Eureka moment for my son...

[Megan G]

I know I don't put a lot on here about the struggles that I am facing as I wade thru this crappy road we are taking but thought this one was worth sharing.

My son who is 8 1/2 has been having a very hard time with my transition. I am sure they are the typical fears that a child of this age deals with, loss of father figure, loss of similar interests, kids teasing him and the list goes on. Many times he has said to my wife and I that he does not want to be the only boy in the house....

Anyways we were sitting around tonight trying to talk thru some of these issues when he made an off topic comment that he would rather watch "that Stupid Kardashian" show than another my wife watches. (His words lol )

So seizing on an chance to show others go thru the same thing we explained about Caitlyn's transition and it was like a light bulb went off in his head and he was suddenly ok with it. The association with knowing someone that he has seen on TV that has also gone thru it really seamed to help and he quickly got out of the upset mindset and moved to the inquisitive stage. He spent the next hour and a half asking all kinds of questions.

I just pray that this is a turning point for him. He has taken it so hard up to this point. Sometimes it just sucks as we work so hard to fix us so we can be happy that in the process others get hurt.

Megan

[Rachelakld]

Sometimes kids also need a 3rd person to bounce the issue around with, maybe a psychologist to chat to?
My daughter had separation anxiety, and wanted to sleep next to mum every night, 3 visits later she was sleeping in her own room.

[Megan G]

Yes we have an appointment scheduled for him to speak with a therapist. One of his biggest fears has been that I would suddenly stop doing the things that I used to do with him such as dirt biking, hunting and stuff like that so I am spending lots of time with him doing this stuff right now.

Being full time has been hard on him but last night seemed to be that moment that he put a lot of his fears behind him. I hope it is a sign that things are starting to stabilize a little. He is talking and asking very personal questions so that in my eyes is a good sign

Megan

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Megan this is what happened with my daughters..

they saw me thrive as i transitioned... they saw that i was not leaving them... they processed their feelings of loss (which are real and i acknowledged if they brought them up)..
they realized they wanted to spend more time with me like they always did (we were divorced and shared custody but at first they avoided me)...

over time my oldest wrote a beautiful essay as part of her college apps...over time my youngest started letting friends know and they supported her....
this all happened over years

this weekend i got a fathers day card that on the top said "BEFORE CHILDREN" and it showed a happy smiling man...
on the bottom it said "AFTER CHILDREN" and the picture of frazzled old man was replaced by a recent picture of me as Kaitlyn...

today its like nothing ever happened except the divorce (which still resonates and hurts)

anyway... there will be ups and downs but you are surely on the right path with him, and more importantly he seems like he is opening up to reality...
as long as he feels safe with you, its very very likely this will work out

[Nigella]

Time is one of the biggest assets you can give to any loved one who is caught up in the whirlwind of transition. Like a tornado, things are ripped apart and thrown all over the place, some things are lost forever, others damaged but repairable, some things are built anew. As long as you remain consistent and support of THEM, kids will accept the changes that take place, in their time.

It sounds like the road has lost a few bumps for you :hugs:

[Megan G]

It sounds like the road has lost a few bumps for you :hugs:

Yes it has, I am sure there are most likely some hidden potholes ahead that I am unaware of but overall I can't complain. Life is so much better when you concentrate on yourself and your immediate family and not worry about extended family or friends. Those that want to be in your life will be, and those are the true friends...

Megan

[Jorja]

Children are remarkable individuals. Once they fully understand the situation they are usually good with it. Continue to show him the love any parent would and everything will work out for the best.

[Megan G]

they saw me thrive as i transitioned... they saw that i was not leaving them...

This is exactly what my wife and I are trying to focus on. In fact my wife asked to him last night "do you remember the nights that daddy would be off by himself and was very cranky"

He answered yes

She then said that that was a result of daddy being upset because of all this. And now that he is working on making his outside match his inside she is a happier person that spends a lot more time with us..

He seemed to understand. We are really trying to focus that the only thing that is changing is the way I look right now. That I am always going to be here and will always be his daddy.

Long road ahead...

Megan

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Here is what he understands without any doubt.

That you love him, that you will take care of him, that you will not abandon him. He understands this at the deepest primal level.
If your wife acts the same way (regardless of marraige status), then its almost inevitable that it will be anything from OK to wonderful.

Trust me, life is long... years from now seems like an eternity but i have been crying my eyes out over my youngest going to college in the fall...i can't beleive it... and if i look back 5 years, i never ever thought it would be this good between us..
they give me support and confidence that i never imagined possible... they still call me dad, but they NEVER misgender me and they get angry at others in my family that accidently call me by my old name!! and they themselves are thriving, and in the end i know as a parent that this is all that matters..

I am really super hopeful for your situation...ups and downs aside, i bet in years you will be saying the same things as me...

+++++++

here''s a quick story of how this plays out over time
.... over the first couple of years, my youngest expressed that she didn't want her friends to know...so at one point i picked them up at the mall, and we told her friends i was her aunt... when we got in an argument with the tennis coach in 11th grade, i was her stepmom...and to her closest friend, i was known as her dad..her closest friend knew...

so at one point i picked her up at school and i had to take her two friends home too... one friend thought i was her aunt, one knew me as her dad, and then the tennis coach happened to pass by and wanted to apologize to me and stopped by my car...of course to him i'm her stepmom!!!!!

OMG...it was a like a movie..... after we got through that, my D was very upset but later on she realized that it was ok, and she started letting me drive her and friends everywhere again....