Telling a coworker?

[Ashley_K]

I'm definitely not out at work (office environment), but sometimes I feel like telling a close female coworker who would probably be supportive and it would be nice to have someone to talk to in person in the place I spend so much of my time. Plus, she's a good dresser and I'd love to ask her for tips! In general, I think there are probably more reasons not to than to, but I wanted to throw it out there and see what's what. Go!

[Junius]

Best of luck to you friend. The thought has crossed my mind too. I have yet to act on it though.

[nikki2014]

I've thrown small hints every once in a while at women and see how the take it. I still haven't found anyone to tell but you can usually tell by their reaction how they'd take it. For example, you're nails look nice. Sometimes I'd get a response of you wanna go and get a pedi. I'm like sure lets go. And then they'd laugh it off. Or I'd make a comment on shoes. Those are some nice shoes, are they comfortable? Small little things like that and see how they take it. See how it works.

[Katie01]

I think most, if not all of us have a desire to disclose our inner feelings with others. I would ask, do you share other "secrets" with this person? Do you talk about other personal or intimate things with each other? If yes GREAT! There is nothing like the feeling of acceptance. On the other hand, you may be burdening your friend with YOUR secret, which they may not want. Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

[CONSUELO]

Do be careful. Even very good friends at work might take your revelation badly. I hope not, but be very cautious. I wish I could offer you a neutral opening gambit to test the waters but I don't have one. Perhaps someone else here can suggest a good tactic. Just asking about fashion and style might be a good way to start.

[Krisi]

My usual advice is to keep your crossdressing and your job as far apart as possible. You need your job to support you, your family and your crossdressing. Even if you think you have some sort of legal protection, it can still cause problems at work.

There is no good reason to tell co-workers that you are a crossdresser and many good reasons not to.

[Taylor186]

As far as people to talk to about CDing goes, my wife knows and that is enough for me. But, we rarely talk about my CDing. I'd never try it out at the workplace as that is just too much risk for me.

[Alleybee]

It all depends, once you have confided then it is beyond your control what happens next.

[Candice June Lee]

I sit on the fence of to do or not to do in the telling department. Lots of good advise here. I haven't yet don't plan on it either. Which is why pedicures and such are done in the town sixty miles away. As bad been said, lots of reasons not to such as once you do, your have no control over the spread of what our who may find out next. And remember you need that job.

[kimdl93]

Mmmmm, unless you're friends outside of work, I'd resist that temptation.

[Eryn]

Secrets once told cannot be untold.

My criteria is that the telling of the secret has to benefit at least one of us without hurting either. In the case of the co-worker, she has the new responsibility of keeping your secret but what does she gain from it?

[Alexa Lynne]

Not a good idea! You can't trust anyone, i don't care who they are. . . I told 2 female coworkers of mine. I worked with one for 2 and a half years, and the other for 9 months. I trusted both of them, and they outed me to the boss, which in turned accused me of stealing money, and terminated me. So, i've been unemployed since July 9th.

[chelyann]

think twice and then dont do it
it wont end well , unemployed is not a good thing

[STACY B]

Be careful,, The only person in the world I thought of EVER telling even way before I was married was my sister,, After a life time of hiding it and having a good relationship with her and after long long time of thinking about it I ended up telling the one and only person in the world I knew,, I mean I knew for a FACT that of all people in the World she would get it and accept me for me I was Wrong,, Havent talk to her in 2 YEARS !!!! Beware,, Joking and really knowing for sure are 2 different things.

Just giving a word of Caution,, Chix love to clown around and make guys feel weird about fem stuff, They kinda get off on it some times,, But really being interested in Fem stuff freaks them out, Kinda like invading there secrete female space, Even being trans you have to wait years and years and may never get into that club,,lol,, It is harder than getting into the Safe Haven club here,,,lol,, Just word to the wise,, Just saying !

[Debb]

I so badly want to do this very thing.

I am early in transition, having just started HRT yesterday, but I've been long in the dysphoria department. I've come out to all in my life with the exception of co-workers.

I work for a larger company, and live within ten miles of work, as do many of my co-workers. I spend roughly half my time as Deb (concessions to a wife who's trying to come along but is having a hard time). Of that half, I do spend some time at malls, out shopping for groceries, etc. The chance of being seen by one of my colleagues is not nil.

In fact, I'm pretty sure I was seen at the Pride festival. Our booth was about five booths down from my company's booth, and I know I saw a few colleagues there ... an aside, isn't it funny how you can be out as gay and it's not a problem at work, but you do have to be nervous about being mid-transition and being out ... I haven't heard of any rumors, so if anyone noticed me, I'm sure they just chose to be "chill" about it.

A couple close co-workers would almost definitely be accepting and supportive. However, my company recently announced some coming layoffs, and holding onto your job has become a more desirable thing .. therefore, a possibly more competitive thing. So I am delaying until I go full-time, by which time many of my co-workers will sadly be gone.

[Marcelle]

Hi Ashely,

I guess it really comes down to a few salient points: (1) How well do you know this person; (2) What level of trust do you have with this person; and (3) worst case scenario she tells others . . . How will this effect you on a personal, social and professional level? If you are not concerned that others may find out then by all means share and enjoy. However, if this getting out will have detrimental effects on your life, I think it might be wise to just keep it to yourself.

Cheers

Isha

[Tracii G]

In a work environment you could cause more harm than good IMO.
I understand the urge to tell but is it in your best interest to do so?

[Robin414]

I think I tend to agree with many posts in that the best answer is DON'T unless you're seriuosly contemplating being TG (but that's a different forum I think😯) although Isha has some good logical advice IMHO.

[Jonithan]

First off, thanks for this thread. I've thought about doing this but never pulled the trigger. Some very good points to reconsider. The urge builds stronger to just let your secret out and see what happens. I get caught up in the fog and forget to weigh the pros and cons. At times I get so frustrated at work I feel like leaving for good but then I ask myself, "Do I like what I do?" "Do I like what this job has afforded me?" Would I be willing to start all over at the bottom? Yes, yes, and no. So I measured twice and cut once. I've decided my work life has no benefit in knowing about me. My neighbor on the other hand....

joni

[Ashley_K]

Thank you all for the discussion! I figured there would be some other people who also thought about telling a coworker :) Yeah, I really liked the points that I need my job to support my cross dressing, and burdening her with a secret... And it's not 100% given she'd appreciate it. I think I'm gonna keep my mouth shut. My CD friend said he wouldn't come out until at a minimum our state had legal protections for TG. The fog was especially thick the day I initially pondered this idea. DARN YOU, FOG! And thank you, forums!

Is there anything that would make you all DEFINITELY tell a coworker?

[Alice_2014_B]

I've really wanted to tell a really cool co-worker in my squadron, and show him some pictures. I've shown a co-worker in my squadron, but I already knew she was beyond cool. I've had absolutely no issues since. I even sent her some pictures, she says I look hot.
:)

[MelanieAnne]

This thread has been pretty well worked over, but I'll add my two cents. DON"T DO IT. It's not just your co worker you have to worry about. You don't know who else she might tell, maliciously, or accidentally. It could just happen over drinks after work. "Loose lips, sink ships"! "Here's some gossip for you. Fred in accounting is a crossdresser". "Cool! Let's post it on Facebook. I never liked him".

[grace7777]

In a job I recently left, I did tell a coworker, but only after she asked me. Nothing happened as a result of that, except now she knows for sure. Now if someone asks I will tell them, but for most people I do not volunteer the information.

[Robin414]

Is there anything that would make you all DEFINITELY tell a coworker?

If I had 6 mo to live kinda thing or if I decide I'm TG then it would be an FU thing, wanna fight after school, we'll go! 😠

[AbigailJordan]

I'm with Grace on this one. I don't volunteer the information, but would have no problem standing proud and telling anyone who asked.

As you can imagine with long well manicured nails and my hair growing longer I have been subjected to the odd money supermarket comment.. or jokes about "only at the weekend" and so on. I find myself now challenging those comments.. I ask the person if they have a point they're trying to make.. the vast majority back down very quickly for fear of offending.

The day one actually has the courage to ask "Do you have the wardrobe to go with those nails" I will smile and say "no.. I have THREE wardrobes to go with them".

Don't rush to release the beast.. but if it ever is released, make sure you're prepared to totally own it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Ashley, See #3 in my signature line.:daydreaming:

[MissTee]

A number of years ago and well before diversity awareness and support in the workplace were present, a good friend of ours revealed to a co-worker he was gay. Not a problem and she acted supportive. All along he made it clear he wanted it kept private.

Fast forward a few years and he became her boss. She used "their secret" against him and the ensuing fall out was terrible. I have so many other stories of similar workplace drama I could share, but it's for those reasons I choose to separate work and the people there from any private proclivities.

[Ashley_K]

Yeah it's this stuff that scares the crap out of me!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

It's crazy to think this is a good thing if you are only crossdressing.
My response might be that's cool, but also "why are you telling me this??"
Why at work?

Makeup tips? MAC counter
Dressing tips? Any sales associate

Sure some people may be cool about it, but you can never untell a secret and sharing intimate secret details is hugely unprofessional

[BiancaEstrella]

At my longest-tenured job, two co-workers knew and were awesome about it. I've had three full-time jobs since, and never gotten the inclination to tell a soul at any of them.