Yep, I got asked out on a date

[Donnagirl]

Without wanting to steal Dana thunder, a certain gentleman who hangs around the local group here has persistently asked me to go out to dinner...

At first it was an easy NO!!! And it became little more than a humorous anecdote, but, as I said he's persistent..

Next layer of defence, set the wife on him... Epic fail!!! She thinks it'll be ok, just go out, have a meal, chat... Nothing will happen.

Now I must admit I'm am starting to be intrigued. Poor old fella is just lonely. I'm adamant he's getting nowhere. Now how many times have I taken girls out, spent all my money for nothing more than the possibility of a telephone call at some nebulous point in the future...

Ok, fire up the girls at work... I get a thumping down and a resounding NO!!! Phew!!!
Talk to my local circle of gals here, again a resounding NO. Both groups thinking the same, it's just cruel to string him along. And what the hell was I thinking?

So I talk to him.... Let him down gently. Ain't nothing gonna happen, I tell him' EVER!!! It with be an incredibly underwhelming evening!! A cardboard cutout would be better company, store mannequin more friendly, crash test dummy warmer. I'm straight, categorically and undeniably.. Don't care he says.... He would just like to chat over a nice meal.

Ok... So what do I do???

Again I'll admit the whole idea intrigues me. To be actually treated 'like a lady', dress in my finest, by picked up, taken to a fancy restaurant, wined and dined...

(Now to counter the obvious, the wife is not just agreeing under protest. She knows and is confident that is just 'an experience' for Donna... Nothing more...)

I'll keep fending him off in the short term but I'm sorely tempted to go on just one 'date'. WTF!!!!!

[Katey888]

And this from the girl who has happily leapt from perfectly serviceable planes and wouldn't have thought twice about jumping into a bar room scrap with the neighbourhood sheep wranglers (or whatever they're called... they can't be cowboys but I'm guessing not sheepboys either, and shepherd just sounds too dainty... ;))

And one little meal and a few friendly drinks is getting you all het up... goodness... :tongueout:

The wife approves; you've told him straight your situation so there's no leading anyone on... If you can have drinks and dinner with other CDs, why not with a guy who actually dresses like one? :facepalm:

In the words of a great British philosopher: "He who dares, wins Rodney...!" :D

Katey x

[rachellegsep]

Katey you forgot the flip side Rodney you plonker !

[Rhonda Jean]

How long has it been since you couldn't even imagine dressing and going out? Things CAN change. Not that it's impossible to go out as friends, but going on a date is a HUGE step. Dipping your toe in the water, so to speak. That you want validation from a man might mean something. You're happily married to a woman who's one in a million. It's pointless to temp disaster. Even if you're not attracted to this one, the mental flip that can happen after being on a date with a man is significant. The fact that you're calling it a date means something, too. You'll always remember that you've been on a date with a man.
The after effects may prove to be more thrilling than the date itself. It's a boundary. Not a boundary enforced by your wife. Just a boundary within yourself. Afterward... you can't un-ring the bell. It's really not hard to say no. You apparently don't want to.

[Ezekiel]

This thread provoked my curiosity...

Before you go on such date, I'd like to ask you something....

Would you go on a date with a man, who you know he is interested in you "in that way", who wants to take you out not exactly as a friend, you being in drab?

If the answer is no, then please think why would you want the same thing right now, with the tiny diference being that you will be in drag. Because its the same thing really, clothes are clothes.

[Teresa]

Donna,
For me it would be a none starter, if the guy wants company then go in drab and enjoy good meal and have a laugh !
Now if a GG persistently asked me to go out dressed with her as a laugh that would be a different matter ! How would your wife relate to that happening ?

[Tracii G]

He knows you are male under all the clothes right?
If so why not go out if its just dinner and a nice chat?
You get to fulfill a dream and he gets a lovely lady to spend time with which is all he asked for.

[kathtx]

Why not go on a date with your wife?

[Krisi]

So your wife is OK with you dating a man? Are you sure?

It's not something I would do but in the end it's entirely up to you.

[monalisa]

Maybe your wife is testing you to see if you would go out with a male. I think I would play it safe and take the wife out instead.

[AngelaYVR]

Just like those 'nice guys' who hang around girls, just wanting to be 'friends'....uh huh, yep, ok. The old soft sell still works.

[Donnagirl]

Thanks all,

Really intrested in the spread of responses here, however I can't seem to distance myself from the fact that the only 'positive' is a little selfish fulfilment for me versus a whole raft of negatives, potential or otherwise for me, him, my wife, friends, colleagues....

As one of the girls here has pointed out to me, is this the start of a whole new list of 'nevers' I'm going to cast aside, or should this be the time I really get that balance and perspective back.

Perhaps some things should remain tantalisingly out of reach.... As counterintuitive as it sounds, my socialising with men whilst I'm frocked up should be restricted to only those occasions where the other men are frocked up as well!!!

[flatlander_48]

Well, how good are you at playing with Fire?

DeeAnn

[Pat]

It's a slippery slope, darlin'...

[Jean 103]

It's not a good idea. If you are not gay or bi like me I don't. Think anything is going to happen. Still guys date for one reason girls date for romance . Dating ether sex when married is not a good idea . Go out in a group and take your wonderful wife .
Love Jean

[LeslieSD]

If your wife is OK with it, just go out with him and split the bill. This is not a date, just a night hanging out with friends.

Dress in whatever way you want (drab or drag). Friends don't care what friends dress. Personally I would go dressed and have fun. But the choice is yours.

[Marcelle]

Hi Donna,

Well . . . that was unexpected . . . you cheeky, cheeky girl. :)

Seriously though, I don't see the harm in going out with a guy dressed as a woman so long as all the cards are on the table and any boundaries you set are respected. Goodness, just because a woman accepts an offer of dinner from a man does not mean that it is going to be all "Barry White soft music . . . yeah baby" it can just be mutual company, good food and friendly conversation. No difference here IMHO. I have met male friends dressed albeit it was never a dating type situation but we were alone at a restaurant, talking, drinking and catching up. One of them even held the door open for me as we exited the restaurant. :battingeyelashes: As Katey said, if you can meet with other men who dress as women and express that side of you, why can't you meet with another man who is dressed as man and express that side of you. Okay, perhaps in this gentleman's heart of hearts he is hoping for a bit of admirer romance but I think so long as you can lay out the ground rules . . . it is what it is . . . dinner . . . I say enjoy your experience.

Hugs

Isha

[Kate T]

Sorry but I would just sort of think he's a little bit slimy. If he just wants some company then why not go out with you and your wife. Surely that would have to double his chances of having fun! If that isn't the case then why does he want to have dinner with you alone? Ugh, nup, if I wasn't attracted to him then I'd just feel awkward and gross.

[Kate Simmons]

I would definitely go for it Donna. Go out, eat, chat, have fun. :)

[Claire Cook]

Hi Donna,

It sounds like you have been upfront with him about yourself, and I love your wife's support and encouragement in this. Yes, it would be another experience for Donna to be actually treated as a lady (with its positives and negatives?). I say go for it -- as long as he knows EXACTLY what the rules are.

Keep us posted!

Hugs,

Claire

[Nikkilovesdresses]

It's a new experience - go for it.

And be prepared that in a while your wife is going to ask you if you're ok with her being wined and dined by a persistent admirer. Possibly even a shepherd :)

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Donna, I'm betting that you are going to do it and have fun .:daydreaming:

Please Keep us advised.

[Wifeofdonna]

i want Donna to be happy! I'm worry about her to be safe. She can looked after herself. I know she love me. I know this is crazy experience. I make sure he not stealing my beautiful Donna. I read this she should take me. She is mine!! But, Donna should have own experience. I'm lucky I got her first

[sarah87]

Hi Donna...I see absolutely no harm in it if the following have occurred...1. Wife is completely onboard and it sounds like she is, 2. you lay out for him that under no circumstances will there be anything happening, 3. you tell him you are just company and have no interest in men.

[cheryl reeves]

i been asked out by men while in male mode,its a freaky situation when a man pays for everything and your wondering if he wants mire then company..all i can say is if your wife is cool with it go for it,you only live once.

[DonnaT]

Can't see but one problem with it. What to do if he asks you on another date.

So, if you go, make sure he knows it's a one time deal.

[Krisi]

My experience is that if a man is willing to pay for a date, his intentions are to put something of his inside something of hers. He may deny it but that's what is driving him. That doesn't mean it has to happen but that's his goal. Be very careful unless you're OK with this.

[Lorileah]

If you like him and you have things in common and you have ground rules...why not?

[Vickie_CDTV]

Your wife is really ok with it? That sounds a bit odd, and as others said I'd suspect she might be testing you. And really, if you are not interested in men, why go there? I am sure there are other trans he can find to date who like men.

I'd take your wife out on a date instead.

[aussie cd]

donna , I don't know your wife so its hard to tell
my wife no problem with the dressing and have been out with her ...tells me if I want to go on a date....she would have no problem...but I know if the crunch came I'd be labelled and it used against me...so I leave it be and tell her I was just testing her when I asked what would she do
that said it would be sort of a little exciting imo :) , with of course set out boundaries!

[Katey888]

Wifeofdonna: You are a gem! :love:

Unlike many here I'm sure you understand that this wouldn't be a 'date' for Donna... this would just be something completely social - as to the suggestion Donna goes in drab, that rather misses the point of the social dynamic between an admirer guy and a t-girl... which brings me to this...

I just had to come back and add a perspective on this as I believe it touches on sexuality and social acceptance - I'm as straight as any other straight guy here (and before I hear a uh-huh, yeah... I personally doubt that anyone who throws on a dress whenever can be considered totally kink-free, but I digress.. :)) but I would love the opportunity to engage an admirer in real conversation - I would really like to understand what goes on in there heads, as to why a straight guy, presenting as a presentable female, might be of any interest to another guy... I'd just love to have that chat. And if it could be done in a completely civil way, with pleasant surroundings, a modicum of flirting and good food and wine... and he's paying (and ALL he's getting is conversation! ;)) - then - in Donna's situation (partially out, approving spouse) why not?

:D

Katey x

[Donnagirl]

Again thanks all for your commentary. I really do appreciate the spectrum of opinion...

Katey, you got it.... That darling of a wife knows me, has been through all the trials and tribulations and trusts me, implicitly. She knows it's a learning curve moment, an experience, a step through an avenue of life that must be trod once... (Anyone who equates lack of literacy with my deaf wife with lack of intelligence or cognisance sorely misjudges her).

Suffice to say I will not be going on this 'date', nor any other in the foreseeable future... It's not my poor wife's request but more that of the girls I work with who, I think, look back on their dating history and regret the false hope sown a amongst so many. Even friends in the CD/TG community have intimated such an action may impact on friendships formed over many years. Whereas I have a want, they have needs and values and their friendship is, to me far more necessary, wanted and desired.

There are many situations I have to compensate... I have booked two CD formal balls over the next few months, one I'm going to with friends (Victoria) and one my where lovely wife is accompanying me as my date (NSW)... In both I will meet many friends formerly only Facebook or other social media friends...

I have an enviable life, I admit it, but there is, occasionally, a bridge too far for any, or all of us.. This is one of those... Thanks XXXXXX for your offer.

Donna xx xx xx xx

P.S.

I know I've upset a few here, apparently suffering no negatives, none of the difficult times suffered by so many, everything working out for me... A life of rainbows, lollipops, unicorns and sunshine... But... I'm not lucky... I'm not special... I have worked on my successes, not been off put by failures and worked to, and focused on reasonable and achievable goals. This acquiescence is but a small example of a sacrifice for the greater good.

[Tina_gm]

Donna, congratulations on what I feel was the right decision to make in regards to not going on the date. While you would not be doing anything wrong morally, as your wife had agreed it was ok, consenting to it the whole way, sometimes being a good partner goes beyond just what is technically ok.

While I am sure the intrigue of having affirmation to your female identity must be strong, there are other ways in which to get affirmation. What is most concerning in a situation like this would be the man who has been persistent in asking you, all the while knowing your situation, and that you are married and plan on staying faithful to your wife, yet still he has persisted.

In a case like that, this man has motives that are anything but honorable. Admirers may be ok to be with for someone who is single, but for those of us who are in committed relationships and or married, the persistence will likely lead to a very bad outcome. If it was a one time ask, you explained your situation and then he said ah ok, that is one thing. But, why someone persists as he has means something entirely different.

He will almost certainly see it as a challenge. Even though he may play it cool on the 1st date, he will only further persist for continued meetings. He will likely become very persistent that it move further than casual meetings. He will likely become a serious intrusion into your life with your spouse. It will almost certainly end up testing your marriage in ways it never needs to be tested. Congratulations again for putting your marriage 1st in what is likely a very tempting or at least intriguing situation.

[flatlander_48]

Dg:

I had nothing against the possibility of this encounter, and I would think that it had the potential to be very interesting and enlightening. BUT, there are many ways to go wrong and for someone to get the wrong impression. Regardless of how benign the situation is, if anything goes the slightest bit pear-shaped, it would not look good at all. Perception is everything...

DeeAnn

[Debb]

And this from the girl who has happily leapt from perfectly serviceable planes and wouldn't have thought twice about jumping into a bar room scrap with the neighbourhood sheep wranglers (or whatever they're called... they can't be cowboys but I'm guessing not sheepboys either, and shepherd just sounds too dainty... ;))

And one little meal and a few friendly drinks is getting you all het up... goodness... :tongueout:

The wife approves; you've told him straight your situation so there's no leading anyone on... If you can have drinks and dinner with other CDs, why not with a guy who actually dresses like one? :facepalm:

In the words of a great British philosopher: "He who dares, wins Rodney...!" :D

Katey x

Just an aside ... the standard retort to "perfectly serviceable plane" is "no plane is perfect".

[Pat]

Just an aside ... the standard retort to "perfectly serviceable plane" is "no plane is perfect".

Many more planes crash on landing than on take-off or level flight. So I think the only reasonable strategy is to ride it up and then jump out. ;)

[Badwolf]

I know a few men that can be honorable in those situations but they are few and far between. Most wouldn't badger a girl into date without some sort of hope though. But I still agree, the bigger argument is the effect on other people, including false hope for a guy if he's really hoping for something. Friends and family sometimes accept things in theory, but have other issues in practice.

You made the right, responsible, adult choice.

[Donnagirl]

Many more planes crash on landing than on take-off or level flight. So I think the only reasonable strategy is to ride it up and then jump out. ;)
There's a military aircraft here, the De Havilland DHC-4 Caribou which I've taken off in many times but never yet landed in!!!