When you are out dressed and you get "read", what do you do?

[maya1love]

Hi everyone:

I was curious as to how other crossdressers deal with this. Most of us don't pass 100% of the time. So, what is your reaction when you feel that someone is staring at you or whispering to a friend? Do you look the other way and keep moving? Do you stare back? Just curious to hear your thoughts!

[Caden Lane]

I tend to ignore them. If they were not taught better manners than that, then nothing I say will mean anything to them. Shaming them may only lead to bigger problems anyhow.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[Jenniferathome]

?..Most of us don't pass 100% of the time. ...

First, I have to comment that it is more likely that ALL of us are read 100% of the time when any scrutiny is made. We shouldn't kid ourselves. It's more than a face, makeup, etc. it's a million cues.

Therefore, because I assume that every person that sees me knows that I am not a natural woman, i don't worry. I make eye contact. I smile. I say hello. I act like a person. I have never noticed anyone pointing or snickering, but if that happens, that's on them, not on me. If that were to happen right next to me and I noticed, I'd say hello and smile for sure.

[maya1love]

Thank you both -- the truth is that no one ever points and snickers at me (to date) or makes rude comments. But, it's just the feeling of being watched or stared at a bit too closely. It's unnerving. My instinct is to keep walking and ignore, but sometimes I wonder if I should do something else. People are very nice otherwise.

[Persephone]

First, I have to comment that it is more likely that ALL of us are read 100% of the time when any scrutiny is made. We shouldn't kid ourselves. It's more than a face, makeup, etc. it's a million cues.

Start with one of the first cues and then just keep working, Jennifer. If your avatar is you then you are a pretty woman and should do just fine.


Therefore, because I assume that every person that sees me knows that I am not a natural woman

I take the exact opposite road. I start from the assumption that I am a woman. Big deal if someone thinks "That woman has a bit of a deep voice," or whatever, what is important is that they start their thought with "that woman."

Before deciding that they are reading you, you have to take being looked at as normal -- you're in "girl world" now. We sometimes forget that women get looked at all of the time. Men check out women, women check out other women. The two teens whispering may be saying "That top looks awful on her," just as easily as they may be saying "Look at the guy in the dress." Or they may be saying "I love her shoes!"

We come from male anonimity where, in our drab clothing, we are seldom aware of being looked at, of being judged, into a world where being "on stage," being looked at, is a fact of life.

What to do when you notice someone noticing you? If it is a guy, just pretend you didn't notice him looking (unless, of course, you are interested in attracting him), and for Heaven's sake, do not nod! If it is a woman and your eyes make contact you hold the gaze for just a moment and smile. Not a great big grin type smile, just a little female "I'm O.K., you're O.K. smile. It works like a charm!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Jenniferathome]

Persephone, My avatar is, indeed me, and I am happy with how I present. However, I believe and my wife thinks so as well, that I am more likely perceived to be a transsexual than a cross dresser. I do not think that anyone looking at me thinks I am a natural woman. I am a dude, after all. By knowing who I am, and being a regular person" I think a certain amount of confidence exudes. People react positively to confidence.

[Jean 103]

I don’t do anything. Simply smile if they wish to talk I’ll talk with them. Unlike most I’m not obsessed with passing. I go out and mingle with everyday people all the time. I have made lots of friends that know and accept me as Jean. Attitude and experience, when you are comfortable with who you are, I think people pick up on that. You still have to be safe as not everybody is accepting.
Love Jean

[Lilblondecutie1407]

I have only been out once and it was while I was camping in the back country, even though no one was around but my best friend it was still invigorating and stressful till I got comfortable.

I'm Definitely working on my confidence for sure.

[pamela7]

as its normal, be normal, do nothing other than normal.
Great point by Persephone, women are looked at all the time, guess we just got to get used to it.

My spin, normally being the man in a dress is that therefore I do challenge the rules, and probably it marks me as separate from both the men and the women, or kind of both tribes, a-tribal.

[Dianne S]

Well, I'm a transwoman, not a crossdresser, but the issue of being read does come up for me.

I've literally never had anyone whisper, stare or laugh at me. Not even once... at least not that I've ever noticed.

I have been read. But the people who have read me have generally been store clerks or servers that I've interacted with, and they've always been very friendly and nice about the whole thing. A couple of times, people have even complimented me on my presentation and congratulated me for being true to myself.

When I do get read, I don't deny it or get embarrassed or anything like that. I just keep acting as I was before.

[Jodi]

I agree with Jennifer. I am told by gg's and other cd's that I present well when out and about. I also believe that none of us "pass" as a genetic female. So, I don't worry about it. I just play the best part I can. I have been stared at, noted the whisper, and an occasional gesture. I respond by making eye contact and smiling. I have gotten a variety of responses. Some walk over to start a conversation. Some get a look of fear in their eyes and some have actually turned and run away.

Jodi

[Nadine Spirit]

... I am more likely perceived to be a transsexual than a cross dresser. I do not think that anyone looking at me thinks I am a natural woman. I am a dude, after all. By knowing who I am, and being a regular person" I think a certain amount of confidence exudes. People react positively to confidence.

Totally agree.

As to the op - I smile, a lot! I notice people looking and think it is kind of funny. So I just go about my business and do my thing.

It hasn't always been that way though. Initially I was quite paranoid about other people and was quite worried about the whole "passing thing," but after I stopped worrying about that I began to work on just relaxing and allowing myself to just be me. I think that what is funny about it now is that if I do pass at all, ever, it is because I am not worried if I pass or not. People do react positively to confidence.

[Pat]

Start with one of the first cues and then just keep working,

Sadly, the first cue I have to start with is football player shoulders and all the remnants of having gone through male puberty. I'll never pass for a woman. Which is OK by me because I am, in fact, not a woman. So I try to pass for a transgender male which is easier because that's what I am. In that case, the options become less confusing -- I don't have to prevent people from misapprehending what they're seeing, I just have to be kind about the fact that I often have them at a disadvantage, since I'm rather a rare bird. So I smile. Sometimes I wink. And I try to act in a way that reflects well upon others like me.

[Jenniferathome]

.... . I think that what is funny about it now is that if I do pass at all, ever, it is because I am not worried if I pass or not.

Word! That's the ultimate irony and true.

[JessicaJHall]

I've never gone out, and I look pretty conservative most of the time, and when I see TGs or CDs on the street I can't help but gawk a bit, because I am taken by them! I want to see what they are wearing and how they are presenting and I'm just so fascinated, and before I can tear my gaze away, I often see them looking back like "great, another bigot! What are you looking at?" I will smile back, and try to diffuse the situation, and make them see I think they are pretty. But hey girls, remember, not all the looks you get are what you think they are! Some of us are wishing we could be you, or knew you..

[Brenda Locke]

For myself, after asking a number of Sa's if on first impression they saw a woman or man and being told by one and all - woman.
I don't really worry about it anymore. I do however get a bit of a chuckle from the expression change on their faces once I speak.
Having said that I haven't had any negative experiences to date- knock on wood.
My reaction if someone stares - smile and carry on doing whatever I was doing to begin with.
Why should how I present myself effect other's that don't even know me?
Be who you are! and enjoy yourself.

Hugs Brenda

[Marcelle]

Hi Maya,

I do not pass whatsoever. Oh I can blend but if someone goes in for a closer look or I am in tight quarters (public transit comes to mind), people will see a guy for certain. I suspect most people figure I am TS as it is unlikely the uninitiated make little distinction between the subtleties of the TG spectrum. So do people point and stare, giggle or guffaw . . . I would be lying if I said it never happened. I see hushed whispers and quick awkward glances but, if it is innocuous and not rude, I ignore it and go on with my day. However, if it is rude or aggressive then that is a different story.

Cheers

Isha

[Candice June Lee]

Not acknowledgjng is what i do. I did have an experience once while out dressed. Leaving a drag show to go dance at the first floor of the bar. We were going down the stairs, a guy going up the stairs was reading me and took atvantage. He grabbed my left boob. I am not sure 100% but i think he was shocked at the feel. They bounced like real ones too, as they were balloons filled with water. I am glad it didnt burst as it was to full. That was a great night though.

[Sara Jessica]

Rather than take time to write up some words of wisdom, I'll just say ditto to Jennifer's comment.

Life became much easer when I stopped caring what anyone thinks and in the off chance I am face to face with any sort of borderline negative reaction, it's so much more fun to disarm the offender by calling them out...in a nice way, of course.

[Kandi Robbins]

Prior to my ever going out in public dressed, I came to the realization that I really don't care what other people outside my circle of family and friends thinks of me. That philosophy has certainly helped me going out dressed. I am careful to pick my spots as to what I do and where I go dressed, but I do get out at least once a week and have not yet had a negative experience. I don't have the length of experience many of the girls here do and I am sure I have engendered some raised eyebrows, but as many have already said, a simple smile can generally diffuse most people. The only way I pass is a view from a satellite circling the earth, otherwise I am completely "readable".

[jjjjohanne]

When I first started going out in public in women's wear, I was in shorts and pantyhose. I was paranoid that people could tell I had them on. Later, I started going out in dark pantyhose and women's shorts, etc. People could tell, but they did not react other than to take another look. Eventually, I got the nerve up to go out in public in a skirt, heels, etc. as a man. So, every time I am seen, I am read.

Young people will quickly lean to their friends/family and whisper. Women look immediately at my shoes and back up to my head. Men look at my skirt or legs and then back to my head. Some people make disapproving looks. Others will watch me. Many take their look and go on about their business.

Very few people have ever spoken to me without me speaking first. One guy was smoking outside a business. As I walked by him, he said, "I would recommend a pantsuit." All other people who have acknowledged my clothes by initiating a conversation were black women. Mostly over 50 years old. I think it is a cultural thing where I live that white people pretend that they didn't see something and black people will make a comment. They are normally inquisitive and/or polite. My favorite response was, "I like that," as I walked up to the store a woman was exiting. I have never had anyone say anything mean to me while I was dressed. I have had two teenage girls laugh out loud at me as I walked by (on my first public outing in a skirt.)

I have found that if I say, "Hello," people will respond with, "Hello." If I go to a store clerk, they will treat me like normal. I have found that if I wear my ID and money in a lanyard, people will approach me for help thinking that I, a man in a skirt, work at the store (I loved that. I felt so normal and accepted.). I have gone to a couple small events in a skirt and people greeted me like I was in menswear.

So, when I see someone whispering or staring, I go on about my business. I might greet someone watching me with, "Hello." Now, let me append to this that I try to only go out in public when I will not encounter children (during school hours). I intentionally do not go to risky places (biker bars, poor side of town, macho events, etc.) and I do not go out at night, much. And then, only to well lit, public places.

[Launa]

I get read all the time so its a fact of life for me, I usually carry on with my own business. If I think that they want to take some kind of a stand with me then it goes into a staring contest with me smiling at them or the middle finger seems to stand up for me. Then there are times that I have to say something to them if you know what I mean. Depends on the situation and the current mood I'm in.

[Eryn]

I seldom know if I am read and it concerns me a lot less than it used to. I'm 5'14", so I get a fair number of looks but I never know what is in someone else's head. I just act in the way a genetic woman would and get on with life!

I was at a jewelry show recently and was recognized by a half-dozen different vendors. I'm a very memorable person in female mode so this isn't out-of-the-ordinary for me. Everybody I talk to seems happy to see me again so I'm not very worried about what other people think.

[Jennifer0874]

For starters I am 6'2, so there's no such thing as stealth mode. I expect people to know that I am a crossdresser. I live in the Lakeview area of Chicago, about two blocks out of the Boystown area where all the gay bars are located. Not only do I feel comfortable dressing here, but I also know that kind of expect to see someone like me and they might even be on the lookout for it.

I don't mind if I am read. I just fear what might happen if a bigot decides to confront me. That hasn't happened yet.

As far as women reading me. I love it. I get a little excited especially if I feel I can teach them a thing or two about fashion.

[AngelaYVR]

Water off a duck's back. Like Jenniferathome said, anybody who looks long enough knows anyway so just enjoy yourself!
I was all over the city today and talked to many people, if I started to worry what they thought I wouldn't get past the front door!

Oh, and just wanted to add that you'll be more likely to be on the receiving end of compliments and friendly smiles than anything else (at least around here).

[Sandie70]

You know, on any given day I see hundreds of real women who look less feminine that most of us. With that said, If you've made the effort to pass as good as you can, then be proud and don't react. Just look around you and realize you probably make a better girl than most of the real ones.

And, to be honest, I've seen many a woman over the years who I honestly couldn't be sure was a CD or not. I would guess that many were actually GGs and the only reason I noticed was that I do walk around with my antennae up slightly. If I sometimes doubt that a GG is real, then I wouldn't worry if someone else is debating whether you are too.

Keep em guessing is what I say.

[Billie Jean]

I've only been out a couple of times and only one guy said anything. He was trying to embarrass me but I joked back and laughed with his comments. He soon hushed. Billie Jean

[Nicole Heather]

I think all of the commenters have it exactly right -- just smile! When I've gone out (in different big cities), I've always been treated well by sales associates, restaurant servers, and even by random people on the street. With me, of course they can tell, but it's no skin off their nose!

Another example: Every time I've gone to the salon to have my nails done, no one's batted an eyelash, and there has always been at least one other man there getting his nails done (some with color, but mostly not).

It can be hard to be confident, but confidence will help you sail right through!

[DeeArel]

... So, what is your reaction when you feel that someone is staring at you or whispering to a friend? Do you look the other way and keep moving? Do you stare back?

I smile and make eye contact. It brakes the stare and usually the whispers

[Kate Simmons]

I normally smile, stand tall and continue on to my destination. :battingeyelashes::)

[Jenniferathome]

You know, on any given day I see hundreds of real women who look less feminine that most of us. ...

What they are wearing my be less feminine (we are prone to overdressing), but they look like women, regardless of size and shape.

[joanna4]

I am always aware when I've been clocked. When people try to read me, I continue doing what I'm doing(walking/browsing the isles or racks) and avoid direct eye contact. Sometimes they are trying to read or sometimes they are just checking me out. I had an older Hispanic man last week, staring at me as I entered a Forever 21. He then followed me upstairs and continued looking at me. I felt after awhile that he wasn't going to do anything or say anything, then I continue with my shopping and simply let him admire. My safety, is my number one concern and if I feel comfortable then I wouldn't care if they were clocking/reading me.

[Krisi]

I try not to make eye contact and just keep moving. If someone says hello or good morning, I will respond in my best imitation of Michael Jackson but I won't have a conversation with them.

[Jackie7]

I can blend but cannot pass a close look, when I notice someone staring at me I usually smile and if I am feeling jaunty, I like to give them a sly wink. I'll usually get a smile back, but the wink often does them in, they turn away.

[Caden Lane]

There have been two instances of gawking that drew my ire; but neither situation would have benefitted from me acting any other way than ladylike.

In one instance Miss Girlfriend and I were on a Disney Cruise, and in the last evening, she wanted me to dress as Caden. So I did. Shortly after we were seated at our table, a "gentleman" a few tables in front of us decided that was an opportune time to take a photo. He made a big show of making it seem like it was the theming of the dining room he wished to capture; however it was a huge dining room, and he only took a single photo, with me sitting squarely in the frame.

The second occasion occurred on an afternoon outing with Miss Girlfriend here in Savannah. We stopped in front of a vine covered wall in front of a historic home so I could have a backdrop for a photo. While Miss Girlfriend was framing the shot, a tour bus rounded the corner. The guide motioned to us while discussing a statue near us, to emphasize, she said, "Over by those two women." As an afterthought amongst the snickers, she said, "Yes, that's a real woman." The time of her voice reflected her lack of sincerity.

In both instances I went about doing what I was doing and being in the places I was at, as if I had a right to be there. Because I did. People bay voice their prejudices and hate, but we do not have to acknowledge it. They may exhibit terrible manners, but we do not have to pay attention to it. The best we can do is maintain our ladylike bearing, and press on. The best victory we can have is when we are more ladylike or well mannered than those who would insult us.

Ever & Always,
Caden Lane

[AllisonCS1]

I've only been going out for a few months now, lol, I just thought to myself that it seems so long ago that the very idea of even letting light into my apartment while I was dressed would send me into a panic. But anyway, this past weekend I went down to visit some friends and family as Allison, and to formally come out to my last three siblings that didn't know. we had talked on the phone... But anyway while I was down there I decided to hit up local Casino where a long time friend worked to gamble until they got off work.

It was enjoyable as far as sitting around and tossing money into a machine goes, I lost 18 bucks or something like that. And while I was sitting at one machine and older man sat down next to me.

Now I suppose I should note that I tend to put a lot of effort into hyping up the "girls" so I have good enough cleavage to draw away attention from my more masculine features. If they had a shirt with two arrows on it that read my eyes are over here and it was low cut... well i'd rock that shirt lol...

Any how the older gentleman had been standing behind and to the side and from the reflection off of the machine I could see him looking down my shirt... I wasn't interested, but I didn't really care either. SO he sat down and started playing and he kept looking over at me, and eventually I turned slightly to face him and his eyes kind of widened but that was it... Well a minute later he moved two machines down.

I didn't do anything or say anything, but then later on, after my friend was done with work we were both riding in the elevator and this elderly couple got into the now crampted elevator. she was standing exactly in dead center slightly infornt of me and when she saw me she immediately moved behind her husband and hugged him tight while trying to stare me down...

I just ignored her, it was really tempting to just slowly turn my head and meet her gaze before going ultra deep with my voice just to shock her but I wasn't sure what was going on through her mind... perhaps she had thought that I wanted her husband, with how she was clutching onto him that was my first impression but I wasn't interested... to old and no boobs... lol

when we reached the third floor nearly everyone left the elevator and the elderly couple my friend and I were the only ones left. With all that free room I scooted back to the corner while the woman let go of her husband only to climb into the oppositie corner as me where she continued to glare angrily at me until wer both reached the fifthfloor, I kind of regret not returning her stare but it was just completely inconciquentaul.

[5150 Girl]

Ignore it and go on, (besides they may not even be talking about you) unless questioned directly. Then you can turn it into an educational experience for them!

[Adriana Moretti]

I JUST spent the 4th of July weekend out east on Long Island out in the Hamptons area, a VERY vanilla tourist area, 5 of us gals 3 tg's & 2 cds and a child , when we walked the crowded streets, and watched the fireworks show, yes...ocassionally we were read, there was too many of us in one place and, you have to expect that sort of thing and it was an occasional harmless look, mostly out of curiousity and the fact that most "vanilla" people have never really seen or know any cd/tg's...most people though diddnt bat an eye, or remotely notice, i DO remember once spotting a guy gawking at one of the gals, he diddnt see me, so i got in this line of sight, and gave him that " Now..now..it's not polite to stare look" which threw him for a loop cause he got caught out there...but mostly no issues at all....we did over hear one lady say " Thats crazy"..in the ice cream parlor...but then again what can you expect when people are uncultured or educated to us. It's OUR job to educate them, its OUR job to show them we are people too ...when you step out you are representing our community , so how you dress& handle yourself says alot...when we got back to our boat one of the gals said " I think we did a great job of representing our community and we showed people that we are normal family oriented people "..the more visable we are...the easier it will get for the next girl. xoxo

[Cheryl T]

I generally ignore them like most girls do.
There was a really cute situation though. I was shopping with my wife and a cd girlfriend. Now we are both near 6' without heels and we were in at least 2" heels this day. We're in Kohl's and suddenly we spy this little (I mean about 5' tall) old lady peeking over one of the racks. Then she tugs her husbands sleeve and whispers to him, then peeks again. Well, we saw it all and when she looked again we both looked at her, smiled and waved. Well she hid behind the rack so fast....it was comical.
Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's a confrontation (never had one myself luckily), but the best thing is just ignore them or smile at them.

[Alice Torn]

The few times i went out, and spent quite a bit of time out, alone, I got OMG'd by some teens. And,, some guy came out of a cafe, just to watch me strut to my car. At almost seven feet tall in high heels, I stick out like a totem pole, or scarecrow. so, I am read simply because of height, huge feet, huge hands, and voice. So, i seldom go out, as I suffer from paranoia, and nervous disorder, too. But,i have been out about 12 times before, and hope to this summer sometime, at a city band concert in the park. Lots of older folks, though, so i better wear teflon!

[kimdl93]

Depend on the reaction. Mostly, I just smile and go on with my business.

[Pat]

...when she looked again we both looked at her, smiled and waved. Well she hid behind the rack so fast....it was comical.

That's funny. I always try to keep in mind that we're very rare. The Williams Institute says 0.3% percent of the population is transgender -- that includes all the people under the transgender umbrella, not just MtF crossdressers; not just MtF crossdressers who go out. So people who see us, unless they're in very specialized venues, are probably seeing their first "tranny." I think you handled it well. Smile. Let them know that you know that they know and it's OK. ;)

[Krisi]

How would anyone know what percentage of the population is transgender and why would they include straight crossdressers in the "transgender" classification group? I call BS!

BTW: If you're constantly being read, it's time to take some photos or videos and figure out what is giving you away. If you have a wife or girlfriend, ask for her advice as well.

[Sara Jessica]

Krisi, I'm sure you've heard the expression regarding statistics, liars can figure and figures can lie. In this case, studiers can study and if that is the criteria which was used and the result which was obtained, so be it. However, this thread doesn't seem to be about whether a CD'er is under the TG umbrella.

Instead, I think the point is that there aren't many of us in the wild and as such, I totally agree with Jennie that many Muggles who encounter us are doing so for the very first time IRL.

As for being read, all the pictures, videos and magic in the world won't help some of us. This is certainly true for myself and as such, I will always be an advocate for taking the position to live and let live without allowing the opinions or reactions of others to get the best of me. As I said before, I'm much happier this way. Even better when our presentation leads to detection somewhere beyond the first glance. It sure beats being paranoid and looking over one's shoulder all the time to see the reaction in our wake.

[Dana44]

Strangely many women look very male also. I think it would be bad manners to read her and tell her about it. I think here in Texas, most have manners and don't say anything because you could really be a female. LOL So if you are any passable at all there should be no problems. Then again, read the angry encounters, there could be one out there to ruin your day.

[Lorileah]

I get read frequently, but then again, I'm out 100% of the time as a woman. Over the weekend I noticed it more but there are extenuating circumstances (I was dressed normally but with someone). The funniest time was last winter at Target and I was in slacks and a sweater. A man spun around after passing me and stumbled. I assume he liked what he saw.

What I do depends on the situation. Usually I ignore them

[Sissy_Michelle]

Maya,

Yup, just this past weekend. My wife and I went to see Terminator, I was wearing a white bra under a light see through button down shirt under a thick white t-shirt. Under he house lights both of us agreed that I would be okay that what I was wearing couldn't be seen. However once under the movie lights standing in line for our tickets, was another story. The couple behind us started commenting about my bra, wondering out loud which type of bra I was wearing. I was mortified. However my wife took it in stride and supported me 100%. She turned to them and said "he is wearing what I picked out for him to wear, furthermore perhaps you should mind your own business and leave my husband alone". As I breathed a sigh of relief they got quiet and looked away as if nothing never happened, though the couple standing behind them caught up to us inside getting popcorn and said "don't worry about them, I knew them in high school and they are still single and stuck up, good for you for standing up to them". Though I was relieved a little I just wanted to get to our seats and enjoy the movie.

What I learned is this. Some may comment, some may not. But who are they in my circle of life? Friends?, Realitives?, Coworkers?, how would they impact my life? They cannot. So... I enjoyed a movie and had a wonderful supper with my wife.

@--}-----
Michelle

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

When I do go out dressed, I accept the reality that ANYONE that looks at me can/will read me. Going out with this expectation, prepares me for the worst. People can point, laugh, look confused... I don't let it get to me. As long as they don't turn their reaction into something physically aggressive, or go out of their way to draw negative attention to me, I will go about my business. If I'm not feeling threatened, or if they give me a nod or smile, I will lock eyes with them and give them back a very friendly smile.

[Jenniferathome]

BTW: If you're constantly being read, it's time to take some photos or videos and figure out what is giving you away. ...

Krisi, what is giving them away is the fact they are men and not born genetic woman. This is your problem as well as all other cross dressers. You may not notice people's reactions, but you are read every time you go out. A five year old has been around long enough to know the cues that separate men from women.

[irene9999]

The first time I went out dressed I was definitely read because I hadn't thought of all the things that give you away (such as mannerisms, my outfit looked off, wore the wrong colour wig, etc.) but in other times since I find that at least I'm able to "blend in" with the rest of the women at the street or at the stores. I agree with those that say women get looked at way more than guys do and maybe that's why some of us think that we're being stared at when really it's just that everyone is looking at you as a female. Also as others have pointed out, there are women with "male" characteristics like broad shoulders, tall, etc. etc. but they go about their day and through their confidence nobody questions their gender, so that's my attitude when I go out too

[Paulette]

I just ignore it ans continue to do what I was doing at the time. Most folks will not say anything and if they do if it is unkind I ignore it. If someone complements me on my outfit I politely say thank you and continue on. I dress to blend so being overdressed has not been a problem. After all of the years dressing and perfecting my look I can go most places and just not be seen at all. I do have a couple of GG friends who have helped me so much by correcting behavior that was not womanly. They also will go out with me to events and venues where even the GG's are in at least pairs. One thing I learned was to not hold the door for my female companion, this is something we all need to learn.

[chris63]

A transition in my thinking helped me with this issue. I'm not out to necessarily convince every person- I'll always have flaws and will never look fully like a GG. The reason I'm out is to express externally who I am internally. Of course, I want to do the best job I can but its about who I am and not what folks think.

[Angela Marie]

The more I go out the greater my confidence level becomes. Now if I do get read I generally keep walking. I have not had any confrontations since I think most people are deep down rather decent and while they be taken aback they won't try to humiliate you. I pass a bit easier because of my size, 5ft 6 145, and also i've found that as we age (i'm 61) the facial characteristics between men and women tend to blur a bit. Just my theory. In any event I enjoy my feminine side and i'm not about to let any closed minded person interrupt my journey.

[Tracii G]

I ignore them and go one with what I am doing as if they aren't there and leave them trying to figure out what I am.
There are some that "read" me and there are some that don't.
Most people don't care enough to make a big deal out of it.
I do get some that maybe have never come in contact with one of us and they have questions.I answer them as nicely as I can and always keep it friendly.
I find a lot of middle aged women and 20 something women are intrigued to some degree.
When I explain I am TG the most common reaction is "Oh well that makes sense". Not sure exactly what that means.LOL.

[AbigailJordan]

Okay, well I have the perfect example of this.

One night when I was still very much an after dark girl, I had been visiting a friend of mine in a nearby town. She was the first person I confided in and so obviously when going round to see her after dark in winter I would take the opportunity to "sneak out" en femme and then come back late when most people were in bed etc.

So, I'd spent the evening at my friends, and as I set off back, I decided I was starving and wanted something to eat, so I used an online app to order a pizza online from a famous pizza chain store named after a pub game. I drove to nearby and sat and waited until the app told me it was ready so that I could just walk in.. pick up.. and leave.

So.. the app tells me "your pizza is ready!!!" I take a minute to gather my composure and head in. As I enter the tiny store (2 seats and a counter in a tiny little waiting area). There is a young guy at the back of the store, maybe 18/19 etc.. he does the traditional double take and heads out back. 30 seconds later another guy comes back, then the original guy, and then a third one joins them,... none of them were very old and they stood there staring at me. quite obviously a "hey.. come look at this.. there's a guy dressed as a woman out here!!". I give them that look of "is anybody actually going to serve me here???" after what seemed like a long time but was probably just a few moments, the manager comes out, an older guy of mixed heritage, asks if he can help, I give my name and he says "oh.. it will just be another minute or two"

So firstly I'm annoyed at the app for lying to me.. and then I considered the wait.. at first I was thinking of using the excuse of a cigarette to go back and hide in the car, but then it hit me that I wasn't doing anything wrong, and that it was their problem. So I plonked myself down on one of the two chairs and I sat and waited, despite the fact that the 3 boys were still staring and talking quietly among themselves.. i just smiled at them whenever one of them looked over at me..

After what seemed like an eternity, the pizza finally arrived.. I thanked the manager.. blew a kiss at the boys at the back and walked out head held high.

More recently I've had better experiences.. recently shopping at co-op, the staff walking round the store were obviously more mature and acknowledged me kindly in every case. Even the guy on the till who was in his early twenties did not bat an eyelid as he served me. My makeup is much better these days so maybe I get made a little less often than I used to, but I still have a strong masculine face so anyone looking for it would, so far however, not one person has ever gone so far as "excuse me.. you ARE a guy right??" or anything like that

[Sometimes Steffi]

If it's a dude, I try to ignore him. I don't want a confrontation, so I don't do anything to threaten his masculinity.

If it's a chick, give her my biggest smile and look her right in the eyes. I'm generally not afraid of beibg beat up by a chick (there are some exceptions), and the smile tells her that I know that she knows, and that I don't care. I've actually gotten a number o very nice comments when I'v done that, like you look great, or some other affirmation.

[lily1974]

Ok I realize my following story is not about me being read as much as it is me reading other. Maybe a little tip on not getting read.

Yesterday me and my SO decided to stop and have coffee at a local large chain coffee shop. I know that one of its employees is a m2f transgender. Forgive my ignorance if that term offends anyone. Well the young lady was sitting with a friend outside the shop on her break. I noticed she had died her hair red and made the comment to my SO that I liked it but could never pull off the color. She laughed a little and said she loved me. Then she stated she wonders what happened to the young transgender that used to work there. My turn to laugh. I politely responded to her that she is now a young lady and has beautiful red hair. Ha score one for the cute barista. My SO took a double look and was floored. Other then I have that little nack of never forgetting a face she has completely blended into her femme self.

After we finished our drinks we decided to walk down the path to one of the many shops. While visiting the shop I caught a glimpse at another lady. I thought to myself "god I hope I dont look like that when I dress." she was wearing clothes that should have been on someone twenty years younger and had on tacky heels. I wanted to approach hee and comment what a bad outfit was doing and how it was completely outing her. I was nice and left it alone. We walked around the isle and somehow managed to get back next to the lady. As we got closer I thought I will just smile and keep going. No need to be rude. As I smiled thats when it hit me. She was gg and just really tacky.

Moral of the story. Dress and own your idenity and you will be less likely to be read. Dress trashy and it dont matter gg or not people will think something is up.

[krissy_toronto]

Thank you both -- the truth is that no one ever points and snickers at me (to date) or makes rude comments. But, it's just the feeling of being watched or stared at a bit too closely. It's unnerving. My instinct is to keep walking and ignore, but sometimes I wonder if I should do something else. People are very nice otherwise.

I'll come out with ya hun, my height is about the only thing I notice people staring at. LOL

[Helen 2]

First, I have to comment that it is more likely that ALL of us are read 100% of the time when any scrutiny is made. We shouldn't kid ourselves. It's more than a face, makeup, etc. it's a million cues.

Therefore, because I assume that every person that sees me knows that I am not a natural woman, i don't worry. I make eye contact. I smile. I say hello. I act like a person. I have never noticed anyone pointing or snickering, but if that happens, that's on them, not on me. If that were to happen right next to me and I noticed, I'd say hello and smile for sure.

WIN!!!!
;o)

[NoraTV]

I ignore them because I feel so fabulous.

[leannejacobs]

I've been out quite a lot, I'm very tall and am under no illusion that I pass when I'm in close proximity to others, I find the only people I'm weary of is males from early age to 30's, especially a group, I feel they are the most likely to make a scene, I've been made on a number of occasions and generally make off in the opposite direction, I was browsing in a store recently and was obviously made by a group of three young girls, they kind of followed me for a bit, giggling stupidly and loudly, as kids do, this drew unwanted attention so I took off, I must admit I've never had any hassle,.

I've had a few occasions where I've had the mind set that I just don't care what people think, they seem to be the best times, when you totally own it, I'm a straight CDer and have been seeking friendship from others in our spectrum, I recently met two at their house after talking online, it was so refreshing being able to relax and enjoy being dressed in the company of others.

[Helen_Highwater]

OK I don't get to go out that often and while I'm relatively relaxed these days there's still that element of excitement, that rush. So being oh so slightly nervous does tend to make me a bit more conscious of those around me and I know I get read by some. Most are too busy doing there own thing or if the do read me just don't care. I must admit to watching more for reactions from males and reading their body language. As it's posted here so often about staying safe I want my natural instinctive early warning system to tell me if what I've encountered is a knuckle dragging neanderthal with a point to prove so I can exit to safety. Other I just carry on and stay calm. I don't agree with making eye contact and even a slight smile with males. It could provoke the "You laughing at me?" response from an otherwise uneventful encounter.
My few encounters with SA's or other GG shoppers have all so far been at best pleasant and accepting, at worst slightly awkward. I suppose it just spurs me on to be better at my craft.

[Helen 2]

I normally smile, stand tall and continue on to my destination. :battingeyelashes::)

WIN!

Thankfully I am rather short at 5'7 in bare feet, usually 5' 11" in heels but I do have a rather unmistakable male face/features so at a reasonable distance, I'm usually not read but anywhere inside 20 feet I know I am read often....

Stand up straight, swish the head/hair a bit, smile genuinely and mouth 'hello' and go on doing what you were doing -specially the 'stand up straight, belly in and boobs out' part. Be confident, be proud. If people sense a weakness in you, they will tend to take advantage of it, so....no weakness. that's a give-away in and of itself......

[XemmaX]

keep walking or doing what your doing. someone will always double take you it's a fact of life and normally that's it.

[Loni]

I have never not been "read".
but most out there say and do nothing, young girls giggle,

I just go about what I am doing,
nothing just another great day as a lady.

.

[Beverley Sims]

Just keep on keeping on.
That's life.

[Carole/CCD]

Looking at your pics on flicker I bet you do not get "read " very often

[Richelle]

I just go about my business. If they start a conversation with me, then just talk to the as if I was any other women.

Richelle