6 degrees of separation is it true?

[Launa]

Hi gang, I haven't been around in a long time.

Whenever I go out I am always on the lookout for anybody that might know me, see me, recognize me, my car, blah blah let the fear begin..... If you know what I mean. We all know that its extremely rare to come face to face with somebody you know when your fully dressed but heres my story.

I went to a party 6 weeks ago to a friend of mine that has now gone full time and has started the road to transition MTF. She was having a BBQ and I showed up late to it. I parked my car and saw a bunch of folks in the park by my friends house so I jumped out and joined them playing lawn darts. There were some folks like me, straight folks, gay, elderly, young etc... We were playing, having a good time and after I threw a few darts my eyes caught this company vehicle parked next to the park. I locked eyes on the vehicle as I knew it well. I then said I need to go inside to everybody I was playing with. I got inside my friends house where there was a bunch of folks all over the place. I looked around to see if I knew anybody and there was one person I wasn't sure of.... My good friends were busy yaking it up with folks so I couldn't talk to them and I left the party. I texted my friend and said I have to leave as I have a problem. My friend called back within seconds to say "whats wrong?" I told her theres a company vehicle outside that I know well and I'm not sure if they might be at your party or what. My friend say well I'm not sure but I'm going to ask around who if anybody in my house owns that vehicle. She then said my neighbor is having a party and is in the same line of business a you. Come to think of it my neighbour Joe Smith must have someone over that owns the vehicle.
When my friend said the name "Joe Smith" which is not the real name of this guy my mouth dropped as I knew the name very well..... I worked with Joe Smith for a few years and little did I know he lives 2 doors down from my friend and across the street. My good friend said that must be it, now come back to the party. I said ok and hung up the phone. Once I hung up I started yelling in my car you're an idiot you risk everything to do this. Why can't you be normal and collect baseball cars or something instead of doing this, saying to myself your an asshole why do you risk it all for this? Why can't you control it in the closet. I drove back to the party and went inside at first they laughed at me but then lots of people I've never met came up and said I know exactly what happened and what its like. Its all good we're with you.
So long and short of it when I go out I often think I'm in another world but its not always the case. Here I was at a party and 2 doors away was another party with a lot of people I currently work with were there.

One day I will bloddy well walk without fear anywhere without this BS. One day


Launa

[Robin414]

Wow, never thought of it but I can see how it can happen...I'm so freaked out now 😰 Ah, whatever? Life's too short to sweat it, right? 😯

[Launa]

Yes life is too short to sweat stuff. The thing is I said days later had I not recognized the company vehicle then I wouldn't have been any wiser. Living a complete lie being locked in the closet and never going out would drive me insane.

[Shelly Preston]

I understand what you mean about the car. I am kind of expecting someone to ask who the redhead driving my car was. Luckily I do have a friend who is a redhead.

There is something with in us that means we have to get out and about as the person we are.

[Teresa]

Launa,
Maybe you're getting to the age when these things don't matter as much ! I keep saying that we're not the only CDers besides if some one finds out, what they say and do is not going to take away your feelings or stop you wanting to dress. I'm glad you went back to the party and found how supportive your friends are ! Retreating back into the closet isn't going to help you mentally now that you are out and mostly accepted .

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Luna, It's mind over matter, If you don't mind then it doesn't matter.:hugs:

I drive a very average car but it has special tags on it.:daydreaming:

[I Am Paula]

Long before I even considered my self TS, I went wherever I pleased. I ran into friends, and co-workers all the time. They never recognized me. Their minds are programmed to recognize you as they see you every day. Put on boobs, and long hair, and they will never make the connection.

[Marcelle]

Hi Launa,

Before coming out to friends and family, I had several "OMG" moments when I turned a corner in a store or street and ran right into someone I knew. If they paid attention at all, I might have got a funny . . . "Hmm that's a dude" look but nobody recognized me as me and if they did, well they never said anything.

Cheers

Isha

[Krisi]

If you do it right, crossdressing should make you unrecognizable without additional hints. Hints like walking out of your house and getting into your car, driving around in a distinctive vehicle or with a distinctive license plate, walking side by side with your wife, having a distinctive tattoo, etc..

It helps, of course to be dressed for the time and place so a short miniskirt, six inch heels and overdone makeup in the park in the middle of the day is going to draw attention.

That said, if you're hanging around for a while with them, they might figure it out, especially if you speak to them.

[Rogina B]

Other than "vehicle recognition" [if you were alone] I doubt the person would instantly make you. After all,you were headed to a TG party that was held by your coworker's neighbor. He had already made up his mind about your host previously,so why take any interest in her friends? I think you over did the worrying. If being out and about in girl mode is important to your inner happiness,then there will always be situations like this while you are still closeted. Are "your business associates" really that vicious or would they just share a laugh at your expense? Some may be envious of your bravery and not laugh at all...

[Sarah Beth]

I have always found it interesting how you can run into people you know at the strangest places and far from home. Just last summer I was in a Penny's store three hours from how with a handful of scarfs and panties when I ran into a former teacher and neighbor and his wife from home. We said our hellos and he made a comment about what I was holding and I said yeah my wife and grand daughter are around here somewhere I guess you haven't seen them.

One time not so long ago I was in the airport in Washington DC and ran into someone I knew. I thought how amazing is that. The I was on my plane headed out when someone in the seat behind me spoke to me. It turned out to be someone I knew from graduate school.

You never know who will turn up and where, after my experience last summer it is, as has been suggested here already, if you don't mind it doesn't matter the trick is to not mind it.

[Nadine Spirit]

If you do it right, crossdressing should make you unrecognizable without additional hints.

Wow, you just have a way with words, huh?

To the OP - I too have been freaked out over simply lar circumstances but after facing those fears, and having nothing happen, repeatedly, I am much more confident now. Good luck in the future!

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm kind of at the same stage as you, but have fewer actual things to fear, but old habits die hard. It's not the 6th degree of separation that I'm worried about, it's the first and second. I've retired so there are no current co-workers to run into and if I encountered someone I used to work with the worst they could do would be out me to people who don't really matter in my life any longer. I'm trying to build the courage to come out to my adult children so they will understand why I like my privacy and what they find in the closet should I have an accident of some sort. Still, there aren't that many risks left and I've not found a way to be comfortable yet. Yet. I'm working on it and it sounds like you are as well, and I believe that is the important part for now.

[Danitgirl1]

I had a TERRIFYING situation when we last went out. We were in a local mall and I nearly bumped (literally) into a work colleague. I freaked out internally but stayed calm. Tried losing her, only to walk right past her again in another aisle of the shop... Then later that same day we walked right past a second colleague...
Neither if them seemed to notice let alone recognise me, but I still felt very uncomfortable for a while...

[Robinadress]

I always look ahead of me to see if I see someone I know when out dressing. After staying out for a longer period I get more and more relaxed and I am not so concerned any more. I know for shore that most crossdressers will not be recognized if they meet someone they know outside. When I was wearing a wig and makeup I passed some people I know occasionally but they didn’t have clue who they met.

I am proud of you that you did go back to the party again. I think we all have to live with a calculated risk that we can meet someone we know that will recognize us. It is a risk we have to take, at least it is a risk I am willing to take just to be able to be myself.

Thank you for a nice story!

[carhill2mn]

Sure, things like this can and do happen. However, if your feminine presentation is good, it is highly unlikely that any one will recognize you in an unfamiliar setting.

Many years ago when I was first going out en femme I went to a choir concert. As I came into the church a good friend of mine from the choir in which I sang greeted me at the door. He was a greeter. We exchanged pleasantries and I proceeded to get my ticket and enjoy the concert. A couple of weeks later I sat next to him at coffee after choir and he had no idea that he had seen me en femme.

I have had other similar experiences. The secret is not to over react and just go about acting normal for your presentation. Of course, you may not want to get into an extended one-on-one conversation with this person.

[Launa]

Long before I even considered my self TS, I went wherever I pleased. I ran into friends, and co-workers all the time. They never recognized me. Their minds are programmed to recognize you as they see you every day. Put on boobs, and long hair, and they will never make the connection.

Wow that is amazing that you ran into friends and they never recognized you!


Other than "vehicle recognition" [if you were alone] I doubt the person would instantly make you. After all,you were headed to a TG party that was held by your coworker's neighbor. He had already made up his mind about your host previously,so why take any interest in her friends? I think you over did the worrying. If being out and about in girl mode is important to your inner happiness,then there will always be situations like this while you are still closeted. Are "your business associates" really that vicious or would they just share a laugh at your expense? Some may be envious of your bravery and not laugh at all...

Ro, just for clarity on my story. There happened to be 2 parties going on the same street!!!! My friends party and my ex coworkers party..... My friend that is transitioning used to be good friends with my ex coworker but now that my Trans friend has decided to go full time my ex coworker Joe Smith will not talk to my friend anymore.
The fellow I worked with years ago Joe Smith is VERY, VERY well respected in my business circles. He is known, known, known in my city and looked up to by the younger generations. The company vehicle I recognized was my "current co workers" that I actually manage on a daily basis and other business associates were attending this party 2 doors away from mine. I probably manage up to half of the people attending that other party on a daily basis!!!!!!! Lots of those guys that were at my ex coworkers barberque are from the middle east. They don't understand this type of behavior at all.
It would not have ended well!

But it ended well all the same!

[Robin414]

If you do it right, crossdressing should make you unrecognizable without additional hints. Hints like walking out of your house and getting into your car, driving around in a distinctive vehicle or with a distinctive license plate....

I drive my Bentley Continental GT with the 'Butch Manlington' license plate when en femme all the time and the neighbors just think I'm 'his' mistress! OK, maybe not 😆

[I Am Paula]

Wow that is amazing that you ran into friends and they never recognized you!

I went to downtown Toronto once, couldn't find parking near where I was going, so I parked in Visitor Parking of my parent's building. I cut thru the lobby, past my parents, and the door man. That was too close for comfort, but no turned heads.

[Jenniferathome]

People you know are not expecting to see a female you. It would take a real face to face encounter and probably a conversation to place you. The radar is simply not tuned to think "Bob" and "cross dresser".

[sometimes_miss]

If you do it right, crossdressing should make you unrecognizable without additional hints..
I think that may only apply if you're somewhere in the five to maybe five foot ten height range. Above that, we're pretty much gonna get clocked because eyes are going to be drawn to us anyway, looking for other telltale signs like big feet, hands, jawline, etc.. And if you have a male athletic shoulder and neck physique at all, it's pretty much a given.

[Danitgirl1]

Yes sometimes_miss, you may get clocked as a dude in a dress/trans or whatever, but it is unlikely that your acquaintance will realise that the Harriet they are seeing is the same Harry that they know UNLESS there is something else to contextualise us (our car, our partner, our glasses etc). As long as there is no third party verification going on our presentation is usually sufficient to disguise us.

[Kelsey21]

Well, to answer the original question, No, the six degrees isn't true. With social media and the Internet, it's more like three degrees now.

[chinabrown]

Far more people then most people do so there more of a chance for a three degree of separation with the supernodes.

I am a supernode. I known people from all around worldwide.

Tg/ts have a history of poverty as a result of the life style so therefore I MUST KEEP IT IN THE CLOSET with people who are not in the community and trusted.