Documentation Dilemma

[Michelle789]

Hi everyone, for once I'm not starting another Caitlyn Jenner thread. I wanted to address some issues I have regarding my documentation.

I am not ready to legally change my name, as I have a few obstacles preventing me from doing so.

1. I still haven't decided on a middle name.

2. I'm torn on whether to keep or change my last name.

3. As my family is really worried about my home town on the east coast finding out, I am worried that if I change my name, that anyone can do a search on my male name and discover that I have transitioned. I worry about how this might impact my family, even though they live 3000 miles away.

I do have every intention to change my name, and all of my documentation to match. I'm not sure when it's going to happen but I would like to do it sometime in late 2015 or early 2016.

To make matters worse, I was seriously ill for two months with bronchitis and this pushed me back. I essentially lost two months of my life because of this. I also lost a few other things because of bronchitis, but that's another story.


I have changed enough that I might not be recognizable from my photo ID. I have shown a number of people who have only ever met me as Michelle my male pic. Not a single one of them can see any resemblance. Even when I did a Skype video chat with my mom, she did not recognize me, although my brother did. On the other hand, there were a few instances of where I showed my ID and no one said a word. This happened a couple of times in Vegas.

I was thinking of at least changing my photo on my driver's license so at least my photo can match my appearance. I also have the doctor's letter to change my gender on my driver's license, before I change my name. Yes - this is legal in California. Even if I don't change my gender marker yet I can still change my photo. I want to change my photo namely because I am planning on flying to NYC in September to see Cody's family. Even though my license was accepted, we're talking about the TSA. I worry that if I don't change my photo I might not be allowed to fly. I do have a care letter from my therapist stating my circumstances, but I'm not sure if that's enough. This leaves me with another dilemma.

I do not have a copy of my social security card. I probably misplaced it somewhere in some box of old junk. I have a driver's license and a passport. If for some reason I either decide to start a new job, or lose my job and have to find a new job, my driver's license isn't enough. For starting a new job, you need either your driver's license and social security card or you can use your passport.

I worry that if I change my driver's license picture but not yet my passport picture and I have one with female pic/female gender marker, the other with male pic/male gender marker, and I need to show both in some circumstance that they won't accept it.

I was thinking of applying for a new SSN card with my male name, and then re-applying for another one with my female name once I change it. Can I apply for two SSN cards within one year?

What would you do in this situation? Should I just not change my photo until I legally change my name? Should I change my photo and get a new SSN card issued in my male name? Can I change my passport photo and/or gender marker? I'm not sure what to do. Thank you.

[stefan37]

Request a replacement SSN. Your number will remain the same. I didn't bother changing my gender as they only verify the number and no longer mention gender. You won't be able to change your name on SSN until it's legally changed. You could change the gender on your license and even your passport with your legal male name. I Imagine it might get a little confusing but as long as you own it and are comfortable, then the confusion will be a non issue.

I legally changed my name and gender at the same time and went full time. First items were drivers license and social security. Everything flows after that. But it takes a long time. I am still finding stuff to change 2 years later.
In today's computer age your background will follow you. Any background or credit check will reveal your former name. The court records are for the most part public and if someone is determined enough they will find out. Social media can also out you. I went full time when I changed my name and gender. I know other girls that went full time, changed their gender but not their name uinitially. I met a girl last week that went full time at work, but hasn't yet changed her name of gender. There is no right way. Only the way you feel most comfortable.

[Michelle789]

Thank you for your advice. My male name is also an uncommon name and is not easily gendered in our culture. It could pass easily as either male or female. So while I like Michelle better than my male name - my male name is always male to me personally and reminds me of my past, I could live with a female gender marker and photo with my male name since my male name passes for female. I think having two of three things changed on my driver's license and passport with a male name that sounds girly I could live with it for a while.

[Ann Louise]

I would suggest that, whatever you change your names to, you only adopt ones that strike a resounding "Yes!" within you. Clearly, though serious deliberation is warranted, reasons that are based on thoughts and concerns of others may sooner or later fall short and leave you wistful for those names you really liked that "got away."

[Kaitlyn Michele]

These are good points

Michelle you seem like your own enemy on this. What is your life status? If you are not full time, what is the timing for that? Do you have a specific plan?

I am sure other people will be impacted and that's the reality of transition. You say your family is worried about folks 3000 miles away finding out??? You are simply going to have to get over that..
for what its worth..i know people all over the country, i changed my name i think in 2009, i have never ever recieved one email or call about it from somebody outside my inner circle...

I was never going to use Kaitlyn until the very last minute...sometimes being forced to decide really helps you to decide.. I am really happy i picked that name even though some of my older friends use the name i originally planned which was Michele

see what i'm saying??? its just a name but there will be a feeling you will have at the decision time and you will just know what to do , and you will do it!!



I'd add transition is really hard. The planning and thoughtfulness you are showing is good for you, but if you let it get the best of you, it can really make it harder than neccessary. Please don't do that to yourself.

The real issue is support from your family, and you job (or job prospects). You can juggle those things with some good thought and in my opinion you are best served to get your job situation sorted out as soon as possible ...if you are working then the name change can be tied to the point you are full time..

i wonder if you are worried about random use of the wrong gender/name id?? I didn't change my name or gender marker until about 6 months after real time!! and it got delayed so it was a couple months after that where i finally had my id..
i flew , i got a ticket, i had a car accident, i had a title issue on my home, i hired an attorney to help with my tax audit...all with a male name and id!!!! you just have to do stuff sometimes and get through it.