Over after 16 years

[bonni]

My wife told me Sunday it's over divorce after 16 years. Not a big deal really. I've been expecting it. What got me was she told me she's hooking up with her ex that she hasn't seen in 32 years. And that he is moving in with us. She wants me to be all cool about it but it's not gonna happen.

[Sarasometimes]

If you own a home and live there with her I would get a lawyer ASAP! You need to know if she is allowed to do that in your state. Good Luck!

[Krisi]

No way my wife's lover is moving in with "us". See a good lawyer ASAP.

[geek]

If your name is the first on the lease/mortgage/deed then if he steps foot in the door with out your consent you can have the cops come and remove him. I wouldn't be cool about that kind of thing either.

[Teresa]

Bonni,
I guess it depends who owns the house, if it's joint then maybe she's saying live with the new situation or move out !
I have to agree with you no ex would live under my roof so someone has got to move out !
I assume your wife wants to divorce through your CDing ? In that case I hope she's not going to use it as leverage!

I can only hope you come out of it OK and can happily move on , best of luck !!

[kimdl93]

You certainly don't need to accommodate any of your soon to be ex wife's notions about the future. Get a lawyer, cut your losses and move on. It doesn't sound as though there was much keeping the two of you together.

[Yoshisaur]

I can't imagine anyone being cool about sharing a house with their soon to be ex wife and her ex. I wish you the best of luck bonni and hope you make it through this.

[Katey888]

Ouch! Sorry to hear that Bonni.... :hugs:

Like others here, I'd only be cool about getting a lawyer and maybe changing the locks... :cool:

Perhaps passing the classifieds of 'places to rent' to your soon-to-be ex might get her to see that her idea is not a completely equitable one... :facepalm:

Look after yourself first and foremost... deal with the fallout after. :)

Katey x

[Alice Torn]

Does the woman have no mercy? This sounds like selfishness, to the nth degree! If it is your house, tell her to hit the road jane!

[carhill2mn]

This sounds too familiar. After 43 years of marriage my wife said she was filing for a divorce. She, too, was going back to her ex with whom she had no contact for over 40 years. As with many couples we had our ups and downs. My CDing was an issue at times however, the year before her announcement had been a good one. I eventually learned that he had been telling her things that he knew she wanted to hear.

Amazingly, he told her he was not going to follow through with his divorce, etc. This really threw my wife for a loop. She was now committed to a divorce and had to make a lot of changes quickly. Needles to say, this caused our family a lot of grief. Much to my wife's dismay, my daughters and their husbands were not as upset about learning that I was a CD as they were about the divorce.

"Be careful what you ask for, you may get it".

[Megan b]

Hey Bonni, so sorry to hear about your pending divorce. It all sounds so familiar to me. My ex-wife and I separated after 22 years of marriage, took another 2 years to get divorced. Get a good lawyer.

[bonni]

I thank you all for your advice and condolisences.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Bonni, This sounds like the plot for a bad B grade movie, Get a good lawyer quickly.:hugs:

[Robin414]

I've seen this happen to a couple friends (no CD involved at all) and it's pretty f...ed up to say the least, this is I think an example of 'female privilege' but seriously lawyer up and I wish you the best but brace for the worst!!

[docrobbysherry]

Calif. is a separate property state, Bonni. Who bought the house? Who's been making the house payments for 16 years? Who's the bread winner of the 2 of u? Divorces in Cal. r pretty straight forward if child custody isn't an issue.

If there's no substantial equity in your home, it doesn't matter much. Pack up your stuff and let her and her ex have it! And, you're free!

[bonni]

It's a rental. Lease is over and were on month to month. I've made the bread all 16 years. No child.

[Piora]

It really sounds like your wife is trying to punish you, as I assume she knows you CD, or are perhaps transitioning, and that was a major factor in your marriage woes? Yes, do as most here suggest: get a lawyer and understand your rights.

[lily1974]

If its only a rental/lease then you should be fine. Most landlords are understanding of divorce and will allow one of the parties to back out in that case with no reprocutions. Just remove your name and move on. I know it sounds harsh but its the easiest way.

As for the divorce I am sorry to hear. It always sucks to hear someone going through one. However life does go on and things will get better. Having two ex's I know this first hand.

[sometimes_miss]

If its only a rental/lease then you should be fine. Most landlords are understanding of divorce and will allow one of the parties to back out in that case with no repercussions.
Take no chances. See a lawyer. And don't move out until you have everything in order. My ex did all kinds of things trying to get me to move out first, I later found out all the things that would go against me for abandonment, she was trying to screw me over. Be safe. Talk to a lawyer. You're going to need one anyway, start asking around. I got mine from a friend at work; I had no idea how many people had been divorced, I got lots of referrals. Good luck.

[OCCarly]

If you are renting and on month to month, then it is time for you to give the landlord notice, pack up and go. However, one word of caution: If you have been married 16 years and you are making all the money, there may be spousal support issues.

If the boyfriend moves in and pays her expenses or shares expenses with her, this could help you with the spousal support calculation. But you really need to talk to a lawyer about this. So +1 on seeing a lawyer ASAP.

[MelanieAnne]

It's a rental. Lease is over and were on month to month. I've made the bread all 16 years. No child.

Just ask to have your name taken off the deal, if the lease is over. Then move out. She's clearly trying to hurt you. Let her ex pay her bills from now on. Cancel the credit cards now, before she maxs them out. Then get out, preferably when she's not home. She could accuse you of anything, assault, and get you arrested. It happened to a friend of mine. His wife made a false accusation. He was arrested and held over the weekend. Case was thrown out by the judge. When he got home, her kids had rented a Uhaul truck and cleaned out the house and changed the locks. Time to shift into survival mode. You have no idea what women are capable of when it's over.

[AmandaM]

I'd put in my notice and go live somewhere else. If not, if she moves in her Ex, move in a crack hoe. Why not.

[Tracii G]

If the rent is reasonable and less than what the going rate is in the area kick her butt out and make her BF find a place and keep her up if he wants her so bad.
If you don't really like the place then move out.
Really sorry you are going thru this but right now you can be the ahole and it won't matter is she gets pissed.

P.S. Can you tell I really hate both of my ex's for cheating on me.LOL

[Diane1950]

First of all, as the others have said, get a good lawyer. Then move out of the house and get the divorce, then force her and Lover Boy to either buy out your share or move out and let you buy her out.

[MelanieAnne]

then force her and Lover Boy to either buy out your share or move out and let you buy her out.

You must have missed this part.


It's a rental. Lease is over and were on month to month. I've made the bread all 16 years. No child.