i need courage

[lucaluca]

hi again,

i am a member for about 6 years now. in the beginning i knew i have to transition. than i became scared, liked the idea of androgyny and pushed my limits further. seven month later i had my first therapy session, because i knew that it is more for me than being androgyne. but i became scared again. it was like a rollercoaster-road. there were month i felt okay and there were month i thought i became crazy, because i can't go on like this anymore.
i went to 3 therapists and everytime thing got serious i got soooooo scared that i quit going to them. the last time i went to a therapist is 6 month ago. i had my letter, i had an appointement with an endocrinolgist. and what have i done? i shaved my head, thinking about being a manly men. and it was good for about 3 month. since then i feel desperate. i know what would be the best for me, but again, i am sooo scared! i am 27 years old now.
i am scared that i won't pass, that i won't find a job, that my family won't accept it. and to be honest... i have these feelings since i was 3 years old, but i am scared, that transition might be wrong for me! please, don't get me wrong... i know how i feel inside and if you would give me a pill i would not hesitate, but there is no pill. i would have to go the difficult road of transition and i am scared.

please, give me some advise, bolster me up

[kimdl93]

I would advise attending to your most basic needs first. If you don't have a secure job today, consider that a priority. Everything flows from personal independence and relative financial security. Then start taking steps to prepare yourself and those closest to you. Love, information, patience and a little luck are what's needed in dealing with family and friends. This isn't a race. It's a long, sometimes difficult climb.

[Rachel Smith]

Agree with Kim. Job is first priority.

[Melissa_Rose]

Return to your therapist!. Talk to them about your concerns and why. They are there to help you!.

And I agree you need to take steps to secure your job first.

Melissa

[Ann Louise]

I was on your road for several decades Luca (I waited far too long to transition), acting the best "manly man" I could, and I probably would have died that way, sooner rather than later, had I not encountered the resources I needed to realize my personal truth and how to live it. Those resources included web sites like this, local trans support groups, trans friends that I met at those groups (and marches, dances, and workshops, etc.), and my psychologist.

Good luck, and remember that courage and strength are female characteristics, too.