Joining In On Women's Conversations About Clothing At Work

[Piora]

Not sure if I should be posting this in the Clothing Forum, or here.

Just the other day, I overheard a conversation between two girls that I work with. They were talking about different styles, fashions, shoes and even stockings and pantyhose, and what they liked - and didn't like - to wear. I almost stuck my 2 cents worth in, but stopped myself just in time! I don't think they would have appreciated a man's perspective on women's clothing, since I'm sure they wouldn't think I knew anything about women's styles, and would have wondered why a man was butting in. But I so longed to get in on that discussion, but I know they would have thought it weird, so I didn't say anything. Has this ever happened to anyone else while at work? And you're just dying to contribute to the discussion?

[sometimes_miss]

Working most of my life in an almost all female working environment, I developed a degree of knowledge about fashion as well as their lives. With that came being comfortable talking about it all, from clothes, to childcare, to periods, relationships, etc.. Often enough talks would bring up questions, which the gals would come to me with asking why would men do stuff. Because as much as women's behavior can be enigmatic to us, our behavior is often equally as confusing to them. So, Piora, just get more involved with the women you work with. Listen to them, and really care about their lives. Sure, it's difficult sometimes, with all the drama stuck in, but when they see that you care, they'll open up, and won't be surprised when you contribute to the conversations about stuff that they think you don't know anything about. If asked, just say that you've been listening to girls talk since you were young, but didn't feel comfortable talking about it. And when you start suggesting fashion choices that you think will make them look good, they'll be even more interested in what you say because it's coming from a viewpoint that they almost never hear. Now get out there and start making some female friends. And have fun!

[Amy Lynn3]

When in the same situation I always add my 2 cents to the conversation. You will know if you are welcome by how they act or say. I have had a number of good conversation with women.

[2B Natasha]

Honestly at one point I did feel that way. Not any more. I jump right in say my piece. Listen to what they say. Converse with them.

Now. Do they think I'm butting in? Don't know. Do they enjoy and appreciate my input? I believe they do. Yes.

[Rachelakld]

Of course I join in, sometimes the questions about my interest get a little close to the mark, and I just smile.

[pamela7]

great advice from "sometimes miss", be natural and all will be well.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I would worry the GGs would feel you are "butting in" on their conversation that they share among themselves. They may also think it is odd that a man knows about womens' fashion and take it the wrong way. Not to mention talking about appearances and how people dress (no matter how complete and obviously innocent it is) can be a landmine in the wrong type of work environment. Silly, but that is the way it is nowadays with everyone so hypersensitive and all.

[NickyLycra]

Not once in my life have I ever been challenged by a woman for joining in a conversation in a bad way.

It's more about confidence, self security, and not taking yourself so seriously.

Go ... enjoy .... talk ....

And you know what ..... there have been times someone has said .... you know waaaaaaay to much about XYZ I bet you like wearing them.

Ladies I'm just going to come out you all know I have a whole wardrobe full of the stuff .... I use them to hide the human skin weave I'm making.

But seriously you should come over next week and have a make over with me ... I have some new lotion.

[CarlaWestin]

A former associate and I would discuss women's fashion all the time. She loved the fact that I appreciated her style. I could identify what she was wearing all the time. Betsey Johnson, Mod Cloth, Bettie Page. I loved it all. And, being modeled everyday by a cute sexey thirty something was such a treat. When she moved on, I gave her a picture of our crew in a frame. Later on, I sent her an email instructing her to open the frame and look behind the crew picture. Her response, "OMG! I knew you were a crossdresser! That's so cool! Your secret is safe with me."

247642

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Piora, Guilty as charged, I too have joined in on women's conversations .:daydreaming:

[Krisi]

I don't think I would join their conversation unless I was invited to. Besides, I wouldn't want them to wonder why I know so much about women's clothing.

[Karen RHT]

Why would/should our gender prevent us from politely joining a conversation with the opposite gender? Granted, they might be surprised our knowledge base is more than they anticipated, but what's wrong with that? Do we want to reinforce an age old stereotype with our silence, or share our knowledge, expand their horizons, and mutually enjoy the discussion? Considering how many men have made their fame and fortune designing/creating women's fashions, and considering how many of us have been in serious relationships with women most of our adult life, why would we not have something to contribute to the discussion?


Karen

[Sarah-RT]

That's one part of life I want to add to my dressing, having gal pals to talk shop with. Often when I'm at the bar with friends and some of the girls go off for a chat or whatever they get up to I wish I would be invited.

I did get to have a conversation the other day with one of my friends about clothes and it felt great.

Sarahx

[Sheila11]

I began by complimenting the girls at work on their attire and especially their latest hair style. Compliments open the door to conversation. Every girl wants to be complimented on her latest choice. Before you know it your part of the conversation.

[Meghan4now]

I am too oblivious to recall if I've ever stepped over the line in conversation, but don't think so. And yes have had minor discussions about clothing and fashion.

I do remember one conversation at a friends house where I was talking to the women, and the guys were in the other room. This one lady (who has a more negative outlook in general), said something like, "Hey why don't you go and hang out with the guys. This is the girls conversation." Well I must have given her a funny look, because all the other girls, we're like "No, M***, you can stay right here." They've known me for many years longer than the other one, and are good friends. I'm not out to them. Other than that one Halloween.

[BillieJoEllen]

Seems like I hear a lot of women talking about clothes. I respond maybe ten percent of the time.

[jigna]

There is nothing wrong if you just discuss about cloths, it all depends on case to case.

[charlenemichaels]

Oh so wish I could be part of those discussions! When i had in the past, whether at work or out with friends, it usually got me ousted from the conversation by just hanging on too long. Missed some cues that my company was not part of that but there has been time where inclusion to be a least an active listener was ok.

~Char

[Piora]

Well....some very interesting responses. I enjoyed reading all of them. I actually work in very close proximity to the 2 women I was referring to (one very young, and another somewhat older) and because I have an excellent relationship with both of them, they would not be offended if I said something regarding what they were discussing. Sadly, I think I missed an opportunity, because they usually talk about work-related stuff, or other things, and not clothes so much (at least when I've been nearby) I do get to discuss clothing with my daughter (whom I am out to) and that is an avenue for me, as I just long to talk about that with someone. I actually gave my daughter an unopened pair of hold-up stockings the other day. I had bought 2 pairs, but they didn't stay up very well on me. And so we discussed whether she liked wearing them, or preferred pantyhose. So, I do get to have some discussion. And of course, I enjoy the feedback I get from the other members on here. :battingeyelashes:

[Alice_2014_B]

I've never joined in such a conversation, but I would love to sometme.
:)
:)

[sometimes_miss]

They may also think it is odd that a man knows about womens' fashion and take it the wrong way.
Mmmm, not so much. Women love to chat, and tell you about stuff and their experiences. Like anyone else, they like to feel like an expert so when they get to talk about something they know (or think they know) they enjoy talking about it. You just have to ask the right questions and follow up with discussion, you can't just ask question after question or it becomes 'old' real fast.

[Erika Lyne]

Piora,

I would not consider it a missed opportunity. Rather, a chance to have done your research. That research was conducted here. Now, you are armed with reassurances that you entering into the conversation can be a success. The technique was not touched upon much here though.

I used to be a supervisor at a very large company that had a fast paced work floor. There was a great mix of personalities. The women typically stayed together and the men even more so. The men were also more "clicky" than the women and it was almost an even mix of both sides, (22/24 M/F). I HAD to be able to work with both genders and I think being "somewhere in the middle" of the gender spectrum helped. The technique I found that worked well was not to butt in as a man would. Instead, offer your point of view. Men tend to jump right in and say things like,"Well, that's not right. It should be like..." Women tend to be more sensitive to each others viewpoint, "Hmmm... I find that interesting but it isn't for me. Who am I to judge? If someone likes it then, so be it!" Keep listening, make mental notes and when the time comes again, interject but be sure to reassure the ladies that you are speaking from your point of view and that you respect them for theirs. Ditch the male overtones and use softer words but don't go too efiminate either, emasculating men is not your objective and it is also counter productive to developing the relationship you seem to want. After they realize that you are not a typical male threat the conversations should expand to almost every topic imaginable. A peace on the work floor will evetnually set in that anyone can bring up any topic and not worry about starting a conversation and offending someone.

You could slide into the conversation by saying, "Excuse me ladies. I can't help hearing about XYZ and I was wondering if it would be alright if I could add a little from another perspective here?" First, you are acknowledging that it is THEIR conversation and you are asking for permission to join in, men typically jump right in--remeber? Second, you are being submissive by asking if you could join and by saying that you would like to "add a little" to the conversation, as they are the professionals in the subject at hand. It has worked for me but it took a whole lot of practice and I had over 20 women to experiment these tactics with.

Best of luck,
-Erika

[KayMcLaughlin]

Good advice, Erika. :)

My workplace is about 90% women; been that way for a decade now. There is pretty much no "womens' chat" I have not been party to at this point. Be respectful, don't be a jerk, and gauge your interactions to some degree based on how the other women are acting. It's a good way to learn how to interact with women, honestly.

[Tammy Lynn Tx]

I usually tell the ladies they look nice or I like the outfit or hair. It nearly always brings a smile to their faces and helps make their day. A couple times I have been asked how I know so much about ladies wear, I just tell them I know what I think looks good on ladies. It has always worked.
But the other day I was buying a summer dress for my wife ,when the SA started teasing me. I see her at the store quite often where my wife and I shop and we are comfortable with each other. She said, "you're buying this for you... it's too long for your wife. she said I should try it on to make sure it fits. I buy some of my wifes' clothes quite often and she loves them. She says I have good taste, of course Honey, I married you. :love:

[Tracii G]

Had a really good conversation with two 30 somethings at Kohl's one day in the womens section.
They were shopping as a pair and I was looking at skirts and tops.
I overheard them trying to decide on a top and if was too frumpy to wear with jeans.
They looked over at me with a few skirts wrapped over my arm. The one lady says well lets ask him and see what he thinks.I was in 50/50 mode so they probably thought lets ask this gay guy could help because they do know fashion LOL
They did and I mentioned that top would look cute with some low cut jeans but not so well with Mom jeans.
They giggled and said OMG you are so right.
I said you could try that top with this skirt if you want, the dressing room is right there.
She took the skirt I had on my arm and off to the dressing room she went.
They both approved and they thanked me for my opinion.
Always ask before you join in or oblige if they ask you to join in.

[Robin414]

I have a GG friend who insists I should design women's clothing as a career, I could totally rock the Tom Ford gig 😉 depending on the circumstances and your intrinsic style I think most women would value the input😀

[ChristinaK]

I have complimented women on their clothes at work and gotten the raised eyebrows from the men. Just the other day a woman had a satin, paisley and colorful blouse on. I told her it was very pretty and the guys in the room were obviously uncomfortable. That has happened several times. I'm sure they wonder about me, having a shaved everything.

One time, about a year ago, I got into a conversation with my sister about women's nighties and how I bought them for my wife and what my preferences were, then started talking nails, dyed hair and fashions. She knows I do my nails and dye my hair now. Later, she texted me that it was so weird to talk to her brother about such feminine things. Uh, this is the girl who I stole clothes from, wore them, hid them under my bed and did other things that I'm sure my Mom was aware of. Gee, do you think she's suspicious? Oh well, at this late point in my life, I don't think she's going to tell my school buddies!

[Piora]

I have complimented women on their clothes at work and gotten the raised eyebrows from the men. Just the other day a woman had a satin, paisley and colorful blouse on. I told her it was very pretty and the guys in the room were obviously uncomfortable. That has happened several times. I'm sure they wonder about me, having a shaved everything.

This, I feel is the main issue. If you engage in conversation about something that very few men care anything about, it's going to make people you work with wonder about you. And while in a perfect world, we shouldn't have to care nor worry about that, we have to work with people who are usually pleasant, friendly and easy to get along with....but are quite likely homophobic and/or trans-phobic. Since we cannot change them, and we cannot help but be ourselves, then we must remain cautious about what we talk about. We can say to ourselves that we shouldn't really care what others think. But, we have to work to earn a living regardless, and that includes getting along with others that you work with.

Presently, I have not shaved my legs for the summer, as I wear shorts to work. I have also not dressed since spring arrived. But, I was recently enveloped in the Pink Fog, so I have some new things arriving this week, including new hosiery, and I will likely shave my legs, as I won't wear stockings or pantyhose with unshaven legs. So, I'm a bit concerned about whether anyone at work is going to notice. Couple that together with the conversation about clothing, and likely there will be, as Christina said, "some raised eyebrows". :eek:

[Ally 2112]

The odd time i have complimented women on the hair clothes etc .They seem to take it quite acceptingly and if they do ask any questions i tell them i had 2 girls and my wife and as the only guy they always asked my opin .Which is the truth ")

[lingerieLiz]

I used to shop with a group of women who knew that I wore women's clothes. We would travel to different places to shop. After the day's shopping we would stop somewhere for happy hour and discuss our purchases. The first couple of times I was reluctant to show my fem purchases. One day one of the girls said you bought that blue blouse didn't you. It was pretty. Another girl wanted to see it. Soon after, I helped my wife and her friends find bras that they were looking for. I purchased one while helping them. At our wine stop the girls thanked me for being more helpful than the SA. Then asked me about the bra I had purchased. After that I relaxed and enjoyed the day. At one of the discount mall stops we went into the VF store. I picked up several pairs of their daphnia panties. One of the women asked me what they were like and I explained they were the sheerest and silkiest panty made. Three of the women ended up buying them also. On the way home they joked about getting my advice. Later they did admit how much they liked them. Soon I began wearing bras when shopping with them.

[ReineD]

Listen to them, and really care about their lives. Sure, it's difficult sometimes, with all the drama stuck in, but when they see that you care, they'll open up, and won't be surprised when you contribute to the conversations about stuff that they think you don't know anything about.

I agree with befriending the women at work. SM, I wish you hadn't said, "with all the drama stuck in" though ... if the OP genuinely is interested in becoming friends with these women, he will start to care about their lives and he won't view their concerns as "drama".

That said, we generally are a welcoming bunch. We don't care who joins our conversations, the more the merrier! :) Over the years I've known several men who fit right in ... they were nice, sympathetic, caring, they could get into the conversations about family problems and they could relate at an emotional level. Had the conversations turned to fashion, I don't think that anyone would have thought it weird if these men had offered opinions. The conversations that I've been involved with at work rarely turned to fashion, but I imagine if they did and if a man offered his opinion about what looks good, women would lap it up. This is because women who care enough about fashion to discuss it, will want to know what men like and what they don't like. ;)

[Claire Cook]

Piora,

There was a time when I would have refrained from being part of such a discussion. Now I welcome it, whether en drab or en femme. As others have said (and our GG perspective expert!), I think women would welcome these comments. And if that raises an eyebrow or two, so what? Maybe it will result in a nice way of coming out ... and some suggestions on what might look good on you! (That has happened to me ... :).)

... and I love it when I'm en femme, with my girl friends and we talk clothes!

[jjjjohanne]

I wore a skirt to work one Halloween. After that, I seemed to belong in such conversations with the women.

[Princess29]

I recently had a day out at a shopping mall with a female colleague from work. She was going to a wedding and was shopping for a new dress and shoes and when I met her, she was in the changing rooms of a store. I gave her my opinion and once she had made a decision, we went off and had lunch.
She wanted to get some heels to go with the dress and after visiting a few stores, I told her about a line of shoes at payless and so we went there and I ended up convincing her to get them. I keep referring to those sort of functions as "girls days out" around her (and also another lady from work) and refer to myself as "one of the girls" and they refer to me in that way when on these outings (even though I have been in guy mode). Around them, I feel like I can embrace the notion. It doesn't feel weird at all