YOUR SO Excepts You But......

[Trinity Sue]

Hi,
My So excepts my cross dressing . Helps me buy clothes and things , but still I seem not to be able to dress in front of her. I mean maybe panties but that is about it . She works nights , so this gives me time with Trinity . I will dress , ( no makeup or Wig, very unsure on these things ) and work on the computer for hours until bed. Then I will get up before she comes home and change. She see the things in the wash but has never asked. I am not sure why I do this , I went out in my twenties several times dressed but have not since then .( I would need a lot more help to pass now .)
:o Is this just part of being in the closet ?

[brynnewilliams]

My situation is similar. My wife knows, she jokes about it. I just choose not to do it around her. I think it would make both of us uncomfortable, lol. Ive never left the house dressed and have never worn makeup or a wig, but I would really like to go out dressed fully to see what it is like, makeup, wig, clothes and all.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sur, It sounds like a self induced guilt trip.:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

I guess it really depends on what you expect to do in connection with CDing. :)

[Greenie]

You will never know what she is okay with until you ask. Do you want to dress in front of her? Have you been avoiding doing it for her feelings, yours, or both?

[Erika Lyne]

Ms. Greenie is right, you won't know her tolerance level until you ask. Even people in DADT relationships needed at one time to ask where the limits are. Besides, the limits may move from time to time.

My wife is very accepting (not totally--she has limits) and I am greatful for it but if I don't ask her if I can dress (I ask out of respect, not necessarily for permission.) then I would rarely get to. Maybe this is your way of showing your SO respect. My thoughts are that you are out to her but something tells you that she isn't fully accepting of it. So, even though she may tolerate the thought and share in shopping, you honor her by not forcing her to deal with it after a long day (night's) work.

I'd suggest that you ask her sometime, in drab, what her limits are, if she'd be ok with you dressing in her presence, how much is she able to participate with your dressing. The more willing she is now, the happier you can be in presenting in the manner you see fit and the closer you two will be. There will be times when you'll need to put the heels away and break out the work boots for her. Try to do so with the masculinity she needs and she will share with you more of your fem side.

I'm not a therapist, just throwing it out there.

Hugs,
-E

[Marcelle]

Hi Trinity,

I guess my big question is . . . " Is it that you do not want your SO to see you dressed up or is it you are not sure if she would like to see you dressed up as a woman?"

If it is you are not sure if she would like to see you dressed up, then the answer is as Greenie said . . . ask her. If it is internalized it could be that you feel she might see you differently, less of a man or all of sudden think "this is weird" and hit the road or, a whole host of fears. Again, the only way through this is to discuss it with her. Ask her what she would think if you dressed up completely. If you have a picture of yourself, ask her if she would mind looking at the picture and give you an opinion. Don't be afraid to ask her about her own emotions after viewing the picture. If she is still good with it after seeing a picture, then arrange for one night to have her meet you dressed. Again, gauge her reaction, talk about and move forward from there.

Hugs

Isha

[bridget thronton]

I think accepting yourself means not having to hide things from your spouse (unless you have discussed and she told you she does not want to see you dressed)

[jigna]

My wife helped me to stitch blouses in different colors and bought penticots as well and Shheused to help me to weat Indian saree, also helped me waxing my body hairs etc.
However this is 15 years old story.
Now she is reluctant although allowing me to wear undergarments while sleeping, but wearing full dress is out of question, since we have 3 grown up children and do not get chance to be alone.
At this moment I am hesitant to ask her to permit me to wear Saree, face make up etc.
These were old good days.

[Tina B.]

Your wife accepts your dressing, but from the sounds of it, you don't? I know when I first came out to my wife, she accepted it right off, and was not really bothered by it, she accepted me, much better than I did. So I was very uncomfortable dressing in front of her, no matter what she said. But the first time I did, she kind of giggled a little nervously, when I first entered the room, I almost swallowed my heart when I found it up in my throat, I was ready to run back to the bedroom and get in a pair of jeans fast, but then she smiled and said wow, you look nice, I'm surprised. I took that as a compliment, never mind the surprised crack. But after that first time, it just got easier and easier. Now years latter, I dress when ever it suits me, and being retired, it suits me often. We both enjoy buying clothes for Tina. And many times it's the wife telling me I should take the time to go dress, rather than me asking if I've got the time, and freedom to do it, she is clearing things to make time for me to dress.
We both know, my dressing keeps me sane, and we both prefer me that way.

[DonnaT]

Sounds like you are embarrassed by it, and thus don't want to be seen by the person you love and admire most out of fear of loosing her respect.

Although we know what you mean, note please, the term is "accept" not "except".

[Trinity Sue]

Thank you all for the comments and grammar check . :) I am very open with my wife and we talk , she thinks it is wonderful that I have shared this with her . Like I said, she buys things for me and points things out to me. She is awesome .. it is me . She went with me to Glamour Boutique . Well thank you all again , I guess it is just baby step at this point .( I have been dressing for over 40 yrs.)

[Nadine Spirit]

If you have been dressing for over 40 years, but primarily alone, you have become comfortable in doing it alone. You mention a couple of key things, like you went out a few times in your twenties, and "I would need a lot more help to pass now." I think these things indicate that it is not just by chance or happenstance that you choose to keep your dressing to yourself, but rather you have some personal concerns about it.

I mention this as many here have seemed to indicate that this could be a problem with your wife's level of acceptance. I kind of see it as your own level of acceptance. Obviously you dress, but you appear to only be comfortable doing it in private.You are okay with her knowing about it. She has actually helped you to get items, but you don't want her, or apparently anyone else seeing you.

From my perspective you don't want her to see you because you are afraid. Of what? Any number of things, maybe one thing, maybe a 100 things.

[sandie]

Hi,
My So excepts my cross dressing . Helps me buy clothes and things , but still I seem not to be able to dress in front of her. I mean maybe panties but that is about it . She works nights , so this gives me time with Trinity . I will dress , ( no makeup or Wig, very unsure on these things ) and work on the computer for hours until bed. Then I will get up before she comes home and change. She see the things in the wash but has never asked. I am not sure why I do this , I went out in my twenties several times dressed but have not since then .( I would need a lot more help to pass now .)
:o Is this just part of being in the closet ?

My wife prefers it if i come clean with her and says its more simple to except when there is no stress or hiding and just do it when the need arises which at the moment is two or three nights a week. Try and cook dinner dressed while SO relaxes, works well for me we are all different just take it easy relax and enjoy

[Krisi]

Your wife shops with you and helps you buy clothes. OK, it's time to wear those clothes in front of her. Start slowly. When the two of you get home from shopping, try on some of the items in front of her. It's nerve wracking the first couple of times but just do it. Start slowly wearing just a blouse over jeans. Then add jewelry. Then a skirt. And of course, if you're trying on a blouse, you'll need to put on your bra and forms for it to fit properly.

And of course, unless your hair is long enough to be styled as a woman, you need a wig. Otherwise, you'll look pretty silly. Maybe she will help you pick out a wig.