HRT 1 Year anniversary & FFS questions

[Michelle789]

Yesterday marked my one year anniversary on HRT. I am really pleased with the changes I am seeing, both physically and emotionally. I have seen significant softening of the face, and my breasts are in between a A and B cup. My skin has softened up. I am way more in touch with my feelings and emotions than I once was. I am starting to feel really normal. My friends are noticing the way I walk and my mannerisms getting more feminine too. I am an overall much happier person than I was a year ago and WAY happier than I was two years ago. Two years ago this time I had the gender talk with the psychic and then I fired her on 8/11/2013. I am also developing interests that I never had before - such as actually decorating my apartment, hanging pictures and making it look nice. My MBTI has undergone two significant changes. I went from being a probable ISTJ as a male to an ISFJ in April and now I am INFJ. I definitely am developing my intuitive and emotional sides quite well these days.

Now anyways, I was one of those transwomen who did not believe in plastic surgery. Initially I was only planning on eventually getting SRS/GCS, and that might not be for 5-10 years. It is my last priority in terms of surgeries and transition related things. I generally don't like surgeries. I have never had any surgery done on me before. I am terrified of surgery. So I want to avoid surgery at all costs. I was convinced a few months ago that I am getting a good enough HRT result that I might not need any FFS. Lots of my friends in the trans community and some cis friends too generally don't believe in plastic surgery.

Fast forward to today, and I have been giving serious thought to getting both FFS and BA. I have seen some phenomenal results on this forum from TSes who got FFS and both Ashley Smith and Anne 2345 just look absolutely amazing with FFS - two testimonies that FFS can truly have an impact. I probably am too early to even start thinking about FFS. And realistically if I did get FFS, I probably will wait another year or two and see what my face looks like, and decide if I am getting FFS, and how much. I will also assess my breasts in a year or so from now, and decide if I am getting BA and how much. So I am not getting FFS in 2015. I want to give the hormones time to work.

But after being closed off to the idea of FFS for so long, I am definitely open to FFS now. I would probably make FFS my first priority, followed by BA, and SRS/GCS last. You can probably tell my priorities in life by the way I ordered my surgeries. And with each surgery, it still is an "if" as I would rather keep surgeries to a minimum. And I also figure that by waiting another year or so that even if I do get FFS or BA that I can get the minimal amount needed.

I have opened my mind and heart to FFS. Part of this was triggered by the increase in mis-gendering and microaggressions I received during the past two months. But I realized I am not motivated by "passing." Truthfully speaking getting mis-gendered so much lately has made me take a critical look at myself in the mirror and decided that as of now there are enough male facial features that may only be able to be corrected by FFS. And lately when I look at myself in the mirror I tend to see a male face more often than I did a few months ago, when I was more content that my face was feminizing. I'm still on the same dosage of HRT, and most of my closest friends tell me that I am getting great HRT results and that I won't need FFS. Wait, I have had people in the trans community ask me if I have already had FFS. Right, seriously? What are they on? But when I look at myself in the mirror, it can be really painful for me to see a man staring back at me. Sometimes I see a woman, but other times I still see a man, and it's frightening. Like I am becoming more sensitive to my male facial features than I was a year ago or even three months ago.

My biggest obstacle is that most of my friends, and my boyfriend, oppose me getting any FFS or BA. Being straight up, many of my trans friends, and cis friends, just don't believe in plastic surgery. They have told me things like "do you really want someone to crack open your jaw?" or "never trust a chick with fake breasts." This may sound odd since I live in L.A., the plastic surgery capital of the world. But I believe that plastic surgery simply goes against the religious or spiritual beliefs of many of my friends, both trans and cis. Most of my friends are either from church or AA. Some of them also fear the side effects of FFS or BA. They are all supportive of my transition, but not of FFS or BA.

If in the end of the day I can look at my face and be content without ever getting FFS, that would be wonderful. But I also know the reality is that FFS may be the only way to truly feminize my face. I have to accept that reality, and even if I can pass without FFS, I am not the kind of girl that could be content "passing" with a manly face, a girly face would make me more content with myself. I am totally open to FFS. But my friends, and boyfriend, are not. If I decide to go ahead with either FFS or BA, how am I going to have the courage to go against the wishes of my friends. And I can only be open to it right now, and wait and see how much FFS or BA I will need in 1-2 years from now. I will probably start assessing myself next summer, and schedule a surgery date in late 2016 or 2017.

I have a couple of questions.

1. Am I thinking about FFS or BA too early?

2. For those of you who had FFS, after how many years on HRT did you get your FFS?

3. How should I handle my friends who oppose FFS or BA?

4. Are there any side effects of FFS or BA that I should be aware of? Especially FFS, as FFS would be my first priority over BA.

[Anne2345]

"do you really want someone to crack open your jaw?" Um, actually, yes. Yes I did want someone to crack open my jaw. Lol! And I paid a surgeon good money to do just that, in fact, among other things.

In answer to your questions:

1) It is NOT too early to start thinking about FFS or a BA. You are one year into hormones, you are on the transition path, so thinking about these things in terms of planning and figuring out what you want - or do not want - makes all of the sense in the world right now, and it's also quite sensible to do at this stage. That said, your boobs still have more room to grow on HRT, so BA is probably not advisable now. But definitely worth thinking about in terms of your future.

2) I had both FFS and my BA on the same day, approximately 2.5 years after beginning HRT. As far as FFS is concerned, don't fall into that trap of thinking that HRT will significantly feminize your face. Sure, it can soften the skin tremendously and all that good stuff, which certainly helps, but it cannot change bone structure. That's what "cracking open your jaw" is for. Lol. :-P

3) It's your body and your transition. If your friends refuse to respect your decision to have surgery (if you go that route), that's their problem, and that's on them. Do not let your friends dictate the terms of your transition. You live your life, they don't live it for you.

4) As I said, I had both FFS and BA the same day. But if I *had* to pick only one, I would have picked FFS first because my face is what the world sees. And it's what I see in every single mirror I look in. It was my priority for sure. As for side effects, it takes time to recover, you need to treat your face gently and take care of it as it heals, no going out in the sun for awhile until it heals up (too much sun can cause scarring to become more visible or permanent), for boobs you would need to wear compression and sports bras until they heal, etc. Nothing terribly onerous and difficult, and nothing crazy or unexpected.

And thank you for the really nice compliments about my surgery! So I think you know where I stand on surgery - I'm all for it when it's appropriate and doable. Quite honestly, it has helped change the quality of my life greatly, it's increased my confidence, I no longer hate mirrors (lol), and I feel really, really good about myself! It was worth every single penny and then some, and I would completely do it all over again without hesitation.

[Michelle789]

Thank you Anne!!! My sentiments exactly about doing the face first. The world sees my face, and I have to look at it in the mirror. I can wait realistically on the BA because I can easily pad them. I also dress conservatively so I can get away with padding. It would be different if I liked wearing cleavage exposing clothes. But I generally dress rather conservatively. Face is definitely a first for me.

A lot of what got me in this anti-FFS sentiment when I first started my transition was the influence of my church. Most of the trans community at my church doesn't believe in FFS and I was very much influenced by that. I think it goes against many of their religious beliefs. But I realized that it's my life and that God will love me regardless of whether or not I get FFS, and whether or not the trans community at my church approves. There was one transwoman at my church who not only didn't believe in FFS, but believed that plastic surgery and makeup are from the devil. It really scared me because I don't believe in the devil.

This woman seriously had influenced me into believing that HRT will significantly feminize my face and change my bone structure. This wasn't coming from some 18 year old who is still young enough to reverse bone structure - generally that ship sails once you turn 25. She started her transition at 40 so she was definitely at the age where bone structure does not change. She has long left the church, but there is still a strong anti-FFS sentiment there among some of the other transwomen. And also at my AA group there is a strong anti-plastic surgery sentiment among some of my closest cis friends.

[arbon]

#1 - No

#2 - NA (I have not had FFS)

#3 - Its not their life and you need to do what you feel is in your best interest.

#4 - Side effects - Well all these surgeries come with risks. There are a couple women here that have had to have things fixed that did not go right the first time. When I was in Mexico one person had to be whisked away to the hospital in the middle of the night blood gushing every where. His ear was falling off. Had to have a lot of stuff fixed when back in the states. I think there was one person that died on the table of one of the best FFS surgeons in the states 4 or 5 years ago....just saying know the risks, because they are real.

You can search on-line and find plenty of examples of just how bad the surgeries can go.Does not mean I am against surgeries, I think FFS is one of the best investments in your life that you can make. But there are risks.

[Karen62]

Michelle, I have been thinking about this as well, especially FFS. I have been on HRT all of 5 months, but I was on testosterone I figure for 40 years, and the damage done there is just not reversible with HRT. Luckily I don't have a heavy brow or orbital ridges, or a deeply receding hairline, but there are a lot of little things that add up as male, at least in my eyes. I followed ClaraKay's experience closely with the Facial Team in Marbella, Spain (http://facialteam.eu/). Their website's sizeable portfolio of before and after photos showing the results with details of the changes made are compelling. Just a millimeter here, a slight alteration there, and our brain's pattern matching skills learned when we were infants on recognizing human faces adjusts to seeing the opposite gender. It's something I think about quite a bit, especially given that when I look in the mirror, I still see myself as a DIAD (Dude in a Dress). I know 5 months on HRT is not a long time, but as Anne says, we have to have realistic expectations on what will change and what will not, even after many years on HRT.

As for BA, I was never in favor of it before, but I am moving away from an automatic denial to now questioning whether it might be a positive thing (in the same way as FFS). I am still inclined to wait and see for now, but even saving the funds and planning recovery time off for this will take some time, so thinking about this now seems wise.

As for what others think, I am much less worried about that. I will do what is right for me. Heck, if I worried about what others thought and feared their consternation and rejection, I never would have pursued transition. Now talk about an unpopular decision to make (at least in terms of many in my Southern, conservative family)!

By all means, learn more about what you can expect to occur organically with HRT, look at your options from a financial, time, and support perspective, and do what is best for you.

Karen

[I Am Paula]

Alot has been written about how long one should be on HRT before committing to surgery. Since I started HRT at 54, my Dr. cleared me for a BA after a year. He thought my natural growth was about done, and anything in the future would just fill out a BA. Everyone is different of course. My endo has extensive trans experience, and I trust him completely. Luckily, I've never disliked my face, so no surgery there.
How your friends handle your choices is their problem.
Everybody's priorities are different, but to me, my boobs were the best investment I've ever made. Good luck in your decisions.

[stefan37]

You complain that you are misgendered. There are many reasons why that may be. Humans are able to gender people in a heartbeat. I believe it was a survival instinct. Anyway. FFS WILL make integrating easier. Misgendering almost never happens. There are other factors that will clue people in something is different. But it won't be your face.

[Brooklyn]

Not all FSS is the same: Some people just want one or two things fixed, and others go for the works. Much of that depends on your time and budget, but I did NOT want to go through this more than once, since recovery is physically and emotionally tough. Before I started transition, I made a plan outlining the time and budget for each item, and I put FFS a year out from starting HRT. The process of finding the right surgeon and scheduling the surgery put me two months beyond that anticipated date.

Few people will be supportive. Some will say don’t do it, “You are beautiful the way you are", some will say you’re being vain or shallow, some will be spiteful and say “Aren’t you lucky?”, and so on. My strategy was to stop telling people about the surgery unless they asked. For the past few weeks, I’ve admitted that “I had some work done” and leave it at that unless they really need to know more. Outside of the trans community, few will understand how involved it is or how happy it can make you feel. But, you probably need a supportive companion through it all, especially to help you for the first week afterwards.

My surgeon had me reduce my dosage of estradiol two weeks before surgery until two weeks after. The change in estrogen made me extremely moody. I took a month off from seeing my kids until my face wasn't too banged up. The temporary hair loss really got me down and complicated my daily routine. And know that some surgeons are amazing, but they are not magicians. There is a limit to what they can do, geometrically, and middle-aged skin is not optimum.

I’m waiting until I have a bit more caboose before BA. I don’t want to look unbalanced, and I have never been much into boobs. I am told other people do not feel the same way...

[LeaP]

I'm really not in a position to answer all of your questions, but I can say that I had significant breast growth after the first year. (3 years yesterday.) I went from an A at best to a full C. While I'm pretty happy with that, it may not be enough to look proportional. I'll figure that out when I lose a few more pounds.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

...............Before I started transition, I made a plan outlining the time and budget for each item, and I put FFS a year out from starting HRT. The process of finding the right surgeon and scheduling the surgery put me two months beyond that anticipated date.

Few people will be supportive. Some will say don’t do it, “You are beautiful the way you are", some will say you’re being vain or shallow, some will be spiteful and say “Aren’t you lucky?”, and so on. My strategy was to stop telling people about the surgery unless they asked. ...

+1 very good advice and spot on

I was 48....my old lady skin notwithstanding it changed everything about my life for the better... I wish I was 'pretty" but that's just a wish... I wanted to "pass" and the surgery made that happen for me

[Jorja]

I don't know if I can add anything to what has already been said. You have been given some great advice. I do want to say that we don't really know what we want or need when contemplating FFS, even after seeing and hearing thousands of stories. We are not really sure what is even possible. Sure, we see things about our look that we don't think screams female. Yet, it may very well be. Assuming you chose a reputable plastic surgeon to do your FFS, you should think of him as a famous artist ready to put paint to canvas. He will see little things and know how to contour your face to make it what you want. Before I could even make a decision about what I wanted and could afford, I made an appointment with a doctor. Then, as a team, we set out to redo my mug. Once I knew what was possible it was much easier to make decisions. Also keep in mind, even though some of the procedures used are common to other people, they are designed specifically for your face and bone structure.

[PaulaQ]

I think it's totally reasonable to think about FFS and BA after 1 year on HRT. The women I know who've gotten FFS look fantastic, not just passable, but actually rather pretty. One of my friends, in particular, I watched go through the process, and while the individual changes made to her face were fairly subtle, the overall impact is quite dramatic - she's a gorgeous woman now, whereas before she was just "sorta mostly passable" All of the women I know who've had it done have told me that it has improved the quality of their lives.

I can't say how your face will change over the next year - mine has changed quite a lot over two years. I've been very surprised by it, honestly. I do think, judging by your photos over the year or so I've known you that you would probably benefit from FFS, and feel much more confident about yourself. I think you do have enough bony structure to your face that while another year or two on HRT will help continue to soften it, it probably won't get you where you want to be, either. (Again, I'm not a doctor, so please take what I say with a very large grain of salt.)

Is it a make or break thing for you? No, because you pass much of the time, but like my friend who I watched go through this, I believe you'd look and feel much better after doing this. This is just my opinion - and please don't take it negatively. You look good now, but I do honestly think your face would benefit from some FFS. I say this as your friend who cares about you. I would, at the very least, start researching doctors, and getting some opinions on what's possible for you.

I will say that you need to do a lot of research before you commit to an approach, and if possible, talk with more than one provider. There is real risk with plastic surgery to your face - we are incredibly sensitive to visual differences in faces. I'd certainly feel better with a given surgeon if they could show before / after example photos of girls with facial structures similar to my own. If you like what you see, that's probably your doc. I'd start by talking with women you know locally who have had FFS, talking to them about their doctor, their experience, before / after photos if they are willing to share them.

I also think it's important to be guided to some extent by your doctor, or other trans people who are very familiar with what can be done with FFS because you need unbiased opinions. Many of us are our own worst critics. I certainly am. I've always hated my face, and there are days when I am feeling dysphoric that I want the whole thing rebuilt. I have come to realize, particularly based on feedback from other trans people who know me, that in my case, anything I have done will probably be fairly subtle. One of my friends, who's been at this for several years now, suggested I needed some work on my nose, maybe a little on my cheek bones (maybe), eyelids, and a face-lift. Well hell, all of that stuff is exactly the same things my sister wants to have done to her face. So I guess should tone down the whole "break my face and rebuild it please" that I feel sometimes...

My point is that facial structures are pretty subtle, and for many of us, are emotions about our faces aren't. So having guidance and doing research really will serve you well. Finding people who are unbiased is difficult, as you point out. Many people fear your surgery going horribly wrong, or changing you to look unrecognizably different. Neither of those are terribly likely. Dear friends and loved ones are likely to tell you they love your face now, because they love you. You may need more work than you think, or less than you fear - I know that I am not the best judge of this for myself.

Other stuff to think about - if you are going to get FFS and also any type of hair replacement / transplants / hairline adjustments, do the FFS first. (Or at least talk to the surgeon you want to use about this.) I have a friend who did this in the opposite order - she did hair transplants, and the FFS she wants will affect her hairline to some extent, apparently, which now makes her unwilling to have FFS, because she hated the hair transplant process a whole lot, and she'd have to go through another round or two of it post-op.

Oh, as for breast augmentation - much like Dallas, there are an enormous number of cisgender women in L.A. who get breast augmentation. Just do it if you feel you need it - lots of other women do. (BTW, not everyone likes the outcome from BA, my HRT doc, who's also trans, didn't, and actually had her implants removed. I also think this is rare.)

[Dawn cd]

Not being a TS, I can't reply to most of your questions, but I would like to take on #3: How do you handle your friends? I don't know exactly what arguments your church-friends make against surgery, but it seems to me that changing your whole body chemistry via hormones is much more radical than modifying a part of your face or chest. Surgery, after all, is a limited, localized intervention rather than a systemic one. If you were disfigured in a car accident, would your friends oppose corrective surgery? As it is, you were disfigured in birth. Finally, if your friends are truly your friends, they will be your friends regardless.

[Badtranny]

It's risky. It's ALL risky.

I needed a lot of work to my face. My doc did everything he could think of at the time over the course of two trips and the results speak for themselves. I too wish I was prettier, but I don't wear makeup most of the time and my face along with a LOT of body work seems to pass just fine. Listen, there is a whole bunch of voodoo that goes into passing. Face by itself is a huge help, but a dude-bod, or a dude-voice, or being dude-tall will generally make people look at you a second time. Blending in with our GG sisters takes a commitment like nothing else you've ever done.

People who have met me can attest that I have left no surgical stone un-turned, and yet I'm still dangerously close to the edge. Bah, it is what it is.

[Barbara Dugan]

People who have met me can attest that I have left no surgical stone un-turned, and yet I'm still dangerously close to the edge. Bah, it is what it is.

I have met Melissa and I agree but also I should mention that she looks very natural and her body match her personality. Her surgeon did a marvelous job.

[Inna]

listen to your own voice! After all if you see your self in the mirror as inadequate that is how your whole day will follow....
As diverse and colorful trans community is, many rely on the good olde method, "soft delusion", to get through the day. God be my witness, I did just that! But despite the power of the dark side, I kept my sanity ( and my right hand...lol) and clearly understood that in order to live as frictionless life I had to step up and shape my avatar from hairs to toes.

FFS is an intrinsic part of that shaping. For almost anyone past 27 years old who had Pleasure being ravished by non other then Testosterone him self such surgery offers freedom of a first glance. However, as others have spoken, be careful as FFS it self will not fix all issues native to being and encompassing womanliness.

Humans are highly visual creatures devoting nearly 30% of brain computing power to the visual perception, FFS makes sense!!!

Hormones will come into play but only in the soft tissue of the face, the cranio-facial bone structure will remain fixed and even though fat can ease the harshness of masculinized face, it can not make the bone structure appear like that of a natal female.

Perfect example is Caitlin Jenner, she was on the hrt on and off since 80's and even though her face was feminised by the E and despite the nose job and long hair, she was still perceived as a feminine male. Only after an aggressive FFS did her face become visibly female. But her voice and awkward walk do give away.