confusion

[lily1974]

Okay so just so everyone knows, I am not really looking for an answer but more of a what is your take?

Like some here I have dressed off and on throughout my life. Going through stages of dressing and not dressing. Guilt and shame have always caused me to stop. I have always presented as male to public but always wanted to present as female publicly. Now here is where my confusion comes in. Having been free this past couple of years to dress as femme more has sorta changed my view on things. Changed it so much that now I seriously hate being masculine. However being a people person and craving the acceptance of my family and peers I present as such and settle for being femme behind doors. Bless my gf for acceptance this far but I dont think she could or can handle many more changes. I have often thought of seeking council for this. Money just wont allow it at this time.

I know I should do what makes me happy in the end, but cant seem to get past the people pleaser side of me. Therefor I guess I am a little stuck until something or someone forces me to change.

[Rachelakld]

Good idea to chat more to your GF, BEFORE she becomes wife or mother as "most" females do not want to be married to another female.
Yes definitely do what makes you happy, while the cost (in relationships, job prospects etc) may be high, your life will rebuild itself around the real you.

Best of luck

[Marcelle]

Hi Lily,

This is not uncommon with many who water here. On one hand you have a life you would like to live but on the other you have the life you are currently living and enjoy. You already stated you are not sure how much your GF "can or could" take so that is probably weighing heavily on your decision to pursue dressing in public. I know you were not looking for advice/answers but I agree with Rachel . . . it might be a good time for a talk. Being "happy" is relevant to all things in life and if you require both sides of you "the people person in public - male" and the femme side in private then getting rid of one over the other will be hard and confusing. My best guess is that you still want your guy side and are not quite ready to "get rid of him" sort of speak or you would have long ago. Counseling would be a good idea before you make any life altering decisions but I am cognizant you cannot afford it at this time.

Cheers

Isha

[Teresa]

Lily,
I guess the first thing is to stop fighting something you can do nothing about, try and and lose the shame and guilt and come to terms with a trait that has and always will need time and attention . Don't get too hung up on how femme you may want to be just accept that you are a CDer at the moment and then try and explain this to your GF . Be ready for the inevitable questions and think hard that you are being truthful to yourself and her with your answers !
One point I've learned is whether friends and family know or not it doesn't affect them as much as you think it will, but don't expect anything miraculous to happen when you tell them , it doesn't affect their lives knowing what you do .
I'm lucky in the UK because couselling is available through the NHS if you're prepared to wait. For the time being read other member's thought and PM them if you find a particular friend, I've found that really helpful when things get tough !

[kimdl93]

I know that many of us her might use similar language to describe our lives, our needs and desires and our constraints. I might not say 'hate', but I certainly feel discomfort and frustration in having to spend much of my life in

Don't feel too deprived, however. You're fortunate to have a accepting partner. That's something you can build upon if you take it slowly. Do talk with her about you feelings, but more in the context of learning hers. Over time, two people can learn to support each other's growth.

[Erica Marie]

I know 100% where you are at. Im basically living the same life. Dealing with your own personal struggle while maintaining the life everyone expects of you. One advantage you have is a gf who does accept you.

[Sarah Doepner]

Lily, if you can't afford counseling right now and you are afraid of overwhelming your girl friend, you may want to see if there is a support group in your area. They will listen to you as you attempt to work through some of your issues. They will not be the same as professional counseling so be aware the members may end up providing chances to safely dress outside the closet and that may not be exactly what you need at this moment. Still they may be able to direct you to other resources to help get more information that could help with your feelings of confusion.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

what you are talking about sounds like a lot more than crossdressing... whether its your bi gendered nature or something more, you are well served to take it seriously and try to take steps to ensure you can present your female nature when you can..

therapy would really help you i think... depending on where you live, you can find support groups as well.. do not skimp on getting support..

[UNDERDRESSER]

Having been free this past couple of years to dress as femme more has sorta changed my view on things. Changed it so much that now I seriously hate being masculine.

I know I should do what makes me happy in the end, but cant seem to get past the people pleaser side of me. Therefor I guess I am a little stuck until something or someone forces me to change.Could you expand on that comment, "hate being masculine" Do you mean you hate looking like a man, or hate showing masculine traits? i.e. Do you hate being unable to dress softer, more revealing, hate avoiding showing a softer side, hate the fact that you have to give the image of being a rough, tough, unemotional man?

Think about that for a minute. Do you actually want, or need, to look like a woman? Or just be what most would call more feminine?

I thought I needed to look like a woman, now, I am perfectly happy being a man, and being seen as one. I do like the skirts though, and showing off my legs, I am much more relaxed about showing my softer side as well. In some ways, some of my masculine traits have hardened up, and I'm much more confident. (which is sometimes seen as associated with masculinity)