What's Going Through Her Head?

[Jenna1561]

A little background: I am a 45 year old, married, father of 4 (17,16,14,12) and Jenna is still a secret, HOWEVER,

About a year ago I started polishing my nails on a regular basis. Nice colors on the toes and clear on my fingernails. My children asked me why and I said that I liked the colors and they hid my own ugly toenails. My wife raised an eyebrow but didn't really say anything.

About 9 months ago I started wearing panties instead of men's underwear, and I do so now everyday. My wife asked me why and I said they fit better and are much nicer feeling and looking than my drab men's stuff.

About 6 months ago I started wearing women's jeans because once again they really do fit better. I also started wearing women's shoes, except for my work shoes and women's trouser socks.

3 months ago I added toerings and an anklet and about 2 months ago a nice silver bracelet, multiple rings, and some silver necklaces.

And I recently started wearing camisoles with wide shoulder straps beneath my shirts.

Now what could be going through my wife's mind? Is she chalking it up to a midlife crisis, does she suspect? What do you ladies think?


Love,

Jenna

[christine55]

Seems like youv'e been trying every possible way to tell her.
Hugs, Christine

[AprilMae]

I think it's time you had "The Talk".

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I agree it's time ask her what she's thinking and to have "The Talk."

[Lilith Moon]

SOs don't always "get" the hints. I think it all depends on the individual. In my case I did a "pre-outing" by watching every TG related item that came on TV with her and talking around the subject whenever I got chance. I suppose I was also trying to get an idea of her attitudes so I could plan how to tell her. However, when we finally "had the talk" she said she didn't have a clue.

Of course, when she had time to reflect on it she did say that certain things began to fit into place, but only in hindsight.

BTW, Jenna, you look cuddly...and I love that cute smile :)

[mellisa's wife]

Don't you think it's time to have the "talk" before you are walking around the house in full "dress". Just maybe she is avoiding "the talk" as much as you are.

We GG's are surprising creatures sometimes ( I confess - not all of the time and not all of us). When we "had the talk" I was actually relieved. You don't know the things that had been running through my head. My actually response was "why did you wait so long to tell me" My man is still my man no matter what he is wearing ( or not wearing :eek: ). We now have more in common and have had some wonderful times together that we may not have had otherwise.

Just an opinion from " the other side of the fence" Good luck!

[Lindahexi]

Jenna, I agree with others comments, it really is time to talk things through with your wife. In my opinion she already knows about your strong femme side, she's not stupid. The clues that you've given are now so numerous that she must suspect there is something very different about you. Have the talk and you may be surprised at her reaction; either way you will at least be able to be open and honest with her.

[Meag]

We almost split up over my dressing and other things. Of course, her thoughts were, HE IS GAY, I had to explain that most all men who CD are str8 or close to it, like me. So, to make a long story short, I now dress in skirts at home when I want too, with her approval, I how have to wear a slip when in a skirt, she said a proper lady doesn't wear a skirt without a slip, so most of the time at home, I am in a skirt, I also wear 1 1/2 to 2 1/2" heels with my skirts, and my wife is telling me how to walk like a lady. When she is not home, I get in a bra and cami and nice blouse. So I can tell you that a talk for me was the answer.

Meag

[TGMarla]

It's doubtful that she's stupid, and you've been running around with a neon sign saying "I love to wear girl things!" You may as well tell her outright. Your kids are probably talking with other kids, too. "My dad paints his nails...." etc. You're walking a tightrope. You should be sure to take control of the situation.

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Jenna
You really need to talk with you wife
I think it is essential due to the questions she may be getting from you children. I would guess she is hoping you will explain in your own time.
Judging by your actions so far I suggest its time to talk. You can seriously belive you wife has accepted the line about panties being a better fit.

[Jenna1561]

Ladies,

Thank you for the many responses and words of encouragement.

I really do want to tell her, but am still worried about her reaction and losing her and my children. I know it's better to tell her than to "get caught" but I still need to work up some more courage. And...

She's under a lot of internal stress right now, as she just went back to school this semester to earn her master's degree after being out of school for almost 20 years. She's having some difficulties with her classes and that's hurting her self-confidence at the moment. So while I would love to share with her, I think it best to wait till after this semester is over.

Good way to rationalize not telling her, right? Anyway I truly appreciate the support everyone provides.


Love,

Jenna

[Jenna1561]

Shelly,

It's a little embarassing and personal, but, I am not overly endowed down below and the panties actually do fit better than the average male undershort, which for me have always been just way too baggy.


Love,

Jenna

[Honey GG]

Jenna,
If you think the only stress she is under is from going back to school then your wrong....My husband did what your doing now, dressing some of the time right in front of me wearing nightgowns to bed and always saying because he liked it. He waited for YEARS to finially come and and just talk to me about it. It caused me so much stress, wondering what the heck was up with him. I could not bring myself to come out and just ask him because I was afraid of what the answer would be and that I might loose him.

I know your afraid of what your wife's reaction will be but be assured that it will be much better for her to know and hopefully get some support as you have done by joining this group.

My husband did finially tell me 2 years ago, after 30 years of marriage what was going on with him and I will say it changed us both forever- for the better! Our marriage is stronger and I do support his femme side also. Before he told me about CDing I knew nothing about it.

Don't use her school stress as a reason to wait to talk to her, next semester won't be any better.....A helpfull way to tell her might be with a letter. Something she can reread and digest. Let her read it and wait for her response for a couple of days then sit down and talk together. This worked well for me and my DH, he was also ready with support information for me and sites with good 'wife'information. If you want that information you can PM me.

Good Luck.

Honey (SO)

[suzy]

Jenna,

Listen to Honey Jenna..... Just you listen...k???

[Julia Cross]

Hi Jenna,

I read your post and it has many similarities to my experiences. You are likely not alone in your confusion, however, having been there, I sense you are avoiding the truth. I also feel that it is not the stress from school, rather she has picked up on your odd behaviour and is very confused, questioning your sexuality and herself as to whether her husband is still attracted to her or swung over to the other side. YOU NEED TO TALK TO HER - NOW!

Little more needs to be said, your actions have alerted her and your children and you need to address them now. The longer you wait, the more likely the damage will be greater.

Julia

[SherriePall]

Jenna --
It's best that you talk to her now because as the others said she may be worrying about you. At least she'll know what's what and can work from there. She may flip out at first. And hopefully she'll calm down. Be prepared with loads of information about CDing even though she may not be able to handle all of it or even most of it. And be ready for the common questions with honest answers.

[kathy gg]

Hello Jenna...

well everyone has given you very good advice about coming clean and also what "her" perception might be as you develop your femme self right before her eyes...whether she likes it or not.

It is the thing I have heard over and over from wives of cd's through the years and that is most of them {1} have never heard the term crossdresser tell their husband said it ...{2} dont' get the connection between all the femme gear and the idea that you have these feelings in any way.

From your photo you look like you are a fairly rough and tumble sort of guy. Not a tiny delicate sort fo feminine guy. Please dont' take that the wrong way, but not every guy has that obvious look about him. Which is probably a good thing in most cases. But anyway...the word crossdresser and what you are doing is probably not someting that is computing right now.

And to be honest, you guys have 4 kids *and* she is going back to school.!!! Talk about distractions galore and responsiblity to boot. With all that happening, even if she consciously knows things about you are changing she might feel hesitant to even open that can of worms all on her own.

Not saying she wont be willing to listen when you do tell her, but from her end it might look like pandoras box. And really when is there ever a good time to open that?

As someone else said don't use her school as your reason. Because in life there are always reasons to come up with. You won't ever be short of having reasons not to open this can of worms with a house as busy as yours.
What you need to do now is get your info ready. Other than this message board, have you looked in to other lists? I run one on yahoo for gg's only as well. What about a book on the subject? Peggy Ruud is a good start. preparing yourself for the moment of truth wil require information that is non-thretening and not overly biased. Think about what you envision "her" paticipation in all this. You already are doing so many things which some women woudl be freaking out over. you need to know that once you tell she might ask you to back off some of the femme gear for a while? Are you ready to do that? These are called boundaries and most women have some. Even the most acepting and enthused partner has them, myself included. Once you have some sort of game plan on your end and are ready to tell...we all are here on this forum for both of you.

I wish you luck and courage!

[Jenna1561]

Ladies,

Thanks for the shoulder to lean on and the ears to talk to.

I thought I'd worked up enough courage to bring the subject up with my wife this evening, but I just couldn't come out and say it. We talked around it but I just couldn't do it.

It's going to take me some time, but I know bringing it out is best.


Jenna

[kittypw GG]

Jenna,
Two questions? Just what are you getting up the courage to tell her? Do you know who you are? If you don't then don't try to sell her a bill of goods for a non existant property. It is very painful to reach acceptance of your husband and then he throws you a ringer like "oh by the way I'm bisexual, or I am a women trapped in a mans body" If you don't know tell her you don't know and go from there. Kitty

[MsJanessa]

Perhaps what you should do Hon is to get some counselling from a therapist yourself---there are many who specilize in gender issues---find out what you want, then talk to your wife---oftentimes the therapist can help you accomplish that. BTY you do look cute and cuddly

[Jenna1561]

Kitty,

Good points. I have run through the "talk" in my mind dozens of times. Each time I do so, I also reexamine myself. At this point in my life I am very comfortable with myself and knowing what I want and who I am. However, people change, and who I am today will not be the same person I am two years from now. Change is inevitable. Each of us is shaped by our personal experiences and environment.

Today I am closeted, I dress infrequently and go out dressed even less frequently, with no socializing as Jenna. When, not if, I open myself to my wife and introduce Jenna, my life will change and my wife's life will change.

Who am I?

I am a man who has enjoyed dressing as a girl/woman since early in my life. I have dreamed of what it would've been like had I been born a girl and I fantasize about what life would be like as a woman.

I am a husband and father of 4 great children. Were I able to change history and make it so I had been born female - I wouldn't. It would've been what I wanted, but now, 4 wonderful people are here on earth because of me. I couldn't and wouldn't change that.

Do I want to transition? No, not at this point in my life.

I enjoy dressing and appearing as a woman. I enjoy wearing the wonderful fabrics, styles, and colors of women's apparel. I enjoy seeing a different me in the mirror. I like it that I can generally walk down the street and shop with confidence dressed as a woman and seldom be "read." Most people are so self-absorbed they don't pay much attention to others, and trust me I am not feminine framed (5'10" - 265#).

I admit I am curious as to how women interact with men socially and sexually and that I fantasize about it. But I do not desire to have sex with a man. I am 45 and have been married 20+ years to the one love of my life. I dated several girls before I met my wife to be, but I have only had sex with one person my entire life and we created 4 wonderful children.

What will happen after my wife learns of Jenna? I don't know, but I pray for the courage to come forth; I pray for acceptance or at least tolerance; and I pray for a steady life course. I don't want to hurt her in the least and I know the longer the deception continues the greater the hurt, but as I said earlier, I am simply unable to say anything yet.

Thank you for your support and love,

Jenna

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Jenna

Lots of good advice here, especially from the GG's. The bottom line is that you have a need to tell her now, and I can pretty much guarantee that she also has a need to hear it from you now. I can also tell you that there's no such thing as a "good time" for this kind of talk, and it seems to me like you're rubbing it in her face right now, and I don't think that's fair to her.

When I came out to the world I expected the worse, but only got the best. You've got to get this monkey off your back, so just do it and get it over with.

GypsyKaren

[Julia Cross]

Hi Jenna,

Thank you for the honest insight on yourself. It sounds like your fears are likely exagerated. I think it likley she will be confused when you tell her but I doubt it will be THE END. 20 years, 4 wonderful children, no hidden sexual escapades or misadventures, you're a wonderful husband and I am sure she will recognize that when you finally tell her your one big secret, which isn't truly that serious in the scheme of things, as long as you keep it in check and respect her limits as well.

Good luck, but I don't think you need it!

Julia

[uknowhoo]

I pray for the courage to come forth; I pray for acceptance or at least tolerance; and I pray for a steady life course.
Jenna

You and your wife are in our prayers as well, sweetie.

Good luck to you, and keep us posted.

Hugs,

Tammi