Compliment or Cut Down?

[chris63]

Me and my wife were out for dinner and drinks tonight in Nashville. We were at a place that is known to be LGBT friendly. We were having a great time and one of the waitresses comes up to me out of the blue and says to the effect that it's wonderful that I feel confident enough to go out in public while transitioning. She then proceeded to tell me about her friend who is and is very self conscious and rarely goes out in public. I smiled and told her, "bless your heart honey- thank you". This is a polite way we curse people out in the south:)

The main thought that went through my mind is that am I THAT obvious? Do I look like a freak or something? I became very self conscious but tried to forget it. I'm sure the waitress was trying to be nice and affirming. I'm probably overly self conscious and sensitive when I'm out. What do yall think??

[suchacutie]

"She has a friend...."

It is incredibly difficult to stay under the radar of someone who understands what it takes to present successfully as the other gender. She could have picked up on something as simple as word usage or hand size or a bit of a masculine brow shape.

She took a chance on saying anything at all. She could have been wrong and incredibly embarassed, because those subtle hints can be wrong! I'm pretty sure hee comfort with her transgendered friend emboldened her, inadvisedly. I'm sure you wife would have mentioned any faux pas she saw. :) Mine sure would.

[char GG]

Do you really care? Does it make a difference what a stranger thinks?

[Taylor186]

Sounds positive to me. The only thing that would bother me is if she assumed I was in transition when I wasn't (and I'm not). Would I correct her? Probably not.

[STACY B]

The way things go with us that's like a Kiss on the Lips,, Next to getting Laughed at or even worse,, So take it as a complement and just roll ,, We will take anything we can get!!

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Chris, Even a Left Handed compliment is a compliment take it and enjoy.:daydreaming:

[Badtranny]

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. She was trying to be friendly.

Also, it amuses me when part-timers are shocked when they get read. Many of my sisters have spent years and thousands working for the elusive 'pass'.

Frankly a CD doesn't have a chance. There are far too many tells that while invisible to you, are like flashing red lights to someone who is just mildly observant.

I know it's frustrating, I've been there. :-)

[Kate Simmons]

I agree that it sounded like a positive affirmation. :)

[stefan37]

I've been full time 2 years. HRT for 3 facial reconstruction and I get occasionly get misgendered. Prior to FFS I was gendered 50/50. There are just so many subtle tells you are not even aware to be read as female under close scrutiny.
In
I'm hardly ever gendered male in casual encounters. It is the longer term stuff that gives me gets people thinking.

Take the compliment. Be yourself and go with it. You show the world you are confident in who you are and most will respond in kind.

[Marcelle]

Hi Chris,

I think she was just being nice in a way she thought might resonate with you. With all the TG spotlight in the media these days, I get this quite often from people in an effort to demonstrate understanding, acceptance and support.

Cheers

Isha

[Candice June Lee]

I think you should not worry to much about it. More than anything you got out and were happy. As has been stated, there is a lot that cause forbeing read.
We will have to drive to nashville and meet up with you and your wife. Safety in numbers you know. Had you been in a group of people, the same thing may have been said to all of you. Sne has a reason to get her friend out of the closet now.

[pamela7]

Compliment, completely, no doubt.

[Princess Chantal]

I believe that it is her way to show that she is an ally and seeing you out in the world puts a smile on her face.

[Krisi]

I think that if a stranger reads you as a crossdresser you need to go home and work on your presentation. Ask your wife for help.

The waitress probably shouldn't have said anything but at least now you know how you appear to others.

[Amy Lynn3]

I feel it was a compliment too, but wondered what your wife thought about it. Actually, I think one reason the waitress approached you, was because your wife was with you. She felt if your wife was okay with it, she would add her affirmation to what your wife had already done.

[AletaHawk]

Certainly seems like an intended compliment to me. Given the kinds of things I've heard said in the South just overhearing conversations (I've never been out publicly), I'd be happy she was nice at all :)

[jigna]

Sounds absolutely a complement.

[Jennifer H]

Certainly sounds like a complement to me but without being there and seeing her demeanor and tone of voice etc its very difficult to judge if a person is putting you down or they just want to be complementary.

Jennifer. xxx

[Katey888]

Definitely a compliment. :)

You were at a known, friendly venue, and the waitress goes out of her way to say something positive - and of course most of us are obvious (particularly to those with experience) but it doesn't mean you look like a freak, Chris - I'm sure you don't judging by your profile pic, but being out means that we will get taken for transitioning TSs... I'd see that as a compliment too. :D

Katey x

[Adriana Moretti]

yea i gotta agree with Katey....there was an extra compliment jammed in there about transitioning that actually is my favorite compliment.......and it's a gals way of saying she supports and understands as Isha says. Roll with it for sure xoxo

[Judith96a]

I'd take it as a compliment.

[Jenniferathome]

Chris, the easy answer is yes, you are that obvious. We all are. We are men and built differently than women in a million ways. I have often written that the best case scenario for a cross dresser is to be confused as a transexual. The chance of being confused as a genetic woman is a zillion to one. But remember that she assumed you are transitioning which means that she does NOT think of you as a dude in a dress. In other words, you are presenting well and not in some freakish manner. Had that been the case she would not have spoken to you.

Now, that aside, it just does't matter what others think. She treated you with respect and engaged you like a real person. What more could you want?

[Isabella Ross]

Definitely a compliment.

[grace7777]

I would take it as a compliment. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt with an exception being if thru experience in dealing with them I do not trust them.

[natalie_cheryl]

i think she honestly had good intentions. although he approach could have been a bit more tactful imho. but i have a problem saying things that could be misunderstood as rude when i really am just trying to say something nice. i have often given a compliment to a random women out in public with no intentions for anything just to be nice and complimentary, and been read the riot act for the unwanted attention. and im not talking about yelling across the street or cat calling.

[Dana44]

Ah hoot, you are in a LBGT place and was a bit annoyed at being read? She was being friendly and it should in no way have bothered you. One thing that we CD or transiting CD'rs have in common is that if someone looks at us closely then we can be read. Ya you were a bit self conscious.

[chris63]

Great feedback! Thanks. I am very self conscious when I'm out in public. One good thing about crossdressing is it forces you to deal with your insecurities.

[Lorileah]

"Oh you're a nuclear physicist? I have a friend who is too" She was just being nice, it's hard for people not in the community to explain why they are proud of you.

[MsVal]

Being read is just something that is going to happen. I've always had a thick skin, so those things don't bother me at all. I'd take it as a compliment.

Best wishes
MsVal

[kimdl93]

I concur...she was being nice. Take it at face value and leave it at that.

[Robin414]

I'm pretty sure it was intended to be a compliment for sure, how to take it though...depends I imagine on how you wanted to be perceived: as a guy, probably not good 😠, in transition 'gender fluid', perfect 😄, (I do that often and get that reaction and love it, or as a woman, damn, need to do some work 😡

[Belle Cri]

Me and my wife were out for dinner and drinks tonight in Nashville. We were at a place that is known to be LGBT friendly. We were having a great time and one of the waitresses comes up to me out of the blue and says to the effect that it's wonderful that I feel confident enough to go out in public while transitioning. She then proceeded to tell me about her friend who is and is very self conscious and rarely goes out in public. I smiled and told her, "bless your heart honey- thank you". This is a polite way we curse people out in the south:)

The main thought that went through my mind is that am I THAT obvious? Do I look like a freak or something? I became very self conscious but tried to forget it. I'm sure the waitress was trying to be nice and affirming. I'm probably overly self conscious and sensitive when I'm out. What do yall think??

I think as an old line Southerner I get this, and yes that thank you is a devastating insult if correctly understood. Not many do or care to. But I do think among Southern men, or to be true to origin, Gentlemen, are almost femininely sensitive to the precise dictates of honor and decorum - because if we were not raised that way at our Mamaw's skirts (be she white or black) we would be little more than trash, and that is just unacceptable to us societally. We simply are not that crude as to be so insensitive to our feminine side or to our wives, mothers and daughters whom we treasure above all else (the men can go to hell on the other side of a smith and wesson).

Answer - no, in no way are you a freak. I think you should stick to your guns and fall back on our collective Southern history of grace, and above all, manners.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like you need to loosen up a little she was paying you a compliment.
Your response was mean IMO.

[sometimes_miss]

I believe that it is her way to show that she is an ally and seeing you out in the world puts a smile on her face.

^this, unless you think she was being sarcastic. Also, perhaps you don't pass as well as you think you do (especially if you're relying on the 'objective' judgement of other crossdressers and kindhearted friends), less than oh, 1% of us could. The pink fog is heavy around mirrors, sometimes to the point where visibility is measured in the millimeters.

[KayMcLaughlin]

I had a somewhat similar experience a few weeks ago - at a known LGBT friendly club, out dressed, got what seemed like a maybe compliment. Continued chatting with her... And mentioned that it was my first time out dressed. At which point the compliments became much more direct and profuse! She complimented me on my dress, my makeup, the way I stood... It was really nice. I think that often when we are seeing this sort of thing, it's someone trying to be friendly and accepting. Take the compliment and smile. :)