I've been going out girled up for a while...now what?

[DarkKnightress]

So Im an experienced M2F part-time CD in little Anchorage, Alaska, USA, have been going out girled up on saturday nights for a few hours. Ive been doing this most weeks for 8 years. I seem to have a routine: leave my place in the early evening, go have dinner somewhere if time permitting, go to the grocery store and buy my needs for the week, then to the only gay club in town, dance there off/on for a couple to few hours. Then after 2:30 when the clubs start closing, I cruise a couple downtown streets where the bars and eye candy (sexy dressed girls) prowl. Taking in the night scenery before it fades and I go home, tear down, and sleep. I have more good nights than not so good. And for 8 years in this small town? Impressive.

However, the reason Im posting on here, is something have been lacking for me. It was all thrilling and new for me 7 years ago when I was first starting out. Then a year later, I realized I may have peaked. Ive done all I really wanted to do when out girled up saturdays (the only day of the week I can really do it), I was getting tired of my routine and knew something was missing. Ive pondered this every night since. I cant go to any other clubs in town because theyre all dominated by the crossdresser-hating crowd with extra humiliation-at-the-door security. In a town this size (only 300,000 people), my options are limited.

So, any ideas from anyone? What do you all like to do on your girls nights out?

Thanks - Rene

[Sandie70]

Rene, for right now just going out the door is a thrill - I haven't reached your stage yet. But I can see that this might be a reason to develop a group of friends to share my experiences with. And this would involve more than just a few shopping trips or going to a club. Hopefully, as I progress, I would expand into other pursuits: private parties and get-togethers with other crossdressers, going to a movie, taking a road trip, camping and more. Not just a night out from time-to-time.

In other words, eventually I can see myself dressing not as an end in itself, but as a fun way to experience a normal life from a girls perspective. Like experiencing life all over again, but in heels (lol).

[Marie-Claude, France]

I understand you. In the small town in Southern France where I do live, there are few possibilities to become Marie-Claude, outside a Saturday night private party.

My solution was to organize a long week-end for myself, free from wife and children, in another city with a tolerance reputation and having beautiful museums.

I went to Antwerpen, Belgium, more or less 600 miles from my house, and with a GG friend we went to a restaurant and visited the superb fine arts museums of the city. Antwerpen (Anvers, in French) signed an LGBT tolerant chart (http://www.visitantwerpen.be/lgbt-en), and I have to say that everybody was kind and respectful to me.

For those wanting to discover this beautiful city: http://www.visitantwerpen.be/

I am not suggesting you to go so far, just sharing my own experience.
Hope you find a solution...

[Adriana Moretti]

I'm with Marie.....I love to travel...and get around.....go to different places & events.....I get bored real quick ..

[Katey888]

Hi Rene,

I think it is impressive... but I think the only person that can truly answer your question is you, as so much of our needs, IMHO, begin with our motivation... something I've puzzled over for myself for decades. I've recently discovered (dared?) the joy of socialising and dancing coupled with as much glamour as I can muster, but I know that a session every week would quickly pale for me.

Reading a little between the lines, I'd suggest that you seem starved of fresh interactions, either with other CDs or accepting muggles and that because of the nature that brings you here, your limitations are really driven by location and a restricted pool of population (although 300,000 seems a lot, I get what you say about the nature of those folk being polarised by the location too). On balance, I can only think that you need to get out of town more - either for some of the many events that plague the USA like a travelling circus (I'm only jealous... ;)) which would give you a multi-day experience and yield a whole host of possible social interactions, or really consider seriously getting out of town permanently... :)

What do you think drives you to need this outlet and how important is it to you...? If you've been doing this for 8 years I'd assume pretty important... :thinking:

Katey x

[Kandi Robbins]

I posed this same type of question to the forum a few months back and got some great feedback. As I result I sent out some e-mails (the anonymity in doing it this way made it much easier) to a few charitable organizations. I told them I was a CD and was looking for a place to volunteer while dressed. I received an almost immediate response from the Salvation Army. Now once a week, I get to go through the ritual of any woman who works in an office, I get dressed and head off to "work". I work in an office doing what ever they need (copying, data entry, phone calls and recently input into a marketing campaign) for a few hours. I am completely en femme, everyone calls me Kandi, no one blinks an eye at me and they are all so kind. I'm just one of the girls in the office. I get to dress and they get free help, a win win! I was also tiring of the bar scene as my only dressing outlet (doing so nowhere near as long as you) and this has completely changed things for me. I have many of the girls here to thank for the idea.

[Rachelakld]

I also would like to do volunteer, preferably front of house, church op shop at the counter or simular

[Tracii G]

The bar crowd is the last place I would want to be.Even if it is a TG friendly place.
Branch out in the daytime go shopping or whatever else you like to do.
Join a group CDers maybe.

[Caden Lane]

I believe your best bet is to give Rene purpose. Get her active in the community. With that will come validation, which we all need and crave. If there isn't a CD social group in your area, get a few other gis together and create one. That ads value to your time as Rene, validates her existence, and gives you more alternatives to socializing.

Another alternative is; promise yourself an extended trip out of town as Rene, either to a CD conference like Southern Comfort, or Keystone; or to a place where you can just be Rene for a week. And nobody says you have to be Rene every day for a week. Mix and match as you desire. But break from the routine, add spice to things.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[LeslieSD]

Rene, I am going through the same path. Just getting dressed and going out is getting boring quickly. I have recently came out to a friend couple of mine, and I found that experience very liberating. I would like to come out complete, but I am married and she is not approving. So no plan there. It seems that volunteering is a good way to spend your time as Kandi mentioned.


I posed this same type of question to the forum a few months back and got some great feedback. As I result I sent out some e-mails (the anonymity in doing it this way made it much easier) to a few charitable organizations. I told them I was a CD and was looking for a place to volunteer while dressed. I received an almost immediate response from the Salvation Army. Now once a week, I get to go through the ritual of any woman who works in an office, I get dressed and head off to "work". I work in an office doing what ever they need (copying, data entry, phone calls and recently input into a marketing campaign) for a few hours. I am completely en femme, everyone calls me Kandi, no one blinks an eye at me and they are all so kind. I'm just one of the girls in the office. I get to dress and they get free help, a win win! I was also tiring of the bar scene as my only dressing outlet (doing so nowhere near as long as you) and this has completely changed things for me. I have many of the girls here to thank for the idea.

Kandi, I read your earlier post about contacting SA, and I am curious about how it goes. It sounds like a good experience. I may want to give that a try. Thanks for sharing.

[Barbara Black]

I agree with everyone saying that you are just bored with your routine, but my question is, how does a population of 300,000 become a small town? Are you from NY or LA? LOL

[kimdl93]

Well, it depends on why you dress. Going out for dancing and socializing are perfectly acceptable motivations. What I found is that I wanted a life outside the nightlife. You know, to be able to go to the grocery, the Starbucks, etc. or in other words, I wanted to live more of my life as a woman.

[OCCarly]

If you can wait until May, 2016, then get a plane ticket to Seattle and spend a week at the Esprit conference in Port Angeles, WA. Or, if you want to do something sooner, then look for a discount fare to Seattle, San Francisco, Las Vegas or Los Angeles, and spend a long weekend or a few days en femme out having fun in a new place. Visit some new gay bars, go shopping at the outlet malls, see the sights and have fun.

If you want a change in weather, Palm Springs, California is a lot of fun. More than half of the town's population is LGBT, and there is a huge outlet mall outside of town where the shopping is fabulous

[LeslieSD]

If you want a change in weather, Palm Springs, California is a lot of fun. More than half of the town's population is LGBT, and there is a huge outlet mall outside of town where the shopping is fabulous

Palm Springs is half LGBT? I didn't know that. Is that true? I thought it is mostly wealthy retirees who are living there.

[Krisi]

You know, the life of a woman isn't really any more exciting than the life of a man. Life is what you make it.

For me, being in a bar would get boring really quick. What do you do when you're not dressed? Movies? Bowling? Fishing? Do it as a woman. Or consider moving to a bigger city where there are more activities.

And why do straight crossdressers go to gay bars anyway?

[Meghan4now]

Rene,

Thanks for a great post. And thank you to all that have responded. This subject is really important to CD and other transfolk. Your experience, reflection and yearning is pretty central to anyone who has been involved with transgender identification for any given time. So your post focuses our thoughts in a very existential direction. Indeed what is the point to the dressing? Kandi, Krisi and Katie have done a good job of pointing out that if you dress because dressing is an integral portion of your ego, then having mundane activities en femme is probably a natural progression.

Can you do it? Is it worth the trade offs? Is it possibly imperative? Some deep reflection may help.

BTW. For those not familiar with Ankorage, it is in Alaska which is very remote and somewhat isolated from the lower 48. 300K population there is quite different than say the coasts or Midwest where 300K really means 1.2 million in the metropolitan area. And a good portion of the population is geared toward the local military bases and oil industry. Beautiful, rugged, challenging.

PS Krisi, CDS go to gay bars because gay guys are slightly less likely to TRY to kick your a**?