A secret signal?

[Sandie70]

I know that in the lesbian community many of them wear key chains on their belts. This is an outward sign (or signal?) to others of their sexual orientation. Of course, you have to be careful as the key chain might only indicate that the lady has lots of locks to deal with each day - like Freud once said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar." (lol). But the fact is, this is many times something that identifies a lesbian to her sisters and she proudly wears the keys, unafraid of letting others know her sexual inclination.

Now, I'm not an expert (or even a non-expert) on lesbianism. However, this little tidbit does give me thought to the many times I have been out and seen other crossdressers - or thought they might be crossdressers - and I so much would have loved to speak with them. But, not knowing for sure, and not knowing if they would welcome me introducing myself - I always back off.

So, this leads me to this question:

What if crossdressers had a secret signal? Some way to identify ourselves to other crossdressers that says: "I would welcome your introducing yourself to me (discreetly) if you are a sister. I would love to get know you."

Does anyone think this would be feasible? And what would it be? A piece of jewelry worn is a certain way? A ribbon or scarf that is distinctive? Of course, if you are wearing a dress or a pretty outfit, a key chain, or something similar would be silly.

Would love to read your thoughts on this.

What do you think ladies?

[Eryn]

The problem is that most of us who are out and about and who aren't "men in dresses" want to be perceived as women. Any symbol, such as the one you cited, will rapidly become known to everyone which negates our desire.

I've thought about it long and hard, but when out in public is is impossible to acknowledge a sister. It is very likely that it would reduce her enjoyment of her experience. If one has the opportunity to interact with her it is best to simply acknowledge her as she presents. If the interaction goes further you may become comfortable enough to discuss sensitive issues.

[Kandi Robbins]

Say hello. Simple as that. I know that when anyone that greets me en femme, I am delighted (even thrilled) to talk. It is rather obvious I am a guy in a dress, but if there is any question, you'll know with the first word out of my mouth. If I were trying to keep the illusion, I would then just simply smile and walk on. A warm greeting gives me the option to engage with you.

[Ineke Vashon]

How about a cheap cellphone programmed with one touch and it'll play something like: "Let me call you sweetheart, or perhaps "bumble bee boogie." If the other party says "I know that tune" well, perhaps..:hello:

Ineke, tongue in cheek.

[pamela7]

there've been threads on this before, leading largely to expressions of fear in case someone non-CD gets the signal to then trap CD'ers, and to nothing particularly obvious - our signal is that we CD, the question is whether we want another CD'er to communicate or not. That is going to be up to individual judgement.

[Amy Lynn3]

Over the years many threads about this very topic has been written. One I took part in about 10 years ago was...everyone on this site was to wear a rubber band on the wrist on a certain day. I wore mine all day and met a number of people, but not a single person showed me their rubber band. Ugh !!!!!

Maybe a variation of that idea could be done, such as wear the rubber band for a week, not just a day. Another problem is how does one get the message to every member here and non members, for that matter ? PM me if a date is set.:2c:

[Tracii G]

This horse has been beaten to death.
The way I see it too many would be afraid to wear whatever the item is.

[Allisa]

Hmmmm,let me see I guess my polished nails, my bangle bracelets, my pierced ears with earrings, my long hair semi femme styled, my female jeans, possible make-up, etc...and no breasts just screams CDer. And if I am presenting as a female just a respectful approach and a polite question would be just fine but don't forget to smile as a friendly person would.

[CynthiaD]

When I'm out and about dressed as a woman, I want to be treated as a lady. If you indicated to me that you knew I was a man dressed as a woman, I would be most annoyed with you.

If I'm presenting as male, it's because I have to, not because I want to. I certainly wouldn't want to be identified as a crossdresser under those circumstances. Not by anyone.

So no secret sign for me.

[mechamoose]

I wish there were a signal.

But I have to ask, how do you signal when you are actively trying to hide?

Success is being invisible, right?

- MM

[TrishaTX]

How about the peak of satin panties I have just over my J crew shorts? Soma black?

[Katey888]

Feasible.... hmmm... hang on - had a bit of a light bulb moment with this one... ;)

248737

My 'Special Pack' (Details available on request, only $19.99 + $122.50 shipping anywhere on the Isle of Wight - ask for a much bigger quote for International shipping...:D) comes with contrasting colour, self-adhesive labels in pairs of C-D, T-G, T-V, G-Q or T-S depending on how you identify in the community for complete flexibility and anonymity.

There'll be no mistaking community members or confusing their alliance with the flashing butterfly light - obviously only available in pink.

:)

Katey x

[Tracii G]

The whole idea is crazy IMO.

[kimdl93]

I hardly need any special symbol to identify myself. I doubt that I'm often (if ever) mistaken for GG.

[Robin414]

Great idea in theory but, yah in practice might not work 😟 That said, gay bars (at least in my area) have rainbows prominently displayed so the the concept has credibility!

[Sandie70]

Interesting responses. I didn't think something like this would work, but it was a thought. Unlike other groups who want to be open and accepted, the very nature of what we do precludes this.

So, not wanting to "beat a dead horse," I will unsaddle it instead and give it a decent burial (LOL).

[AngelaYVR]

I will wiggle my plucked eyebrows three times. You respond by showing me an outrageous credit card bill. Instant connection.

[Erika Lyne]

Hi Sandie,

I'm so sorry you've been met with such negativity. I've thought and commented on similar posts. Yes, if we are dressed in public we all want to be treated as the gender we presenting in but, not all of us are 100% passable. Now, the question comes, do we want to be approached by a "sister" when recognized? Or more importantly, IF we recognize someone as a sister how can we approach without embarrassing the "sister?" I was at a mall earlier this year in drab with my wife and kids. I was in full male mode. There was one of us there. She was amazingly tall and quite beautiful but had a few things that only my older (very feminine) daughter and I seemed to notice. My wife and younger daughter saw her but didn't see the tells. We had met eyes, me squinting in the sun and she instantly looked panic struck. Her pace quickened and her day at the mall looked ruined as she was "made" on her way through the parking lot. I felt so bad, she is one of us--better than most and I only recognized she was a sister because I'm guilty (& quite in-tune) of her genetic misgivings. I so wanted to run up to her and tell her she was beautiful and explain that I know where she is coming from but from across the parking lot aisle that would have not gone well. She could have tried to run (in 4" heels) or I might have drawn others to pay closer attention to her than they had. My day was crushed because I feel I ruined her day. Now, if there were a keychain, button or anything else I could have just waved her way, it would have made both of our days. Yes, I did notice her but, like the old childhood chant that has holds quite a bit of truth to it, "It takes one to know one."

I once suggested a fairly large series of small pins. There could be subtle differences so we can distinguish slight differences in where on the spectrum we reside and/or to keep the public from guessing the real meaning behind all of the different logos. I would suggest each pin about 1/2" in diameter, rather small. We could communicate with each other in whatever mode of dress we are in to find our kin and still stay in hiding at the same time. If there were about a dozen or so in the set and some sort of safeguard as to their release to possible "friends" it could work.

I'm with you. I'd love to meet other CDers, TS, supporters and SOs who are willing to help eachother find out where we stand in the world.

I love the thought and I'm sure others do too. There are many who can pass and don't want to be found out but if they were found out or saw a person in drab with one of these pins they could also offer encouragement or at least feel a little more safe around the wearer of the pin, even if they didn't have a set themselves.

Just my $0.02.
-Erika

[deebra]

YES Sandy, this is a good idea and I have posted on it before. My idea would work, when you notice someone wear a wrist watch with a flexible band and just flip the watch over so the "back" is face up, then do something so the "maybe CD" can see it. If no response then just flip the watch right side up. It's a great idea that would lead to meeting another CD and friendship to share what we love.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sandie, The big hands & deep voice are a good signal.:daydreaming:

[I Am Paula]

There's a place in every mall that makes T shirts. Why not one that says 'I'm wearing women's panties'. You try it first.
Honestly, and a little less tongue in cheek. We fall into too many categories, of those who want the world to know, those who don't, and miriad in between. I'm TS, full time. If people figure that out, I still don't want them approaching me. I can usually recognize a fellow trans person, but I would never approach them, it's akin to saying HEY I SEE YOU!

[Debra Russell]

'I'm wearing women's panties'. You try it first.
:roflmao::rofl: ......maybe it'll catch on...........................Debra

[Pat]

There's a place in every mall that makes T shirts. Why not one that says 'I'm wearing women's panties'. You try it first.

A couple of years ago there was a t-shirt shop in Provincetown selling one that said "Big Hands, Big Feet, You do the math." ;)

[Ineke Vashon]

.......while loudly singing Fats Waller's "Your feets too big.":devil:

Ineke

[Teresa]

Sandie,
I appreciate it could be a fun question but could pose some serious problems, I personally wouldn't mind if I was approached in a friendly way if someone had sussed me out, but some may be very upset especially if they are on the transition road and they're hoping they look totally passable .
Oddly most of us don't mind shopping in drab and make it clear we're shopping for ourselves so we are openly saying we're CDers, a very kind SA said how nice some shoes looked on me and how lucky I was to able to wear peep-toe shoes when she couldn't !

As for a recognition signal I'm not interested but if I am read just buying me a drink would be a nice gesture ! Have to be careful saying that if I met several Cders I could end up under the table and totally out of it ! Not very lady like or a pretty sight !

[Katey888]

Oh Sandie, I'm feeling mean now... :(

OK - Serious answer... :straightface:

CDs out in vanilla world are there largely because they want to blend with normality, not be 'made' or 'outed' even by another CD.

If anyone really wants to meet other CDs, then simply go somewhere you know other CDs who are interested in meeting, will go. :) Support groups, LGBT clubs and friendly venues and events are where we congregate...

Honestly, I'd be a little freaked with folk getting in my eyeline, winking, twitching eyebrows and flipping watches... just keep it simple...

Katey x

[pamela7]

but Katie, those of us who would like to contact / be spoken to by others could have a signal ...

a rainbow with a T inside it, as a broach, imo ... either that or a CD tie pin (never wear ties)

or this, an ancient egyptian symbol meaning the spine of Osiris - takes backbone to out oneself and its rainbow!!!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Djed

could we be raising the djed with this one?

[Judith96a]

Sandie,
I do understand where you're coming from. I've occasionally spied other CDs in vanilla contexts and have thought that i wold like to acknowledge them as another sister. However, the problem with any 'recognition signal' is that most of us, regardless of the degree to which we 'pass' / 'blend' (either in our imagination or in reality), do not wish to advertise our 'status' - especially to potential 'bad guys'. It is inevitable that any 'recognition signal' would (potentially) do just that! Unfortunate, but that's life!

[Eryn]

I think that the government has already provided a solution:

248786

[pamela7]

the problem with any 'recognition signal' is that most of us, regardless of the degree to which we 'pass' / 'blend' (either in our imagination or in reality), do not wish to advertise our 'status' - especially to potential 'bad guys'. It is inevitable that any 'recognition signal' would (potentially) do just that! Unfortunate, but that's life!

this is the same fear the gay community had going back 40-50 years, and yet they came out, as "friends of dorothy" for example. They showed us the way.

[sometimes_miss]

I think that the government has already provided a solution
248824

That's cool. I'd wear that.

[Krisi]

I think the six inch heels, the mini mini skirt and the overdone makeup does the trick.

[Sandie70]

More interesting responses.

From them, I think I can draw some conclusions (my own conclusions... not something written in stone).

1. The majority of us would love to be able to introduce ourselves and maybe make a new friend with a sister. But this remains problematic because of privacy and safety issues for the one we would like to meet. In a case of encountering someone in public, talking to them would not be advisable unless they had some way of signaling they would welcome this.

2. Gays and lesbians who are "out" have no worry of being recognized... they fought hard for the right to be seen and accepted in public. Wearing a key chain or a rainbow pin is not a problem for them in most communities these days (notice I said "most," as I understand there are still areas of our country where hatred breeds like a wildfire). However, we, as a group, are a long way from acceptance like this by the public.

3. The great majority of crossdressers are far from "out." Those who would choose to wear some sort of sign that identifies them as such (whether in drab or dressed) would be limited at best. And even those who dress often in public might not be "out" to friends and family.

4. But with all that said, there are some of us who would do this without reservation. In fact, I would do it gladly and would welcome someone introducing themselves as long as they did this respectfully and discreetly. ("Hi, I noticed your pin and it's really nice. You know, I have one just like it." We shake hands. "My name is ____ and today I'm just out doing some shopping. By the way, your dress is lovely.") OK, that's a fantasy conversation, but one that would be cool to be able to have.

5. We might consider a "sign," such as a pin, that could be worn by even those who are simply supporters of the transgendered and of crossdressers. Something that wouldn't "brand" you as a crossdresser, but rather, someone who supports crossdresser and transgender rights. A great starting point for a conversation.

6. And last, I know there are as many reasons this wouldn't work as there are numbers of crossdressers. (Also, I have noticed that there is a vein of anger in a few responses to this thread - something I don't understand as there are no "crossdresser police" who would make anyone do any of this - LOL).

[pamela7]

such a symbol would have to be discussed and decided in a members-only area ... obviously ... and the entire society would have to decide when not to weat them e.g. at a tranny ball where it would be revealed by any obvious photography!

[Robin414]

Biker gangs do it and quite shamelessly and for the most part they're not accepted by the majority of society either, mind you when is the last time you heard of a bunch of Crossdressers beating someone just for fun though 😂...ahh, image is everything! If we were only perceived 'differently'! OK, maybe not 😮