I don't know...

[carolanne_love]

Hi.

I am 57 and am a woman in a man's body. Over the years I have gone through all the emotions, trials, tribulations one can experience when one is not sure about herself. I went through the Clark Institute program which left me more confused about myself than before. Since then I have seen three counselers, 1 an idiot (male) the other 2 (female) were understanding but offered little help.

I have been able to suppress my feelings most of the time for a long time but lately am feeling that at my age, I should be able to "come out". The only thing is I don't know where to start. My frustration increases with each page of fruitless search on the internet. I need guidance.

Thanx for listening

[Kimberley]

Carolanne,
You will find more support here than you can imagine.

Welcome aboard.

[carolanne_love]

Hi Kimberly

Thanks.

I am seeing another counseler tomorrow but you know? I don't know what to expect to get from them. Is there some test they can give you to say yes you are just a crossdresser or yes you are transgendered, or yes you are nuts??

The male counseler I went to was only interested in whether I was "dressed" under my street clothes and did I fantasize about having sex with a man.

My fantasies if that is the word is to live peacefully and happily with my oh so supportive wife and feel good about myself.

Oh well, I'll see tomorrow.

Thanks again for the ear.

Carolanne_love

[Kimberley]

I dont think any counsellor can "cure" us nor should we be. We are blessed with this and a counsellor that doesnt understand it shouldnt get a second visit in my books.

All I can say is that past experience had a counsellor helping me get in touch with my feminine side and trying to make peace with myself. She wasnt interested in anything but doing that. In the process we had to deal with other issues that were in the way of my doing that. Unfortunately our time together was cut short.

All the best luck.

[Stlalice]

Carolanne,
Unless a therapist specializes in gender issues they may only be of limited help and may not understand the problems faced by TS/TG folk any better than a lay person. In some cases they may do you more harm than good. Recomend that you try checking the website of the International Foundation for Gender Education at www.ifge.org and/or call them at their Waltham Mass. office for a referal to a gender specializing therapist. If you do call them you will be talking to a Trans person who has been there and done that - they will give you good advice. Getting into therapy is the first step in an at times long and painful journey that leads in the end to being able to live with some sort of peace in your own skin. Good luck and hang in there, :angel:

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Carolanne

I've been in counseling for over 10 years now, and it's been of little help. I'm 53, close to your age, so I know how you feel. I finally came out a year ago, first to my wife, and then to others who are close to me, including my 3 grown kids. I got to the point where I couldn't live the lie anymore, I was running out of time and I just wanted to be me. All I can say is that it's the best thing I've ever done for myself, wished I'd done it a lot sooner. Oh well, woulda, coulda, shoulda will get you chasing your tail in a hurry.

You know, just do it. I think you'll find that those who loved you before will still feel the same way, I for one don't care about the others. I lost a couple of "close friends", but I've managed to survive without them. We ain't spring chickens anymore, do what you gotta do for yourself.

GypsyKaren

[carolanne_love]

Hi GypsyKaren.

Thanks for your insight. My wife has known about my "crossdressing" needs for 25 years now. She even knows of my desire to be a woman so I guess that part is okay. My trouble is I have been told by her as well as the counselers that I look too much like a man, in other words, "there is nothing feminine about me".

I think my fear is of being a complete and embarassingly failure if I came fully out of the closet.

One thing I notice when I go to the counselers is they tend to focus on my breasts not my words. I have slightly noticeable breasts with "military" nipples (they are at attention!), I wear a 40B bra that I either fill completely or almost depending on the make. I do not usually go "dressed" even under my street clothes, I might wear panties as I do now for about 90% of the time.

How do you and the other girls go about making your appearance more feminine? I know makeup can work wonders, but do you have a regime you follow?

Thanks again for listening.
Carolanne

[GypsyKaren]

I really don't have a regimen, I just slop on my make-up and go. I don't know if I act feminine, I just try to be myself. As far as the nipple problem goes, try taping them over with medical tape, I used to do that with my old forms.

Karen

[carolanne_love]

Hi again.

I just got back from the counselor and I think I found a winner! In one hour she made me feel so good about myself and in her way, answered a lot of my questions about myself.

I'm seeing her again next week, and am looking forward to it.

Hi GypsyKaren. So I take it I have to find my makeup in a bulk store and buy some plastering trowels.

As far as my "nipple problem", no problem, I kinda love them like that.

As I said earlier, I am a 40 kinda B and have a H#%& of a time finding nice bras that are a little sexy and fit.
I'd be interested in hearing from you gals how you get around that.

Lov Ya
Carolanne.

[lydia7]

Self Esteem is hard to maintain even without the challenges you face. Do your best to stop worrying about what other people think of how you look. Just go with what you want for yourself. You have carried this pressure for most of your life--let a little go. Take care of your body and treat your mind to little "fun" once in a while. I am sure that (considering the 25 yr notice) your wife/family will be able to adjust if you are honest and gradual in your coming out as it is. This is a great place for reinforcement of these themes.

[Lisa Baby]

Keep on working for what makes you happy!

I would talk with your wife about make up. She should be able to give you any advice you need. And make any special purchases she thinks you need.

The same applies to your question about a sexy bra.

When you feel good about your appearance, you can go out and get the items you want by yourself.

I get most of my bras from "Fredericks of Hollywood" and Victoria's Secret." Both on line and in their local stores. "Victoria's Secret" has been very helpful and considerate when I have had to make my many returns/exchanges of items that do not fit properly or look terrible on me once I get home and have a chance to try them on. (I do not have a passable appearance yet.)

Lisa

Life without happiness is only existance.

[PTPJen]

I really liked Lynda's response, Just start doing for you not for everyone else.

Look eevry Psyh will have a diffreant answer, its not an exact science, but over the years you wanted someone else to make the decision on what "YOU WANT TO DO"

SO HERE IT IS (No Payment Required) Do you feel depressed, and bothered daily by these feelings?

Do you feel good dressing and acting out your feelings?

Do you want to go forward with a change?

If your answer to all three of tehse questions are YES then by all means "DO IT"

Its what you want. Hey you can live the TG lifestyle without getting SRS, you can or cannot do hormones, hell the choices are your hon!

[tvgirl4fun]

Carolanne, Are there any support groups in your area? They should be able to help with the make up issues. And, why don't you go to the conselors in girl mode? If that's who you really are, it should make you more comfortable when you talk about yourself. And it should give the conselor a better idea of who your are also. And it sounds like you're two steps ahead in having a wife that knows and understands. Do the two of you ever go anywhere when you're dressed? Good luck, Jaie

[carolanne_love]

Hi Jaie.

I have not gone out of the house en femme, God knows I would love to but so far the spirit is strong but the courage is weak. I am hoping that I will be able to get into the gender clinic soon, my MD wrote a referral letter yesterday. As far as support groups, there are two, I think, but have not been able to make contact as they do not answer my emails.

As far as what you girls said in this thread, you are all so right. I just went through the toughest week last week. I came so close to ending it that it shocked me to be even considering it. I think the shock is what saved me and made me decide that it is not worth fighting any more, Carolanne has been supressed for so long but not any more. I am going to my counselor next week and I will be more assertive I want her to help me get into the gender clinic, start hormone therapy and get going.

My wife knows Carolanne has to come out, my daughter understands too so I have some support there.

Love you all, Carolanne