Why do women wish to change you?

[Patrica Gil]

My choice to wear a dresses, skirts, heels, and nylons cause such a problem with some women. Many feel the need to change that. I don't tell them how to dress. So whats the deal. Did someone make a rule that only women can express themselves in the manner of their choosing. Many women wish to have someone take them for who they are. Yet do not want to do the same for men. Well getting out of the box is one of the best things that I have done. So be yourself. Women aren't the only creatures that enjoy going to the mall.

[Crissy Kay]

I think that with women its the old double standard we face. They can get away with wearing anything they want. But they want to be with a man, that looks like a man to them and everyone else. From my time here on the forums, I understand that it is very difficult for them to accept anything else.

[Gypsy Sam]

Crissy Kay sums it up quite well. Though conversely the same thought may be expressed about men's preference for the girly girl. The "butch" look on women is not apt to draw male attention, and general opinion is decidedly lesbian by conjecture. Females may wear male attire with little blow back, the curves rule the presentation. Who is the fairest of them all is taught in nursery rhymes and lasts a lifetime. Tell a tomboy how pretty she is, and watch the wheels spin.

[Beverley Sims]

Women probably recognise a great man inside that dress and want him.

I had the opposite problem where they saw a good looking blonde inside those trousers and wanted me to wear their clothes.

I didn't mind, stopped me wearing out mine. )

[Tina_gm]

I don't think it's all the double standard that some think it is. Yes, women do have a larger variety of clothing options, pants vs. Skirts or a dress, heels vs. Flats. But they are all being purchased from the women's department. And, women (unless they are tg) are not attempting to look like men, behave like men, or go out in public and pass as men. So the double standard argument is very weak at best.

Most women under the age of 40 don't have a huge issue with men in general who cd. Having one as a bf or husband, that might not be for them. Then again, how many cisgender men are going to gravitate toward a ftm tg person? How many are going to think eh, no big deal if their wife of say 10 years tells them they have a strong masculine side, stop shaving wear men's clothing etc etc?

But yet, likely, men won't mind a woman being one of the guys, they just would rather it not be their wife.

There will still be a large number of people, especially over 40, or if they are deeply religious who will likely not accept any form of gender crossing. Women, and men will want to be accepted for who they are yes, as the gender they are born as and feel comfortable as. It is just the way it is in society. It is not really a double standard though.

[Lorileah]

c'mon people. There is no double standard. Men don't wear dresses because men don't choose to wear dresses. Give it up already

[Katey888]

Did someone make a rule that only women can express themselves in the manner of their choosing.

Absolutely not... But if they had done, it would probably have been a man. :thinking:

There are few laws regarding manner of dress in western society (other than that some form is required to not be seen as indecent) - but there is a vast industry in fashion, that is largely owned by men, managed by men and directed by men - for the express purpose of dressing women. Perhaps women (who wear what they want) are simply throwing off the yoke of male fantasies here..? And men are totally at liberty to do the same thing if they choose... and pursue their own expression.

Let's not be whiny about either the right to express ourselves or the way women express themselves here - we live in societies that are largely without the repression and institutionalised bigotry that some non-western countries have... We should be grateful for that... :)

Katey x

[sometimes_miss]

Did someone make a rule that only women can express themselves in the manner of their choosing.
Well, that comes from something deeper than conscious thought. Throughout history, societies have relied on the males for providing food as well as protection. In battle lines, the failure of even one soldier to do his part can potentially result in the defeat of the entire troop involved, which can mean the death of the rest of that tribe. So anything that signals to a woman that a man is less than the stand up, masculine guy that will be that reliable warrior, ticks off something in her inner psyche that makes her uncomfortable. And she reacts, usually in some way to make the guy feel bad about not being/appearing as masculine as she feels he should. And guess what, it usually works. How many of us have been caught in some type of girls clothing by someone and just by their expression, we felt bad about what we were doing, and immediately knew how they felt and why. So I understand why women are uncomfortable with us, even when they can't easily tell us why.

[kimdl93]

Many? Just who are these women that are intent on 'changing' you, and unless one of them is your wife or mother, what possible reason would they have for caring?

[UNDERDRESSER]

c'mon people. There is no double standard. Men don't wear dresses because men don't choose to wear dresses. Give it up alreadySay what? I choose to wear skirts, I do so. I would like to wear a sundress in this lovely weather we're having, and I will, when I can find, or have made, one that fits me as a guy and works from a colour and style perspective.

As far as my SO trying to change me, the furthest she will go is to say "You're going out in that outfit? You're on your own then" In the same way, I am nowhere near stupid enough to try and tell her what she can or cannot wear.

[~Joanne~]

My choice to wear a dresses, skirts, heels, and nylons cause such a problem with some women. Many feel the need to change that.

Of coarse they do. If you look really nice, you may set a standard of some sort and they would have to go back to wearing some of these things instead of pajama bottoms and flip flops lol. Be yourself, that's all you can be ;)


c'mon people. There is no double standard. Men don't wear dresses because men don't choose to wear dresses. Give it up already

Really? There most certainly IS a double standard. The terms "Cross dresser and cross dressing" is proof of that within itself. If there weren't double standards, we wouldn't have these labels and these terms wouldn't exist! but they do, don't they? Women DO NOT consider wearing something from the men's section, no matter what it is, as "cross dressing" but if a guy does the exact same thing from the women's section, they most CERTAINLY consider that cross dressing and you a cross dresser. That IS a double standard in almost everyone's book.

[emma5410]

I wouldn't blame the women. We live in a male dominated world where masculinity is seen as desirable and femininity as something weak and lesser. It is shameful and humiliating if a man acts or dresses as a woman.
We are back to CDs complaining that the world will not let them dress as they wish. If you want to change things then get out of the closet. It is the only way that attitudes will ever change.

[TrishaLake]

I am always amused that my wife can wear a tank top and my boxer shorts to bed....but I feel bad wearing some Soma panties under my shorts to bed lol....oh the pain! It is what society teaches us...hard to break folks...

[Jenniferathome]

My choice to wear a dresses, skirts, heels, and nylons cause such a problem with some women.

Who? I've never met a woman who is bothered by this. Including my wife.


Did someone make a rule that only women can express themselves in the manner of their choosing.

No, both men and women can express themselves as they like. But society did make a rule that women dress like women and men dress like men. That should not come as a surprise as it has been this way since the first civilization

[MelanieAnne]

Life isn't fair. Deal with it. :eek:

[grace7777]

I have not met a woman who has tried to change me. In fact I get a lot of positive comments from women, when I am out dressed en femme.

Being who I am is most important to me. If someone cannot accept me for who I am then I have no need for them.

[char GG]

Gilda,

There are some specifics missing in your post. Are you talking about women that are strangers trying to change you? Or, is it someone that you know? What were you wearing? Was it fantasy wear?

Most women don't care what other people (men or women) are wearing unless they are calling undue attention to themselves. Then, women would probably talk among themselves but I don't know many women that would confront a stranger.

There is a CDer that I know who likes to wear "stripper" clothes with his 5 inch heels as everday, going out during the day, wear. The only ones that I have heard who comment to him - are other men.

[Teresa]

Gilda,
In a partnership we do try and change each other to make our lives more compatible . Most of us would probably admit that the wife or female partner try to change the man more, we're usually the ones that bring the worse habits into a relationship, or so the wife thinks !
When she thinks she's getting there we suddenly spring on her that we CD and may want to become TS, of course she going to want to change that, the majority of women would !

Most of us at that point have to accept and expect major changes or the whole thing is going to fall apart ! It isn't our partners fault that we feel this way but neither is it ours, the wiring in our brains is just different, no one is going to change that, all we can do is learn to live with it.

I've had a great deal of hurt through my CDing because I can't change,( perhaps my wife would question that I won't change for the sake of her !) in fact when I told my wife about my shaved legs and she noticed my shaved chest she asked me if I was getting any worse ? I don't feel I am, I'm just accepting it as a normal feeling that I sometimes get and have a need to satisfy it just as any other man or woman does !

Besides when we talk about changing us, it begs the question changing us to what from to what ? What are we expected to become, a compliant zombie? Most of us struggle with the problem of convincing our partners that the person they really want is still there but at times in a different mode, if I were to transition I would still be the same person prepared to do the role my wife married me for, if allowed to do so but just in a different guise with different mannerisms ! I feel I could be happy with that but my wife may run a mile, but for the wrong reasons, most of them would be because what other people thought , with little consideration given for our own happiness, that's what it should come down to but very rarely does !

[Marcelle]

Hi Gilda,

I am not sure which women you are talking about. Are you talking about someone close to you (family, wife, gf, friends) or complete strangers? In my own experience I have only had one rude comment from a woman who thought that by presenting as a woman I was making a mockery of women. I brushed that off as coming from someone with problems of her own. However all the other women I have interacted with have been nothing but supportive. Now when it comes to family and wives/gfs/partners, then there is no absolute. If your SO can accept that you are the same person then they are more likely to be supportive. However, if they cannot then that support could waver and disappear.

WRT to a double standard as with other comments, this is a falsehood of sorts. Yes, we can all agree that a man buying a dress in the women's section and then wearing said dress as a guy (no make-up, wig or breast forms) is more likely to raise an eyebrow then a woman buying men's dress pants and a man's shirt and wearing (not presenting as a male). However, there are men on this site that do that and while they may get stared at or a comment or two, they are not being chased down the road by angry fashionistas telling them to wear a guy's suit. Yes, women's fashions have adopted specific items of clothing that in the past were considered male (e.g., trousers, suits) but they are still women's fashions, not men's fashion.

You are free to wear what you wish and yes some will say, try wearing a dress to work and see how it goes where as a woman could dress overtly masculine and nobody would raise an eyebrow. However, do you truly know your work would be upset by a guy in a skirt? Double standard . . . no . . . women have spent years integrating typical male fashion into their own and have done so. Men are just a bit behind the times when it comes to integrating typical female fashion into male fashion.

Cheers

Isha

[Krisi]

You can wear whatever you want but you have to deal with the consequences. Men are expected to wear "male" clothes and women are expected to wear "female" clothes. If , for whatever reason, you want to walk around town in a skirt or dress, you can do it freely but people may stop associating with you, people may laugh at you and they may call you names.

Sometimes you just have to grow up and face reality.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I wish that black and white image was as easy as that, the forum is full of members who don't find it that simple ! Part of our brains are telling us those basic facts and a part is telling us it doesn't matter a fig what they think , part of me has needs that have to satisfied, growing up has nothing to do with it, when you get to a certain age you have to come to terms with the reality of CDing !

[Eryn]

The more I do this the more I learn that most of those rules were in my head. Even in male mode I wear Capris and pretty t-shirts and nobody seems to care.

Now, I do realize that those who are younger are more dependent on social connections for their sense of self-worth and one's dress is a part of that. All I can say is that things are getting better than they were when I was young.

[CynthiaD]

In response to the original question, women have been trying to change men ever since Adam and Eve. If it isn't crossdressing, it's something else. When I first got married, my wife tried to get me to change the way I ate popcorn, of all things!

It's just the way of the world.

[Georgina]

There is an old saying that may still ring true. When a couple marries the man hopes the woman will not change, and the woman hopes the man will change.

[Amelie]

I really don't have this problem, women wanting to change me,,, I avoid women like the plague. Well not exactly like the plague but maybe like a bad cold.

[Ally 2112]

This really does not apply directly to crossdressing .Have you ever heard the phrase you perfect but i need you to change a few things :)

[stefan37]

Waaaa. I can't wear what I want. You most certainly CAN wear what you want. The obstacle is the fear within. Designers have produced and shown male models wearing skirts and dresses on the runway. I'm thinking interest was low as they never took off.

There are many on this forum and in society that wear what they want. They are comfortable who they are and h they have the confidence to own it.