Singles are not welcome?

[Sandie70]

OK, I know not every crossdresser organization is like this, but I just started to inquire about joining a Meetup crossdressing group only to find that I'm not welcome because I'm single.

Yeah, I know they might be afraid because us singles are all sex crazed and on the make. Or maybe we might hit on their SO's? Whatever.

Anyway, this isn't the first time I have been told to take a hike because I'm single... but really? I would look at any group that is often discriminated against being a little more supportive. Have single crossdressers moved to the bottom of the totem pole?

How do those of you who are married feel about outcasts such as me? And do single crossdressers make your SO's uneasy?

I think I'm going to the fridge and eat a quart of chocolate-chip cookie ice cream... that always cheers me up.

[GeauxStacy]

Sandie - Being a single as well I have not run into this, but I can see where you are coming from. Even in guy mode I get the "Oh, your single?" along with the stink eye. Funny how I never got that in my 20s or 30s. I think once you reach a certain age society says, you are single must be something wrong with you. I am not saying everyone is like this, but it does feel like it from time to time. The good thing is being happy with who you are and not worry about the meetup group. Like the quote from Groucho Marx - "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.":D

[Zylia]

Is it a support group or a swinger club? I understand that cd's with partners have specific challenges that are not as interesting to discuss for single cd's, but that's very much your own problem, not theirs. I really wonder what their motivation is.

[docrobbysherry]

There is a very old dressers support group located all over in the US. TriEss. I heard about it here 7 years ago when I first came out online. When I checked their local site page they made it clear that singles and CD,s were nof welcome. I believe they closed the local group for lack of members. It was religious sponsered. Big surprise-----

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandie, You are probably too good for that group anyway.:daydreaming:

[Ineke Vashon]

OK,

I think I'm going to the fridge and eat a quart of chocolate-chip cookie ice cream... that always cheers me up.

Don't forget to pour a generous shot of Kahlua over the ice cream :devil:.

That single stuff surprises me too. Something wrong with the Meet up crowd. Why, singles like us are the best men around. I do laundry, make the bed, clean house, cook (very little), sow on a button, shop, and even do manly things once in awhile :D

Ineke

[Dianne S]

Wow, that's a real WTF. Find another group that's not so bigoted.

[Krisi]

I don't think it's fair or accurate to say you were discriminated against because you are single. If they don't want you in the group because the rest of them are married, why would you want to join?

[Jaylyn]

I'm married and can't see the problem with a single being in a CD group. By the the way I find lots of comfort in ice cream also. Just to grieve with you I think I'll eat Rocky Road. Love the ice cream and even more so when I'm dressed leaves a good taste in my mouth and a lipstick print on the spoon.

[Amanda M]

I am married, and although I do not know the details, I think it is appalling that you should have been treated that way.

My SO could not care less!

Sod 'em girl, you are worth much more than that.

[Vala]

I am really suprised, I can't think of any reason what crossdressing has to do with being single. And I wonder if one would join such a group are they forced to bring there SO along every meeting? Cause anyone could say they have a relation ship and many could bring along someone else one time who doesn't mind to play the role of a partner four a few hours.

And I personally do not care if someone (CD, ts, hetro, gay...) talks to my wife, since they are all human. My wife actuality chats with a crosdresser and I couldn't care less.

[Pat]

If they don't want you in the group because the rest of them are married, why would you want to join?

Maybe for companionship of like-minded individuals? At least they initially appeared to be like-minded. I mean it sounds like trying to join a fishing club and finding out they don't allow singles to join -- WTF?

I can see why they wouldn't want singles on the make -- married CDs never fool around with each other...:brolleyes:

[jigna]

I would love to join such group if existing.

[Stephanie47]

My guess it is a "couples only club" without considering cross dressing. It's kind of like being a single guy mingling with all couples. Or even a married couple without children getting excluded from couples with children. Sometimes it's just a case of not having too much in common. I bet the members of the couples club do not even think about the fact the husbands are cross dressing. If unattached women are not able to join, how would an unattached male cross dresser find a female companion?

[AllieSF]

Look on Meetup.com and there are groups for everything. Even Yahoo has a Groups section. All of these groups have some type of qualification for entry with the idea to have members with similar interests and even attitudes about certain things, political party affiliation, religious beliefs, etc. You might find a local group more to your liking. There are groups for foreign language speaking groups that require their members to at least make an effort to speak the language or be more highly fluent to go to their meetups. Is that wrong too? If you don't like that level of exclusivity, because you are single and don't qualify to join, then search for another group. I understand that it may seem unfair to you and a few others here but it is their group and their rules. One of our members here from Grand Rapids, Michigan started a group their which does have a few rules for when the group meets out in public places and a more liberal approach for more private meetups. It seems to work quite well for them so far.

I can understand that the group in the OP was probably started by members who were already in a relationship where they have similar problems and interests, and they wanted to only have those types of members in their group. I personally see no problem with their group rules for those that meet their requirements. I have been to a few different TG support/meetup groups and I have to say that you will eventually see a very wide spectrum of people attending their functions, some of whom really may not fit in with the majority of attendees. It didn't bother me at all because I love the diversity of those types of groups. However, I do limit my interaction with some of the members to those meetups only, and would most likely not go out publicly with them. They are simply not my types for a lot of the real world activities that I do.

[DonnaT]

Not having idea of the name of the group, I'd guess it is there more for the support of the SO's. Helping them cope, and helping the CDer with maintaining boundaries?

[AngelaYVR]

It sounds like one of those deathly dull groups anyway, full of hand-wringing blue-rinsers.

[Sandie70]

Thanks for the support ladies. I know that any group has the right to run their group as they like. I didn't feel discriminated against more than simply rejected. I guess I just thought a crossdresser meetup would be somewhat like this site - a little more open. Then again, maybe they were a swingers group after all? (lol)

Anyway, I know this happens all the time when a guy has a group of guy friends who go and get married and he no longer fits in. I get the old "third wheel" thing.

But I'm cool... and the ice cream was delicious. (lol)

[aprilgirl]

A friend from the forum, who resides in the Northeast, suggested Meetup to me as a vehicle to meet like minded others. I did, and found absolutely nothing in a fairly populated metropolitan area. How large was the membership of the group you reached out to, Sandie? I'll venture a pretty select minority, one that you shouldn't take personally being rejected by.

[Alice Torn]

Sandie, and Stacy, i hear you. I am 61, never married, and i think I am one of very few singles in the midwestern town i stay in. I was quite surprised to find that the vast majority of crossdressers, are married! I certainly feel disenfranchised , in churches i have been to, (not crossdressed), and in general, old bachelors, are looked on as odd, flawed. "Why haven't you married?" What's wrong with you? Sandie, you can check my threads , and find several that i started concerning being single, if you'd like. Sadly, it is a couples' world. I really hurt, wen in restaurants, always the loner, among couples. And, i have started conversations with women, in stores, or waiting rooms, and , when i get the courage, ask if they are single, or seeing someone. 100% of the time for many years, the answer, is "I'm married, or seeing someone." I am becoming more content with being alone, with my dear cats. But, going out to stores, and restaurants, or churches, or wherever, the little pain always hits.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I'm married, but my wife doesn't accept my CDing; so I'm effectively single.

[victoria76]

I'm single, too. I wouldn't let it bother you...
This is the best place to be anyway! :)

[MelanieAnne]

Breyers HeathBar Blast, currently on sale. :D

Actually, the singles thing isn't limited to CD groups. I think it's mostly the women who don't want their husbands talking to, or around single guys. I have been single for 32 years and love being single. I've had a couple long term relationships, five years or so each. But I've just seen too many guys get married and divorced over and over to try it again myself. I have two brothers who are married, and their wives keep them on a pretty short leash, and I rarely see them. Their wives seem to keep them away from me. Same goes for married friends. Many couples events wind up with the wives in one room and the guys in another talking about whatever, and if you don't bring a female to "share" with the wives, you aren't welcome.

Last summer, I was talking with my elderly neighbor over in his yard, and he was complaining about his wife, and he looked me in the eye and said "You don't know how lucky you are"!

[Vickie_CDTV]

I know how you feel, I am single, and not by choice. I am often the only one who is not married, or at least the only who was never married, at trans functions. I was never excluded for being single, though.

BTW, Tri-Ess allows singles as member, I was involved with them for many years and I was single. The vast majority of members are married, though. But it is not the national org's policy to exclude singles.

[Carmen]

There is a very old dressers support group located all over in the US. TriEss. I heard about it here 7 years ago when I first came out online. When I checked their local site page they made it clear that singles and CD,s were nof welcome. I believe they closed the local group for lack of members. It was religious sponsered. Big surprise-----

Yes Sherry the Tri-Ess family will always encourage the CD's spouse to become involved rather than attending their social events alone.

[kimdl93]

Sorry for the disappointment. I guess all you can do is set up you're own, more inclusive group!