[alwayshave]

Keyplayer, I am glad that your life and marriage are working out for you and I would agree that not dressing is your choice to make. I have always dressed, ergo my screen name, and therefore know that I always will. I was upfront with my fiancee when we met about my dressing, she is accepting and encouraging and I see no need to stop. I believe that it is my being honest with who I am and being honest with my fiancee that allows me to be happy and healthy.

[Tracii G]

Do what works for you congratulations.

[Bria]

I fully understand how important a wife and kids are and that you need to put that commitment first. I hope that it continues to work well for you.

Hugs, Bria

[Katey888]

Hey! Thanks for checking in... :)

And in history, telling it like it is for you has often been an unpopular pursuit - but I suspect that isn't going to worry you, and nor should it. :cheer:

I believe we are a site dedicated to the support of CDs, their families and friends - which doesn't necessarily align with the promotion of the activity, and for those who want to give up it's completely fair and right that your post gives them the reassurance that it is possible (I believe it is too, for some of us :)) and that you're prepared to stay around (or at least return once.. ;)) to tell everyone is a genuinely, generous act. :clap:

My further belief is that most of those who do manage to control this don't bother coming back to tell their stories, which is a shame, and is why you telling yours is all the more important. :cool:

I'm not convinced everyone could stop if they wanted - I think that depends a lot on the how, what and why of how this affects you as an individual, but it's a positive message for those who can and who want to.

Thanks for sharing it and you have my best wishes for your life and family. :D

Katey x

[Donnagirl]

It think it just further reinforces that we are all so different. There's not one, or even a few pigeonholes we can be rammed into...
Best of luck to you....

[Allisa]

Good for you and your decision and the will power to stop. On a personal note I stopped drinking, smoking and drugs so I believe your reasoning is sound. I stopped CDing for almost 20 yrs. but then I started again and do not wish to stop as I grow as a person even at my age.

[Ineke Vashon]

To put your wife and children above your own desires is worth applauding. Good luck with your decision. Live in the present. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Ineke

[bimini1]

Yes thanks for posting this. I believe there are a lot more on these boards who really deep down wish to cease and desist the behavior. Plenty have tried and failed. I believe it is possible for some and not others. Every few months I'll come to the same conclusions as yourself. I have told cd friends if there is ever a reason to stop it is when I look into the eyes of my 4 year old. That would have to do it. So far I have been unsuccessful. I was able to stop for a month and a half about a year ago before my body and mind began to ache so bad for it I thought I was going to lose it. I literally had to do it.
Once back en femme I felt such a calmness in spirit it was unexplainable. It was akin to coming back home after a long trip away.
Would it be the best thing to do for everyone involved to stop? My rational mind says hell yes. I believe there's more on here that would say the same thing.

[JayeLefaye]

Hi Key,

Thanks for this.

In life, there are priorities, and there are PRIORITIES. It sounds like you have your PRIORITIES in their proper place. YAY!!!

I'm a more recent member, but you joined in 2005, and have only 86 posts...I don't see that as a bad thing. So I am only going to make a couple of quick comments, especially since I have no knowledge of your life's circumstances, nor do I need to. It's YOUR life, not mine, so please keep at it the best you can.

My comments?

1. The CDing thing will not go away. But there is a phrase about cooking on a stove top: "The back burner". While I believe that the CDing is always going to be with you, when life's priorities dictate, then yes, putting things on the back burner for a while is very possible. So Well done on your part!!!!!

2. Yes, you are still dropping in here, but not very often. Not very often at all since 2005. But to me, that makes me want to pay special attention to what you have to say. Your life will go on, and in 5 years, or 10, or whenever, please know that we'll still be here(I hope!!!)

In your Post, you made no judgements. You said absolutely nothing critical of anyone in any way...Well done!!

We are all on a Journey, CD's or not, and I believe that your kind and encouraging words will be read by someone who needs to hear them. And if only one person reads them, then it makes it a worthwhile starting point for them in regards to an alternative approach.

The CDing will always be there, no way around that, but what we do on one stage of our Journeys doesn't mean that in another stage circumstances won't change. As far as your stage right now, I am very happy for you!!!!!

Carry on. Keep in touch:-)

Jaye

P.S.: Edited to add: When I was younger, eons before the internet, all I knew was that there was something weird with me. I got married, raised two children, and occasionally tried on my wife's nylons when no one else was around, and never once thought that I was sacrificing anything to carry on the functions of a husband and father...Those decades are passed now, and I'm having the time of my life with an incredible freedom.

But I have NO REGRETS of the time my CDing was on the back burner.It all comes down to priorities:-)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi KP, You started when you were thirty and only did it for three years, Try quitting after you've done it for 68 yrs.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Good thread! Please keep us updated as to your progress. It is always good to read alternative points of view. Good luck in your journey. Peace, mel

[Jorja]

Hi Key,

As long as you are happy and are being productive in your life, that is all that matters. I am quite happy with the decisions I have made for and about myself over the years. It works for me! Enjoy life.

[Linda Leigh]

Hi Key,
I am proud of you for setting your priorities of family first! I did basically the same thing and now that the nest is empty I returned to CDing, but I am not saying you will!!! Good luck to you and yours:)

[Tina955]

Well Kp74, hope your not like me, I stopped crossdressing from about 1982 til 2012 to save my marriage. My wife passed away in 2009, and it took over 2 years to get past the guilt, then the flood gates opened. Even tho it popped into my mind now and then during those years, I was working 65 to 80 hours a week, so didn't have time to even worry about it much. But as I look back over my life, I feel as the years went by, I was just putting more water behind a not so worthy dam. The dam burst and now all I can think of is transition. Just haven't been able to pull the trigger on it yet.
Let me just say, in my case, I could never understand why people always accused me of being an angry and never happy guy, now I know it was do to all the repression.
So I wish you luck. But like others have said, we are all different, so you may be fine forever. Just be aware if people start asking you why you are so angry when you don't even feel angry.
Tina

[cheryl reeves]

i dressed and was active for almost 5 yrs. then we moved and our son had friends over more,and friends dropping by,so i stopped for 10 yrs. then our son got a life outside the house,so its me and the wife and dressing has come back hard...10 yrs is the longest dry spell if that says something..if one says they can quit are delusional.

[Marcelle]

Everyone has to make decisions about their lives and you have made one to pursue life with your family and that is a noble pursuit. Will you return someday and say "Hey I am back" . . . the balance of probabilities say yes. However what does it matter as you are living in the here and now, have spent several years not dressing and are happy with your choice. I say congrats and good luck. If you do return someday, again that will be your choice. Enjoy your family and life as we only get one shot at life.

Hugs

Isha

[donnalee]

In life there are priorities and there's always things that are more important than others, family being at the top of that list. You appear to have yours in order and that is an admirable thing. However you choose to view it is at your own option; just don't be too surprised if it comes back once you've done whatever you need to for others.

[Maria 60]

That's great! If the shoe fits this way why not, after all nothing is carved in stone you could always come back. It's amazing what you can do when you have a good reason to do it and put your mind to it. Good luck and you don't have to be a stranger, let's us know how it's going.

[kimdl93]

And in 2012 your posts indicate you were shopping for clothes. So, it seems that your period of abstention was a bit shorter than the 7 years indicated above. Three years is but a moment in the life of a cross dresser. If your happy at the moment, that's fine, but I can assure you that many of us have abstained or endured for far longer periods, out of choice or necessity.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

...very happy living my life putting my dressing desires away.

I notice myself using the phrase 'putting away' in reference to suppressing crossdressing habits. IMO it's a dead giveaway that the person in question isn't actually stopping crossdressing, they're simply putting it on a back burner. It acknowledges the possibility of resuming the habit once the whim returns.


...there is a phrase about cooking on a stove top: "The back burner".

Oddly enough this is one of the most surprising urban myths of recent times. In fact it's a misunderstood quote from a NASA press statement of 1977 concerning rocket stage-separation snags on an Apollo mission: "We're putting it on the back burner" referred to a successful ad hoc solution involving the unplanned firing of a 2nd stage rocket to forcibly detach the malfunctioning 1st stage section.

Another little known fact is that Buzz Aldrin got his nick-name from his college partying habits and, rumour has it, wore 12-denier pantyhose under his space suit because it prevented chafing around his upper thighs.

xxNikki

[ReluctantDebutant]

Keyplayer74, you are not alone. I too have ceased cross-dressing. I am hesitant to use the "quit" because while I disagree with those who say you can never stop cross-dressing they are only partially correct, it never goes away 100%. But much of it does go away, especially the big part the thrill from physically dressing. I am at a point where I don't feel any urge or see the need to dress anymore. This isn't repression, folks. Repression is a struggle and is what I would feel in my earlier failed attempts to quit. This is new, this is letting it go, this is about seeing cross-dressing from a whole new perspective. I have held on to cross-dressing as a fun fantasy but have dropped the need to dress and found I don't really want to dress it isn't anywhere near the top of my priorities list and I can't really see it getting back up there.

Oh yeah almost forgot. Why come back here?

I would say many who have reached a similar conclusion as Keyplayer74 and myself have probably left this site or never join. Leaving only those who have the narrative that cross-dressing will always dominate one's life. But I believe this is a forum for all cross-dressers of all stripes even ones who have hung up their dress for the last time or while only dress when there is a comet visible in the sky. I believe it is important to share the experiences of this side of cross-dressing even though it is hard to express (How does one start a post "Didn't wear panties today and was alright" here? It would be ridiculous.) This is not about telling people the should stop cross-dressing but about letting it be known that people can stop cross-dressing.

I have also found reading posts here helpful to me in lessening my cross-dressing. It has been helpful to read other points of view and different perspectives than mine.

[Sarah-RT]

I would completely agree that you can physically stop dressing, in the same way smokers and alcoholics quit, however like they say "your never truly off"

If you have the willpower to resist dressing and you feel that's the best option for your circumstances then I commend you on your decision and wish you the best, none of us here can say you shouldn't stop, it is a choice to dress or not to but do think of yourself, I have found that resisting it can cause uneasiness and other behavioural problems so while you put your family first which is quite selfless make sure your own mental health is looked after too.

Sarah x

[Claire Cook]

Kp74,

Obviously we are all different, and have different takes on our CD'ing. There is no problem in saying "I'm done with it", if that is how you feel. We all probably have had periods in our lives when dressing was either unsatisfying, unnecessary or inappropriate. I've had long stretches when I had neither the urge nor the circumstances to dress.

But then for me it's like Mark Twain's take on smoking: "Quitting is easy. I've done it thousands of times."

[MsVal]

I sincerely wish the best for your family and for you. I further hope that the inevitable compromises one must make are simple and benign. One compromise that you seem to be willing to make is to set aside this part of your personal satisfaction for the sake of the family. That is a noble and selfless thing that many have done before. I, for example abruptly quit smoking, and later quit drinking just as abruptly. I decided one day that I wanted to lose weight and dropped 1/3 of my weight in about six months. I did all those in an effort to be a better father, husband, and provider. When it comes to willpower, I'm Superman. When I attempted to use my super powers to quit crossdressing I encountered some unfortunate consequences. I became depressed, anxious, and resentful of my family. My therapist said this was to be expected. Smoking, drinking, and over eating are behaviors that can be changed. The urge to crossdress comes from another part of the psyche. It is not a behavior, and not directly treatable.

I hope that in your case, the crossdressing was merely a passing interest and not the manifestation of an inner need.

Be mindful of unintended consequences, particularly when the children are no longer home most of the time.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Vale]

Everyone's different.

To me it seems reasonable to set dressing aside ( or de-emphasize if you prefer) when it is not serving your best interests. It also seems reasonable to pick it back up again if your situation changes and it now can make a positive contribution. I guess I don't find this scary at all. There is nothing bad about changing what you emphasize as your life progresses. I would call that healthy.

So no dire warnings from me. As you can guess, I've done what you're doing, the kids are now gone, and I am now putting more emphasis on dressing again. It's all OK.

Enjoy your life babe.
Love,

Vale

[jigna]

I am sure I will not leave CD.
It's a great pleasure wearing woman garments.
I feel envy for those who are able to wear this in public.
This is addiction and can't leave without it n don't want to leave.

[Stephanie47]

You used the word "struggle." You haven't posted for several years with one post within the last six months. I can understand your motivations. I wish you well. However, please monitor your behavior. I found trying to give up cross dressing was "a struggle sometimes." It also may lead to frustrations that may manifest itself in ways that are injurious to marital harmony. Good luck.

[rocketscientist]

Yes, check in often and let us know how this is working out for you.😜

[Alice Torn]

Human beings, are very adaptable, and have the ability to change habits, but it is not easy for most. I heard it takes 3 weeks of abstaining, to be on the road to overcoming an addiction. I would say, for me, the desire would never totally go away. If i had a beautiful mate, it might subside a little, but i am a bachelor. I am not quite ready to purge everything, but am trying to not let it control my life, as I need to address many tough issues. I believe it is possible to pretty much stop, as we must never say never.

[reb.femme]

If it works for you, fantastic. I gave up smoking at 25 years old, sugar in my drinks at 32, but I am most definitely not giving up my dressing.

As far as medical studies have previously shown, it will not make me put on weight or cause lung disease. In fact, it makes me want to lose weight. So for me, it has medical benefits. :heehee:

Seriously though, good luck to you and your family and with your futures.


Rebecca

[sometimes_miss]

Let me just say, in my case, I could never understand why people always accused me of being an angry and never happy guy, now I know it was do to all the repression.
^this. Yes, I could stop crossdressing. I have, several times, for years. However, during those times, everything else in my life was going well, especially in the romantic aspect. I had a steady, nice girlfriend, or was engaged or married and things were all looking up. In hindsight, the desire to crossdress was always there, but I was able to keep it in the background. When other things in life go bad, I'm unable to do that, and the desire comes to the forefront. Then if I don't crossdress, I feel frustrated, uncomfortable, uneasy, can't sleep, can't sit still, can't concentrate, get cranky, irritable, slowly progressing to nasty. In short, I'm miserable. And I don't want to feel miserable all the time just so I can fit into the what the rest of society thinks is normal, especially when I'm not hurting anyone, and am alone in my own home.

[CarlaWestin]

I guess you just take up voyeuristic, gender correctly clothed, cd site lurking.
Or golf.

[Angie G]

I've alway said if one really wishes to do somethig they can. I do think one can stop dressing it one really wants. Gladly I wish not to. All I can say is good for you if that's what you want.:hugs:
Angie

[AmyVanessa]

It's great that you know what's important in your life.
I wish you the very best

[Aleca]

My father in law passed away in 1999 and I stopped, my wife threatened to leave me in 2000 if I didn't stop cding, so I stopped, each time I moved to a new town and started a new job I stopped, when I became a Christian in 2008 I stopped, when my dad developed dementia in 2010 I stopped, when I attended a rigorous school, job training program in 2014 I stopped. The only time I really could put it down was when I fell for another woman once and lost interest for a while, yet it came back. Point here being that no matter what life throws at you, holds you back, or think you have found a cure In all these difficult life changing times cding was always in the back of my mind,.

[Nyla F]

Keyplayer74,

Just curious. Do you consider yourself a crossdresser who no longer crossdressers? In other words is being a crossdresser like being an alcoholic? Like an alcoholic who has been sober a long time might still consider themselves an alcoholic.

Nyla

[OCCarly]

Crossdressing lowers my blood pressure, calms me down, and motivates me to cut out the beer and soda pop in order to lose weight. And wearing a sports bra, yoga shorts and women's running shoes keeps me on the treadmill longer. Now why on earth would I ever even consider quitting something that is so darn good for me?

[Keyplayer74]

Wow.. some mixed responses here. Someone indicated that in 2012 my posts were shopping for clothes. That may actually be true. I've forgotten, and that may have been a momentary relapse. I'm not perfect. I'm also not saying anyone who dresses is wrong. I'm not judging, because I've walked a mile in your high heels. Some here seemed to almost take my quitting personally.

I can say that I've put the crossdressing desires behind me as much as possible and it doesn't consume me like it once did. Oh how I remember how much it consumed my every thought at one point. The "pink fog" was really thick back in about 2007. I don't plan to go back to it.. for me it was completely self serving. I believe I'm personally much better off with nothing to hide, and nothing preoccupying my daily thoughts. I don't own a single fem item. All purged years ago.

Someone else mentioned that if I've quit, then why am I here? Simply to share with some who may wonder if quitting is possible that, yes, it's possible. Can you fall off the wagon? Absolutely. Get back on if you want to quit.

Take care..

- KP

[ReluctantDebutant]

I can say that I've put the crossdressing desires behind me as much as possible and it doesn't consume me like it once did. Oh how I remember how much it consumed my every thought at one point. The "pink fog" was really thick back in about 2007. I don't plan to go back to it.. for me it was completely self serving. I believe I'm personally much better off with nothing to hide, and nothing preoccupying my daily thoughts. I don't own a single fem item. All purged years ago.


Well said, I feel much the same way. Good Luck KP

[Jenny Elwood]

Hopefully I can join this elite club of two (three?) one day...