Dressing for Wife

[delwyn]

My wife has known about my crossdressing for a long time now, but has wanted to have nothing to do with it. Out of the blue she asked if I wanted to dress for her this weekend. I have mixed emotions--I'm worried that she will either burst out laughing or start crying. Suggestions?
Hugs,
Delwn

[Shelly Preston]

If you have a picture that you like try showing her that first.

She will then have an idea what to expect.

[JocelynJames]

I would show her The outfits you think look best and ask if she would choose one. My wife and I do this often and she loves my fashion sense but it also shows trust by involving her.

[Samantha Clark]

Yeah my wife has said she's not ready to see me dressed up, and I'm not either. Maybe someday.

My wife did say that she thought it would be easier, when she is ready, do watch me get dressed up so she could see the transformation and realize that I'm still there. Maybe that could help in your case?

[jigna]

You are extremely lucky to get such wife.

[DonnaT]

Tell her that you would very much like to dress for her, to include her in this part of your life.

Then ask her if she is absolutely sure.

[Rachelakld]

Just dress the best you can, not sleazy, not lacy, just regular everyday dress or skirt that GG would wear.
Always fun once dressed, to ask "should we go out for a coffee now?"

What ever her reaction is, don't take it personally, as some women have never seen a man in a dress

[WandaRae2009]

I know how you feel. If she were to ask, I think it would be a move toward being more accepting. On the other hand, would she get angry and make mean comments. I think I would take the chance and dress. Even if she didn't like it I still think it is a small move in the acceptance direction. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

[Amy Fakley]

Suggestions? LOL ... She asked you to do a thing you like to do with her. That's an engraved invitation, and she's holding the door open for you too!

Only you know your wife and her personality ... what's likely to provoke laughter or tears.

From personal experience ... the first time, I dressed pretty conservatively (not that I usually dress all hoocheemomma), but I did tone it down a little, because my intent was not to shock. I got good natured laughter followed by "honey, that wig has to go, and let me show you how to do your eyes the right way".

Have a thick skin, and perhaps share an adult beverage or two. Keep it lighthearted, and have fun with it!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Delwyn, I would ask her to help me pick out an outfit and maybe help ne get dressed.:daydreaming:

[joank]

Ask for her help and tell her it is a work in progress. She may enjoy. You are lucky to have such a request.

[Samantha397]

My wife was/is like yours, is obviously difficult but as others say dress nicely and subtle make up.. that way wont be too much for her.. personally I would jump at the chance
Hugs
Samantha

[Teresa]

Delwyn,
I'm going to advise do it with caution ! As has been suggested a picture may help first , if she ducks out then leave it at that otherwise it might help to get her to choose an outfit . I posted a while ago on this subject, like you my wife suggested she'd like to see the girl and more recently she said she was OK with it but has since backed right off again . My counselor posed the question of what point would she most likely ask me to stop, my wife answered not at all, I don't want to see anything, I just want the man I married . If I were to answer that I'd say that I would like the woman I married, after 41 years neither of us are getting what we want !

[Nancy Sue]

While I would jump at the chance, and have envisioned many times what it could be like to go to a restaurant for dinner or coffee, or to a movie, or for a walk along the river together - since she has also "wanted to have nothing to do with it" in the past, I would wonder "what's up?" if "out of the blue" she wanted to see me dressed. In my case, I would make sure I had safely hidden her cell phone or other camera. You know her best, so use your best judgement. Then make sure to have her take pictures (with your camera, so you can delete what you want), and post the pictures. Maybe she will pose with you for a selfie. It could be the start of the change you want to see - but change, like growth, also has risks.

[kimdl93]

Take it as it comes. Either emotion is legitimate

[bridget thronton]

Seems a reasonable request - perhaps she is curious perhaps she testing her own tollerance

[marsha leanne]

This strikes very close to my fear level. My wife allows me the time to dress and is aware that i do it. She has not participated. If she were to present this question to me, i would have a hard time, a very hard time, making a decision. I came out to my first wife, and was met with FIERCE HOSTILE attacks. While it was not the reason for the divorce, it was brought up many, many times both in court and as a weapon to try and turn my son against me. (neither game plan worked).

My situation now is just fine, and i don't want it to change. I am totally afraid of a similar reaction and result. To her credit, she has tried opening the door a bit in the past, and i have not let the door swing open. Fear, the great cd'er cross.

[Stephanie47]

I've often wonder what my reaction would be, if my wife posed the same question. I think I would sit down over a cup of coffee and engage my wife in a conversation about her request. Why? What changed her mind?

I've often wondered if I would want to risk further upsetting her. It would be one thing for her to ignore my cross dressing and pretend it doesn't exist, and, it's another for her to have seen me and end up throwing more fuel onto the fire. Frankly, my fem attire is stylish but conservative. I do not own anything sleazy. I'm in decent physical shape, and, least outwardly.

I'd go with the recommendation that you show her a picture of yourself attired as a woman. You may want to obscure your face by turning it away from the camera. That way she may only see a physical form wearing women's clothing, but, yet not the man she married. If you're a hairy guy I'd make sure the hair on the legs and arms is obscured by long sleeves and dark hosiery. Be clean shaven. Wear a wig if you have one. I guess I'd try my best to not appear as the guy my wife married wearing a dress.

Also, be aware any woman may flip-flop endlessly on this cross dressing issue. I would also recommend your wife become a member and sign up so she may converse with other wives.

[Princess Chantal]

If you do decide, I would advise to dress in something that best represents your crossdressing interests. Dressing in something that doesn't really represent your crossdressing just to get a more favourable reaction may draw misleading assumptions.

[kayegirl]

Well my wife knew about my dressing before we were married, and she has seen photos of me from a makeover. But I would ask her to help with my make up and choice of clothes, and try not to be outrageous, but to be just another lady just like her.

[Greenie]

As the wife, leave room for any range of reactions. Expectations create room for crushed feelings. It's hard seeing your SO dressed the first time. Everyone handles it differently. I laughed out of uncomfort. It has been a couple years and depending on the outfit, I still get incomfortable. But in a different way. I do not like to see outfits thst are sexy, or tight. I also have a hard time seeing an outfit on when my SO gets "excited". The only way she can get used to it, is to involve her more. Communicate frequently, don't get upset when or of she gets overwhelmed, and if she says it's too much, back off. It's the best way.

[Teresa]

Greenie,
Do you feel the same way about certain outfits if worn be a GG ? Some women would be uncomfortable if they came into close contact with women dressed provocatively ,I know my wife would !
Also do you find it hard to accept that it's genuinely a female trait naturally coming through in your partner when you claim they get excited ?

[Claire Cook]

I would really thank that girl and give her some special flowers. Then I'd take a deep breath and tell her that you are anxious about this and need her advice and support. Good luck!

Hugs, Claire

[leannejacobs]

Keep it low key, I dressed in front of my wife a few times, she picked up on progression which worries her, she is also jealous of how feminine my figure is co paired to her which is a difficult one, go for it though, the picture first is a good idea, it'll prepare her for what to expect

[Krisi]

Ask her to pick out the outfit you will wear and maybe help you with makeup, etc. If she loves you she will not laugh or cry. She will give you suggestions to make you look better.

Not knowing you, I don't know how you dress or how much you look like a woman but my advice is to not wear high heels, short skirts, etc. Try to look like her, not like a hooker.

[jasminetv2]

My "SO" made the same request and it went well. She did, and still comments on the "number of things" (namely foundation garments) that I wear and that very few "real" women don't wear as many. She has helped me shop for styles that hide/accentuate to make the more feminine appearance.

[Cheryl T]

Having gone through that I understand completely.

The first time my wife asked me to dress for her she was going to a company Xmas party (no spouses). I had about 5 hours to get ready and I needed EVERY second. I shaved smooth completely and then TRIED to do my makeup. I was so nervous, so afraid of the same things you are. Will she laugh, will she cry, will she scream and run away, will she want a divorce ? My hands shook so badly I could hardly put on my foundation let alone mascara and eye liner.

Then she came home. I was sitting in the living room as she entered the door. She stood there, inspecting me, scrutinizing everything. I almost began to cry. Then she said, you look beautiful, and I did cry. We talked for hours. It was so cathartic, but also the best that could have happened. I just had to take the chance !

[Michelle 78]

I'd just offer the same advise as the others have said here, dress appropriately and not over the top, Can't wait to hear how things went, keep us updated!. I want to do this with my Mother sometime soon I hope, she says one day she will see me.

Cheryl, I loved your story, you really have put a smile on my face, so pleased it went so well for you.

Michelle

[Greenie]

Greenie,
Do you feel the same way about certain outfits if worn be a GG ? Some women would be uncomfortable if they came into close contact with women dressed provocatively ,I know my wife would !
Also do you find it hard to accept that it's genuinely a female trait naturally coming through in your partner when you claim they get excited ?

I am a modest lady. SO any one in a short skirt and hootchie top makes me uncomfortable.

And I guess to be a little more candid. I am not sure what you are talking about. Its not that its hard to accept. But its weird to see the "evidence of excitement" thought a tight womens skirt. Its just strange and not sure I will ever get used to that.

[Diversity]

It sounds like your wife is trying to work with you. If I were in your shoes, I'd go with it and see what happens. Good luck, Delwyn!
Di

[delwyn]

Thanks for all the good suggestions, but I'm afraid it was all for naught. It was, however, an interesting journey. It is funny how I can get dressed and go out shopping without a second thought, but dressing for my wife caused a great deal of angst. I worried about having nothing to wear, but finally decided on a pair of beige slacks, a blue tank top and white blazer with bone pumps. I'm inherently conservative so this felt the most natural. As I was about to go upstairs to begin getting dressed, the garage door opened and our son walked in. He came home from graduate school to surprise us for father's day weekend. I'm glad it wasn't an hour later.

At least the door has been opened with my wife, and maybe we can make a date in a couple of weeks to try again.

[Krisi]

That's too bad for you but lucky your son didn't walk in on you dressed. You might want to rethink letting him have his own key.