Terrifying to be a Female?

[Alexa Lynne]

Has any T-Girls thought about being a female? I know I have. Sometimes, i get scared, due to all the perverts out there. My biggest fear of becoming a female is getting raped or killed. Does anyone else have that feeling or ever thought about something like that? This isn't meaning to scare anyone, but it does happen.

[arbon]

Hi Mackenzie,

First I would like to suggest you not refer to us as T-Girls, it is really not an accurate or polite way to address the women here.

This is a transsexual part of the forum and many of us have transitioned socially and physically as much as we can. We are women.

To answer your question Being read as trans is what scares the crap out of me most the time.

[Frances]

It's not because you're afraid that you are in any danger. Being afraid is psychological condition. Men are four times more likely to be physically assaulted anytime they leave the home.

T-girl is a term created by the porn industry.

[Alexa Lynne]

Hey arbon. I didn't mean any disrespect. My apologies. I like to use abbreviations on some words, and "transgender women" is one of those :) I do apologize though.

[Lorileah]

Every TS in the world has fears either before during and may after starting the journey. It's normal. Being raped and killed is a good fear to have as it makes you be aware of where you are and who you are with.

It may be a good time since you are new here to look in the MtF section at definitions so you don't stumble again when you post. I have not read your profile but are you a TS? Or have you thought about what you want out of the site?

[Alexa Lynne]

Hey Lorileah, I'm a Transgender Female. :) I am new here. Only been here a few days.

[LeaP]

Frances - interesting comment.

The concern for safety is well-taken, fear or not. Trans-women come in for a disproportionate share of LBGT violence. I know someone who was beaten unconscious recently.

[Starling]

Earlier this year I drove all day as myself to visit an old lover who knows and accepts my gender identity, and as I neared her condo at ten o'clock that night, I got lost in highway construction detours. I called her from a deserted shopping center parking lot and asked her to drive over and lead me to her place. I waited for what seemed like forever in that godforsaken parking lot, so I called her again in a panic. She told me to calm down, she was on her way. Then I told her I was presenting as myself.

"Oh sorry, I understand," she said, and made a beeline to rescue me. That's the first time I was ever scared to be recognized as female, and I got a good taste of what it means to feel like a target when you're in unfamiliar territory. I was probably overreacting, but the feeling was very real.

:) Lallie

[BOBBI G.]

I have heightened awareness every time I step out of my little sanctuary. Going to my mailbox is a head rotating event. I have taken some steps to assist in my safety, and hopefully, soon I will be taking some sort of self defense classes. Am I paranoid, a little, but mostly, I just want to be prepared for the worst, and still hope for the best.

Bobbi

[rachael.davis]

My GI therapist made a comment on the order of you should be nervous - You're moving away from male privilege, and probably aren't going to be offered standard women's courtesies

Situational awareness, and common sense are my bestie buddies in the world

[Dianne S]

I'm not usually nervous, but it depends on the situation. I get slightly more nervous after dark than I would normally be and I avoid potentially-unsafe situations. Just like any other woman out there, I have to use common sense.

[jigna]

Just avoid going late nights n lonely areas.

[Melissa Rose]

Am I terrified, afraid, scared, etc.? No. I work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency so I know what horrible things can happen to women (and men) in those regards. While I have the benefit of training, it does not change my, and the other women I work with, attitude of refusing to allow others to compromise my feeling of safety and well being. There are always risks of being out in the world for everyone, and I am more concerned about other risks not because of or related to my gender. It does not mean I am reckless, careless or make myself an easy target, but I do not walk around being afraid because I am a woman.

[Robin414]

Yes! Being a man has some benefits for sure, and so does being a woman but the awkward in between part is scary as hell sometimes! My greatest fear when presenting as a woman is being approached by a guy! Just a couple nights ago I was at a park and a guy walking his dog said Hi, I politely waved and went back to my reading and he came closer to start a conversation! I lost it, I'm working on voice training but I'm not there yet and came clean and actually told him I was a guy!!! It was an upscale neighborhood and my spidy sense told me he was harmless and he was completely OK with it but YES it's scary sometimes! On the positive side though I believe confidence is the key to self acceptance and scary experiences do build confidence! 😥

[Promethea]

My GI therapist made a comment on the order of you should be nervous - You're moving away from male privilege, and probably aren't going to be offered standard women's courtesies


This. Back when I presented as make I used to look at people in the eyes when walking in the streets. Most women wouldn't make eye contact and that made me feel slightly upset, wondering why they would be afraid of me.

Now I understand them... I'm afraid of what any man may feel invited to say or do to me if I make eye contact, and this is of course made worse by the fact that I'm visibly trans.

If I'm alone I avoid places and streets where previously I would have just worn my Bruce Willis face.

[Gretchen_To_Be]

This is one of my major areas of concern as I contemplate whether or not to truly become more feminine. I've never been afraid of anyone in my life. If I lose 40 or 50 lbs, much of it muscle mass, I will obviously be less imposing even when in my normal male attire. I think it will be worth it, but it's hard to let go of that power base.

[cheryl reeves]

muscle mass doesnt mean a thing,i dont look like i have muscle mass and even being disabled i could pu 200 lbs if i had too. my wife worries about me when im out dressed i keep telling her not to worry i can still take care of myself. being aware of surroundings goes along way in keeping one safe. my problem is i dont scare,when im jumpy thats a sign to be nice to me,for i scare myself so i to jump start the adrenaline,for im an adrenaline junky...

[Angela Campbell]

I never "became" a woman. I always was one.

but yes, you have to be careful where you go and who you talk to.

[CarlaWestin]

If I were attacked or assaulted while out dressed, they would quickly discover that the skinny girl with the nice tits is actually an Irish boy that's going to kick their ass. To a moron, there's no worst an insult than to get beat up by a guy in a dress.

[Krisi]

You are thinking about things that genetic women have thought about all their lives. The difference is, they have no choice. If this is affecting your decision to transition or live as a woman, maybe you shouldn't.

Realistically though, the percentage of women who are raped is very low considering the entire population. You can minimize your chances by doing what most genetic women do, stay out of bad parts of town, don't go out alone late at night, don't go to bars alone and pick your company and those you hang around with with care. And watch your alcohol and drug use.

I'm sure you can find hints for female safety on the Internet with a search.

[stefan37]

Carla, while in theory that sounds like you can handle yourself. There are many situations where you would have no control over. Recently there was a situation where a member was out and got beaten up. This member was a special forces soldier and still was beaten.

I didn't give 2 thoughts to my danger when I was living as a male. Since transition and hormones. My strength has diminished and also my thought processes. I take more precautions and I am constantly aware of my situation.

[Dana44]

I know the feeling, yet as a male undercover LOL. I can protect ourselves. Yet I do try to stay out of areas that might be dangerous. It is a dangerous world out there for male and female. So common sense is the best way to plan things.

[Nigella]

Whilst comments from CDers are welcome, please remember this is primarily a discussion on how Trans Women feel about the real possibility of being a victim. We have made a conscious effort to get rid of the T from our bodies, we don't need a T fuelled debate on how a "man" would handle it.

[Lori Kurtz]

I'm a CD, not transsexual, so I hope I can be forgiven for offering this insight here based on my own experience. One aspect of going out in public en femme was quite an eye-opener for me. My body is not large for a male--I'm only 5'7"--and yet in male mode, I have very rarely felt any kind of fear for my own personal safety. But in female mode, I felt surprisingly vulnerable. I'm sure that sensation was heightened by the fear of being "caught" as a man in a women's clothing. But I hardly ever went out in the daytime--counting on darkness to help me pass--and I tried not to get too close to other people. So I think my fear sensation was probably similar to what a lot of women feel a lot of the time, and it helped me feel a new kind of sympathy for GGs.

[Ann Louise]

I try to maintain 360-degree awareness around me when I'm out in public to minimize any surprises, and am on guard when in stairwells, elevators, and parking garages. And yes, of course we're talking about men acting as the aggressors. While many men are quite nice to me in general when I'm out and about, there have been several so far who were rude and pushy, and I can tell that if I was alone on those occasions things might have gone very badly for me. Watch your back.

And while I'm here, I would note that "T-girl" is the type of label I would expect to see applied to pornography. Please don't bring verbal trash like that to safe spaces like this, okay?

[cheryl reeves]

how a man can handle it? i speak on how my tomboy middle sis handled herself,she must have been on t for that gal can fight. ive oretended to be male my whole life,ive learnef to be very aware of surroundings and also who you hang with. im very feminate but a tomboy,i like who i am.

[LeaP]

... I think my fear sensation was probably similar to what a lot of women feel a lot of the time, and it helped me feel a new kind of sympathy for GGs.

But not for trans women? Probably an unintended meaning, but interesting nonetheless, considering the topic is about trans women.

You don't even have to be dressed to draw this animosity. I have had looks that could kill. (I'm pretty androgynous, and some of these likely assume I'm gay or something.) The trans woman I mentioned earlier who was beaten unconscious had it come out of nowhere. The guy was coming on to her. She didn't respond. He suddenly realized she was trans, and WHAM - out of nowhere. I know others that have been verbally assaulted and stalked.

Don't draw the parallel between GGs and trans women in regard to violence too closely. Assault rates are much higher for trans women. They are higher across the board for LGBT people, but the highest levels in the larger community - by far - are those on us. You have the "normal" factor of assaults against women, to which you can add some additional factor to account for trans ignorance from our lack of socialization and training on safety, plus the haters and weirdos. I also understand that physical assaults on trans women tend to be far more brutal. A trans woman will get holy hell beaten out of her where a GG might get cuffed or something in the same circumstance.

[Starling]

I've drawn the evil eye for my "sins" quite often enough, thank you. But the crazies who first try to seduce, then beat on trans women, are the sickest. They believe that we are trying to trick them into having sex with us. I'm only attracted to women, but even if I were straight, I couldn't imagine wanting to make love to one of these monsters. Fortunately, I am pretty much over the hill as far as tabloid romance is concerned.

:) Lallie

[Sandie70]

My fear is more from those who would prey on crossdressers or the transgendered - not fear from being seen as female. Because there is so much hate out there, that's the reason I am careful not to broadcast to my neighbors about my crossdressing predilection. I am not concerned about being outed as much as letting the weirdos out there know where I live - and that's why I'm very circumspect when I come and go.

[STACY B]

Don't know about fear of being female,, This is the Trans section right,,, Most of us here fear NOT being FEMALE MORE,, lol,,That's why were here,, So don't be afraid get you some protection and shop till you drop!!

[I Am Paula]

To escape the bonds of being born in the wrong body, only to be afraid to go out and enjoy it, and be the woman you were meant to be, in a very shallow victory.
Use common sense. Maintain a 360 degree vigil around yourself, and stay on the right side of the tracks.
I hate to say it (I belong to every advocacy group there is) most attacks happen- To sex workers. At night. In bad neighborhoods. To women who have had a few/using drugs.
This does not imply you are perfectly safe, attacks can happen in broad daylight, in good areas.
Stay the hell out of hetero cis bars. A mild mannered man, who thinks his masculinity has been threatened is a dangerous beast.

[CarlaWestin]

My apologies. I seem to misinterpret when posting in this section. And I remember the story of the member that was attacked. We all just need to make sure we are always aware of our surroundings for our own safety.

[Jorja]

Afraid to be a female? Sorry that does not compute. I am thinking what you are really afraid of is the unknown. I have spent the past 35 most wonderful years as a female. Yes, there have been a few times I was in real danger. There have been a few times when life really sucked. There have been many more times that I have truly loved every second being female. Most of the time though, it is just like being a man. Get up, go to work, come home, go to bed, repeat. It is up to you to fill in around the gaps and make life interesting.

[flatlander_48]

Fear is a tool that the psyche uses to help insure its continued health and wellbeing. Fear is a very natural reaction to the unknown. While there are situations where one might choose to ignore Fear, in most situations it is in our best interest to realize that we do have Fear and think about what concerns us. It is also useful to remember that people who do dangerous things (police, firefighters, test pilots, race car drivers, etc.) are not fearless. They most assuredly do have Fear. The only difference is that they have learned to deal with it and not forget doing those things that contribute to their safety.

DeeAnn

[Michelle789]

There is nothing terrifying about being a woman. There is nothing that sucks about being a woman. What sucks is the difficult, painful, and slow process it takes to transition. We face many trials and tribulations while in transition.


There have been a few times when life really sucked.

Also, life happens and it has nothing to do with being a woman or being trans. I was sick for two months with bronchitis, and plenty of people I know had a similar bug since December. Both men and women. Both cis and trans people.


There have been many more times that I have truly loved every second being female.

Me too. Yeah, I have much less experience, as I'm only a year into my transition (11 months on HRT, a few more months living as a woman). But yeah, I love being a girl WAY better than being a dude. I was completely miserable as a dude. Everyone around me noticed how uncomfortable in my own skin I seemed as a man. The same people notice I'm WAY more relaxed and comfortable with myself since I came out as a woman.


Just be aware of your surroundings, both as a woman and as being transgender. We were raised as men, with the male privilege of being able to walk anywhere we want, anytime we want, including at 2 am, without worrying about getting sexually assaulted. We have to let go of that behavior. We face a double-whammy depending on how well we pass. We can either be read as a woman, and become the victim of violence against women, or we can be read as trans and become a victim of a hate crime. We should avoid walking outside at night. If we have to go somewhere, go to familiar, well lit places. If you need to go the store at night, park as close to the store at night and walk in well-lit areas. It's better to go out with a friend or partner, since there really is strength in numbers.

If you have a car, use it. Using the public transportation, whether it's being on the bus or the train, or walking to or from the bus or train, drastically increases your odds of being the victim of any type of violence. If you don't have a car, then you have no choice. But a car can literally save your life if you have one.

I will say this. I started another thread about being mis-gendered. One thing I have noticed is that I seldom get mis-gendered when I'm with my boyfriend or in a group. And I spend a LOT of time with him. Most of the times I have been mis-gendered are when I am alone. Getting mis-gendered sucks, but is a better way of letting you know you don't pass than a beating.

[Persephone]

Whilst comments from CDers are welcome, please remember this is primarily a discussion on how Trans Women feel about the real possibility of being a victim. We have made a conscious effort to get rid of the T from our bodies, we don't need a T fuelled debate on how a "man" would handle it.

AMEN!


And while I'm here, I would note that "T-girl" is the type of label I would expect to see applied to pornography. Please don't bring verbal trash like that to safe spaces like this, okay?

If this is a "safe space" then perhaps there are less demeaning ways to gently correct her error?

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Kathryn Martin]

If I were attacked or assaulted while out dressed, they would quickly discover that the skinny girl with the nice tits is actually an Irish boy that's going to kick their ass. To a moron, there's no worst an insult than to get beat up by a guy in a dress.

I don't know what you are trying to say. After you have lost the majority of our muscle mass by hormone intake ( in my case roughly 40 lb) any thought of kicking anyone's ass or eating anyone up is just fiction. Quite apart from the fact that I have no desire to any of that anyway. In this sense this comment is entirely non-sequitur for me. Women experience this all of the time.


Realistically though, the percentage of women who are raped is very low considering the entire population. You can minimize your chances by doing what most genetic women do, stay out of bad parts of town, don't go out alone late at night, don't go to bars alone and pick your company and those you hang around with with care. And watch your alcohol and drug use.

http://www.rccmsc.org/resources/get-the-facts.aspx; http://www.rrsonline.org/?page_id=944

Kris, reality check: One out of six women are sexually assaulted before the age of 34. That is 16.8% of the female population. That is 26.64 million out of a population of 158.6 million. Sexual assault prevalence is rampant in the US.

[Michelle.M]

I’m gonna try hard not to derail this thread, so I’ll be brief. Can we quit with the language policing? I get that some people are sensitive to words like “tranny” and “T-girl”, but not all of us are. Just because you may be sensitive to the term that doesn’t mean it’s inherently bad. Personally, I am totally OK with the term “T-girl” and I can find no evidence to suggest that the term originated in the porn industry (although it may be used there frequently).

Now back to the topic.


I don't know what you are trying to say. After you have lost the majority of our muscle mass by hormone intake ( in my case roughly 40 lb) any thought of kicking anyone's ass or eating anyone up is just fiction.

Kathryn’s comments are spot on! After a few years on hormones I find that even trying to open heavy office building doors kicks my butt.

I suspect that all of this tough talk comes from those who are either pre-transition and haven’t had much time in transition and still think they can be Rambo in a skirt. That sort of thinking will get you hurt, and you’re only showing your macho bravado and ignoring reality.

[flatlander_48]

I suspect that all of this tough talk comes from those who are either pre-transition and haven’t had much time in transition and still think they can be Rambo in a skirt. That sort of thinking will get you hurt, and you’re only showing your macho bravado and ignoring reality.

It would seem that this is buried somewhere in the concept of Male Priviledge and how that defines and shapes our behaviors and our relationship to the world. Maybe that's one reason that makes adjusting ones thinking difficult?

DeeAnn

[Michelle.M]

DeeAnn, I think you’re on to something.

When I became an Army officer after years of being enlisted, the hardest thing for me to learn was how not to be an enlisted soldier. This required me to radically alter my thought paradigm to take myself out of the norms of my former life.

Giving up male privilege is tough. I see trans women struggle with it, and I suspect that this may a contributing factor to all of this macho swagger. Thanks for sharing this.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Mackenzie i would urge you to find therapy and information..

if you are a woman , thats just the way it is... you won't turn into a transsexual...you are or aren't

fear of safety is a reasonable thing to be concerned about... if you take precautions safety is pretty achievable however unfortunately how you appear to people will have a big impact on people's reactions to you..and some violence towards transsexuals comes from the families themselves...if you are in an environment today where people fight and violence is not uncommon, you are much more susceptable to it ...that seems obvious but transitioning or even dressing in the face of peers that have fist fights is recipe for disaster..

[Kris Avery]

My wife is worried about me as I have very little situational awareness pre E.
Now, it's really bad, but I'm trying to not get in a situation.

[flatlander_48]

When I became an Army officer after years of being enlisted, the hardest thing for me to learn was how not to be an enlisted soldier. This required me to radically alter my thought paradigm to take myself out of the norms of my former life.

Gee, that must have been like 0-60 in a heartbeat, relatively speaking.

Time is a very significant factor in all of this as changing, or adjusting, years and even decades of responses and perspectives is not the work of a moment.


but I'm trying to not get in a situation.

It is still true that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...

DeeAnn

[Kathryn Martin]

It would seem that this is buried somewhere in the concept of Male Priviledge and how that defines and shapes our behaviors and our relationship to the world. Maybe that's one reason that makes adjusting ones thinking difficult?

DeeAnn

This is the biggest reason for not assimilating in the new landscape of living a woman's life for transwomen. The denial by transwomen of the privilege that they bring from thei former existence is often staggering.


My wife is worried about me as I have very little situational awareness pre E.
Now, it's really bad, but I'm trying to not get in a situation.

Women are incredibly aware of their surrounding. Once you lose your strength this is your real survival strategy.

[Badtranny]

I’m gonna try hard not to derail this thread, so I’ll be brief. Can we quit with the language policing? I get that some people are sensitive to words like “tranny” and “T-girl”, but not all of us are.

Thanks for this.

Few things chap my hide more than pretentious PC'ness. I for one would not consider this a "safe space" if my language is constantly being policed.

You want to know a safe space? My house. There is no safer place for trans or queer people to relax and be themselves with no judgement. However it is NOT a very safe place for people who are offended easily or are 'triggered' by certain words. We are grown ups who love each other and love life. We have no patience for people who pretend or need to be treated like fragile china.

[jigna]

mentally you think that you are female only since birth n ignore if someone comment on you.
All problems will be solved.

[cheryl reeves]

so estrogen makes one weaker,wish some gg's i know got that memo,for they are far from being weak. muscle mass doesnt mean a thing,its how you handle yourself. ive never had male muscle mass,but fem muscle mass and could beat the snot out of many men who looked like rambo. what i dilike is excuses.

[Nigella]

so estrogen makes one weaker,

In the context of hormone therapy, yes it does


muscle mass doesnt mean a thing,its how you handle yourself.

Agreed, but not everyone has the training to avoid a situation, and even those have been can be severely hurt if the cirumstances are wrong


ive never had male muscle mass,but fem muscle mass and could beat the snot out of many men who looked like Rambo

This thread has nothing to do with "beating the snot out of someone", its about avoiding the situation in the first place.


what i dilike is excuses.

Nope what you don't like is someone not conforming to your view point.

[LeaP]

It's silly season here, apparently. Pay attention so you don't miss it, because it's really short and simple.

Size matters!

Now the long version. ALL THINGS EQUAL (skills, etc.), bigger and stronger beats smaller and weaker. You can invent all the theoretical compensating mechanisms and circumstances you like, but if you meet in an equitable situation, you lose. Violence statistics bear that out. Avoid trouble.

[cheryl reeves]

size does not matter period,its the thought process. i guess most of you think women are weak,me i learneed first hand they are far from weak when they get rid of the woe is me attitude,and always being aware.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

size matters... just like pictures don't lie

[Lori Kurtz]

But not for trans women? Probably an unintended meaning, but interesting nonetheless, considering the topic is about trans women.

Yes, entirely an unintended meaning--but you're quite right to pick up on it, considering, as you say, that this topic is about trans women. I focused on the big awareness that had struck me about the vulnerability of women during one of my temporary excursions in female mode, but I missed the heightened dangers for trans women in particular. Please accept my apologies for that insensitivity.

[LeaP]

size does not matter period,its the thought process. i guess most of you think women are weak,me i learneed first hand they are far from weak when they get rid of the woe is me attitude,and always being aware.

Cheryl, I'm not sure what part of "all things equal" you didn't understand, but putting it in your own terms then, when big or strong meets smaller or weaker and the thought process is the same, smaller or weaker loses. There is no alternate universe in which an advantage is not an advantage. It is inarguable – really and truly inarguable – that women, on average, are physically smaller and less strong than the average man. Moreover, men, again on average, run faster, jump further, throw further, etc.

No-one is saying that women are the "weaker sex" in the sense of being lesser. Acknowledging physical realities is not the same thing. If you are seriously advocating that women should NOT be more careful, then I feel sorry for the women in your life that you counsel on safety. By all means, train them to your hearts content on the "thought process." And then tell them to be extra careful because of the physical realities.

Lori - thank for that nice response.

[Badtranny]

size does not matter period,its the thought process. i guess most of you think women are weak,me i learneed first hand they are far from weak when they get rid of the woe is me attitude,and always being aware.

LOL

Weak? I don't think you'll find anyone who actually knows me that would describe me as weak. Not even those who hate me.

However when it comes to physical strength, I am decidedly weaker than a similar sized man would be. I wasn't an overly strong guy, but I was a competitive athlete so I was in pretty good shape and was reasonably competitive in a few sports. After a few years on full dose HRT, I am less than half as strong as I once was. Things that were once easy, are now so difficult that I need help.

Speaking to self defense, I was the average femmy kid who learned to fight by being beat up a lot. Even at my best, I wasn't a great fighter. Never really had the instinct for it. It was far more common for me to be on the losing end, but over the years I learned that getting beat up wasn't so bad. As a dude, I hated to fight, ...but to this day I am not afraid.

Having said that, there is no way in hell I would challenge a dude to anything other than a battle of wits. I am obviously not the man I once was, and that man wasn't exactly a badass anyway.

The struggle is real. Most women are not equipped to fight a man. Most of us have little to no interest in doing such a thing.

Is it terrifying to be me? Well, it certainly can be, but most of the time it isn't. There are definitely places I won't go alone, and there are definitely situations to avoid. (drinking too much in public, etc.) Women in general are always a target, but obvious trans-women are even bigger targets. The weird but funny CD fantasy of beating up the bashers while in full fem mode and triumphantly walking away in stiletto heels is soo far fetched that it doesn't belong in the TS forum.

[Marcelle]

LOL . . . The weird but funny CD fantasy of beating up the bashers while in full fem mode and triumphantly walking away in stiletto heels is soo far fetched that it doesn't belong in the TS forum.

Hi Melissa,

Very true. I teach self defence to women (my wife included) and as a trial, I dressed in skirt and heels, purse, wig etc. and sparred with my wife. She had me down in approximately three minutes. Everything was off kilter and not balanced. The best defence is awareness of surroundings and company. When I go out with other GGs we walk each other to our respective cars and yes, they walk me to mine as well. :)

Isha

[Lilblondecutie1407]

I don't think it matter who you are or how you dress everyone needs to be smart of where they go and when they go there and to get an eye on their surroundings. Though I'm sure some are targeted more than others crime isn't limited by anything other than the bed / negative parts of the human condition.

[karenpayneoregon]

A healthy fear is good as explained in "The Gift of Fear (http://gavindebecker.com/resources/book/the_gift_of_fear/)". Does not matter what your designation is we are all humans that may be preyed upon.


I teach self defence to women (my wife included) and as a trial, I dressed in skirt and heels, purse, wig etc. and sparred with my wife. She had me down in approximately three minutes

I also teach (man and woman) and allow students the chance to go through simulated common confrontations and they then realize that it is a wise idea to practice in their street attire.

[Krisi]

You know, statistics can be used to try to prove or disprove anything. You have to consider the source and you have to know how they compiled those statistics. You also have to look at their definition of "sexually assaulted". I call BS.

[Emogene]

Some years ago, I attended a public safety academy where state and municipal officers were trained to work the streets as entry level law enforcement officers. Two things have stayed with me from that experience; first is situational awareness, second is presentation.

I was taught and ascribe to situational awareness as it relates to a stop light: red, orange and green. Red: You only relax at home, maybe, in your easy chair before the fire. When you are out of the home, you are at orange, you are always aware of and tracking all threats (and everything is a potential threat until proven otherwise). Green, well that is when someone is going to die, maximum alert, locked and cocked.

Along with that we were taught that presentation is critical; you must appear confident and capable. Not threatening, not abusive, just confident. How you hold yourself, how you walk, how you communicate are all relevant. As someone noted below, you control your fear and get it done.

I would point out that lady officers tend to talk a lot more than male officers and train themselves to defuse rather than to make a situation more physical within the continuum force by their choice of words, tone, volume, etc. The are just as effective as the testosterone laden male officers.

By falling back of male patterns of behavior (in your face aggression) you will quickly escalate an otherwise minor situation into an event of more dangerous proportions.

Does the above hold true in every situation, no, there are exceptions but you can manage your odds.

Have plan, and a plan B. Role play, when you walk into a room or other venue, scope it out for threats, consider possible events and how you would react and plan for a quick exit. No shame in a tactical withdrawal.:o

Be safe out there ladies!

[Amelie]

Anyone can get attacked by bad people. Maybe more men than women are killed by bad guys.

One way I see things is to live a better life than most. What I mean is to have an education so one can get a decent job where one won't have to be in bad areas or bad situations. It gives a better control over your life. I say this cause I had to do things I am not proud of and being this way put me in situations that I had no escape from. Cause I needed money to survive. So with that I was attacked twice, once by a group of guys in a flea bag hotel and once by gunpoint, both situations being difficult to fight against.

Things happen in life, one either moves on or one finds the razor blade or rope to finish things, but that is a permanent solution. Just stay away from bad situations, use common sense and have a life that prevents having to be in bad situations.

[Ashley D.]

If being viewed as weaker is your biggest fear in transition your ahead of the game.

[Jorja]

Look, anything can happen to anyone at any time. Just ask the Marines, Sailors, Army, and Police officer that were just shot yesterday. Stuff happens! However, as a transwoman out walking down the street, there are a few things you can do. Go learn self defense. This isn't so that you can kick everyone's ass. It is to give you that one second to get away. Always carry mace or a stunner. Have it available in your hand if you are feeling threatened. The attacker isn't going to wait for you to dig through your purse, then figure out how to aim so you don't mace or stun yourself. Again, this isn't a method that is going to leave them laying on the ground. It is so that you have a chance to get away. DO NOT think you can stand there and go toe to toe with them. You are going to get your ass kicked! Run! Find a place where there are people around. Report the attack to the Police. Yes, we must be on guard at all times but also need to learn to relax and have some fun also. Be careful out there!

[Eryn]

My GI therapist made a comment on the order of you should be nervous - You're moving away from male privilege, and probably aren't going to be offered standard women's courtesies...


Ah, when talking of men it is "privilege", but when speaking of women it is "courtesy". I love the language of victimhood.

When a criminal attacks someone, privilege or courtesy does not enter their thoughts. The only way to deal with them is to either avoid dangerous situations or to approach those situations in such a way that an assailant will decide that it is too risky to attack.

I'm tall, but I can't be sure that I can intimidate a thug in either mode, so my approach is to not put myself or my friends in dangerous situations.