Time to wrap my head around thins.

[Emma Beth]

ever since my wife left, I have been discovering a lot about myself.

One thing I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around has a lot to do with my face and other features.

The other day I made a new ally. I was with my Dad shopping and we stopped at where I work to pick up some sodas. Two of the ladies I work with were out front on their break. Well, My Dad and I finished and were loading up and one of them approached me and complimented me on how great my legs were. I was wearing shorts By the way. We had a short exchange and my Dad and I left for home. The next day I was having a real hard time dealing with the Dysphoria and felt like crying most of the morning. But; if Academy awards were awarded to people like us, I would have had a lifetime achievement award handed to me last yesterday. Any way, before I broke, the same girl that had complemented me the previous day walked into the store to pick up a few things. I started talking to her and thanked her for the complement on my legs. We got to talking and I opened up to her. She confessed that she suspected something, but she could tell that I was a bit guarded about it and respected my space enough to mot say anything. We talked some more and talking to her was just what I needed.

I have also been talking to someone special online that is from New York. I met her at an online adult social site. Anyway, I posted these two pics from my first make over and she complemented me on how feminine I look already. I haven't started hormones yet. She blew me away. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around that one. For some reason, I just can't see it.

Maybe it's because I have lived with this face for all of my life being told I'm a boy and have been told over and over how hansom I was, or how attractive I was, or that I would be a lady killer. All that kind of thing people say about boys as they grow up. Not once was I ever told that I was pretty, and now I'm being told by accepting people that I really am pretty.

It can be a lot to wrap ones head around. I suppose that I decided to post this for two reasons, Validation and to know that I am not alone.

So, I would like to know if they are just saying that and if anyone else went through something like this.

I'm sharing the two pics again to help.
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[PretzelGirl]

It is a common thing to have in our head. Some (many?) of us have been looking at the old us in the mirror enough that when we look at the newer us, we don't focus on what we should but instinctively start picking out the familiar features and then relate them to the old us and think that is what others are seeing. I think this same thing happens with our voice. I would try not to let it eat you up. It will take time. It is a settling of the mind and you probably can't just flip that switch immediately. But it will come.

[Robin414]

I agree with Sue, maybe a nature v. nurture thing, you (like all of us genetic males) are conditioned litteraly from birth to think we're boys regardless of how we behave or may 'look' and the longer we wait to come to terms with our true identity the tougher it is. It's kind of a catch 22 I think as well, to do it you have to be strong (not hard for a guy) but at the same time be feminine (the end goal), for me that's the hard part to wrap my head around but hormones help...you can be the strong 'guy' and the hormones will take care of the feminine part naturally 😃 and yah, you do have a feminine look, if transition is your goal I think you'll be just fine, if this were a bar I'd probably get beat up but in this context...it's a compliment 😊

[stefan37]

I lived full-time for 18 months without the benefit of FFS. I would get gendered male as much as I was gendered female regardless of the clothes I wore. I will say I got gendered female more often while wearing casual clothing. After FFS I am never gendered male unless I spend time with them. Even though my face has been reconstructed I still see the male. It's easier to look in the mirror and be pleased I don't have the obvious male features I had.
The trick is projecting confidence in who you are even when you have those internal doubts. I'm glad I lived full-time without the benefit of FFS. It gave me that confidence to interact as Stephanie. It also made me concentrate harder on erasing those stubborn male cues that will give away an early transitioner. Hormones really didn't have much effect on face. And other than my B breast. Not much on my body physiology either.

It takes a long time to completely let go of the male in us and he may never leave your mind. Regardless of the exterior.

[Emma Beth]

Thanks for the words of encouragement and complements. I still have issues believing the complements, but I will take them with grace and appreciation.

The mindset thing is something that has taken me by surprise.

I had to share to kind of give an update and let everyone know that I'm actually doing great. Except for that bout with my Dysphoria the other morning at work, I feel so much better about myself.

Also, that episode the other day showed me just what influence my Wife had had on my life and how repressive that relationship really was. That morning it felt like my heart was breaking and I fought to keep it together. I managed and I learned that one, I am a very talented actress; and two, I'm a tougher cookie than I thought I was and I do have the tools I need when I need them.

Everyday is a step further down the road that is my life and the journey has gotten more pleasant and fun. I know that rain will fall, but that's one of the beauties of life. The bad that happens is just as beautiful as the good. It teaches us more about ourselves and how to deal with the strife that will enter our lives at some point or other.