Is Crossdressing a Substitute for Something Else that You are Missing?

[Lacy PJs]

I can't remember in which thread I read this but someone commented that when their intimacy diminished with their SO that they seemed to have more interest in crossdressing.

This got me to thinking that "maybe" one of the varied reasons why at least some of us enjoy CDing is that it fills some space for something else that is missing in our life. I don't know if the two are related but in my case, as the years have gone by, I find myself more interested in dressing. But due to a medical condition that requires certain meds (and probably age), my libido seems to have suffered at about the same time. So I wonder if there is a connection.

Does anyone else feel that dressing may be filling an empty spot of some kind in their lives? Then again, it may simply be that I have more time and money now than I did 10-15 years ago; I don't know for sure.

Lacy PJs

[Jenniferathome]

I've been doing this since I was about 8. I really don't think anything was missing then. So as to the why, no I can't buy into your premise. However, as to the frequency, maybe it fills some gap for some people. Not for me.

[suchacutie]

What I had was confusion about certain actions/thoughts that seemed not to belong to my male gender. Tina made all that disappear. In fact, my awareness that I need some Tina time is when everything is going well!

[Jennifer H]

Definitely not in my case.

I am now retired but my days and nights are absolutely full with things to do both in and out of my home, lots of times on my own but also involving my wife who does not know that I CD.

Infact if anything I probably want to crossdress more now than I have in the last 60 odd years I have been dressing and I had plenty of opportunities during and in my working environment having been a long distance trucker.

Crossdressing also turns me on and it always has done.

Maybe I am different to a lot of people-(of cause I am I'm a crossdresser)- but it would be interesting to hear others views.

Jennifer. xxx

[Tristessa]

I am more likely to want to dress when I'm in a rough place, because it soothes me and doing my makeup gives me a welcome distraction, but I still have desire to dress when things are great, too. Moreso now that I've really accepted and embraced this part of myself. I think I used to let myself indulge what I then considered a "vice" when I felt bad, but was more able to suppress the urges when feeling ok. Then I again, I used to struggle with depression a lot, so maybe repression wasn't working so hot after all. Now I choose which gender I want to express based on which qualities I want present, which may be related to my mood, but is much less about coping than it used to be.

[MonctonGirl]

Oh, probably for some of us.
But the missing thing(s) may be different for each of us who are in that group.

[Adriana Moretti]

I'm opposite LOL...there has never been anything missing in my life causing me to crossdress, but when I AM missing something ( money) i seemed to have put crossdressing on hold in the past......hopefully that money thing will never happen again...I'm living right at the poverty line now....and i feel rich.

[TrishaTX]

I am more likely to want to dress when I'm in a rough place, because it soothes me .....

Tristessa quote is a good one...and I agree. I often want to dress more when stressed and I do believe it fills some emptiness. I grew up in a difficult place at home and often wonder if I hadn't if I would do it...but I do...and I am comfortable with it now.

[MissTee]

It fills a need, yes, but it doesn't take away from anything. It's like when you want ice cream, then ice cream fills the need. It doesn't take away from your love of steak.

[kimdl93]

Nope. As many others, the roots go back to early childhood. I did everything I could as a teen and young adult to put this part of me away or at least hide it, while pursuing all the usual male interests....girls, sports, outdoor activities and eventually the military, marriage and fatherhood. Through all of that, and efforts to put it aside, and even longer periods of self loathing, this remained a part of me.

When I finally came to grips with the fact, the reality, that I was transgendered, the missing piece was found. I feel far more complete today than I ever did during years spent in denial.

[ChristinaK]

I too am older. My desire used to be more sexually oriented (I'd rather have sex with a woman dressed than not or with myself dressed as a woman). While that has not diminished considerably, my desire to dress as a woman to BE a woman has intensified. I now know that even when I was younger I wanted to be a girl. I remember that now, which I repressed for many years. Being a husband, a provider and a father, I denied myself for many years, except for the occasional chance.

Societal pressure and acceptance is massive. I think that being a woman can be a sort of escape, but can also put us in touch with a side of ourselves that we really desire, the feminine side, which we see as devoid of the manly competition, the responsibility and can enjoy the softer side, the silky fabrics, the beautiful designs and more benign thoughts which we perceive to be the positives of being a woman. But then, maybe I'm totally whacko!

[phylis anne]

Due to the serious health issue with s/o and the stress it brings ,dressing no matter how far or for how long gives me an inner peace that is not achieved elsewhere . also as I am older 60 and times have changed a bit I might also be getting some inner calm from being able to connect with past feelings , feelings which would not have been allowed to shown given the typical norm of the day phylis anne

[Robin414]

Testosterone?! Sorry, I just had to add some levity to the thread on my way out for the night 😎

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, Lacy. But, I'm not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I'm 70 and began dressing after my separation in my 50's. While sex wasn't involved initially, it came up eventually. And, continues today.

I was dating until my middle sixties. But, my involvement with dressing, going out with other dressers, and Sherry became overwhelming. And, not something I felt like I could discuss with the older women I dated.

So, have I stopped dating because my secret dressing became too all consuming or because of my attraction to Sherry? At this point I don't know----:straightface:

[Bridget Ann Gilbert]

Back when I first started dressing I thought it was to fill the need for something feminine in place of a relationship. I had just gone through a devastating break up. Here I am now twenty years later and happily married, have a fulfiling career, plenty of friends, but still have the desire to dress. If dressing is a substitute for something else then I am clueless as to what it could be.
Bridget

[Teresa]

Lacy,
It may or may not have been me you are referring to but I have commented more in loved ones about the total loss of intimacy over the last ten years. I also at some point said that the way my dressing started I have the need to share it with female partner . My libido hasn't dropped very much and my wife knows this and also is aware that she is being substituted by my dressing , Autogynerphilia may come into this but she isn't aware of that label !
I don't think more time and money come into it, I feel I've just accepted what I feel and want to express it more, being in a DADT situation doesn't affect those feelings , it just makes it more difficult for everyone to live with it.

[bridget thronton]

I just find dresses more comfortable than pants and I agree that my desire to dress is often greater when I am under stressi

[NicoleScott]

For those who hunt and fish, garden, play bridge or badminton, jog, golf, or do yoga, are those substitutes for something missing? The idea that crossdressers are flawed won't go over very well, especially here.

[Kate Simmons]

Being masculine tends to foster courage and strength while being feminine tends to foster compassion and grace. All of us can express all of those qualities if we so choose to. It's just a matter of choosing to express something, not something we are lacking. :)

[Sharon B.]

To some people that don't understand what we go through to them we are filling in something that they think we are missing in our lives. You could say the same thing about what other people do in their own time. Some like to restore cars, planes or go fishing and hunting what are they missing in their lives?

[Krisi]

I don't think any of us can identify exactly why we like to dress in women's clothes or try to look and act like a woman. For some, it might be what you suggest, for others it might be something different.

[Karen RHT]

To the original question "Does anyone else feel that dressing may be filling an empty spot of some kind in their lives?" my response would be no, not at all. It's simply something I enjoy doing. Sure...there are challenges associated with it, but overcoming those challenges adds to the satisfaction and enjoyment.


Karen

[Lacyfem]

If it is I haven't found what I'm missing yet so still into being a gurl and dressing and loving it too!

[sarahcsc]

Hi,

I have been searching for that missing something too and had to live a hermit's life in India for awhile to figure out an important truth (for myself).

That there is always something 'missing' as long as we keep 'searching'. It is our 'search' that keeps us empty.

We live in a culture where one is encouraged to 'act' in order to 'acquire' something (ie. happiness, satisfaction).

This is mostly true and applicable to secular matters but not anything else.

I think the answers to most of life's biggest questions become obvious only when we stopped searching for it.

But one must often exhaust all avenues of searching before one can truly stop, wherein lies the paradox.

We must resist the temptation to looking for what is missing, but just enjoy the present moment.

Maybe happiness/satisfaction/meaningfulness was there all along, we just didn't see it because we looked right pass it.

:)

Love,
S

[Tina B.]

I started dressing at around 6 years old, the only thing my life lacked at that time was a wardrobe as pretty as my sisters!
Over the years I've stopped and started back up dressing 4 or 5 times, I've gone years without ever putting on a pair of panties, or anything else. Sometimes I would go back to dressing as a relief for stress during hard times, But more often than not, I started back dressing just because I missed it, and I felt better when I do dress regularly.
I've found when I dress regularly I'm a very happy person, I enjoy life and the people around me, and keep a very positive attitude.
When I don't dress for a long while, I get moody, sullen, and become a very negative, argumentative person, and I don't like me like that.

[Pump1]

Not sure if crossdressing is filling a void or not. I think it's more of a hobby. Plus it feels great.

[jigna]

Initially it was curiosity, then it became habit

[Nikkilovesdresses]

No doubt it's true for some, but for many it's more like a compulsion that's linked to nothing discernible at all- I started when I was late teens and getting loads of sex, it just came out of nowhere. There may be Freudian reasons for it, we all wonder about that, but if so then I have no clue what they are, and nor do most other CDers.

Enjoy!

[Kelsey21]

For myself, I think the only void I may be trying to fill is complacency. Life can get pretty routine at times and maybe this is my way of spicing things up. Dressing up is fun and the idea of looking in the mirror and seeing someone completely different can bring a level of exhilaration just as any other hobby can.

[Cheryl T]

No, how could it be since I began this journey at age 6 and would not have a clue at that age that I might be missing something.

[Confucius]

I heard a person define a fetish as using objects as a substitute for human intimacy. This person also considered crossdressing as a fetish. If crossdressing was really a substitute for human intimacy, then once a crossdresser has all the human intimacy he needs, his crossdressing urges should go away. Some crossdressers have married expecting their urges to crossdress to diminish. In fact, there is no relationship between crossdressing and fulfilling your need for human intimacy.

Some crossdressers note that their mothers wanted a daughter when they were born. As a very young boy they may have believed that their mother would have loved them more if they were born a girl. They may feel as if they are missing some of their mother's affection. However, if they have a crossdressing tendency it will not go away even if they receive all the love from their mother.

Most likely our affinity for crossdressing is a result of the way our brain is hardwired, rather than any attempt to correct for something missing.

[Ally 2112]

Im not sure if i am missing something or not ? .It has seemed no matter what has been going on in my life or how busy or not busy the urge has always been there

[Tracii G]

Missing what is my question.
I just CD because I want to express my female side. No deep dark internal struggle going on in my life.
Women aren't my thing sexually and I don't feel the need to be in a relationship with one.

[NicoleScott]

Maybe those who don't have the drive to crossdress are the ones that are missing something. Hmmmm?

[Robin414]

Maybe those who don't have the drive to crossdress are the ones that are missing something. Hmmmm?

I think Nicole might have something here, read Carl Jung's phsycological work on the topic...

[docrobbysherry]

I heard a person define a fetish as using objects as a substitute for human intimacy. This person also considered crossdressing as a fetish. If crossdressing was really a substitute for human intimacy, then once a crossdresser has all the human intimacy he needs, his crossdressing urges should go away. Some crossdressers have married expecting their urges to crossdress to diminish. In fact, there is no relationship between crossdressing and fulfilling your need for human intimacy.-------------------------------------------------------
Most likely our affinity for crossdressing is a result of the way our brain is hardwired, rather than any attempt to correct for something missing.
I'm glad that u concluded your post with that conclusion, Confucious. Because I don't believe the "human intimacy" one to be accurate in most cases. At my age, I would love some female intimacy. However, in my 70+ years I've learned that ALWAYS comes at a cost. Usually too much at my age to make it worthwhile.

Now, if the theory was, "substituting dressing for sex with females"? Maybe it would be more valid?:heehee:

[Judith96a]

I dabbled in cross dressing for the first time when I was 12, got completely dressed up for the first time when I was twenty and met my wife when I was 31. Between the ages of 12 and 31 the closest approximation that the 'male me' had to having a girl in his life was 'Judith'! Did I start cross-dressing because I was missing having a girl in my life? Possibly. Why do I still cross-dress? Because I've found that I enjoy it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lacy, I got into this program68yrs. ago when I was 4years old long before I knew anything about Libido.:daydreaming:

[Pat]

It's an interesting question if you take it a little deeper... if you grant that we were born male and it wasn't a mistake and that we have a compulsion of some sort that expresses itself as crossdressing behavior, then the compulsion must be there to do something. Right now what we do with it is try to emulate the secondary characteristics of women -- clothing, makeup, etc. One of the obvious downsides is that society as a whole does not embrace this. But as we learn more about the compulsion, we may find that there's a behavior that satisfies it and is valuable to greater society. Maybe we have a natural skill that is needed / was needed / will be needed. It's a happier thought than thinking we're just guys in dresses. ;)

[Sarah Doepner]

I can't remember in which thread I read this but someone commented that when their intimacy diminished with their SO that they seemed to have more interest in crossdressing.

This got me to thinking that "maybe" one of the varied reasons why at least some of us enjoy CDing is that it fills some space for something else that is missing in our life. I don't know if the two are related but in my case, as the years have gone by, I find myself more interested in dressing. But due to a medical condition that requires certain meds (and probably age), my libido seems to have suffered at about the same time. So I wonder if there is a connection.

Does anyone else feel that dressing may be filling an empty spot of some kind in their lives? Then again, it may simply be that I have more time and money now than I did 10-15 years ago; I don't know for sure.

Lacy PJs

The empty spot in my life that is being filled may be happiness or contentment or balance or being a complete person not closing off part of myself. I doubt it has had much to do with sexual relations for many years in my life.

[lisagurl]

my aunt dressed me up as a girl when i was a kid, and since then i have always wanted to be a girl, and alot of it has to do with being alone alot of my life....

[Traceyjo]

Before I started crossdressing there was certainly something missing from my life but I didn't know that it was. When I discovered the joy, exhilaration, excitement and satisfaction that came from exploring my female side, I realised that I had spent many years of my adult life not knowing that this source of pleasure for me existed. I often think of the enjoyment I missed out on in those previous years. I do feel however that when the excitement and frequency of marital sex declined, the desire for an optional outlet for sexual pleasure probably did stimulate me look for ways to satisfy my still strong urges and led to trying on some lingerie. From that instant there was no looking back

[Vikky]

Hi Folks

My circumstances are similar to Jennifer H. I am semi retired, active CDer for a couple of years, but a keen interest for many years but did not progress it as it seemed 'wrong'. I am very busy at home and with outside interests, but my CDing is getting more pressing. I am DADT at present but hope to expand my dressing in the months ahead. I don't see CDing replacing something else that is missing. Its just very pleasant and so nice to wear confining and soft clothes.

Vikky

[Dana44]

Lacy, ah, I'm older and my libido is strong. I do not think it is something else we are missing. It seems to take a lot of effort to be girly. So, making one male side fem takes work, and if you go out it takes a couple hours to get the makeup right, etc. I do know it keeps me from doing work that needs to get done sometimes, and yes the time is better for this as we get older. But it is not an empty spot.

[Wandacdmn]

This is a very interesting question that I think we should ask ourselves. One big reason I dress is that I have a feminine body. I have tried to be masculine all my life and have resented my thin feminine frame. When I discovered dressing and that this brought out my good features - I became excited and I kept wanting to do it more and more.