15 years not dressing - so why now?

[AnnaMarie]

I'm in my early 40's and earlier this year I found the need again to cross dress again. I used to do this 15 years ago, then just found I wasn't interested anymore. Nothing really has changed, married, I've got two young kids, self employed, happy - just this has become a compulsion again. Why?

[Sarah-RT]

I think we'd all like to know the why of it but as so often is seen none of us no why and it doesn't really seem to go away.
Rather than battling yourself over it try accepting it as a quirk that comes and goes and it will hopefully make life easier.
I find it more of a compulsion than a desire, if you have the will power to ignore it you can try but avoiding personal demons is a tricky business.

Sarah x

[Natasha V]

I go through times of desiring to dress and get in the feminine mode then after a few months it fades. I have notice it happens when my testosterone level drop that it fades I have low testosterone. I been dressing for a few years now.

[Angie G]

It don't go away AnnaMarie just give in to it put on a skirt and be happy.:hugs:
Angie

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o AnnaMarie,
I'm just guessing, but I bet there was something happening 15 years ago when you
just lost interest. Whatever it was, it was enough to distract you, something you found more
appealing than CDing.
Many of us here have had long periods of time where CDing didn't seem be a part of our lives anymore.
And then one day.......
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Samantha2015]

It's a hard thing to figure out. I don't think it ever goes away completely.
I've been off & on since my 20's. Never purged but always had a small box of girl stash.
Then late last year something changed I started really dressing up fully head to toe.
and then I joined this forum and post pictures. Crazy maybe, but I like letting Samantha
out to dress up. There was no life changing event last year to trigger this it just happened.
I'm not hurting anybody (other than my feet in 5" heels) :D so I'll try to have fun with it while I can.
Maybe I'll get tired of it in 6 months who knows ?? I'm not going to worry about it.

Your situation is different I realize. If you are out to your family and they don't mind, it shouldn't be
an issue. If they don't know about it ...I'm probably not the one to give advice for that situation.
I think everyone needs some "me" or "she" time as it were. If it makes you happy and hurts
nobody else ... go with it for now ...maybe just keep it private.

[Melody Phillips]

I have gone through spells like that. I liken it to purging. Instead of tossing out clothes....I stop dressing. Sometimes for years. The desire and the need to be feminine are always there. I always come back to dressing.

[Sarah Louise]

Like you I spent time away from dressing, but for me it was about 20 years. Maybe it's because as you get older, your testosterone levels drop and your oestrogen levels rise, but who knows? Personally, I think that it's always a desire deep down but you have more on your mind in your 20s and 30s, perhaps having young kids or the excitement of an early relationship. Then one day, you think I wouldn't mind doing that again and you know what, I've more time to do it. I've more disposable income and with the internet it's easy to do and easy to cover my tracks.

When this desire resurfaced, if I had to go into a shop then I may have buried the desire again. But as I can order my clothes on-line, get them delivered to my local store, interact with other like-minded souls (all in incognito mode of course) then somehow it's just easier.

[Rachelakld]

Maybe it's in our Yorkshire blood, the invaders all wore skirts.
I found marriage was a distraction for about the same time.
So at 40 I dressed when the family way away, 45 I semi dressed in front of them, at 48 they have all seen me fully dressed and now at 50 on a weekly basis.

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

I'm another one in your position. I stopped dressing 18 years ago of my own volition and it seemed to stay burried. The desire to dress came back four months ago when the thought came into my head that I might be bi-gender. It was only after joining the forum that I encounterd the term gender fluid. Exactly why is a big mystery, but Sarah may have part of the picture. If you are serious about understanding your feelings then an experienced gender therapist is probably the best way to go. Just be assured you are not alone.

Bridget

[Katey888]

AnnaMarie - I think that's happened to many of us... I've had a couple of long droughts of perhaps 6-8 years when things just 'paused' and I think the observation by others that more important things are happening in one's life is true, but our nature eventually catches up with us, just depending on individual circumstances... and then the girl will out! :cheer:

Actually, it's all down to Maslow's 'Hierarchy of Needs'. Many students of basic behavioural psychology will be familiar with this but not many know that Maslow eventually modified it to incorporate the CD & TG community and the amended pyramid you don't often see looks like this:

247091

and applies to us once those other needs are satisfied... It's been hushed up for decades but more people are accepting this version now... ;)

Katey x

[Kristy 56]

I think if we knew the reasons for cycles of starting and stopping,purging etc,we'd all be rich :)

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Katey

I love the graphic, but I think Maslow got the color wrong. Shouldn't the insert be pink? :p

[Teresa]

AnnaMarie,
I've commented on this before but something appears to hit in our forties, I've read so many posts of members coming out in their forties as I did !
My dressing has constantly been there since my childhood without a break I do admit it's more sexual !
Strangely I was influenced by a drama on TV called , " A little bit of lippy ". Seeing the character go through the stages of being caught, the threat of marriage separation and the final realisation and acceptance of wife and family, persuaded me to come out !
I didn't achieve the same acceptance level and the situation did deteriorate ! I did seek help from the Beaumont Society at that time, they had mixed feelings about the drama because of the upsurge of divorces after the screening !
As for the compulsion to return, to me it means after twenty years of marriage you start to have thoughts of being left behind and you find you've had no time for yourself , pleasant thoughts from the passed surface and maybe CDing is one of them . Some members say that the testosterone levels may be dropping and the hidden female traits begin to surface again but maybe it's not as sexually motivated this time but a more feminine side is emerging. We are all different so finding a single answer to cover all just isn't possible .

[justmetoo]

ha ha, Katie! Good one.

I think there's actually some truth in that. :)

[Robin414]

I believe it's biological. There's ALWAYS been something there (mosaic klinefelter syndrome might not be as rare as we think?) As we age our T level naturally drops...and BOOM! Just a thought 😑

[Pat]

Many students of basic behavioural psychology will be familiar with this but not many know that Maslow eventually modified it to incorporate the CD & TG community and the amended pyramid you don't often see looks like this:

Very sensitive of him to use a pink triangle for it. :)

[Traceyjo]

Your situation sounds very familiar to me AnnaMarie. I was around the same age and just like you self-employed with two young children and a happy family life. The only difference was that I had not been a crossdresser in my teens. I did put on some lingerie a couple of times and loved the thrill of it but the lack of opportunity prevented it developing. Once I began having relationships with girls there was no apparent urge to being anything but totally male. I always had strong urges to seek sexual excitement but was never tempted to be unfaithful in marriage .
Married sex became less frequent and fulfilling and one day when home alone and naked, I put on a g-string for fun and that was it. I felt aroused and sexy like a girl and wanted more and that's what has been happening ever since. So maybe it's that time of life when we need something more and we suddenly realise there is something we have been suppressing that can add a new exciting dimension to fulfill us with pleasure, satisfaction and comfort.

[AnnaMarie]

We could really do with a 'like' button on this forum :)
Some great responses

[STACY B]

See my thread Tool used to cope, Maybe you will get something out of that? I think alot of us lose something in our 40's that allowed us to cope with the Female in us.
Some say Testosterone , Some say Mid Life crisis, Some say work load shift, Inability to keep up with a Younger party type lifestyle? Who friggen knows?

But remember if it's CDing an you can get away with that just Enjoy it and thank GOD everyday it did not push you over Lifes Little Transition edge. Because you can CD from time to time or for a period of time and some people will Look or even Talk while it's happening or even shortly after, An if you end up stopping again it's surprising how fast people forget all about it and move on.

Just think about it for a second, How many times in your life do you ever hear someone going on and on about a CDer? Just one hit wonder and it's over, A good laugh or two if there even interested at all about it, Most times the ones that it bothers are our sisters that are just blabbing because there envious they can't.
Really think about it, The whole CD thing? Now transition never goes away, You get caught up in an over load of Pink fog or even get miss diagnosed for dysphoria and guess what, Stuck like chuck, So the whole cross dressing thing is easy to back out of and repair after you get your fill and end up moving on to something else.

Just think about how many were here before you and said certain things and did things that they were sure they would never return from? Where are they now, Very few people commit to one thing, I think most guys who CD are less likely to persist for long periods. What happen to all the others before us? Food for thought?

Bottom line do it an get it out of your system and be done with it, GOOD LUCK ! :2c:

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Anna Marie, You can run but you can't hide.:daydreaming:

[kryss.cd]

I've been off and on for about 10 years now. I'm still pretty young but I'll go periods of not dressing at all (not even thinking about it) and randomly I'll think "Hmm. I want to wear lingerie today" and I'll start up again for a few months.

Most people that crossdress go through cycles and few people break it. The ones that do are less likely to report it anyways so the studies are always skewed slightly and don't show the entire picture.

I'm still trying to accept this myself and it's been weird and confusing. Theres plenty of options. You can ignore it and see if it goes away or dress again for either a bit or the rest of your life. Just live life the way you want to do it.

[cheryl reeves]

i went on a 11 yr drought,but the thought of dressing never left. like many here confess too life sometimes gets in the way and cd'n takes a back burner. like me i run a 3 family household,there are 7 of us when we are all home,5 of our household doesnt mind me dressing,my one brother n law once he finally got married is no longer accepting of what i wear around the house,so it makes dressing difficult.

[ErikaS]

I like to think of it as a quote my mother gave me. Life is what happens when making other plans. After 50is years I have dressed and purged many times and now I fully accept me for who I am. A woman. So go get dressed and have fun.

[suchacutie]

Life is not linear. I used to play golf all the time when younger, but now only once in 20 years. Unless you transition to full time en femme you will have cycles of CDing. Seems pretty normal to me.

BTW, my testosterone has never dropped, and I turn 65 today.

[jigna]

I never got tired of wearing woman cloths, It give me great pleasure.
Everyday is a new excitement and I can not imagine sleeping without wearing woman undergarments.

[Sandie70]

I would have to agree with Sarah in that my dressing is more of a compulsion than a desire. I suppose desire enters into it a small bit, but I feel more compelled to dress from an inner need and not from any overwhelming sexual desire (although that is a component).

From my younger days when I would sneak trying on one of my wife's panties and/or bras to the present, my cross dressing had been sporadic at best. Every time I did this it was in secret and I found I experienced something more than just sexual satisfaction. Again, I felt a need to do this. (And as I read what I just wrote, I realize that there is a fine line between compulsion and desire... maybe in some way they are the same.)

Nevertheless, as I got older, I got into dressing more and more (I was single by now) but would abandon it after a short time - often throwing out the clothes I had spent good money on. I look back on those times now and I realize that I did this out of fear - fear that friends and family might find out.

But I always went back to dressing. And now, I am at a stage that I have come to be comfortable with my compulsion - and I no longer live in fear of someone finding out. I am finally embracing something that gives me pleasure and I no longer fight it. And it feels good.

And if I may paraphrase a line from Star Wars: "May the wardrobe be with you." LOL

[Stephj]

I am new here I will be 52 soon I have been a undresser for years just wearing a bra and panties now and then but in the last 6 months I find I want to wear a bra all the time and most days I wear one at least 12 hours for some reason if I don't wear a bra I become angry and bitter I know it's all in my head thinking of seeing a therapist on this seeking advice thanks