I was called "Caitlyn Jenner"

[Michelle789]

Sorry for another Caitlyn Jenner thread, I know the brew ha ha is probably getting old.

This afternoon, I was walking from my car to the supermarket to pick up a few things. A woman yells "hi Caitlyn Jenner" to me. I first ignored her but then decided to approach her and talk to her. She was with a friend. We spoke briefly about being trans. He said that he has an aunt who is transgender. They asked me a few questions about being trans, just the usual stuff that we sometimes get asked by others because we're trans. The woman said how she liked my energy and how I seemed happy. She asked me what my zodiac sign was. She also complimented me on my dress.

Anyways, this thread isn't about me. I am just wondering, has anyone else actually been called Caitlyn Jenner by a complete stranger? As if someone calling you Caitlyn Jenner is a way of saying they know you're trans, or some subtle way of teasing you about being trans?

[I Am Paula]

I've not been called Caitlyn YET.
Yesterday in line at the supermarket, I picked up THE Vanity Fair. The woman in front of me said 'Why would anybody do that to themselves.' I said 'I did, and it saved my life'. She looked shocked for a second, then said 'Yeah, but you look normal'.
I have no idea what she meant, but I don't think she was being transphobic in any way. Might even have been a compliment.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I was called Chaz Bono once. No lie

[kimdl93]

I must say, it was a bit crass and presumptuous of this woman to call you that. I like e way you handled it.

[Jorja]

I would have responded my name is Michelle not Caitlyn. Don't ever forget that! Then I might have had a conversation with her.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I guess i'd have a problem

I'd have to say "my name is not Caitlyn, its Kaitlyn"

[AllieSF]

I male mode at my local coffee shop and a young girl told me that I looked like Caitlyn Jenner. My only give away, I think .....???, was my long hair in a pony tail. I smiled and thanked her for the compliment.

[Dianne S]

Um, wow, that's a weird one. I wonder if it'll catch on as a non-pejorative codeword for someone to probe if you're trans? (I hope not.)

If someone called me that, I'd say "Optometry department is that-away, my dear..."


I'd have to say "my name is not Caitlyn, its Kaitlyn"

That's a great quote. Do you mind if I interview you? Maybe the network will pick it up as "Dianne interviewing Kaitlyn" ?

[PretzelGirl]

I haven't had it or any other name used to address me....yet.


Yesterday in line at the supermarket, I picked up THE Vanity Fair. The woman in front of me said 'Why would anybody do that to themselves.' I said 'I did, and it saved my life'. She looked shocked for a second, then said 'Yeah, but you look normal'.

I think you ran into someone who had no experience to derive a good thought from. Now she has an education and may look at it positively since a real person was in front of her instead of a magazine cover.

[Robin414]

I like the way you handled it as well...start a conversation, we're real people and have an interesting story to tell for sure!

[Sara Jessica]

A couple years back just after I cut off about 12" of my hair, my niece told me that she was bummed, that I had this Bruce Jenner thing going on. :facepalm:

[stefan37]

Guess you need some work on your presentation.

[Krisi]

That's pretty much what I was going to say.

[GenieGirl]

My mom called me Caitlyn Jenner when I was leaving her house the other day since my hair is so long.....she still doesn't know yet...

[Barbara Black]

Here's to being called Normal. Even if it was backhanded, it was a compliment from her.

[Sara Jessica]

Guess you need some work on your presentation.


That's pretty much what I was going to say.

That isn't very nice. :(

[stefan37]

On its face the comment sounds cruel. Getting read while passing a stranger that is far enough to that they have to yell. There must be clues that tipped her off. As a 58+ transitioner, I lived full-time for over 18 months without the benefit of FFS. I experienced my fair share of humiliation and misgendering. I would then think about what it was our ask somebody with me what they thought.

Unfortunately not everybody our there is so Polly Anna, that they just accept us and respect us. We need to work that much harder on erasing those male cues that give us away.

I was with my ex the other week getting lumber loaded on my truck. That asked if us ladies would like help and they offered to load the truck. I needed to load it a certain way, so I just jumped in and started to move it where it was needed. Afterward my ex said they were looking at me funny. I asked if my facial surgery was a failure. She replied no it was that way I moved. So yeah there are clues and if a stranger can pick up on them from a distance, then some more work is needed. That's the cruel fact.

[anna.h]

When I first read this, it didn't sit well with me -- it sounded like an insult. But then I started thinking about why she would have said that. Are there people who had no idea what a transgender person was before Caitlyn Jenner came out? It's as if she thinks Caitlyn Jenner is the original, and all others follow in her footsteps.

[Starling]

..."my name is not Caitlyn, its Kaitlyn"

Well, you could text it...

:) Lallie

[Michelle789]

That isn't very nice. :(


I think it would be nice to get some feedback from people who know me personally to find out what cues are responsible for getting me clocked. Saying "you need work" won't do a thing. Telling me what I should work on, objectively, will work - meaning don't say something just to be nice, and don't say something just to be mean. One difficulty I have is finding people who can be objective - most people are either too nice or too mean. I could decide that the people who are being too mean are telling the truth, but if that's the case than I really do have Aspergers and I really am going down a path of self-destruction.

My feeling is there are many not just one. The lucky ones have only one cue to work on. I believe my voice is one, and there are at least two others. I didn't open my mouth and she read me from a distance. I do still suspect people might be a bit more vocal about clocking us since Caitlyn came out.

Here is a picture of me with Jeffrey Tambor. I met him at Trans Pride on Saturday. I'm wearing the blue dress. Any cues from this picture that could get me read? And can it be corrected? I say that because there are some things that just can't be corrected. I know you can't pick up movements from a pic, but we can at least get visual cues.

[LeaP]

I'm wearing the blue dress. Any cues from this picture that could get me read?

Yes. Absolutely.

… It's the fact that you are sitting with Jeffrey Tambor.

(I detest that show.)

[Dianne S]

You look completely feminine to me. But you're sitting down... how tall are you when you stand up? Maybe that made you noticeable?

[Michelle789]

I'm 6 foot tall.



… It's the fact that you are sitting with Jeffrey Tambor.

This picture is from Saturday. I got called Caitlyn Jenner on Tuesday and I was not with Jeffrey Tambor on Tuesday. I'm just giving you my most recent picture so you can see what I look like.

[Badtranny]

Pictures are not the answer. Being 'read' is rarely about your look. It's almost always about your presentation and that includes everything from hairstyle to posture.

From the pic with Tambor I can see that you are carrying weight in a way that is typical for males. That alone isn't likely to 'out' you but if you add in voice, and mannerisms, and height, and posture, and gait, then you're as good as read, if you don't score female on most of those.

I can tell you from experience that it's the little things that linger into the first years that will get you every time.

At this stage of the game I would be horrified if someone read me from 10 yards away. This lady did you an immense favor. Take the lesson and start fine tuning your presentation.

Pro Tip:
For most of us, the 'little things' turn out to be the easiest things once we finally learn to stop editing ourselves. Remember who you were at 8 years old.

[Krisi]

Sarah, You may not feel that my comment was "nice", but it's obviously the truth. There's not much point in constantly posting "You look very feminine." or "You poor baby." If this forum is to be of any use to anyone, we have to be honest.

If you are trying to pass as a female and you are constantly read as a male, it's not the other people's problem, it's your problem. You need to examine your presentation or even have friends help you by pointing out your "non-female" looks or actions. And that's the truth.

[stefan37]

If you're looking for feedback from those you are with. You have to ask them. Tell them to be honest and do not get defensive when they give their opinion.

I took a lot of flack for stating, that for me to move forward. I feel I need to limit my interaction socially with the "Trans community". Many of us transition from a male perspective after living and socializing as a male for many decades. Many of our Trans friends are transitioning from that same perspevtive. To minimize or erase those cues that prevent total integration. Social interaction with females is imperative to pick up those subtle mannerisms to achieve our goals.

[Sara Jessica]

Sarah, You may not feel that my comment was "nice", but it's obviously the truth. There's not much point in constantly posting "You look very feminine." or "You poor baby." If this forum is to be of any use to anyone, we have to be honest.

I didn't take Michelle's premise as opening the door to critique of her presentation. Instead, it seemed (to me, at least) more like a societal observation. Caitlyn Jenner is now part of the fabric and many out there may think they're being "cool" by making the "Caitlyn" comment when they detect trans in their midst.

[stefan37]

It's absolutely true that Caitlyn's coming out had shown a huge spotlight especially on those of us that may be borderline. Where we were once less visible is not now so. I was in the former category before FFS. I am glad I lived full time for 18 months before FFS. It allowed me the confidence to live as me and work harder on those clues that outed me. 7 months post FFS. Life is absolutely more comfortable. I am for the most part invisible from distance and close short encounters. Longer engagements I have more work to do. Maybe I'll never get to where I need to be. I'm finding that transition post FFS is more difficult than pre. The bar has been raised higher. When my facial features were male misgendering was understandably easier to deal with. Now that my face is more female that is no longer the issue and its the other stuff that will need considerably more work.

Her post in conjunction with her previous posts about The issues Caitlyn has brought into the open for her. Hey experience as she posted now she blends and passes so well. I just assumed she was complaining that now after Caitlyn she is more exposed. That means as I and others have commented more work on her presentation. If you are transitioning and getting read from a distance where they have to yell at you. Then yes presentation work is mandated.

[LeaP]

This picture is from Saturday. I got called Caitlyn Jenner on Tuesday and I was not with Jeffrey Tambor on Tuesday. I'm just giving you my most recent picture so you can see what I look like.

I understand. I was just combining a snide comment (J. Tambor/show reference) with the common observation that the most reliable way to be outed is to hang out with with other trans people. Tambor isn't, to my knowledge, but you get the idea.

(God, I hate explaining jokes.)


... many out there may think they're being "cool" by making the "Caitlyn" comment when they detect trans in their midst.

Maybe, but I think her transition is a huge cultural signpost and a new reference point (at least in the US), much as Christine J. was decades ago, and in a way that, say, Laverne Cox, could never be. It's the one EVERYONE knows about. I'm already find myself trying to avoid it in my coming out elevator spiel. "Um, ya know that Bruce Jenner thing ...?"

[JohnH]

I have been called "Johanna Jenner" by a clerk at the auto dealer where I get title applications to deliver to a county tax office and to bring back license plates. :) The clerks there know I am on M2F HRT.

John

[Starling]

Hey listen, if that photo of Michelle with Jeffrey Tambor (and "unidentified") had appeared in any other context than this forum, I doubt she'd have been read. How about we lay off her?

:) Lallie

[Tristessa]

Saying Hi Caitlyn is microaggressive, because it calls attention to your gender variance (she might as well have called out "hey trans female!") and glosses over your individual identity, putting you in the same box as Caitlyn when your story may vary in important ways. That would not sit well with me, either.

[Nicole Erin]

People think they are being "cool" with the Jenner references. It is not malice.

Kind of like anything else, people want to relate. It is for the same reason that younger wanna-be tough guys talk about gangs, or talk about martial arts when they see a bodybuilder, or kids talk about their stupid Honda civics when they see an ACTUAL muscle car. Or maybe someone brings up Nickelback when they hear the phrase "That really sucks"

But yeah, some of us are tired of hearing about Jenner. Today it is just an occupational hazard of being TG.

[jules]

i have been keeping my distance for a bit because i don't need the negativity and i don't want to deal with the naysayers but i had to brake my silence for this tread.
First i have not been called caitlyn jenner yet.
2nd congratulations to you for going up to her and talking that takes a tremendous amount of confidence in ones self and courage to do that. I still cant do it.
3rd its hard to tell what we are doing wrong by a picture.if you have friends you hang with ask them they will see how you walk,talk and carry yourself, we are who we are im sorry to say. it took me years to walk like a women in heels and to carry myself properly. but my voice is f%$#.
but you make the most of it.
do you feel good about yourself?
do you feel happerier with who you are?
are you at ease?
if you answered yes to all of these then there you go.
enjoy your life hun and my advice would be don't ever ask anyone what do they think is wrong unless they are face to face or a really good friend because that can do more damage then some women calling you whatsherface
i have seen this question before and some people can be very rude and have no tack what so ever.
we have spent a long time as a man and there is a lot of work to do change back to who we really are on the inside. it is going to take time. I don't know if your on hrt because i don't know your back round so i am assuming you are transiting because you are here. if not the same advice still applys.
by the way i think its really cool you have your picture taken with jeffery tambor. i would frame it if it was me.
and as for the other not so nice people that made those comments about you back the f%$% off.
im sorry for being rude but i hate that crap. and by the way michelle look at other women study them (but not in a perverted way lol). you would not believe how many carry themselves like men ,shaped like men hell even look like men. its mind staggering really. unless its a calgary thing.
enjoy your life hun you only get one so make the most of it.

julie summers