You see a crossdresser in the street?

[Suzann3]

Here is an interesting question. You are walking down the street, going to work or wherever. You are dressed as yourself and not 'en femme'. You see a person coming towards you who is a male dressed 'en femme', what are your initial thoughts? What are your reactions?

[I Am Paula]

Cute shoes.
No reaction.

[Angie G]

I'd say hello And be on my way.Or maybe say nice outfit.:hugs:
Angie

[vicky_cd99_2]

I do as I do with all people. I nod my head and say good morning or what ever time of day it is. Sometimes I look back to check out there backside if I like what they are wearing.

[STACY B]

Top of the Day to you Mam,,,, Wonderful weather we are having ,,, Have a Nice Day,,,,:):):):)

[pamela7]

It's difficult, cos it depends on the person. If they avoid eye contact then i'm just radiating a happy smile, if there's eye contact, then definitely "hi sis" or something appropriate.

[Teresa]

Suzann,
To my knowledge I have seen two, no I correct that three including myself !
The first when on holiday in the English Lake District, we were staying in a rented cottage and I popped into a general store to get some milk, there was line of several shoppers waiting to pay and in the middle was a CDer, very smartly dressed possibly too well maybe late fifties and I could sense her getting more tense the longer the checkout took. I really felt for her and was desperate to say something outside the shop after being served to see if I could calm her down, but I was too far back in the line and she was long gone when I left the shop.
The second time was on a trip to San Francisco , I was sitting on a cable car at the bottom of Market Street when I noticed a tall, attractive, well dressed coloured girl . She knew I'd clocked her , we both exchanged that knowing look and a smile but she was loving every minute of it ! It made me feel good for the rest of the day seeing a CDer so comfortable when dressed.

[UNDERDRESSER]

I haven't been able to interact with any of the few I have seen, but I would have liked to chat with some of those I've seen. There was one obvious male wearing a long loose skirt, and another time a couple dressed to the nines who were being stopped for selfies with the public, one of those was a "Nurse" can't remember what the other was dressed as. Still not 100% sure they were drag artists, but the look was...extreme? And about 6'8" for both!

[jigna]

I will try to communicate with him, for sure.

[bridget thronton]

Just smile and let her enjoy her time out

[Isabella Ross]

A polite smile and nod or a quick hello if the opportunity presents itself. Perhaps compliment on her attire if I get a response.

[Caden Lane]

Allow me to relate two short anecdotes, take from them what you will. I agreed to meet another CD for a girls night out in the town. She had a beautiful polished look, but that's where it stopped. Her behaviors were very masculine, from her applying makeup right at the dinner table to the hamfisted way she applied her lipgloss. Then, when we got to the clubs, she was very open to everyone that we were crossdressers. It allowed us a large entourage of women who sought to be in our company, and was sort of fun. But I tend to dress to blend. I do not wish o be outed as a CD. I simply wish to be seen as yet another woman in the crowd.

Another time a well meaning person, who claimed to be a CD saw me when I was out with several GG friends. This person approached, and simply said, I crossdressers as well! I love your outfit. Now, what if I were transsexual, and my companions were unaware of my diagnosis? I'd have been mortified in that instance. What if I were a woman who used to play softball in high school? What if I simply did not wish to be outed against my will in public?

Which is precisely what happened in both instances, I was outed, against my will in public. Both situations were rather benign, my GG friends knew the deal. And in the other, I still managed to have fun. But you cannot simply see someone in public and assume,
"Why yes, it's appropriate to say something to them." Your assumption may be wrong and you may embarrass at the very least your self if not the other party. Or worse, that may be their very first outing, and you may spook them from ever wanting to go out again because you clocked them.

If you must do anything, simply engage them as a person, talk to them, validate them, but do not assume they are merely a CD or assume they are a CD who won't mind being clocked. That's just my take and feelings in it, I may be wrong. But I've been in those shoes twice, and it was a real put off to me. That first instance I related drove me from dressing for two months, which in turn triggered my PTSD. To me, those consequences were real and severe enough. It made me fully cognizant of just how dependent I am in Caden as my therapy and outlet, how much Caden represents a coping mechanism. So just please be careful about unintentionally outing someone. By all means, treat her like another person, validate her, and if she brings up she crossdresses, then that may be your segue into telling her about you.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[Pat]

This question keeps coming up in various forms. I'm pretty sure the right answer is to treat everyone the same as you would any other stranger. The fact of their crossdressing is no more your business than it is the business of non-crossdressers also on the street. If you want to show solidarity, go put your girl clothes on.

[Suzie Petersen]

I completely agree wity Caden and Jennie. Dont out T people, even if you are clever enough to figure them out.

Treat people you meet with respect nomatter who they are or whatever they are wearing.

If you want to be especially nice to someone you think might be a CD or TS woman, the best way to make their day is to treat them like any other woman you meet. If you let it be known you have read her, you could be the one who completely ruined her day out.
Dont be that guy.

[Ceera]

Generally, I try to treat them the same as I would treat any genetic girl I happened to meet for the first time. I give them a polite smile and maybe a wave of the hand, or if they look comfortable and are looking good, perhaps I complement their appearance. If they look tense or uncomfortable I don't try to interact at all. I remember seeing one CD in Nordstrom's rack. She had been in the shoe section and was walking rather briskly toward the exit without any purchases, looking rather as if she had just been embarrassed and was wishing to get out of there fast before she got embarrassed again. I let her go by without any visible reaction from me, though I later asked my daughter if she had noticed her too.

If I happen to start talking with someone and they admit to being TG or cross dressing, I might let them know I do it too.

In a social environment where I am also dressed, when I see another CD I smile, wave, and perhaps make a polite comment like merely saying hello, or 'hello girls', if there are more than one. But I still say nothing that indicates they are not real girls, unless they open that topic. As one of the earlier posters stated, what if they don't want to be outed? Or what if you're wrong, and that person really is a girl?

Personally, when I'm dressed I really prefer to be treated as if I am a real girl. I dress to blend in and to look as much as I can manage like a real girl. So it would bother me if some strange guy blurted out a comment about me being a cross dresser in a public setting. And I won't do that to anyone else.

[alwayshave]

I once saw a member of this forum in Macy's at the Pentagon City Mall in Arlington VA. I mentioned her to my fiancee who said why don't you go say hi. I stated no, I don't want to embarrass her though I did smile. I know if I was in a similar situation, I would not want to be approached.

[Katey888]

The more I see of folk here in a non-social setting wanting to engage others they think are another CDer, the more it puts me off doing anything in the real world... :thinking:

My initial thoughts would be: Interesting - happens rarely (I can count on the fingers of one hand CD/TG/TS folk I've definitively seen away from a specific event) - check makeup, outfit, walk, all in passing - make note to post here. :)

No reaction and no interaction.

For anyone thinking of interacting, consider:

- You approach a GG who appears a little more masculine than average... how rude would that be?
- You approach a transitioning TS who just doesn't feel or need any affinity from a closet CDer and certainly not in public... also rude...
- You approach an undercover cop... :eek:

In my opinion, this recommendation should find its way into 'The Crossdresser's Handbook', 3rd edition:


The fact of their crossdressing is no more your business than it is the business of non-crossdressers also on the street. If you want to show solidarity, go put your girl clothes on.

If you really want to socialise with others, simply go to an event - they're safe, great fun, and you're unlikely to offend anyone... or be arrested... unless you go with Adriana... :lol:

Katey x

[Lilblondecutie1407]

I wouldn't say much but admirer her for being out as she is and day dream of when I get there too.

[Debra Russell]

If it is that obvious it makes me a little uneasy and I would hope this person may acquire the skills to at least walk down the street and appear more feminine. I would acknowledge her in a friendly manner and also feel a kinship of sorts knowing we all have roots and beginnings that are similar ................................Debra

[Jodi]

This question comes up often on this MB. You make a siting of what you think is a cd. Don't ever bet the bank on it.

Reminds me of something that I saw happen years ago. I was out with a group of cd's at a social function. There were a couple of guys who were hecklers. They thought they were going to be real funny and pull the wig off of one of the cd's. They picked out a tall girl to pull her wig. When they pulled, it was real hair on a real girl. They pulled her down on her back. When she screamed, two big guys with the girl proceeded to kick the crap out of the two guys. They then called the police and had them arrested for assault.

The moral to the story. Be careful. Just because someone might look like a cd, does not mean she is one.

Jodi

[geek]

I wouldn't do anything, as much like most people when out and about, I pay little if any attention to others. There might be a passing thought or a second look, but that second look could mean many things... ;)

[Jorja]

First, I strike up a conversation with her. Then, I guide her out of the street so she doesn't get hit by a car. Finally, I excuse myself and go on my merry way.

[Sarah-RT]

When I was out for the Pride parade in Dublin last month there were a number of drag queens and various amounts of inbetweens, and a lot of the time I thought I was the only one of us out that day but while waiting in a bar for one of my friends to come back with the drinks I noticed another girl who was only slightly shorter than me and had very similar hair who appeared to be avoiding eye contact with most of the other people in the area like I was.

I figured that she was in fact a crossdresser too and wanted to go and give a quick hello as the day was for LGBT pride and I dont personally know any other CDers, I decided against going over for a few reasons, 1. I didnt want to be like ''Ive seen through your disguise'' as I didnt want anyone to do that to me either, Secondly I thought if it was a GG id be insulting her and Id look like a bit of a fool. We did make eye contact as obviously I was staring but every time I looked away and glanced back she was looking back over so I figured she was probably thinking the same thing.

Sarah x

[nevarrie]

Usually a big smile and continue on my way. I know most of the time I would not want to be approached so I never approach anyone else. But I have found that smiling at people will usually bring a smile to their face where they at GG or CD.

[Tabitha_Lynn]

I would treat her as anyone else I encounter.

If I knew her, I would acknowledge and say hi. I would also hope that anyone who saw me would do the same.

So if you see me out, feel free to say hi.

[STACY B]

I change my answer,, Hey Little Girl,,,, Want some CANDY,,,, Woo,,,Haa,,,Woo,,,,, What did you expect,,lol,,, Or Hot Legs ya wearing me OUT !!!

[wanda66]

Smile, say hello if we passed each other,noting special.

[AngelaYVR]

I know I am supposed to be in guy mode for this scenario but today, walking the street all totted up, instead of walking on the side with the leather bar and antagonising the guys smoking on the sidewalk I chose the other. In the middle of the block, I see two girls [gurls] walking the other way on the other side of the street. Too much traffic for me to run over and high five, sadly. Mind you, I was dressed knee length floral skirt and they were obviously hitting the bars (the shorts were micro, the hair was neon) so it might have been an awkward situation! :eek:

[Jaylyn]

I'd say nothing unless they were looking at me and then I'd simply say hello Mam. Same greeting I'd say to a GG. F they wanted to visit then I'd visit but I wouldn't initiate any conversation first other than that.

[Amanda77]

I work in the retail industry and have seen and talked to people in all walks of life, including crossdressers. I treat them like any other customer, with respect. After all we are all humans living on the same planet

[Sandie70]

I would react no differently than with any person. A smile and maybe a greeting. However, say I'm in line with that person at a store, I might strike up an innocent conversation like I do quite often with other strangers.

If I am well received, then I might try to break the ice with an inquiry about clothes or something, remarking on something she might be wearing - the hope being that I can give a clue that I might be a sister in drab. I wouldn't press if there's no interest shown, but I am always hoping to meet other crossdressers as possible future friends.

Of course, I would be highly respectful of that persons privacy, just as I would want if I was out dressed.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Suzann, Just as any lady just a sincere compliment.:daydreaming:

[Krisi]

My initial thought would be that this person isn't passing. My reaction would be to treat this person just like any other person I don't know. That might be walking on by, it might be a polite nod, etc.

[Adriana Moretti]

Recently I saw a cd gal out....and I really wanted to say something, but I know how stupid I would look if i did, so I said nothing, and did this weird experiment thingy and followed her ( from the distance and NOT creepy like) across the mall, not gawking at her, but watching EVERYONE else's reaction and to make sure she wasnt bothered.....guess what...no reaction, no issues, no nothing...i was like her secret bodyguard.I also wanted to see the publics reaction, which was fine, nobody read her or batted an eye ( except for 1 guy ) ...funny story...a few weeks later I actually MET her at a CD/TG event...I walked up to her at the event ( NOW an acceptable place to introduce myself) and told her the story, she laughed and thought it was funny,cause she diddnt realize she had another sister watching her back and I made a new local friend . Katey says it best LOL.......



If you really want to socialise with others, simply go to an event - they're safe, great fun, and you're unlikely to offend anyone... or be arrested... unless you go with Adriana... :lol:

Katey x

[Patty]

Usually a smile and a nice remark.

[veola]

Met, but only in Thailand

[CarlaWestin]

Just smile and let her enjoy her time out

Why, just the other day a lady walked pass pulling her luggage behind her evidently walking towards the airport. She had on a long black mumu with flowery sandals and painted toenails. Very large breasts and some of the longest eyelashes I've ever seen! And a beaming face of pure happiness. Must have had a fabulous vacation and flying home pretty. I just did the brief polite smile with the knowing expression.

[Belle Cri]

Is she single? LOL

[Angela Marie]

Since my goal is blending in I would simply smile. I love it when I am out and I pass another woman and they give me a big smile. A makeup artist told me years ago one big difference between men and women is that women, even if they don't know each other, will smile in passing much more than men. That is so true.

[Shelly Preston]

Its simple you treat her like you would any other Lady

If you have the right opportunity you can maybe pay her a compliment or start a conversation. I was once asked by a woman if I worked in the store we were in, so it does happen.

[Stephanie47]

If I make eye contact with anyone I usually just nod. Sometimes I will say hello if the person seems receptive to receiving a hello. Too many people seem so closed off that they project the image they do not want any intrusion in their lives.

I've seen at least two CD-ers in my small city over the years. The first really seemed to be out to flaunt herself. If she were a GG 99.99% of the world would not have a favorable or even neutral opinion of her. She was an attention grabber. I actually saw her twice over two years and she wore the same outfit which was not complimentary to women. In the second visual encounter she needed a lot of help to achieve appearing as a woman. She was visually entirely male except for the clothes. There was no effort to adopt the mannerism of a woman; the walk, the manner to hold a pocketbook, etc. In a previous post I did, and do, give her credit for getting out.

When I was in San Francisco decades ago I did see two very smartly attired cross dressers having lunch. Their presentation was 100% passable. I could have been wrong, but, I don't think so. Nobody else in my large group or anyone at the surrounding tables gave them a second look.

[Sandie70]

I would be more interested in her choice of clothes, makeup, hair and how well she "passes," if at all. I'm always evaluating myself as to how the things I wear, etc. adds to my appearance as a woman... how well I blend in. And seeing what others do to accomplish (or not accomplish) this helps considerably.

Interestingly, as I have gotten more and more into my dressing, I seem to notice more crossdressers in public these days. Because I'm actually looking for them now and never noticed before? Or is it because more of us are out there as the climate of acceptance is changing?

[Badtranny]

When I was in San Francisco decades ago I did see two very smartly attired cross dressers having lunch. Their presentation was 100% passable. .

Listen ladies, if you SEE a crossdresser then by definition she is not passing. Sometimes it seems like you guys think you're invisible because nobody openly reads you. People notice. People talk. This whole idea of pretending someone is passing and then keeping up the pretense if you do talk to them so they can go on believing that they are passing is just not healthy.

[suchacutie]

I have always treated everyone presenting as a woman according to their presented gender. That has included conversations but not always. When I have been at a distance (from someone I perceived as a CD ) and able to watch, I have always seen absolutely no reaction from anyone. We, of all people, should know how they want to be treated. Forcing recognition on them is a problem with our own egos.

[Katie Thompson]

I smile and possibly a nod. Just a friendly smile. I once got challenged by a dresser or possibly a TS who must have been having a bad day. It was in Cambridge MA (very alternative friendly community). I was in guy mode at the time and she answered my smile with "you have a problem mister?". I answered "no not at all. I dress sometimes too". Her frown went away and we just walked our separate ways. But mostly they just smile back.

[Chrissy1966]

Smile, nod. Go on my way and continue shopping. : )

[Lacyfem]

If I saw a beautiful all natural woman walking down the street and admired her I would do just that admire her and move on... so what's the difference?

[mechamoose]

I'd do my best to give a compliment and move on.

I know what I would want is invisibility. to pass without question. I want to have that, so I wouldn't dare rob another of that.

If there were a secret handshake, I'd want to give it.

How do you give the nod to folks who are actively hiding?

- MM