Leslie's path - friends

[LeslieSD]

Recently, my dressing has taken a huge step forward, which I am excited to share with you all.

For many years, I have been in a DADT situation with my spouse. I would get dressed and venture out occationally on Sundays or when she is not home. She knows about it (I told her about where I go), but that is usually what she wants know. Most of the time I just go cloth shopping at a few stores, and maybe have a quick meal some where. That's all I could do in the limited time of few hours.

And things are getting really boring (and a little sad). After the initial rush got worn off (happened long ago), I felt like that Leslie (when I am dressed) is just another ghost floating through the city. There is no interaction with anyone, and there is no purpose. It is just another (bigger) closet, which I occationally venture into, and see many shadows floating around. Though I still enjoy doing it, Leslie longs to be a real person. But this is no life.

So I have decided that I must get Leslie some friends. And I finally did it! I came out to a good friend couple of mine.

This is a friend couple I have known for years. They are an older couple, who always give me good advices, and are usually straight to the points. It was hard for me to summon enough courage to tell the story. To my huge relief, they not only listened to me carefully, and they said they can totally feel for me. They told me that even it is a bit surprise to take, but they felt happy the I told them that. They understood that dressing is what I desired from deeply within, and they would be happy to see me dressed so I can be happy. They invited me to come dressed next time so they can meet Leslie.

I almost wanted to cry there. Leslie is starting to emerge as a person who is real alive.

[Melissa in SE Tn]

So happy to hear the joy in your soul. Long live Leslie & may she grow in the real world. Peace, mel

[jamielynn_ca]

Leslie - I totally *feel* this post, and there is a fairly strong and accepting community in San Diego for you to find friends! Go hang out at SRO a few evenings, take a walk and shop the thrifts and consignment shops in Hillcrest, join a support group, get out and interact with the world. Feel and be alive, and you will make new friends too! Wish we could have met when I had an apartment there...

[Claire Cook]

Hi Leslie,

What a sweet story. Having such supportive friends is wonderful -- both for the support and the weight it takes off your shoulders. I hope you have a wonderful time with them.

Hugs,
Claire

[justmetoo]

That's great, Leslie! Good friends you can be yourself with are priceless.
I lived in Hillcrest MANY years ago (but I was till deep in the closet then and never ventured out).

[Heidi Stevens]

I'm so glad you have found your way, Leslie! Your friends are really special. And as has been pointed out, you have a strong local community. I unfortunately do not have an open support community here. I am in the exact relationship with my wife as you are with yours. DADT and able to go out a few times a month when she's not home. I've decided that for me to grow I've got to go to where I can interact with some open minded people. So I'll be trying to go to conferences and other multi day events to help Heidi grow. I wish you luck as we both try to find ourselves.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Oh Leslie, as I read your story I wanted to cry with you in happiness. when you talked about Leslie wanting to be a real person and floating through as a ghost I think I know exactly what you mean. I am so glad you had friends to come out to and that they were very supportive. It is so important to be able to interact and I so long for that too.
I am happy for you and I hope it goes well and just gets better.
My thoughts are with you sister.

[LeslieSD]

Thanks ladies. I can't believe how lucky I am for having such wonderful friends. Especially considering their ago. Or maybe it is exactly their age enables them to help me cutting the crap and get to know what would really make my life better. Enjoy every moment of life and not to worry about the irrelevant things.

[Marcelle]

Hi Leslie,

What a great step forward and what great friends. Now Leslie can have an outlet for interaction and feel less like a ghost floating through the city.

Hugs

Isha

[Krisi]

It's great that you are happy but two things concern me:

1) Finding closeness outside of your marriage is heading down a risky path. You really should try to get this from your wife.

2) There's a possibility that this couple will out you. Not intentionally, perhaps, but slip up and say something when they let their guard down. My standard rule is, once you let anyone know, you're out. The exception is a wife who has something to lose also but even she could slip up.

I suggest trying to bring your wife around. Don't get dressed up in heavy makeup and heels and suggest a night on the town, but do it slowly. Start by wearing (plain black) panties instead of men's underwear. Then perhaps unisex tops. See if you can ease her into seeing you dressed more feminine over a period of months or even years.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Leslie, You are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends.:daydreaming:

[Jasmine Harris]

Leslie
New to this website and happened upon your message as I was orienteering.
I too had the same situation. Another was a friends children. They did not run, scream, hide or bring a photo of the child catcher from chitty chitty bang bang and shout 'snap'! The youngest (4 YO Boy) hugged my left and the 6YO girl my right. She then went and bought all her jewelry out and asked me to choose anything I wanted!
On asking Matilda (mother) with emotions new "How?"
She replied;
"I asked them if they remembered Ian who sang at the party last week"? To which they said yes.
"Well Ian, when he was your age wished to dress as a girl. And now his dream has come true. Would you like to meet Jas today"?
Life can be an amazing thing.

PS - I happen to be in SF next month. Any advice for living 24/7 whilst there?

Jas

[Sara Jessica]

And things are getting really boring (and a little sad). After the initial rush got worn off (happened long ago), I felt like that Leslie (when I am dressed) is just another ghost floating through the city. There is no interaction with anyone, and there is no purpose. It is just another (bigger) closet, which I occationally venture into, and see many shadows floating around. Though I still enjoy doing it, Leslie longs to be a real person. But this is no life.

So interesting Leslie. Your paragraph above describes what I went through for well over 10 years. In the early days, there was no internet so when I'd go to support group meetings, it wasn't like I was giving out my address or home phone number in order to cultivate friendships. I found my outings to be plenty of fun but way too solitary. Cell phones and the internet changed all that and I have friends all over the nation who I absolutely cherish.

That said, it is interesting that you chose someone in your "vanilla" circle to come out to. That is a bold move but one I'm sure you made carefully. I happen to keep pretty sharp separation between my girl and guy circles of interaction. Think of a Venn Diagram, the only area of commonality is my wife and she is like yours, DADT (or Y,W as I described it elsewhere www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?228059-degrees-of-DADT-(labels-again-Bruce-)&highlight=). I don't agree with the previous post which suggested you need to drag your wife into this if she isn't comfortable in doing so. Mine isn't and at this point I have 1000% accepted that and would actually be weirded out if she said one day she wanted to join me on an outing. She knows who my dear friends are. She knows how close my emotional attachment to them is, including Diana who is a natal female. These are dear friends just the same as I have cherished friendships on the guy side as well. My fondness for ALL of my friends is the same no matter what even if there is clear separation between the two camps.

So yes, friends are really important in our world and help us to be the best (and happiest) we can be.

[Badwolf]

I am at a similar crossroads on SOME level Leslie, but with a few things that made it semi-easier and semi-harder.

I was out to a friend that was an ex room-mate, mostly because he was nosy and found my stuff. He is gay and his friends are super varied and open both sexually and in many other factors. So I came out to some of the group of friends there by just showing up to lunch one day dressed. An almost entirely warm reception. They don't know too many people from the rest of my life so the chances of them outing me to many important people in my life is minimal.

The down side was that I was already moving away soon after that, so I'm back to square one on the subject.. :/

[LeslieSD]

"Well Ian, when he was your age wished to dress as a girl. And now his dream has come true. Would you like to meet Jas today"?
Life can be an amazing thing.


Jas, that's so lovely and heart warming.



That said, it is interesting that you chose someone in your "vanilla" circle to come out to. That is a bold move but one I'm sure you made carefully. I happen to keep pretty sharp separation between my girl and guy circles of interaction. Think of a Venn Diagram, the only area of commonality is my wife and she is like yours, DADT (or Y,W as I described it elsewhere www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?228059-degrees-of-DADT-(labels-again-Bruce-)&highlight=). I don't agree with the previous post which suggested you need to drag your wife into this if she isn't comfortable in doing so. Mine isn't and at this point I have 1000% accepted that and would actually be weirded out if she said one day she wanted to join me on an outing. She knows who my dear friends are. She knows how close my emotional attachment to them is, including Diana who is a natal female. These are dear friends just the same as I have cherished friendships on the guy side as well. My fondness for ALL of my friends is the same no matter what even if there is clear separation between the two camps.


Sara, I actually have got to a point that I don't care about being out to anyone (even to my colleagues). I even would welcome that had it happened. The reason that hasn't is because of my wife, who is very against telling anyone we know (because it makes her felt embarrassed). I guess that part of our DT is "don't tell anyone we know" even though many of our friends and all our family members indeed know about it (from an earlier incidence which I may write about later), and choose not to talk about it.

This friend couple I went out to recently is indeed a bit isolated from our normal friend circle. I think that makes it having the least chance of irritating my wife. For whatever reason, the topic of "dressing" is so much an embarrassment to her that she refuses to even talk about it, even it has no part that might "embarrass" her. I guess that's what "DT" part is coming from. That's an opposite to the "Y,W" in your case I think.

[Sara Jessica]

Leslie, that is part of the marriage partnership, that we have to consider what our SO's think when it comes to fitting the TG into the scheme of things. Whether DADT or Y,W...the SO often says WWTNT (what will the neighbors think?).

So we adapt. We may isolate ourselves indoors or we might venture outside into this wonderful world of ours, only doing so in measured steps so as not to make the SO say WTF. NIMBY (not in my back-yard) is usually what makes them feel most comfortable whether it is DADT or Y,W.

My point is that you seem to be in a place in this whole thing where the thought of being "out" to those you know doesn't phase you a bit. And that is a good place to be. But you have to remember, it will phase her.

This is where the balance gets that much more difficult.