Would you open the door?

[Sandie70]

Today I decided to dress nice casual (full makeup, wig, Khaki colored capris and a nice white v-neck top and pretty low-rise sandals with rhinestones on them) and go to the post office for an adventure. It was a post office far from my home so I didn't care or worry about being sighted by gossipy neighbors.

Anyway, the quick visit for stamps went easy, but on the way out, two women were coming toward the door and I held it open for them as they approached.

They smiled and said "thank you," but as I got in the car I wondered if I hadn't just reverted to drab manners and given myself away.

Then I started wondering whether another woman would have opened the door and held it for these ladies.

Did I act in the manner of a woman, or did I turn male for those few seconds?

I've been so used to practicing etiquette as a male, I'm not sure how my manners might be different as a girl.

Opinions?

[Sarah-RT]

women hold the door open for each other too but I can see how the male etiquette of holding the door can take you out of the moment, I wouldnt fret about it!

Sarah x

[Katey888]

OMG!!!! You know I never realised...? :eek: There are probably thousands... millions... of women out there now, just staring at each other through a glass door - waiting... hoping... that a man will come along and break the standoff... ;)

I completely get what you're feeling Sandie - I've thought about this myself but I'm pretty sure it works on age or politeness the same way it works on gender - if you appear younger than the person at the door, you should defer to age and hold the door for them if of the same gender... I'd have a tough time breaking the habit too... :)

Strangely if I get rammed by a shopping cart or basket in a store, it tends to be an older woman on the other end of the offending article - don't know if this is connected... just sayin'...

Katey x

[Jenniferathome]

What I see in any state in the US where I have been is that women will generally hold the door for another woman after the woman opening the door has entered, but not open the door and let other women pass through. In fact, I can't recall ever seeing that. Women RARELY even hold the door after passing through for man. Chivalry is one sided. Sandie, you did a man thing. It's hard not to do it.

[Stephanie47]

Were they male cross dressers? No? Are you sure? If both parties are women, do they flip a coin for first entry or exit? I've seen many women holding a door for another woman, and, even a man. I believe by law all doors of commercial buildings must open outwardly so people rushing from a fire do not pile up against the door and all die. I think subconsciously the mind would make an evaluation it is easier for all to get through by one holding the door open for two.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I've held doors open for ladies and ladies have held doors open for me and other ladies. It is a friendly and helpful thing to do, and usually leads to a pleasant and positive interchange. Makes the world (at least Australia) a better place.

[MissTee]

I can hear their guy-dar claxon sounding all the way down here. Nevertheless, I doubt they cared.

[Kate Simmons]

Sure, it's just being polite. It has no gender. :)

[justmetoo]

I think it depends a bit on the circumstances and how the door holding is conducted. In general, it just seems like common courtesy to hold the door for another person after you pass through it if they're close to the door, whether behind you or approaching from the other side. Or to hold the door open if the other person is burdened in a way that it's obvious they would have to do some juggling to get through on their own. In other cases it can come off as condescending, or even a little intimidating.

[LeslieSD]

I caught myself doing that sometimes. Habits are hard to change.

From my observation, most women just walk through. And if they held the door, they go through first instead letting the lady behind to pass.

[nvlady]

If I go outside I'm in drab, but oftentimes when a guy and I get to the door at the same time I will open it for him, or he will open it for me. I would imagine women do the same thing and it means nothing.

[Jean 103]

I have and do it is only polite. I do the same for guys and both have held a door for me.

[baldy1]

Sandie manners should not have gender restrictions?

Julie

[bridget thronton]

People on my campus open doors for each regardless of genders.

[jigna]

It depends case to case, if you appear younger than the person at the door, you should defer to age and hold the door for them if of the same gender..

[Michelle 78]

I don't think there is a gender boundary for this one, I suppose age comes into it mind you. I've had women hold a door open for me as a man, so I'm sure you didn't stare up any suspicion.

[addievaughn]

In my experience door-holding etiquette has never seemed too gender-specific, though I would imagine that males typically get an additional serving of it when they come of age and start having those awkward talks with dad in the garage. It is often one of the many signs of a gentlemen, but often enough, too, it is a sign of a well-mannered person in general. I was taught as a child to hold the door for anyone, so by the time life became thick with male dogma I didn't really see how it was any more special to extend an already-practiced courtesy to a group I already included.

I think you probably acted in a manner that was simply you - and only turned male for a second to question it in retrospect. :)

[Marcelle]

Hi Sandie,

I agree with many here . . . fiddle faddle . . . women hold doors open for other women out of courtesy and I have had it happen to me :). I think we prescribe too many "legacy behaviors" to one gender. Indeed I have seen men just walk right by women, open the door and let it close behind them . . . can you say rude. Heck I have even had a guy open a door and motion me to pass when I was in male mode . . . it is just good manners for some, second nature for others and non-existent for the rest.

Hugs

Isha

[Mollyanne]

Not only did you do the right thing but a random act of courtesy goes a VERY long way. You did not "revert" back to male mode.

Molly

[char GG]

You are putting way too much thought into this. I hold the door for anyone that is behind me; man or woman. It seems like the right thing to do.

[Krisi]

In the more polite parts of the country (the south), a woman would probably hold the door open for other women, especially if the other women appeared older.

If this is something that really concerns you, spend some time observing actual women entering and exiting stores. Keep a log and report back.

[docrobbysherry]

Sandie, you're over thinking this. I'm a 70 year old guy. Women open the door for me all the time. When I'm dressed, men and women both flee upon my approach. No door holding involved, period.

The fact that they went by u at close range means u probably passed! I'm so jealous!

[Pat]

OMG!!!! You know I never realised...? :eek: There are probably thousands... millions... of women out there now, just staring at each other through a glass door - waiting... hoping... that a man will come along and break the standoff... ;)

Hah! Reminds me of the old "Power Failure at Mall: Hundreds Trapped on Escalator For Hours" jokes. I think a few minutes standing in front of a large store will answer the question. Some people hold doors, others don't. You did. No worries -- it's not politeness that's going to get you "read."

Edit: Thinking on it, I actually have the reverse issue: when I'm out dressed I get an odd feeling when men hold doors for me or act as gentlemen are supposed to act toward women.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Never second guess yourself for being polite to another person.
Good people do good things for others. It's always the right thing to do.
Be a good man and it will make you a better woman.
Values know no gender.

[kryss.cd]

I don't think it's an issue. Around here it's common courtesy to hold the door open for anyone regardless of either party's gender.

[Sandie70]

LOL

Thanks for all the comments ladies. Actually, I never wanted to imply that women are impolite, or that I should abandon my values. It was just a thought that went briefly through my mind (and believe me, I'm really not overthinking this - I leave that for my consideration of a unified field theory I'm puzzling over).

I guess the bigger picture behind my comment was how many little everyday things define gender differences... some of them major and some merely whimsical. Things big and small that we might never had considered.

And without going into it further, those who got angry with me for posting this... please back off. This was just a point of interest - not a world shattering issue.

[Ineke Vashon]

Courtesy has no gender. Most appreciate it, some should. C'est la vie. You were courteous; you can feel good about it.

Ineke

[DorothyElizabeth]

I frequent a local convenience store for coffee. I stop by there nearly twice a day, on average, and it is a very busy store. I have observed the door-holding business (mostly out of sheer curiosity) and have concluded that opening doors is not gender specific, nor does it seem to be related to age, race or (as near as I can tell) religion, or economic status. I suspect there's a reason some things are referred to as "common courtesies".

[RADER]

I walk with a cane, have a balance issue. Many times as I approach a door,
People open and hold it for me. Sometimes it is a Woman, some times it is
a Man. I always thank them, as they are being extra courtesy.
Some times when a Girl/ Woman is holding the door, I say Thank You, But
I should be holding for you. I get a real nice smile when I say that.
So do not worrier, having a little common courtesy is a good thing.
Rader

[Cheryl T]

Depends who gets to the door first and such.
I've had women hold it for me and I've done it for them.

[Angie G]

Sandie I think holding a door for a woman or a man is just the right thing to do. If you get to the door first you hold it for someone else.If I'm going in or out a door I will hold it if someone is walking to it.:hugs:
Angie

[Fany27ab]

Of course even the girls need to show courtesy

[Badwolf]

Old thinking of manners you did something nice, so don't overthink it. I do tend to catch GG's be LESS conscious of wether or not someone is coming through (in front or behind), and they are likely to just keep on moving. This by no means says that it's not possible, just that they don't stress it. If they notice I've had women hold the door even for me in guy mode and girl mode. I'd just chalk it up to acting as your own woman. :)

[Gwinnie]

I did the same thing at Dress Barn for some man and his wife. Neither one gave me a 2nd look