a episodic low point

[Melissa_Rose]

In general, I try to remain positive about life and understand progress and transition is slow. I have periods where I see progress and changes in my body that I like.. And then.... there are days like today where all I see in the mirror is my former guy self. On those days I tend to have the thought of "what's the point of this". And the occasional "am I sure??"


I have a very specific mental image of what I want to look like. I am hoping and believe once my body aligns with that image I will finally feel at ease and at peace with myself. But where I am in this process, there are days I don't see what I am wanting. I only see the guy I used to be.
Does this ever get better?
I don't like these days and I don't know what triggers them..
I have changed a lot.. especially over the past year.. I should be glowing with happiness..

[Dianne S]

I get these occasional or more than occasional "WTF am I doing?" moments. I think it's quite normal. Also, when I look in the mirror, I see a guy looking back. I know most people who see me don't see that, but I'm just resigned to seeing that for quite a while longer.

Just say to yourself: Overall, am I happier? And if the answer is yes, then you're on the right track regardless of who you see looking back at you in the mirror.

[karenpayneoregon]

Personally what helped me was a friend took pictures of us together over the past two years and looking back invokes memories of those times when I did not think my physical appearance was good enough but at the same time did not discourage me from forging ahead. If I now look back and compare a picture from just a year ago with one from today it's very noticeable. Then I look back at pictures from my early thirties and they collide. What I mean by collide is that the earlier pictures I look fantastic but as I got older I lost that and then after hormone treatment I got it back so it was a bit of a rollercoaster. Wish I could share a picture from four years ago but it's in a setting that is prohibited here. I just looked at it and still amazed at the changes.

So from this all I can say is let time and hormones do there thing and see where it leads for you, always looking at the bright side of how your transition will go.

[PretzelGirl]

I am going to add a layer to this. I have done the same bouncing over the last 8 months with the greater acceptance starting in late March. Some of the reasons that I can identify are settling in to being me, gradual effects of hormones, and increasing my skill in presentation. The last one had me thinking. I am being me and any presentation should bring my own acceptance. But as I got more comfortable with myself, I started trying styles; clothing, make-up, and hair; that I hadn't tried before. I drilled deeper into who I perceived myself to be. And as I started seeing what I wanted, I started getting the smile now and then looking into the mirror.

Now it still fluctuates. Some days I get that smile and some days I get the frustration. Welcome to being a woman! At least for me, that is what it is. I know a lot of women who who throw down make-up brushes and slam curling irons because it isn't just right and eventually say "whatever, I am done" and tear out the door. And I think there is always going to be a layer of that for me. Again, your mileage may vary, but the advancement of accepting in the beginning is very common after transition and I believe this continued "I look good today and don't tomorrow" is common also, for all women.