Mom and brother are talking to my wife

[Alexa Lynne]

I came out today to my mom about wanting to be a female. She didn't take it too lightly, and while i'm not very religious, they both told me that I was confused, and that my medications are making me not think straight and that Satan has ahold of me, etc. . I just found out a few moments ago that they are trying to talk my wife into having me committed to a psych hospital. . . Now, i know some legal limbo, and if i'm not mistaken, I can only be forced committed if i am a threat to myself or others, correct? Me being transgender has nothing to do with anything. I feel this way 100%, and they just can't accept it. They both told me that i would also be their son/brother no matter what gender I was, and that they would not accept me being a female.

Thoughts?

[flatlander_48]

Professional Counseling?

DeeAnn

[Alexa Lynne]

They want to commit me to a psychiatric hospital. . . Not happening.

[Rachelakld]

I think they are confused, Psych hospitals don't remove Satan, neither does "medication", although the old process of hung, drawn & quarted, or burning at the steak, helped some victems of Satan, unfortunately many didn't survive this process.

Maybe time to move on and start a family you want, where crazy people can't get involved.

[Eryn]

I think that you should get legal help, and not from a forum.

One caution, people of the type you're dealing with here are not beneath outright lying to achieve their aims. It is possible that they will invent and report to authorities a scenario in which you are danger to yourself or others to achieve their aims.

Be prepared, know where you stand legally.

[Alexa Lynne]

I agree Eryn, and I have thought about that, too. My wife is the only one that can have me committed, and i confronted her about it, and she she unless I did show danger to myself or others, she wouldn't, because she has done it to a friend before, but that friend of hers was suicidal and had taken a lot of pills. . . Myself, I am 100% clear on this. I know what I want :)

[Megan G]

Mackenziem,

I feel for you, I had a very similar reaction to coming out to my family as a transexual woman. I heard it all and endured a week long assault of nasty text messages , phone calls and in person chats...

This is the medication talking not you, stop the meds and all will return to normal... Not a chance!!

Your confused and need help ( already seeing a psychologist thanks)

They called my wife and assured me of being gay and liking men ( I am gay but am a lesbian)

And then at the end of it they wished my son a happy life as obviously he was going to need it with s dad like me... Classy

At the end of the day your choice to transition is to do what is best for you, not them. I removed my mother and brother from my families life and they got the point quick. Since then I have held them at arms length and have never let them back in since. They are trying to earn my trust back but it will take time for those scars to heal.

As long as you are not a threat to people or yourself they have nothing to base the need to commit you on. Distance yourself a little until it calms down. I wish you the best...

Megan

[STACY B]

JESUS,, I thought it was Bad in Miss! Good Lord ,, What are these people thinking? Did I just wake up in the 1900's or WHAT ?????? If I were you I would RUNNNNNNNNNN away from the Jerry Springer show and find me a new spot to live!! Some people !

[Alexa Lynne]

I feel alone. I have noone except you all here :) I need a friend. I honestly wish I could find a female who will accept me for who I am and not judge me. But finding someone like that is like finding a needle in a haystack. My mother told me that no matter if i get the surgery or not, I will always be her SON, because she doesn't have any daughters. My wife told me that if i do anything to alter my appearance, such as wear makeup, start taking female hormones, then she will make me leave. Honestly, I think if i had some place to go and could afford to leave, I would.

[CarlaWestin]

You know the whole Satan thing is just bullshit, right? You are real and the forces that drive your distractors are just contrived bullshit!

Enjoy YOUR life!

[Leslie Langford]

mackenzie, people don't get committed to a psych hospital simply based on somebody else's say-so. Your freak-show family might succeed in having the police or an EMS team deliver you to the emergency ward of a local hospital by spinning a web of lies that might convince them that you need psychiatric help, but that's where their involvement stops. At that point, you would have been delivered into the care of trained medical professionals who would be able to make their own un-biased assessments of your mental state based on standardized DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Revision IV) diagnostic guidelines.

The good news is that according to this Manual - which all practicing psychiatrists and psychologists must adhere to - transgenderism is no longer considered to be a mental disorder, and this will likely prove to be a huge disappointment for your overbearing, prejudiced, and uneducated family (bonus!).

On the contrary, not only will no psych hospital of any repute keep you committed to "cure" you of your transgenderism, they will more than likely provide you instead with access to the type of counselling that will enable you to come to terms with and accept your condition, while also giving you the tools to deal effectively with the "haters" in your life.

[Alexa Lynne]

Carla, yes I know. I 100% agree with you. I don't have a problem with religion. I was raised in church up until 17. I was forced to go. My mom and brother are just pissed because they think it's wrong. They said "God don't make mistakes", etc. . . My mom was here yesterday when I got home from work and that's when I told her. She kept on and on and on about me always being her SON no matter what ends up happening. She said she would always love me, but would not support me in this. That's when I told her that she could go home. . . She did!

Leslie, that's what I want! I know this is what I want. I have thought about it a lot, and I really believe this all started a few years after i started puberty. Maybe when I was 15 or so. I didn't give it much thought through my teens because I was in school, athletic, etc. Just didn't have time to think about it. At the age of 20, yeah, I thought about it a little bit, but I was married and had a child, and knew it wasn't the right time. I'm 32 now, and even though I work, that's pretty much all I do. I am trapped inside of a male's body, and I want out!

[Amy1980]

i know how you feel. i want to come out to my family but like you they are so faith based the irogent kind. i had a conversation about politics today with my mom knowing where it would go. i led it from the confedreate flag debate into abortion into gay marriag and transgender. i was sly in this to get her feelings i already knew. she told me it was unchristian. i told her i had friends that way and only god can judge and we should love our neighbors. i kinda let her know how i felt while acepting her belief but she flat out said she does not agree with it and would never. she had some choice ignorent words and i changed the subject. i qusse i will never come out to them. so aplaued you for haveing the courage to do so.

[Alexa Lynne]

Amy, this stuff isn't easy. The following is a quote that my mom texted me earlier today

"That's NOT who you are and you know it. YOU are in GODs hands, and if you really want to put me in my grave then go ahead but trust me you will regret it. I do NOT want to see you in any female clothes. I love you and always will but you are making the biggest mistake of your life"


GUILT TRIP, maybe? Sorry, not working on me!

[Amy1980]

that sounds like a guilt trip. my mother does that. if a long enogh time goes by she tells me she would better off be dead noone would miss her. i always assume acting like this was just what older parents do to keep there kids comming back home. so i know how it is.

you do what is right for you. dont let noone make you do anything you dont want. legally they cant commit you unless you are a danger. and thanks to the world being so grand at the moment i have a feeling your route will lead you to counsling where your doctor will tell you that what your feelings are telling you. then that doctors input may help your case with your family.

[Alexa Lynne]

I certainly hope so! I want to start the process. If that means that I have to be out on my own, living in my vehicle for a while, then so be it. I will be ok!

[Amy1980]

thats where i am at in my life. im about to move from oklahoma i think to the east coast or the west coast and start my life new. if my family wants to be a part of my life they will let me know. i know i am makeing the right decsion. it came clear to me end of last year that i was makeing the right move.

[Alexa Lynne]

Where in Oklahoma do you live right now? I'm in West-Central Arkansas.

[JenniferR771]

Mac,
This is discouraging. I just looked up the main list of local psychologists and counselors, in Fort Smith.
https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_results.php?sid=1435375498.3121_16985&city=Fort+Smith&county=Sebastian&state=AR&tr=BackResults

I could not find even one that listed "gender" in their long lists of problems treated. Some listed "sexual addiction" and "internet addiction". Only one listed gay, lesbian and bisexual problems.

Many listed their "Orientation" as Christian.

One listed "heterosexuals" under "Categories".

I was going to suggest getting a counselor of your choice in advance as a sort of pre-emptive strike. Now, I am not so sure that would work.

I had the same problems in my town. Read the internet information and websites carefully--choose a counselor wisely.

Compare the services and specialties available in your town, with the east coat or west coast town like San Francisco.

Maybe an internet or phone counselor from California would work out better. Dr. Vitale for instance.
http://avitale.com/

Actually, on second thought, I found one that listed "Transexual issues"
http://www.chenaltherapy.com/?page_id=10

[Alexa Lynne]

thank Jennifer. I looked too. I may have to find one in Tulsa, or Oklahoma City.

[Tracii G]

Yes that was a guilt trip nothing more.
If she throws up religion just say you believe God made everyone right? God has a plan right? I believe that too.
Then say well God made me the way I am and I have felt more female than male my whole life and if you had any compassion you would try to understand because thats what God would want you to do.
If she gets upset quietly say you know how about acting like a real Christian and not pretending to be one.
Just my 2cents

[Amy1980]

i am from southeast oklahoma. it is hard to find doctors here in the bibel belt. to religiouse and old fasion. i have found a few in scottsdale arizona and a few more in sanfransisco. thats where i may go for my therapy. if your welling to travel there easier to find towerds the coast,s

[Tracii G]

Try to find the closest GLBT center in your area. They can put you in contact with doctors that deal expressly with TG people.

[Robin414]

You are what you are and you're certainly not crazy....medical and phsycological science has proven that THEY are! You need professional advice for sure but my two cents worth says evaluate your relationship with your wife and seriously come to terms with the possibility you might need to LEAVE the asylum! 😠

[I Am Paula]

You need to rid yourself of toxic people. Fast.

[Katey888]

All good advice here Mackenzie... :hugs:

Find your nearest local LGBT resource - they may be able to help with advising suitably qualified counsellers or other support options, including legal.

Get away from these unaccepting and potentially dangerous influences on your life.

Do both of these FAST! :straightface:

Katey x

[Marcelle]

Hi Mackenzie,

While we can definitely offer support and advice, take what you read with a grain of salt. You know your family and wife better than any of us. While some may be advocating just tell it like it is, you also have to be prepared for the knock on effects . . . loss of family, potential loss of wife and compare this with what you potentially stand to gain . . . emotional comfort in being who you need to be. It is obvious now that your family and wife and quite likely many more know about you so my question is . . . what do you want? If you know in your heart of hearts you want to be a woman then you need to take the steps necessary to achieve that aim but unfortunately it will come at a cost. If this is the path you choose, your first step is to seek gender identity counseling with someone who specializes in such things to help bring order to chaos (I see you are looking into it which is a good thing). You might also want to have an exit plan in place just in case things go south quickly. Do you have close friend who you might feel comfortable confiding in? Is there a TG support group anywhere in your area?

Hugs

Isha

[Rhonda Darling]

Why you chose to come out to your dogma driven intolerant family is totally beyond my comprehension. I would suspect that if they do attempt to have you committed that they'll enlist the lying assistance of some fire and brimstone spewing members of their church to vouch for their truthfulness and concern, and try to paint you as a deviant. In places where rationalism is not a sin, you would have an easy time convincing the team of doctors they will lie to that you are not a threat. In the heart of Bible thumping country, where the possibility that there are others like Caitlyn Jenner scares the crap out of them and threatens their perfect world, you may have a struggle on your hands. If there is a local LGBT group, see if there are any LGBT lawyers they would recommend, go have a chat, lay down a few bucks as a retainer, and have him/her on standby to be your legal advocate in case your nut job family tries to make good on their threat.

I especially recommend making plans to get out of Dodge sooner, rather than later. I would expect your family to start telling everyone you know that you are professing to be trans in a feeble attempt to shame you publicly and in an attempt to cut you out of the herd and isolate you.

Good luck.
Rhonda

[Shelly Preston]

I think your right to find help via the right counselling. If your family start to get involved I dont see them looking for someone who is tg friendly to help.

You may want to speak to a lawyer too before it gets too messy. I only say this as I want to be prepared for the worst , as I dont see a happy ending.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

They're panicking and way out of their depth. You've had a lot of time to come to terms with your crossdressing, they've had a few hours. Keep calm, and keep in touch with us. I don't know your age, but you should look at your legal rights very closely.

Exciting times...

Hugs, Nikki

[Mollyanne]

After reading all the responses from our "sisters" and also you input to those responses the answer is really quite simple--------first thing is to see a therapist, second thing see a good lawyer, and I mean A GOOD LAWYER!!!!!!, third say nothing anymore to everyone concerning your thoughts, feelings and your ambitions when you do it's like throwing gasoline on a fire IE:your mom. Now you must also consider the prospect of a nasty divorce and limited visits to your child or children.

In any event, I wish you happiness and fulfillment in whatever path you take.

Molly

[Krisi]

You say in your first post that you want to become female but in post #9 you say you want a female who will accept you for what you are. That sounds a bit confusing. If you're going to become a woman, wouldn't you want a male who accepts you?

I think it's time to backup and figure out exactly what you want and how you're going to accomplish it. This may be the time for you to seek professional help because it's the most important decision you will ever make in your life. It's not something that can be reversed.

BTW: If you can't afford to leave your wife, how can you afford the $100K or so it costs to feminize your body?

[Sammy777]

To the OP:
Sorry to hear your family and wife are not at all currently supportive of you.
Will that change over time? Its not impossible and had/has happened to some here.

As some say, you pulled the pin on (the tranny) grenade and this well, went boom!
Good news, even if you don't see it yet, is that the worse is over and you now know where you stand.

The next step is to make plans and decide what is, and isn't, important to you.
Many of us have lost a lot transitioning, but in the end we also saw that what we lost wasn't nearly as much as what we gained and in the end are better off for it.

Yes, it sucks, a LOT, I know, trust me as I've lost friends, (some) family, and a host of other things, but I wouldn't trade going back for the world.
There are a lot of us TS here, so know you have the support of people who are, or have already gone through this.



You say in your first post that you want to become female but in post #9 you say you want a female who will accept you for what you are. That sounds a bit confusing. If you're going to become a woman, wouldn't you want a male who accepts you?

Krisi, Did you know there are wonderful females on this planet that are attracted to other females?
We even have a name for them too! They are called LESBIANS. And they have cousins called BISEXUALS.
Not every Woman is attracted to or wants/needs a Man in her life. :P

[Alexa Lynne]

@ Krisi - I have no desire to be with a male, so i guess you could say I will end up being a lesbian. :)

[CynthiaD]

Mackenzie:

I am deeply religious myself, and it constantly amazes me how quickly some, supposedly, religious people accuse others of being in the power of Satan. As far as I can see, "Satan" is just another term for "hatred," "anger," "self centeredness," and "lies." You might want to remind your mother and brother about this, and that Chritianity is about love and acceptance, not hatred.

All the best,
Cynthia