Angry Encounter

[Rhonda Jean]

Working from home today, so I stopped by the nail salon to fix a broken nail. Didn't need a full manicure, but I had them polish my nails and did a polish change on my toes while I was there. I was not dressed. Shorts and T-shirt, flip flops, ball cap, orangish-red nails, carrying a purse. I do this in drab quite a bit, so this is old territory for me. I went over to Tuesday Morning (small retail store) and as I'm walking to the door there's an older man (with a cane) and his wife going in just ahead of me. He stood there looking at me coming toward the door. I couldn't tell if he was waiting to hold the door for me or if he was just staring. As I got closer I could see that he just had anger written all over his face. As I approached the door he turned away and let the door close.

When I went in he was standing there looking back at me, teeth clinched, with a look of hatred and like he was trying to think of something to say. I smiled and said "Hello" and went past him without incident. As I was going through the store I could overhear him talking to his wife. Couldn't hear every word, but I got the jest. I particularly overheard "queers" and "married".

They turned onto the same aisle as me, and although the conversation stopped, the glares continued. I'm no activist and I'm non-confrontational to a fault. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was scared of the situation I was in. I was also getting angry, which is a rarity for me. So I said, "Could I ask you why you seem so angry at me?" He looked like he was going to explode. He just looked at my nails, meaning he made a point of looking in a way that I'd know what he was looking at, and said, "I ain't talkin' to you." His wife is shushing him. His face was so red and his fists were clenched. This is an OLD man, mind you.

At this point I'm shaking. Still shaking, actually. I left and had no further encounter with him.

I've been crossdressing publicly for over 40 years. From something minimal like today to full on fem and everything in between. In all that time I've only encountered anger and hatred twice that I recall, and it wasn't to this level. This one shook me up a little. I've never felt so hated. And it was over nail polish and a purse!!! I just can't wrap my head around that! I don't understand how that can possibly set someone off like this. It seems so completely benign to me. It's nothing.

It's not going to stop me. That level of hatred, based on my own experience, is extremely rare. It did shake me up, though. I could feel the hate! Over NOTHING!

I think all the press lately is causing a backlash. Gay marriage, Caitlyn, all the various things in the news... I hope the backlash is limited to angry old men. I guess they see that they're losing. They think we're all going to hell.

[Tristessa]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry that happened! That is my worst nightmare, and I'd be rattled too if that happened to me. Some people are just locked in to the binary, and feel very threatened when they witness someone breaking traditional gender norms, even in very small ways like you were that day. I think you're right that all the media focus on LGBT concerns has really primed the hostility for some of these folks.

[Ineke Vashon]

Rhonda - There is this possibility: About a year ago I met an elderly couple walking in a park. I said hello as I passed. The woman smiled. The old man glared at me and exploded: "I hate your f---- beard, you !#@!#$!" Shook me up. Dressed normally male btw. I said: "sorry you feel that way" and walked on. The woman caught up with me a moment later and profusely apologized for her husband. "He doesn't know what he is saying". At this point I can't recall whether she mentioned that he suffered from Alzheimers or dementia.

So, this could have been your situation. A more than unreasonable outburst may suggest a mental illness more than a true hatred of a minor presentation.

Hope this helps somewhat,

Ineke

[Roli F]

seems to be a standard 5 wash of Testosterone Male Embrio, 1 brain cell, thinking or breathing, thinks too hard turns blue ,Falls Over, nuff said.:brolleyes:

[LilSissyStevie]

Back in '69 I was passing out antiwar leaflets in downtown D.C. when I handed one to an old lady she called me a communist (somewhat true at the time) and hit me upside the head with her umbrella. LOL! If you can't take the heat.......

[Jorja]

You will find that not every person you encounter will approve of your decisions to dress, paint your nails, or look different that society believes a male should look. However, take into account this man today was from a different era. He comes from a time where a man could be arrested for wearing a dress or openly painting his nails. It is what he was taught and what he knows. Times have changed and he does not like it. When young men started wearing long hair, older men did not like that either. Yet, nearly 50 years later a man that chooses to wear his hair long is not berated one bit. Keep in mind, this too will pass. Yes, there is going to be those that feel the need to voice their opinion but that is all it is, their opinion.

[AllieSF]

I agree with Ineke, age does sometimes make us focus on the negative and not on the positive due to Alzheimer's or dementia. I have some limited experience with that from my experiences with my Mother in her late 80's and early 90's and my Father in Law, both suffering from dementia in their later years. Certain things just sets them off. It could be something small that was just a minor hot button with them when younger. Now, it just explodes out of them in the worst way. It may also be a hot button about something else, which is then carried over to some other thing. I would just cut them some slack and move on.

[kimdl93]

This 'backlash' is the product of cynical politicians and media doing all they can to keep older Americans riled up about the supposed 'culture wars'. Alas, I'm afraid these folks have come to believe that 'we' are not entitled to the freedoms and liberties they enjoy for themselves. I fail to see how I am infringing upon their rights by insisting upon my own.

[AngelaYVR]

My dad has Alzheimer's. It is now very advanced but in earlier stages he would say inappropriate things to people.

[Rhonda Jean]

You will find that not every person you encounter will approve of your decisions to dress, paint your nails, or look different that society believes a male should look. However, take into account this man today was from a different era. He comes from a time where a man could be arrested for wearing a dress or openly painting his nails. It is what he was taught and what he knows. Times have changed and he does not like it. When young men started wearing long hair, older men did not like that either. Yet, nearly 50 years later a man that chooses to wear his hair long is not berated one bit. Keep in mind, this too will pass. Yes, there is going to be those that feel the need to voice their opinion but that is all it is, their opinion.

I agree that it's somewhat generational. I wish I could agree with the long hair thing. Seems I can look one direction and see awesome progress, then look another way and it's just like it was 50 years ago.

[Lori Kurtz]

It's scary to get this kind of emotional response from someone, even a very old person. The good news: you have the freedom to walk away, but he has to live with his hate.

[Pat]

I do have to admit I love the image of him lingering at the door so he could let it close in your face. ;) But it does make the whole story sound like you had an encounter with a guy with medical issues.

The vast majority of men -- some number in the mid-to-high 90th percentile are totally OK with the societal definition of being a Man. Part of this is being a guardian -- whether guarding his country from the commies/capitalists, guarding the public from crime, from fire, from dangerous thoughts. Often they don't think too much about it because understanding interferes with guarding. At his age he has learned that what you are doing is Wrong. At the same time he probably learned politeness and live-and-let-live, but something, perhaps medical, has destroyed his filter and you're getting the undiluted guardian outrage. I'd say give him a pass. It's more sad than anything else.

[Amy Fakley]

When my kids were very young, toddlers in fact, we got stuck in a hospital elevator. We were in there for about an hour and a half, and the first half was actually pretty scary. I didn't have much with me but my car keys, and a baseball hat I was wearing ... so I did what any resourceful dad would do ... I made a game out of putting the hat on the wrong body part ... we got through the whole thing without a single toddler tear.

This is the power of distraction. In America at least, the economic elevator has been stuck for something like 20 or 30 years. There are many unpleasant realities that all of us have to deal with. If you find yourself a member of a large enough demographic ... elderly people, baby boomers, being of one race or another, etc ... you will find yourself the target of many, many people who wish to play hat games. From scapegoating anyone who's different (but not numerous enough to fight back), to video games that reward you for wasting hours on end ... to talk radio that spins a different sort of fantasy yarn ... all of it is designed to distract, and to channel that distraction into political power or monetary gain ... which these days are pretty much one and the same.

Just for the hell of it, I hit scan on my radio while I was waiting in a drive through line at lunch today. Maybe I was after shadenfreude ... but I wanted to witness a little of the Monday morning right wing freakouts after Fridays pride extravaganza ... I was rewarded with 5 stations of bona-fide hair-on-fire freaking.

It's easy to understand. Dude is probably marinating in that sceene. From that guy's perspective, the world is really coming to an end. On the inside, he's a distracted toddler ... you're the hat, and our country is the stuck elevator.

I have hope for the future. My children are literlly mystified as to why anyone gives a crap about this stuff. Their children will grow up in a world where almost nobody does.

I hope though, that the powder keg these reactionary opportunists are stoking doesn't blow, and result in some sort of horrific Oklahoma City domestic terrorism thing along the way to our brighter future. Given the track record though ... well it seems only like a meter of time. Be safe out there, sisters.

[larry]

I was sorry to hear about this angry encounter. Hope it is only a flash in the pan. But I must say "Tristessa" what a cute avatar pic.. You go Gurl !!


Oh honey, I'm so sorry that happened! That is my worst nightmare, and I'd be rattled too if that happened to me. Some people are just locked in to the binary, and feel very threatened when they witness someone breaking traditional gender norms, even in very small ways like you were that day. I think you're right that all the media focus on LGBT concerns has really primed the hostility for some of these folks.

[Samantha2015]

Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but for me CD is an all or nothing affair. I could never go out in guy mode with any femme stuff on or showing. I'm not willing to push the envelope that far. Nothing wrong with those of you that do and the old man was wrong in expressing anger at you. Would the reaction from him been the same if you were fully dressed female? Would he have even noticed then ?
Still a long way to go for men to be anything other than MANLY MEN and be fully accepted in the mainstream.
:2c:

[Tristessa]

But I must say "Tristessa" what a cute avatar pic.. You go Gurl !!

Thanks, Larry! :)

[Krisi]

Yep, you have to watch out for those OLD men! They are nothing but trouble.

Remember though, with a little luck, you too will eventually become an OLD man. Keep this encounter in mind and act accordingly when you get to that position in life.

[OCCarly]

You know, there really is a generational divide in this country over LGBT matters. I read somewhere that 60% of people age 14 to 34 want to do away with the gender binary entirely. And here's an anecdote. I was in a major courthouse in Southern California last week, and I saw an MTF transgender, fully presenting female (no I am only 90% sure she was trans, but there is an MTF transgender in my wife's family and then there's me, so my trans-dar works pretty well). She was tall, blond, and in a T shirt and skinny jeans, and with her wife who was black/mixed race. They looked to be in their late twenties/early thirties. Their child, about four years old, was with them.

No one batted an eye or said anything. It was just business as usual in the courthouse. Most of the folks surrounding me at the time were younger, under 40. I was the only one who even gave them a second look, and that was only to see if anyone was reacting to them at all.

The reality is, the younger folks really don't care how you present. It is the older ones, and mostly the really old ones, who have problems and want to make trouble.

[Katey888]

I'm sorry to hear about this too, but glad you came through it relatively unscathed. :hugs:

Even if he wasn't suffering some form of dementia, I've long thought many old folk just get really angry about things - probably a lot of it is the frustration of getting old and that pent up anger just gets directed at anyone who's around. I remember once receiving a door ding (we have small car parking spaces here so it's a constant niggle) in a supermarket car park from an old guy in his car, must have been in his eighties. I was with my wife at the time and so I politely suggested he might be more careful with his door to which he got out of his car and started shoving me and ducking and feinting like a boxer... :eek: Quite ridiculous really - but some old folk just hate... any catalyst will set them off...

Katey x

[Ineke Vashon]

Yep, you have to watch out for those OLD men! They are nothing but trouble.

Remember though, with a little luck, you too will eventually become an OLD man. Keep this encounter in mind and act accordingly when you get to that position in life.

Perhaps I can call myself lucky to discover my 'second self' before I got to be a grumpy, opinionated OLD man. That was not until three years ago, at age 78. Now 81, my brain has been forcefully shifted, with my approval. I am wearing my fave pink panties and I think I am a nice guy.:)

Ineke

[Tracii G]

You just had one of those chance encounters just let it slide.

[Rhonda Jean]

Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but for me CD is an all or nothing affair. I could never go out in guy mode with any femme stuff on or showing. I'm not willing to push the envelope that far. Nothing wrong with those of you that do and the old man was wrong in expressing anger at you. Would the reaction from him been the same if you were fully dressed female? Would he have even noticed then ?
Still a long way to go for men to be anything other than MANLY MEN and be fully accepted in the mainstream.
:2c:

He probably wouldn't have noticed me had I been fully fem. I know that I attract some attention because of the way I present sometimes. I get that people may notice, be surprised, comment among themselves... lots of things. I just don't understand why it rises to the level of causing hate and anger.

[Andy66]

When I was young, I thought almost all old people were nice, harmless, and gave out hard candy. Now that I have alot more experience with them, I have seen that alot of them can be mean, complainey, and like to get overly angry about silly things. Consider the source, dear, and remember that the love that is being sent your way far outweighs the hate that was (mis)directed at you. :love:

[TinaZ]

He might be angry because he's near death and terrified about his mortality. He might be angry because he's in constant arthritic pain. He might be angry because his children have stopped contacting him.

The list of things he might be angry over is a mile long. But you're not on it. Unfortunately, you happened to be there when some internal straw broke his camel's back, thus you became the scapegoat. Sorry it happened. Have pity on him. Stay pretty and be awesome!

[docrobbysherry]

There r people that would say u r confrontational if u go out in vanilla land as a man in a dress. The fact is whether that is your motivation or not, u go out knowing u will be noticed by some as presenting as someone u r not.

They may think its funny, changing times, don't give a darn, or get pissed off. But, if you're out in drab none of these same folks will give u a second thot.

And, that is why I'm a closet dressers. I get stressed wondering what all those people staring at me dressed r thinking? When dressing at home is pure fun and completely stress free!

If I could pass occasionally I mite feel differently. But, I can't.

[STACY B]

I have seen this before,, Living down South it's not uncommon to encounter Crazy Old Guys with extreme values. An the early stages of some Dementia are showing signs of extreme anger for sure.

What's the odds of you encountering this Goof Ball again,, Me I would have had some fun with him, But that's just me and my Twisted Brain. Better not come up or out spewing your redneck wanna be beliefs on me,, I was the original Red Neck,, Easy,, Very Easy thing to be or portray ,, Just close your mind and don't Agree with anything unless EVERYONE else agree's . See how simple it is?

Trust this and Believe what I am telling you from a Vet, There is NOTHING those Clowns have or will ever do that this Clown hasn't done, So why fear them ????

Ohhhhhhhhh I don't ,, Maybe a MMA fighter that's it,, An I could give him a run too,, So pick and chose your battles,, Some are lost causes !

[Claire Cook]

It's not going to stop me. That level of hatred, based on my own experience, is extremely rare. It did shake me up, though. I could feel the hate! Over NOTHING!

I think all the press lately is causing a backlash. Gay marriage, Caitlyn, all the various things in the news... I hope the backlash is limited to angry old men. I guess they see that they're losing. They think we're all going to hell.

Hi Rhonda,

Like everyone else I'm so sorry this happened to you. Most of the discussion here has been about older people and dementia and it may (or may not) have been involved. But I think Jorga makes a good point. American society is changing, and has been since the 50's civil rights movement. There are, sadly, those out there who don't like where society is going (and it is not just angry old men), and I'm afraid we're seeing the backlash -- not so much as to what the press reports (after all, it is the news) but rather to these changes. We'll probably see more of this, but I am hopeful that such reactions are in the minority. I've had one or two comments like this in the past and chose to ignore them. I'd rather encourage positive interactions. As to going to hell, I'd rather stay in the Pink Fog....

[Maxi]

I would have had a comment like: You wouldn't let your Grand Daughter paint your nails? My little girl did a nice job huh? It would make him think.

This comes to mind, as my best friend came over one night just after my daughter painted my toe nails. I wasn't about to tell her no. She was like 3 or 4 at the time and did a pretty good job on them.

[joanna4]

First of all, I praise you for doing if for over 40 years. Thank you for your service if I could say.

I would have felt the same way you felt; shaken but continuing with my life and doing what is my definition.

I apologize that you had a terrible experience with this person. I do agree that they are rare as I have not experience this, but I will be prepared to and I hope others are as well. I do believe that they are inevitable, however, I hope that they will be impossible to encounter one day as times have changed and people are becoming more acceptable/tolerable. Good luck with everything.

[Rhonda Jean]

Thanks, everybody. Good points about cutting him some slack. I think Claire stated it really well about their reaction to a changing world. Guess I represented the embodiment of changing times. Never thought nail polish was so powerful. And Doc, just for clarity, I wasn't wearing a dress and I don't do the "man in a dress" thing, although I guess I see some similarity with my nail polish and purse.

This is such a rapidly changing time. Transgender is all the rage on TV. The Supreme Court decision on gay marriage. It's such a different world than it's ever been. Much more so when you look back several decades. It's all very empowering for gay and transgender people. It's a difficult pill to swallow for the "when men were men" generation. I have undying respect for those who fought for this country. I think they probably feel like for all they've done, this is what it's come to. A few years ago I had another angry encounter with a person who said exactly that (and more). I sometimes feel quite inferior to those who sacrificed so much. Always have. I suppose to him I represented some element of change that he had a hard time accepting.

[adrienner99]

A good lesson for us all. 50 years ago, his sort of behavior would have been more common. While things are better now, and the worst reaction I usually get is a snicker or an occasional bit of ridicule, there are still plenty of people who might treat us this way. I think hatred like this is base on fear, ignorance, and a lifetime of "being a man," meaning he was tough, aggressive, confrontational, and blindly followed rules and conventions someone else set down for him. His safety is in conformity. Differences scare him, threaten him. He would NEVER in a million years dare to be different and never have the courage to do what we do--dress as women and go out in public. The male side of me wants to beat the s--t out of the guy, no matter what his age....He is poison. Congratulations on dealing with it, and not letting it affect who you are...You have courage. He is an ignorant coward.

[docrobbysherry]

Please don't think I'm defending the angry old farht. But, being one myself it seems everyone is jumplng to conclusions about him.

Of course there r haters out there exactly like everyone described with all the motives you've mentioned. And, probably countless more. Which is why I don't enjoy going out dressed often.

But, he may not be any of them. Heck, u may just of reminded him of his loser nephew, Jared the drug dealer. Who wears earings, tatoos and carries his stash in a woman,s purse.

[Patrica Gil]

Hell, maybe he's just an angry person, there are a lot of them out there. Let it be his problem, not yours.

[melanie206]

The culture is slowly growing more tolerant but there's still are large component of repressed angry white men out there with reactionary views reinforced by talk radio and cable news. This one old man might have been losing his mind but I regularly encounter males who feel free to express their uninformed racist and sexist comments and are clueless about who they might be offending or how stupid they might sound. I feel better now.

[jigna]

Not to worry at all, be yourself.

[UNDERDRESSER]

It's easy to understand. Dude is probably marinating in that sceene. From that guy's perspective, the world is really coming to an end. On the inside, he's a distracted toddler ... you're the hat, and our country is the stuck elevator. Good way of putting it.


I have hope for the future. My children are literlly mystified as to why anyone gives a crap about this stuff. Their children will grow up in a world where almost nobody does.

The reality is, the younger folks really don't care how you present. It is the older ones, and mostly the really old ones, who have problems and want to make trouble.Yup, young teen that my GF mentors said "What's between my legs. and what I do with it, is nobody's business but me and whoever I choose to sleep with."


I hope though, that the powder keg these reactionary opportunists are stoking doesn't blow, and result in some sort of horrific Oklahoma City domestic terrorism thing along the way to our brighter future. Given the track record though ... well it seems only like a matter of time. Be safe out there, sisters.Amen. When you get the chance, vote the A-holes out!

[BabyTia]

It's not happened to me yet. But I am so sorry to hear what happened to you, just don't listen to them... I know it's hard and it's going to be hard in the future if it happens again but try to think "I am a boss ass bitch" :P Because you are! Don't listen to them they don't understand the love and passion we have for this :) -Tia x

[Alice Torn]

I have had to help care for my mom, who died three yrs ago, and my dad, who is still at home at age 94+. I see some of my dad's anti-social, angry, bigoted side in me, which i have to constantly work to change. The world is in a lot of turmoil now, in every nation. Anger is in the air, sad to say, as overpopulation causes tension in all of us. I am truly surprised, that more angry out bursts are not happening,, because most people are on edge. It makes me, like Doc, reluctant to go out in public much. One more thing, I am getting older, in my 60's now, and my sister, is 66, brother , 64. My dad is in his 95th year. We will all be old timers someday!!! We do tend to be more irritable, and ornery in older age, as our bodies just don't want to cooperate with our minds, and our minds, don't want to be stifled, and quiet. We all will see things that offend us, and if we are in a vulnerable state of emotion, can blow up, or say flammable things . When we are elderly, there may be "new" trends, or things in society, that we don't like. Sad to say, in this world, we sometimes switch places. I know i have. Humble pie.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

"We" to the old guard are a hard sell. They are entrenched in their ways and beliefs. Some are coming around but there are many that will never accept us. You just have to move on and live your life. The old guard are dying off one by one and being replaced by more and more of the new generation of people who are growing up with acceptance. Its happening a little at a time, but its worth it.

Bethany

[PaulaQ]

Folks, be careful out there. It is possible there will be some limited, but nasty violence from this, random, hard to predict and prevent acts of violence from unstable individuals. A lot of us also expect the right to try more nasty things (and they are not disappointing so far.)

Watch your backs though.

[Claire Cook]

Paula,

Thanks -- we always learn from your experience and perspective.

[Marcelle]

Hi Rhonda,

Unfortunately there are going to be those who don't understand us and for some it is pure hate (likely hate everything that is not like them) and for others is discomfort. In the case of older folks I cut them a lot of slack the same way I cut giggly teens a lot of slack. Getting old is not easy for some folks as they see their way of life disappearing and that is a hard pill to swallow. They have gone from being the out front caretakers of the world to secondary and in some instances tertiary placement, watching from the sidelines as a younger set take on the role of caretaker. In a way it puts them in touch with their own mortality and when they see something that rankles them a bit, they are more likely to wear their distaste openly. It probably comes from years of pent up frustration, not living the life they wanted to live or just not being happy in general. Now this is not to say I wouldn't call BS on an older person who was outwardly rude or aggressive, but in the case of this gentleman who really said nothing until you engaged him, I would have let is slide and just went on with my day.

Isha

[Stephanie47]

I'm an older person. Over the years I've seen people just explode over everything. I think it's in the nature. I'm sure that elderly man went home and for the next week it ranted and raved to everyone about you and "your kind." Actually, I'm glad you did talk to him. That probably gave him more fuel for the fire in his belly. I'd be more concerned if the person doing the ranting and raving had the ability to do bodily harm. Just chalk it up to ignorance and the fact some really older people just are set in the ways of the past.

At least you know where this guy stands on the issue. Most people will just smile and stab you in the back later.

[Rhonda Jean]

I probably shouldn't have said anything. Looking back I don't know what I expected him to say. The reason he was angry was pretty obvious, even if unwarranted.

[Imalittlelost]

My dad is traumatically brain injured & I can totally see him doing something like this. He had a similar melt down when my niece showed up at a family party with a mohawk. He isn't completely in control of his actions, but I am in control of mine. I refuse to disrespect him & instead choose the 'kill him with kindness' angle. I'm not going to be able to change him & I've accepted that. Just an alternative viewpoint. -Jenn

[MelanieAnne]

I guess they see that they're losing.
Not sure what you mean by this. Who are "they", and what are "they" losing?


Back in '69 I was passing out antiwar leaflets in downtown D.C. when I handed one to an old lady she called me a communist (somewhat true at the time) and hit me upside the head with her umbrella.

I know that lady.247483

[char GG]

I agree with Imalittlelost. I have a handicapped adult son who tries very hard to communicate with people but sometimes comes across as inappropriate. "Angry man" most likely has more problems going on than you could know. Sorry that happened :hugs:

[Judith96a]

Maybe I'm a little old fashioned but for me CD is an all or nothing affair. I could never go out in guy mode with any femme stuff on or showing.
You're not being old-fashioned! I'm mostly the same. Except, recently I've taken to wearing lipstick while driving to & from work and while visiting a city in another country (with no opportunity to get fully dressed up) wore lipstick and eyeshadow all day.


Still a long way to go for men to be anything other than MANLY MEN and be fully accepted in the mainstream.
:2c:
Agreed!

[Maria Blackwood]

I have to admit to feeling some schadenfreude these days. I never really identified with any community, but I was getting so weary of the religious forces dominating the culture on many fronts. Every week some school board voted to teach the world was 6000 years old or some other anti science, anti reality movement that was dragging the country backward.

Their anger and apoplexy at recent events is highly entertaining. I hope they all have something pop in their little heads. It's not like they were using their brains anyway.

As for people positing that the guy had other things going on, you're being too kind. Ideology can drive people with perfectly fine lives into rages over things that have no effect on them.

[Nadya]

I'm sorry that you had a bad experience being out. There's not much you can do to try and understand that type of hatred and I wonder if there's much you can do to fix it. Take some comforting that the times are changing and I think people with this type of anger will diminish. <3

[Jennifer H]

To look at it from another angle, maybe he is a very frustrated crossdresser and it made him angry seeing you when he cannot do it himself.

Just a thought.

Jennifer. xxx

[CONSUELO]

There are lots of these sorts of people around. The gay community knows well how many hateful people there are and they existed long before Caitlyn Jenner and the Supreme Court decision.

I know a person who loves to photograph the wild horses of Nevada. Booking into a hotel she was recognized as a wild horse lover by someone who takes the side of ranchers who lease Federal land for livestock and accuse the wild horses of eating the scarce grass. She was treated to a bout of irrational hatred rather like you were Rhonda.

I know it is hard to do but we have to ignore them. You cannot talk to someone who is angry and irrational.

[nikkid]

I have been openly shopping for myself for the last several years. It is so much easier and have always found the salespeople to be helpful with checking in on me for sizes or suggesting other styles. Different stores have different arrangements...in stores that are ALL female oriented I have never had a problem using their dressing areas (VS, Cache, Bebe, Gap Body, Soma, etc) and even in most larger stores (Macys, Nordstrom, Kohls, etc) I use the ladies dressing area. Stores like Ross, Walmart, Marshals..I use the men's dressing area. Only once did I have an EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING situation... I was at Macys and a woman shopper told a sales associate that I was in the changing room with my girlfriend. The sales lady knocked on my door and said men could not accompany women in the changing area....I was completely dressed head to toe in woman's attire (including spike heels)...I opened the door and let her know that I was alone in the dressing room. She apologized profusely and said if I needed any help with sizes or styles to let her know. The Bi.ch that turned me in then stood right outside my door. I could see her thru the slats in the door. The sales lady came back and told the woman to please leave, that she had no right to cause problems for other shoppers. After she got rid of the NOSEY ONE the sales lady came back and told me to take my time and she could get me other sizes when I was ready.. . Since then I have even been more up front and have just been honest and enjoy my shopping. I have openly shopped in large and small towns..Calif,NYC, midwest, and deep south... be courteous, don't prance around in the common area outside your dressing room and they will help you. THEY WANT TO SELL STUFF, they are NOT there to tell you how to live your life.... "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself." It isn't only ANGRY OLD MEN in small "unaware" communities...the person giving me trouble was a thirty something woman in SF area in CALIF.

[MelanieAnne]

To look at it from another angle, maybe he is a very frustrated crossdresser and it made him angry seeing you when he cannot do it himself.


Probably not. But you make a good point. Most men are excited by womens clothes, high heels, nylons, underwear, and sexy bras. Several studies show almost 95% of crossdressers are heterosexual. And I often wonder how many men would like to wear womens clothes, but are afraid to, for various reasons. Some are probably unsure of their manhood, and think they would be gay if they wore womens clothes. Others may be afraid of getting caught. But I'm sure there are many more potential crossdressers than we know.

[Janet77]

My guess is that it was a combination of age-related dementia and a lifetime of bad character on his part. An old A-hole is still an A-hole...

[Robin414]

It's just his age and the fact he's a mugle! During his formitive years it was EXPECTED that you had to hate anyone who wasn't a straight Caucasian male (Caucasian women were OK so long as they knew their place!) Wow, have times changed! 😀 Don't take it so hard, I'm sure he looks at that 'goddamn wireless telephone thing' EXACTLY the same way 😂

[sometimes_miss]

Well, I know this is a month old thread, but hopefully there have been no repeat incidents, Rhonda. Welcome to the real world outside of the pink fog
. There are lots of people who hate us just because of what we are, and want us dead 'just because'. You're lucky this time, it was one old man with his wife. Consider what could have happened if you stopped at a gas station late at night, to pump your gas and a herd of not so CD friendly bikers rode up after getting thoroughly smashed at the local bar. There's a lot of hate out there to go around. Crossdressers are still getting attacked and killed somewhere every day. Don't become one of them just because you wish the world was a completely tolerant place. Wishful thinking can get you killed.

[charlenemichaels]

Hi Rhonda!
I'm sorry you had to stare at hate so close to home-it's very uncomfortable i know.

Being a CD as long as you has brought many situations like this to my door.
Many others have covered dementia and how strong ill-will can manifest itself in older folks.

Recently I was bottom dressed (womens' jean, hose, etc) and wore a pair of pointy flats early one morning to work.
Stopped for gas at a local station it was around 600am.
There was an older fellow just off my right field of view watching me.
I was leaning against the car pumping gas and didnt realize i was dipping my foot in and out of one my flats.

He must have keyed in on my hosed foot looking back. He just stared with his hands on his hips.
Not making eye contact - i felt the icy stare and stood up straight never looking at him.
When i did look at him, he reminded me of an old marine vet or something.
He mumbled enough for me to understand "gay...queer...trash dont know your place in the world..."

He moved about 25 feet away and now i looked at him head on.
There was no provocation or malice on my part. I stood my ground and showed no fear either.
Quickly and deliberately i closed down the gas pump and planted me back in my car.
Started it and watched him zoom to my window as i pulled away in an opposite direction.
Didnot know his intentions but there did not seem good!!

Got away from there and changed my morning routine. :)

You just never know about people. Your intuition is a girls' best friend (aside from shiney things!)

These types of encounters are the motivation for going out in a group or with like minded friends.

Glad your OK. My heart pounds when i think about how scary it can be!

Peace,
Charlene

[Abby Kae]

I think it's time we stop saying it's okay for old people to hate. My 90+ years old grandparents have four daughters, two of whom are lesbians, with a couple gay grandsons, and at least one transgender (me).

He served in WWII as a marine, and both are strongly Catholic.

Neither one has a bone of hate in their body and have always been accepting.

Hate is hate, and it's ugly and gross, no matter what generation you were raised in or where your hate is directed.

Being old is not a good enough excuse anymore.

[Sissy donna]

Judgement, it is everywhere. I know guys that judge woman who are not the best looking and judge and treat them less than better looking women. I would expect no less if they knew what I do. Surely with disdain I expect. The best anyone can hope for is silence with these types. I am responsible for making a few people happy. I agree that the comments you recieved would be disconcerting. Some people just try to put the world and everyone in it into a box and you just dont fit in their box. Sorry you had to go through that.