So, what are your plans for surgery?

[Donnagirl]

“So, what are you plans for surgery? Are you contemplating anything within the next 18 months?”

24 hours ago my doctor asked me this. In that moment it really hit me… This s**t just got real! It was supposed to be a regular check-up, the second one I’d had since commencing a low dose HRT regime, pretty much targeted at giving me stability. In that six month period I have found a calmness and stability I’ve not experienced in many years. I’ve made many new friends, one being my doctor who transitioned herself some years ago. She often attends the social functions arranged by our group or that we attend including the Ball in Melbourne last month. She only sees ‘boy me’ at her practice and then only because I head there from work, she knows Donna so much better.

We had a really good talk… I did discuss another trip to the psych because I was feeling a little lost. I realised that over the past I don’t know how many years, I wasn’t living. I was only existing. I struggled, I really struggled in those early days coming to grips with accepting this part of me, and I must apologise for being a whiny b***ch, but this last six months have changed everything. I am now living, really living. Whilst I may present male only at work now, I don’t think ‘he’s’ been in charge for quite a while now. I was beginning to question what I saw the future holding. I had used the term transition light, a slow path, marking time… Recent trips have put paid to that idea.

Being 24/7, even for the short periods of time I have been able to experience have really given me the taste for the good life, the girl life. I’m starting to hate changing back into boy… So… it’s time to up the ante, up the dose, step through the looking glass and see how deep this rabbit hole goes… So I’m changing to an implant and doubling my spiro dose. That should be enough to start to see some changes.

So whilst I did not have a definitive answer to the questions posed, I guess the slippery slope just got a whole lot slipperier…

[charlenesomeone]

Donna, once I get the meds going , my plan is start at the top. Fixing outward appearance, removing hair and adding hair, hehe. Then FFS when that is done. Since my insurance covers SRS and BA, that for now is the last on the list.

[I Am Paula]

I've been waffling on this subject for so long my friends, and my Drs. are beginning to wonder about me.
I have all my approvals for SRS. I've spoken to Dr. Brassard at length, and even been given a few surgery dates. His office calls and says that they need a check to hold my date, and I put it off again. Particularly, my trans friends think I'm nuts cause I have the money, I could mail off a check today.
I want SRS, and I need it.
Why am I not on a plane to Montreal?
SRS is inevitable, and I'm not getting any younger.

[Peggie Lee]

My SRS is in 72 days with Dr. Marci Bowers I got my date in April 2014 and
It's taken its sweet time getting here. Last November I had Rinoplasty by Dr. Joel Beck
And after SRS will have him do some more feminization to the face and body.

Peggy

[Leah Lynn]

I want the surgeries... I just have to wait until the funds are available for each. My insurance won't pay for anything to do with being trans, so it's all out of pocket, other than the endo and therapy that I get through the VA. I may not live long enough to get there, but it might happen. Even if the odds are in favor of pigs flying first.

Leah

[karenpayneoregon]

My SRS is in 72 days with Dr. Marci Bowers I got my date in April 2014 and
It's taken its sweet time getting here. Last November I had Rinoplasty by Dr. Joel Beck
And after SRS will have him do some more feminization to the face and body.

Peggy
Marci does great work so you are in great hands.

[kimdl93]

Frankly , undergoing such an invasive procedure genuinely frightens me, as does SRS. The recovery, risk of infection and, honestly/sadly, my age all make me think this simply isn't in the cards for me.

[whowhatwhen]

I kinda worry some times.
I definitely want SRS but I'm also on rather rough immune suppressants that I worry would complicate surgery and or recovery.

There's that terrified voice in me saying "what if I'm in the 1% that has complications?"
Especially since SRS is basically a one shot kind of thing.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

surgery is not important right now..(18 months)..

at this point you are playing house and trying to figure out what that means to you..
the hormones seem to be helpful and you are having feelings about the "good life" vs the "boy" life... thats whats going on in real time...surgery will come or it won't, it will matter or it won't..
first off you need to figure out what you are doing with your time outside of dressing...

if you are serious about living as a woman all the time you'll find that as empowering and validating as it is, its not all the good life, and as I'm sure you read here all the time the costs can range from low to very very high.

in my opinion a much better focus question for you is "am i going to actually live as a woman anytime in the next 18 months" and if yes, then what is my best plan to make it happen and happen well..

[karenpayneoregon]

Frankly , undergoing such an invasive procedure genuinely frightens me, as does SRS. The recovery, risk of infection and, honestly/sadly, my age all make me think this simply isn't in the cards for me.
Age should not matter if one is in good health, I had GRS six months ago at the age of 58. Had to have an extra stich put in after my first check-up three hours after surgery, other than that all went fine.

[Peggie Lee]

All our needs and wants very with each one of us, I am 66 and since the age of 9 knew what I truly was female.
As far as risks I am well aware of what they are, I will not die as a male if this kills me I will by happy to die as a woman.
That said I don' see this as that risky and plan to live a long and useful life as a woman.

[Kate T]

None. I have no intention to have any surgeries.

Personally I think surgery should be regarded as a tool. A surgeon has very specific set of criteria that they will use to assess whether a surgery has been successful. Specifically they will be looking at has the surgery healed well, is the anatomy on healing a close approximation of the pre op planned anatomy, is any planned functionality achieved (e.g. urination). I say and know this as someone who does surgery every day, albeit on animals. It is NOT the surgeons job to make you happy! If the surgical outcomes achieved by a surgeon make you happy then that is great, BUT we need to remember that surgery in and of itself does not make us happy.

Before anyone gets up in arms about needing surgery please be patient and read on because I completely agree with you. IF surgery in and of itself does not make us happy then what does? What makes us happy is love and acceptance, firstly from ourselves, secondly from our loved ones and those important to us, and finally from society. For some TS I believe they have such significant body dysphoria that they cannot love and accept themselves without surgery to address that dysphoria. Surgery however does not "make" them women, they already are women, women with a body dysphoria and pain that as a society we can treat with surgery. For others, despite identifying and feeling they are women or female, there is not such a significant body dysphoria and consequently they do not regard surgery as a necessary treatment for themselves.

So to expand on my first statement I do not intend to have any surgery. Psychologically I personally do not need it to be and live as a woman. There are many different types of women out there, there are women with big breasts, small breasts, some with one breast or no breasts, there are tall and short women, women with big noses and angular faces. There are even some women with facial hair. I am merely a woman with some slightly unusual anatomy between my legs. As what is between my legs is no-ones business other than my wife's then it has absolutely no bearing on whether I am or should be accepted as a woman by society. Consequently I have no personal, relationship or social need to have surgery to make me happy. BUT that is just me. I will fully support anyone who needs to have surgery provided they understand surgery is just a tool. For some a necessary tool, but a tool nonetheless.

[Jorja]

NONE!!!! They have chopped and hacked all I am willingly going to allow them to. The next time it will have to be a life saving emergency.

[whowhatwhen]

Personally, I'd like to have 3 vaginas installed.
If only science could advance at a quicker pace :(

[Suzanne F]

I am in the process of scheduling SRS with Dr Satterwhite of Brownstein and Crane. I hope next June. I at some point will also have BA done. Currently I am having laser treatment and am fighting my insurance company over electrolysis in preparation for SRS.
Suzanne

[LeaP]

I am sitting in a neurosurgeon's exam room as I read the latest on this thread. My next surgery just may be a discectomy...

[Michelle789]

I'm contemplating getting FFS. I'm not sure what will have to be done, but there's a good chance I will need some jaw and chin work. I've been facing the challenge of trying to get any objective feedback. Either people think

- I pass well and don't need FFS. Most of these people cannot even fathom why people would mis-gender me. I get this from within the trans community, and from cis people too. Cis people just don't understand passing or dysphoria.

- Why do you want to pass? Mostly trans people, and occasionally cis people, who really think that passing is not important. They really think that being transgender is normal and acceptable today. The number of times I was called "sir" in the past two months tells me otherwise. The number of transwomen who have been murdered tells me why passing is so damn important. It's literally a "pass or die" world out there.

- Your face is beautiful just the way it is. Again from both trans people, and possibly cis people. Cis people don't understand gender dysphoria. They don't understand when I look in a mirror and see a man staring me back at my face. Some trans people and cis people will say "just accept your body the way it is."

- They'll give me objective feedback on why I don't pass and on what FFS I might need, but also throw in there poison. I had someone tell me that I'll never pass. I had another transwoman tell me that my voice is freakishly deep and that I'll never talk like a woman without vocal chord surgery. She also told me that my forehead makes me look like Frankenstein.

- The only objective criticism came from a couple of people on this forum, who made suggestions by looking at my photos. Still photos don't tell us everything. Some people may look better, or worse, in photos, than they do in real life. These observations are a good start, but I would love to find such objective criticism from someone in real life, who can give me recommendations without throwing in poison. Someone who can say, yes "your jawline needs to be reconstructed", but you have nice legs, or small hands, or a great feminine personality. I believe this is called "soft delusion" where I focus on what I do have to keep me at bay until I can get the surgery. Otherwise, I have every potential to be unhappy until I get the surgery. I would love it if someone who has had a similar jawline or facial structure to mine got FFS (including jawline reconstruction or jawline contouring) who can tell me all about there experience. How they felt about themselves before and after. And how people treat them before and after.

Anyways, I'm not definitely getting FFS at this time. I'm feeling okay right now. But I am definitely going to try to find someone who has had FFS done in my local trans community. I will eventually consult 2-3 FFS doctors and get their opinions. I have a long way to go until I decide if I'm even getting FFS, but it's something I'm seriously considering.

[PretzelGirl]

Lea, I am sorry. That kind of surgery is last resort to me as recovery is tough.

Michelle, I have come to the opinion that objective input is either impossible or ill defined. The impossible is that many people have trouble either making comments as they feel they might be rude or they can be so picky, it is unrealistic. The ill defined is that when you do get some input, it is through that person's perspective of what you should look like or sound like. My opinion, only what you think matters. Otherwise you will swirl around in a mess of comments that either stack up on each other or contradict each other. It is tough to get there. I think I have settled that I am okay with my looks at this point and I think I am getting there on voice. I have only been misgendered on sound once in many months and it was a 4 year old girl two weekends ago. And it barely bothered me. I would say it didn't, but I told the story twice to friends, so it stuck a little. So decide what works for you and how you get there and don't worry about a flood of input. It will just keep you from settling in.

[Michelle789]

@Sue, Thank you for your post. I see several problems.

1. People may see something that is "off" about the way I look, talk, walk, behave, or think, but have trouble saying anything to me because they don't want to hurt my feelings. Plenty of decent human beings are like this.

2. People may literally not see anything that is glaringly "off" about the way I look, talk, walk, behave, or think. I mean, seriously, lots of women have angular jawlines. It doesn't make them men, nor does it make them unattractive. Lots of women walk like men, have male behavior, male interests, or stereotypical male ways of thinking. Most cis-women aren't getting clocked as trans or dudes in dresses because of it. On the other hand, maybe we as transwomen give off just a few too many of these cues so people clock us, while cis-women generally give off fewer masculine cues. Oh, and cis women definitively know they're women. Transwomen might have lack of confidence in our identities, or be fearing getting clocked. Ciswomen don't fear getting clocked. Sometimes, people read this fear and clock us on our fear of getting clocked.

3. Transwomen can be exceptionally picky towards the way we look. We are, after all, gender dysphoric. And we feel anything masculine about us can make us feel dysphoric. It goes to the point of where transwomen decide to get their jaws cracked open and re-constructed, wear only dresses, makeup is a must, wear only long hair, overdo it with the female mannerisms. We might even try to suppress stereotypical male personality traits or ways of thinking. I personally, for one thing, do this because I only wear dresses and skirts, and hardly ever wear pants. I also do this by downplaying my math, logic, and programming skills. While these skills are useful for my job, and I might let my guard down in front of Cody, I have purposely avoided math or logic or technical discussions with male friends who knew me as a guy, while before transitioning I was more likely to engage in them. Why am I so hung up on avoiding math or logic discussions? I feel it reinforces maleness, so I try to avoid guyish behavior. And tech talk is definitely considered to be guyish behavior in our culture. Sometimes transwomen project their own insecurities onto other transwomen. We can be our own worst critics, and we might point out our own flaws and project them onto another transwoman.

4. Some cis people, especially really transphobic people, may be on the lookout for male gender cues. This is especially true since Caitlyn Jenner came out. They may nitpick like a transwomen does, and they may vocalize their opinions more or at least "sir" us more.

5. Some people, cis or trans, simply like to say things to hurt people. Someone who is highly insecure with themselves, or lacks empathy, may do this. They may make up something that isn't even true, or exxagerate the truth, just because they feel some deep need to hurt us. Once again, they may be projecting their fears on us.

I think passing or getting clocked is totally dependent on the whole package: looks, voice, behavior, walk, mannerisms, thinking. If the whole package is mostly feminine, a few masculine gender cues may be overlooked. If too many masculine gender cues are being given off, we might get clocked.

So yeah, sugar coating, not noticing anything glaringly off about us, nitpicking, and projecting insecurities, may cause people to not give an accurate assessment of us. We also may have trouble judging ourselves, since we often are our own worst critics. So maybe the only answer is a long-term paying attention to how I am treated by others, and what I see when I look in the mirror. But even this is subject to our own, often negative, bias. Yeah, deciding whether or not to get FFS is quite difficult, isn't it?

Also, people can be given in way too much to their feelings, or not enough into their feelings.

[stefan37]

It wasn't difficult for me to decide whether I needed FFS of not. I lived 18 months prior to surgery. It wasn't always easy. Getting gendered female was 50/50 and almost always 80/20 male from the rear oblique. FFS introduced an entirely new comfort level. Misgendering is almost never an issue anymore.

Unless you but the genetic lottery. FFS to some extent is warranted. How much is determined by the individual, the doctor's recommendations, and finances. If you are wondering whether it would benefit you of not. Pull back your hair or remove the wig. Do you see a male or female? Most that have short hair or even no hair look female. There are structural subtle differences.

I know a girl that has had no surgeries. Has a mistakenly male hairline and short hair. Talks like a truck driver. Gets misgendered constantly. But she is comfortable in her own skin and lives a life of quality.

[whowhatwhen]

Why does FFS cost so much anyway?
How many yachts do those people need anyway?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Michelle, i think its fair to say that objective/subjective opinions about specific details are impossible to really sort through and make good decisions..

i can share this experience... i am 6'2... I lost alot of weight prior to transition, bought a high end custom wig, and i looked pretty good.. i didnt pass though..
i went full time and ditched the wig...i didnt pass even a little...

i got ffs, i passed immediately... literally three days later going to CVS for pain meds in my oversized man sweats, sneakers and a big bandage on my face, i was immediately gendered as female..i had never experienced this before..

I can't think of the last time i was misgendered, it was a huge boost to my quality of life... i wish i was pretty, i wish i was softer, i wish i wish i wish... but in the end , outside of transiton itself,
FFS was the single most important and helpful thing to my quality of life..

I beleive if you did it, you would have the same type of feeling... i beleive rather than saying "do i need it?" you can say "will it improve my life??" I unabashedly say if you can afford FFS , do it. If you can't, save up and do it

When you get FFS and then you pass, all the questions, all the thoughts become moot... you are rarely misgendered, and when you are , its THEM that seem out of place...everyone else gendered you correctly... it gives you a power and priviledge that is a big boost to life quality...

Corinne...i worked for 25 years in a company...i saved money, i lived as a guy and let the gender dypshoria slowly eat my soul...i waited until i was 47 years old...
I won't apologize for having the money...i am a financial/math person...i think when my mind started to realize i had the $$ for FFS that was gas on the gender dysphoria fire for me... beleiveing transition to be IMPOSSIBLE kept the GD at bay....

it was about $45,000 after all the travel costs/hotel costs.
I did it with Dr Meltzer in Arizona..i do not own a yacht, but i have a nice 2012 toyota camry

I realize some people will never afford i t... i realize this can be tough and unfair, but i don't find it helpful to sugar coat how powerful it is to be correctly gendered almost 100% of the time....

i think for some people its actually part of their identity to say F$$K the world look at me and how different i am... they gobble up the haters, they don't care about how they are gendered...they like to be different and to be seen as different.... that's not me..

[whowhatwhen]

I mean more like, why does it have to cost so much?
After a certain point doesn't someone have to say "I have enough money?"

Btw it's Tara now :)
I'm actually way happier with this name now.

[LeaP]

I "plan" on FFS and SRS within 18 months. (Parens to be removed when there are actual dates.)

I had a call with my PCP this week as an opening salvo. I will not have an insurance issue with SRS as my plan will cover that starting next month. In/out of network issues will apply in a major way, of course. It's early to make the call, but I broached not waiting a full year. With 3 years on hormones, my doctor saw no problem at all. (Seems delay clouds have their silver linings.)

The call was mostly about FFS, however. The plan does NOT cover it. In fact, it specifically excludes it. Nonetheless, I have read that individuals have had the insurance company cover it based on making a medical necessity case, either directly and successfully with the ins. company, or in some cases, via a successful appeal to a state insurance commission when similar procedures are covered for other medical reasons (e.g., trauma). She will write the letter and I will pursue the same with my therapist.

I have also started researching surgeons and will start contacting some shortly. Interesting how different this feels and much more compelling reading CVs becomes when it becomes real! I also got advised by my doctor against a couple of surgeons as well as to stay as local as possible.

FFS is important to me. I have to admit that it doesn't have quite the urgency it did, though. Addressing hair seems at least as important to me right now, and that will NOT include surgery.

All of this assumes continued employment! I expecting major shaking in the org next week, though, so stay tuned.

[becky77]

Hair was a big deal so I had a hair transplant first, that seems to be going well.

Next will be a trachea shave.

Then GRS.

I'm still unsure of FFS which gives me time to try save for it.

BA is way down the list but if I can find the finances, I will consider it at a later date.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Sorry Tara!!!! :o

[Jennifer-GWN]

Given all the changes and wild ride of the past x months I'm happy just being in settle mode for a bit.

However looking ahead I'm somewhat mixed on which path ffs or srs. Dr. routine visit is coming up mid September and the topic of srs timeline and path will be one of the discussed topics on my agenda. I guess coming out of that with a better understanding of the procedural process and timeline ahead it may make the decision easy; FFS or at least some form of work on this noggin to start and srs when all the requirements are met. As for BA I was thinking about that in the shower this morning. Pencil test successful...male eyes occassionally diverting... Check... No BA will be required.

Cheers... Jennifer